Self pity? (Full Version)

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plzblisterme -> Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:40:02 PM)

Maybe. However, I have started to think that even though I have dreamed, and had, my fetish since I was a small boy, that nothing will ever come of it. I have been on this site, along with numerous others, and I am amazed the things that people will cut you off for: not living close enough (as if the person with their particular fetish was in their backyard) not having their exact fetish (as if there was to be no give and take, or learning process) age (too young, too old, just right (am I stuck in the freaking three bears story???) There comes a time, and maybe we all have faced it, where you say to yourself "maybe, just maybe, this is no longer worth the aggravation, and heartache, that this fetish causes."
Opinions, please?



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:44:06 PM)

Get involved in your local scene ~ people are much more likely to be interested in talking to you about your kink interests and considering the possibilities if they get a chance to talk to you as a person face to face first.

Above all - get a crash helmet. It's a tough ride.



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:48:25 PM)

There is not much of a local scene here.



RavenMuse -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:53:32 PM)

There are a lot of diffrent ways for someone to say "There is no spark", sometimes they won't know themselves that if the spark was there if the smaller things would make any diffrence. Too far away. Not my kink. I was looking for someone with Blond hair. His eyes are too close together. His nose is too big. But if the spark was there then it wouldn't matter.

Whatever the reason given, behind it at some level something has kicked in and is saying "He is not the right one"

As for feeling sorry for yourself, sure everyone is going to feel some disapointment sometimes. But only you can decide if it is worth it. If it is then keep on looking, keep on trying and at some point that person will be there that responds with "Lets see where this might go"

If you give up, you'll never know and may always wonder. Have a nice life but don't expect it to be a piece of cake finding the right person on the vanilla side of things either.

And if you get into a habit of giving up.... you can always buy some cats[;)]



yourMissTress -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:53:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

Get involved in your local scene ~ people are much more likely to be interested in talking to you about your kink interests and considering the possibilities if they get a chance to talk to you as a person face to face first.

Above all - get a crash helmet. It's a tough ride.



This is very sound advice. Anyone that really wants to be involved will do just that.

As far as people that are cutting you off for such seemingly miniscule reasons, just as you have criteria for what you seek, so do they. It's possible that they have limitations for a reason that you don't understand or isn't obvious from their profile.

From your profile, I see that you are seeking a Dominant woman. If you want to know why We are so picky, do a search for submissive males in the same area where you are searching for Dominant women...now do the math.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 12:59:41 PM)

quote:

There is not much of a local scene here.



Sure about that?

I quickly googled "Cleveland Ohio BDSM munch" and came up with a couple pages of links. SMART, Ohio Leatherfest, etc.

"Local" is relative - I generally have to drive about 75 miles one way to a munch because I live in a rural area of Maryland.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:00:02 PM)

I hope you've been on this site looking for longer than 2 months like your profile says, because if you're losing patience at 2 months, you might as well hang it up.
You say compatibility is really important on your profile, and it is. Everyone has his/her list of what he can/connot live without, and what does something for his/her libido. Finding the right partner is tough... Finding the right D/s partner is even more so.

As MsSonnetMarwood say above
quote:

Above all - get a crash helmet. It's a tough ride
So, cultivate patience, and a slightly thicker skin.
On the up side, you will probably enjoy reading and learning on the forums and learn how to choose whom to write and how to write to her better. M



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:04:12 PM)

I guess what you are saying is that I don't measure up.....thnks for that vote of confidence.



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:06:00 PM)

I already have seven cats.............I'm just raising them for the meat, though. LOL......................



yourMissTress -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:08:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme

I guess what you are saying is that I don't measure up.....thnks for that vote of confidence.



Gee, I guess if you want to take it that way you can...maybe the name of the thread is more fitting than I thought.

However, if you don't want to wallow in self pity, you can continue to read. What I meant was that there are many more sub men than there are Dominant women...therefore we can easily be as picky as we want and still have a plethora of partners available.

SOOOOOOOOOOooooo.....Find a way to stand out, showing up in person at munches and being a fun, interesting and outgoing individual is one way to do that.



RavenMuse -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:09:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme
I guess what you are saying is that I don't measure up.....thnks for that vote of confidence.


I just read the same posts that you have. I didn't see anyone say that and frankly, if you did.... Time to start looking at cats.



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:13:31 PM)

All the more reason to pack it in!!! It's hard enough to find a partner in the vanilla world when women outnumber the men...........but, when the men are more than 100 to 1???????????????????????????????



yourMissTress -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:16:11 PM)

well, ahem, umm...ok then. I hope that just in case you are still looking, no Domme's from your area are reading this.

Good luck to you.



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:17:34 PM)

Can you explain to me your reasoning?



RavenMuse -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:21:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: plzblisterme

All the more reason to pack it in!!! It's hard enough to find a partner in the vanilla world when women outnumber the men...........but, when the men are more than 100 to 1???????????????????????????????


You expected this to be easy? That you would put up a profile and within days the perfect partner would be delivered by Fed-ex wrapped in a pretty bow?

People have been here for years and are still looking, but people meet every day. They meet, things work, everyone lived spankingly ever after.... or not. But if they give up then it ain't going to happen.

Get back on the horse that just threw you or head for the exit, its your choise, your life.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:24:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

There are a lot of diffrent ways for someone to say "There is no spark", sometimes they won't know themselves that if the spark was there if the smaller things would make any diffrence. Too far away. Not my kink. I was looking for someone with Blond hair. His eyes are too close together. His nose is too big. But if the spark was there then it wouldn't matter.


Excellent point Raven! I hadn't thought of this, but now that you have put it so succinctly it seems so very obvious. I very recently finally had the opportunity to experience true chemistry in a romantic D/s relationship, and although it hasn't panned out (for reasons I am presently still not clear on) I know now the power of that elusive element of chemistry.

When it's there all those little things just fail to register in our consciousness, and we may not be able to explain it but the person just feels like a right fit.

I'm trying to have faith that it will happen again, and work out next time...but I do understand the OP's frustration.

Ah well, one just has to get up, dust off the seat of their pants and get back on the swings, right? Perserverance is half the battle.

You've display eloquence and clarity of thought, yet again. I'm really enjoying your posts.

Cin



plzblisterme -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:24:52 PM)

Harsh words. But, I think that I've lost the will to get back on the horse. At 44yrs. old the discouragement gets old.



Aileen68 -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:31:33 PM)

quote:

Harsh words. But, I think that I've lost the will to get back on the horse. At 44yrs. old the discouragement gets old.

Negativity breeds negativity.



RavenMuse -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:32:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

When it's there all those little things just fail to register in our consciousness, and we may not be able to explain it but the person just feels like a right fit.

I'm trying to have faith that it will happen again, and work out next time...but I do understand the OP's frustration.

Ah well, one just has to get up, dust off the seat of their pants and get back on the swings, right? Perserverance is half the battle.

You've display eloquence and clarity of thought, yet again. I'm really enjoying your posts.


Many thanks Cin, good job I don't blush[:D]

Maybe a little clearer for me at the moment given it happened with me recently. I had decided a certain distance was too far for me to travel..... till I spotted one young lady. Suddenly it wouldn't have mattered if she'd have been twice the distance away. That spark was far more important.

This time the spark was only on my side.... but at some point it will be there on both. Sure everyone gets disapointed at times, but you keep on going because at some point that person will be there and the spark will be on both sides. Might take a day, a week, a month, maybe even years but the only way to find her is to be out there looking and out there where she can find you as well.



IrishMist -> RE: Self pity? (2/11/2006 1:34:44 PM)

Ok...someone please stop me before I actually post what is on the tip of my tongue

/looks around for some duct tape



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