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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/12/2009 9:23:41 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Sticking your thumb up the bear's anus usually works as it makes the bear feel very sleepy. Your thumb becomes what is known as a 'tappen' which plugs the bear's anus when it hibernates.

It works with all bears except polar bears. I haven't ever tried this, but it was told to me a few years ago by someone who worked at Warsaw Zoo.


No offense, but I'm thinking that the fact you're alive to post this already makes that quite clear, Stella. Somehow I have a hard time convincing myself that if I'm ever attacked by a bear, the best way to calm him down would be to sodomize him!



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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/12/2009 10:17:25 PM   
GreedyTop


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Status: offline 		Outlier.. you coulda warned us about the pic at the end of that article... GAH!!

For those who havent looked at the link yet... the bottom pic is NOT for those with weak stomachs.  Seriously.


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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/12/2009 10:26:25 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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Status: offline 		Yeah, don't look too closely at it. It does kind of shoot holes in the theory that the best way to avoid a a grizzly attack is to have a good pair of running shoes with you, though, doesn't it? Those looked like upper-end Nikes, to my eye.

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/12/2009 11:32:29 PM   
GreedyTop


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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 5:29:52 AM   
LadyEllen


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Status: offline 		MAKE TRACKS THIS SUMMER!

direct from Porsche in Germany - guaranteed to deter attacks from bears and provide a hiking experience like no other!

dont waste money on RVs, tents and so on!
no more tired aching feet!
the best grip available in rugged terrain!
no need for bells or small arms!
and it even carries all your kit for you!

Yes, the Tiger tank mark III provides you and your family everything you need for a safe and happy hiking holiday, and will last for years and years. And at 2mpg its as economical as taking your American built RV too. Optional extras include 88mm gun to really show those bears who's boss.

Finance available subject to status. Purchases limited to one per customer due to some problems we had with this one guy a few years back.

E

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 5:32:08 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sanity

You stay calm.

What could be more simple than that?



Don't go near a bear.

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 8:03:21 AM   
Sanity


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There are a lot of people who insist on a hard sided RV when camping, so there a bit of truth to that tank bit, E. A lot of people have a disproportionate fear of the various animals that still inhabit the high country, and now in addition to bears and mountain lions we've just added pack wolves to the mix here in the Rocky Mountains.

The trick to tent camping though, is don't take any food with you into your tent. (But if you want to play an evil trick on someone, smear the inside of their sleeping bag with bacon grease, or any other smelly food substance).

A tank might also be helpful when one of those pesky forest rangers tries to stop you from building a huge bonfire wherever you want, or  blazing a new trail somewhere, or even from taking a few rocks or other souvenirs from your favorite national park.

Sometimes it seems like those rangers don't want you to have any fun at all. 




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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 9:20:11 AM   
UncleNasty


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Status: offline 		There was an accounting of a member of the Lewis and Clark expedition in re a grizzly bear. The indians in the are had called them "the monsters that couldn't be killed." Given that the extent of their weaponry was knives, arrows and spears I can understand ther position on bears. But the expeditioners thought them a little loopy for it.

Later, a hunting party went out, armed with their black powder rifles and feeling pretty invincible. They encountered a grizzly around mid day. The grizzly made a move towards them, so one of them shot it. The bear was undeterred by a mere .50 calibre ball. The men retreated and shot it again. The bear was undeterred. The men retreated again. This dance went on for a couple of hours and the men eventually sought refuge on a small river island. I guess they thought the river would provide a barrier for them. Not. The bear crossed the river and came at them again.

They did eventually bring it down. When they inspected the carcass they found eight shots that had hit the bear, with several of them that should have been mortal.

Their respect for the indians grew.

I've been in black bear country quite a bit, and have seen a bucnh of them. Never had a dangerous "encounter" though. My understanding is that if you have to run don't run uphill. They are faster than us, and even more so uphill. Downhill is the best option as their front legs are shorter and this makes it harder/slower for them to run downhill.

Uncle Nasty

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 9:36:22 AM   
Aileen1968


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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 10:59:10 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I've been in black bear country quite a bit, and have seen a bucnh of them. Never had a dangerous "encounter" though. My understanding is that if you have to run don't run uphill. They are faster than us, and even more so uphill. Downhill is the best option as their front legs are shorter and this makes it harder/slower for them to run downhill.
this makes sense. The two black bears we have here seem to favor an area on the top of a steep hill...not close to our house but visible with binoculars. They are so clumsy when they walk down the hill i often wondered if there was something wrong with them 

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:05:20 AM   
Sanity


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Interestingly enough, there is an article on Yahoo news this morning claiming that the black bear population is exploding all across the United States...


The Three Bears? Try 163,000 ... and counting

So you're definitely not alone, holly. A lot of people have black bears for neighbors these days!



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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:13:19 AM   
lronitulstahp


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Status: offline 		i for one, love bears.....

http://images-cdn01.associatedcontent.com/image/A1639/163963/300_163963.jpg

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/wikiality/images/thumb/5/5c/Gay_Bear_Naval_Guy.jpg/150px-Gay_Bear_Naval_Guy.jpg

http://www.joy2day.com/fun-hi-fun/funny-pictures/images/Gay-Bear.jpg

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:28:43 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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Status: offline 		Black bears have become much more common across the United States the last several years, and the increase in their population has actually rendered obsolete the conventional  wisdom that the grizzly is the only North American bear you really need to fear. The fact is, over the last 10 years, half again as many people have been killed by blacks as by grizzlies. Grizzlies are still far more aggressive, and an individual grizzly is far more dangerous than an individual black bear, but your odds of meeting a black are orders of magnitude higher than your chances of meeting a grizzly. As blacks have been repopulating areas from which they had long been absent, their range is increasingly overlapping areas that are densely populated by people. As a result, many of them are losing their fear of humans, and attacks are becoming more common. 15 years ago I don't think I ever bothered carrying a handgun when hiking of camping in black bear country; now, I'd no sooner leave my gun at home than my tent. 

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:37:50 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


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Status: offline 		Grizzlies are an endangered species...

IN AB  here we now have a group of males being observed who have banded together from 2 -3 - now 5 travelling in a group ..they can be seen laying in wheat fiels where they gather the wheat in their arms pulling to them and feasting..

RE: anus plugging to get away..WOULD GINGER WORK..? ya thats it carry a ginger plug..
now the trick is to reach a good 3 ft + past his head which is crushing your skull..hmm

I am also looking fo a link here..of the HUGEST GRIZZ shot..IN the STATES there..
his NOSE is as big as the guy's head..it has eaten 2 hikers and had 10 shots in it..

but no ginger..

GQ



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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:49:18 AM   
Daddystouch


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

There was an accounting of a member of the Lewis and Clark expedition in re a grizzly bear. The indians in the are had called them "the monsters that couldn't be killed." Given that the extent of their weaponry was knives, arrows and spears I can understand ther position on bears. But the expeditioners thought them a little loopy for it.

Later, a hunting party went out, armed with their black powder rifles and feeling pretty invincible. They encountered a grizzly around mid day. The grizzly made a move towards them, so one of them shot it. The bear was undeterred by a mere .50 calibre ball. The men retreated and shot it again. The bear was undeterred. The men retreated again. This dance went on for a couple of hours and the men eventually sought refuge on a small river island. I guess they thought the river would provide a barrier for them. Not. The bear crossed the river and came at them again.

They did eventually bring it down. When they inspected the carcass they found eight shots that had hit the bear, with several of them that should have been mortal.

Their respect for the indians grew.

I've been in black bear country quite a bit, and have seen a bucnh of them. Never had a dangerous "encounter" though. My understanding is that if you have to run don't run uphill. They are faster than us, and even more so uphill. Downhill is the best option as their front legs are shorter and this makes it harder/slower for them to run downhill.

Uncle Nasty



Indeed, back powder guns, though usually sporting large bore sizes, have terrible penetration and are woefully inadequate for bears, especially grizzlies - at least in a defensive situation. You can kill a bear with a bow for sure, but from the side where you can get to its organs - not from the front when it's charging you.

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:50:49 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

I am also looking fo a link here..of the HUGEST GRIZZ shot..IN the STATES there..
his NOSE is as big as the guy's head..it has eaten 2 hikers and had 10 shots in it..

but no ginger..

GQ





That sounds like the link Outlier posted earlier. It was just another e-mail hoax. A really huge bear, but nowhere near as large as the e-mail was claiming, and no multiple-hiker devourings. But still a hell of a lot bigger than I'd like to run  into when I'm out roaming around over hill and dale.


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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 11:52:42 AM   
outlier


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Status: offline 		GQ,

Check out the photos I linked to in the post I made.
See if those are the photos you were thinking about.

There were stories like that going around the net
about those photos.

That is one good sized bear but not the biggest ever.

Outlier

Edit:

Panda you beat me to it. Thank you.

< Message edited by outlier -- 6/13/2009 11:54:45 AM >

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 12:00:45 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


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Status: offline 		crap..ya it is the one..I am disappointed and I also apolgize for ppl having to repeat them selves..I did not see the link..

GQ

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/13/2009 12:07:27 PM   
outlier


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Status: offline 		GQ,

Don't be disappointed, just think, compaired to that one
there are some bigger bears out there!

Outlier

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RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack - 6/23/2009 10:25:35 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Sticking your thumb up the bear's anus usually works as it makes the bear feel very sleepy. Your thumb becomes what is known as a 'tappen' which plugs the bear's anus when it hibernates.

It works with all bears except polar bears. I haven't ever tried this, but it was told to me a few years ago by someone who worked at Warsaw Zoo.



No offense, but I'm thinking that the fact you're alive to post this already makes that quite clear, Stella. Somehow I have a hard time convincing myself that if I'm ever attacked by a bear, the best way to calm him down would be to sodomize him!





First off it was a joke. A bit like your joke earlier in the thread about arming yourself against a bear with a pistol. As if that's going to do a lot of good.

Coming from someone from a country where coyotes are native, I found it funny.

You see even if you did manage to kill it I'd love to see how you would cope with the disposal of up to 500lb of dead bear.

However I doubt it. Ever wonder why they have to get the best police marksman to fire a tranquilizer dart into a bear, or for that matter a tiger? You see bears, just like tigers and saltwater crocodiles have the ability to move very fast, and also to move very suddenly. The fact that you're here to post your response indicates to me you have never pulled a pistol on a bear.

I'd love to see how you'd placate a bear and get it to retreat after firing a pistol at it, even if you did survive. However there's another damn good reason for not attempting to shoot a bear. You might injure it. And if you injure the bear, you significantly reduce its chances of being able to hunt in the wild, and furthermore condemn it to seeking out food sources near human habitation - great news for farmers, livestock breeders and people who own pets.

You respond to a sighting of a brown bear or grizzly bear much in the same way as that of a wolf or wild boar, you back off and retreat and if possible notify the authorities. This much I know from living in the mountainous regions of Central and Eastern Europe.


< Message edited by stella41b -- 6/23/2009 10:27:16 AM >

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