RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/11/2006 8:21:57 PM)

quote:

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?

Yes, very much so. I know the importance of a first impression so I do try to lead with my best foot forward. When introduced to someone I focus all of my attention on that person for the introduction. I make good eye contact, smile in a way that tells them that I really am pleased to make their acquaintance, offer my hand for a good warm handshake. I pay close attention to their name and try to repeat it over a few times in my head, I was once told that the sweetest sound a human being ever hears is the sound of their own voice being spoken, so I try to address them by their name when telling them I am pleased to meet them or when I ask them questions. I try to be refined in my speech and mannerisms in a way that makes them feel welcome. I speak to them with respect and show a genuine interest.

quote:

Does it matter to you what opinions others form?


Yes....to an extent. I of course, wish to be thought of well. I would like for people to see my friendly and outgoing manner, my intellect and my genuine desire and interest in making a new friend. I am who I am though and cannot and will not put on heirs or transform myself into someone I am not in order to meet their approval. I am a very open person and put myself right out there....what you see is what you get. If you really like me than that's great, if not, well I won't be broken hearted or put off by it either. I frequently hear people tell me that I have an ability to make everyone comfortable around me, even at first meet. Many times I have been told that I am one of those kinds of people that you just feel like you've known forever.

quote:

Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


All people matter. Of course I will invest a bit more time and interest in someone that I look to have further interaction with than I would with someone who worked at the drive through window at McDonald's for example. I do, however, give the person at the drive through the same degree of respect and pleasantry as I would my son's new teacher or my new doctor.

quote:

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice?


I notice their level of intellect, their level of interest, whether or not they make good eye contact...their handshake says alot, I just hate wimpy handshakes from a man or a woman. I notice their grooming. Their style...but not in a way as to place a level of importance but moreso to ascertain how best to relate to them. I pay close attention to body language also.

quote:

How do you form opinions of others?


I let my opinions of others evolve naturally over the course of our interaction(s). A lot of that process is just instinctual for me and the level of comfort that I feel in their presence is kind of gut level. Over time I will form stronger opinions based upon their behavior and more importantly how their behavior is either in sync or in contrast to their words.



UtopianRanger -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/11/2006 9:27:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


Theodore Geisel said it best:

quote:


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


Taggard



Short and sweet - Great quote.


- The Ranger



Evanesce -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/11/2006 9:29:22 PM)

quote:

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?


Only slightly.

quote:

Does it matter to you what opinions others form?


Aside from not wanting people to think I'm a complete idiot, not really. I'm outspoken, opinionated, blunt and occasionally bitchy. I've always been that way, and I will always be that way. Those who can handle it generally like me. Those who can't, talk about me behind my back.

quote:

Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


Without question.

quote:

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice?


Eyes and hair.

quote:

How do you form opinions of others?


Well, the first thing I notice only serves to tell me whether or not I find them attractive. How I form an opinion about them is determined by how they treat me. And by how they treat others. If they treat me like a queen, but treat, say, a waiter, like trash, they're not the sort of person with whom I wish to associate.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/11/2006 9:31:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?

Absolutely. It's one of my main pleasures/agonies in life.

quote:

Does it matter to you what opinions others form?

Does it MATTER? Yes. Exactly HOW it matters is a long discussion variable based on context.

quote:

Are there some people that matter and others that don't?

In reality yes. In theory I'd like to say everyone matters at least a little bit, but that's just not true for me.
quote:


When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice? How do you form opinions of others? [/size]

First I notice their overall look- are they dressed akin to those around them? Prepared for the weather? The situation? Their overall hygeine/kept looks?

Next I listen to their body language- how are they shifting? How do they approach me? What's their handshake like? What is their eye focus like?

Next it's their actual speech- pitch, tone, speed, stilts, nervous quirks, etc.

Finally the level of conversation- what are they saying and when? Are they asking questions? What is their goal in talking to me?

I take it all up, pin things to my clipboard- good and bad, ruminate on them over awhile and form an overall picture of them.

Next time I see them or hear something about them- repeat the process.

And that's a fairly simplified version.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/11/2006 10:34:19 PM)

Do i care how i am presenting myself to others?
yes, certainly. I try to portray "me", to others. I am influenced in how i express my personality, by how i wish to come accross. To pretend i am not aware, would be false.

Does it matter what opinions others form?
Of course, or i wouldnt be making a effort in presenting myself.

Are there some people that matter?
Definately, their is a heirarchy of people id like to be impressed by me, my Dom being right at the top. How he sees me, seriously impacts upon the effect of others opinions. His opinions hold more clout with me.
My children, i truly wanted to show them how to behave well, in certain circumstances. How to be assertive and not aggressive, so i had to demonstrate these traits to them.


Are there people who dont matter?
Everybody matters, until i have 'dismissed' someone from the list of shelle's idea of nice people. People who i dont value, i have no interest in what they do or dont like, see etc.

When you meet someone for the 1st time, what do you notice? I notice their appearance, their smell, their grooming, their chemistry. I notice if they are at ease, anxious, tense, i notice mannerisms, both body and verbal. I notice their words, how they speak, their inflection, what they emphasise, i notice if they seem autocratic, democratic, i notice if they listen, or just wait to talk, i notice their belief system. I notice humour, i notice when the words say one thing, and the body is saying something else, and allways believe the latter.
Basically, i do this to everyone, people at train stations, bus stops, in the bank que. Ive been a people watcher since my childhood. Im good at it. It interests me to observe others.

How do you form your opinions of others?
By judging them. The same as any other. From doing what i described above. Over time. I look for consistency over time. I watch how they respond to situations, what i tend not to do, is listen to others opinions of them, which i find often differ from mine. Each to their own.


little1



slave4Darby3d -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 12:18:29 AM)

Simple enough question until I started thinking about it...

I do care about how I am viewed by others. But not so much to the degree that I am going to change who I am to accomodate their idea of me. I would like a good first impression.

When I meet someone I always try to look first for the positive - not the obvious one's like looks, grooming, etc. But it's almost like I try and feel their "vibe". Are they a good person, honest.

But, again, it depends on the type of meeting. When I meet a potential client, I present and look for different things than I do when being introduced by my Master at a party.

Thank you for the perception check, MissTress



MadameDahlia -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 7:07:38 AM)

quote:


Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?


Yes and no. It depends on who "others" entails. Do I care that people may not approve of my interest in D/s? No. So I won't hide that aspect of my personality. Do I care that others may not approve of my bisexuality? No. So I have no intention of ever pretending that that doesn't exist. Do I enjoy making a good impression on my professors and potential employers? You betcha. Do I feel compelled to make the same sort of impression on Joe Blow, the random individual? No. Not really. Couldn't give two figs what he thinks.

quote:


Does it matter to you what opinions others form?


Again, yes and no. Do I want people to fear me because I'm different? No. Do I want people to hate me because I may be different? Nope. However, people form opinions. They'll always form opinions. And if Lil' Miss Priss thinks I'm not *blank* enough I probably didn't need someone like her in my life anyway. So why stress over that... err... *Coughs*.... loss?

quote:


Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


Do some people matter more? In a way... but when it really comes down to it no. I care what my best friend thinks. But she's my best friend for a reason. She matters to me. She understands me. She accepts me.

On the other hand, I've recently learned that my father thinks I'll be too much of an influence on my younger sister. I've never shoved my thoughts down her throat. I've never dragged her off to a D/s club with me. Hell, she doesn't even like guys or girls at this point in her life. She has no interest in a physical relationship with anyone. She wants friends, friends and more friends. But does it matter to me that he thinks I'll influence her too much? Not a snowball's chance in hell. He's one of my parental figures and I couldn't give a rat's ass. I am ME. He can take it or leave it. I'm not going to shed any tears over the issue.

quote:


When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice? How do you form opinions of others?


I do my best to notice quite a bit. Handshake. Firm? Weak? Skin temperature. Warm? Cool? Dry? Slightly moist? Skin texture. Rough? Soft? Eyes. Color? Direction of their gaze? Pupils. Dilating? Facial expressions. Body signals. Are they open or closed in terms of body language? Do they listen more or talk more? Do they like leading a conversation or following along? Do they enjoy asking a lot of questions or waiting for information to be supplied? While I may not get everything I look for I find myself drawn to understanding them from the inside out. On top of that I'll notice if they seem appropriately dressed (to me) for the event or place I'm meeting them in. Are they dressed in sloppy clothing to go to a semi-formal party? Or to a keg party? Are they overdressed? Underdressed? Did they get dressed in the dark? I do an overall personal hygiene inspection.

There is something to be said for first impressions being fairly important.

quote:


How do you form opinions of others?


My opinions stem from a few key aspects of an individual. Physical and verbal. Are they dressed for success? Are they putting the best foot forward? Are they doing their best to project a positive image? Or are they sloppy, disheveled, disgusting and in severe need of a trip to the dentist and a shower? Next I want to know what they're saying... I want to know if what they are saying is what they really mean. Do they play mindgames? Do they bait and switch? Do they dangle carrots and pull them away? I'll try to keep an ear out for their opinions on matters I am passionate about. What political and spiritual values do they hold? Do they feel that their way is the only way? Are they tolerant? Are they only tolerant when they think certain people are listening?

Quite a bit of this occurs withing seconds of meeting them. Some of it occurs over time without much conscious effort on my part. I'm a people watcher. It's how I determine who I want in my world and who I can oh so happily live without.




amayos -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 9:24:09 AM)

Reputation is everything—to a point. If you're having to defend it at the expense of your character and beliefs, what's the good in that? Being true to yourself will in the end garner the connections you desire. Falling in line with everyone else is quicker and may make you more accepted, but ultimately less fulfilled.

Having said that, it's important not to appear too off the beaten path. If you do, people will see you as a sort of elitist snob who frowns upon them, and they will punish you for making them feel bland, uninventive and inferior.

On the very rare occasion I agree to meeting with someone, chances are I already have a good notion I am compatible with them intellectually and visually. The physical meeting in the flesh finishes off the subtle queries. For instance, do you like the way they smell? Yes, things like that.



OscarHargraves -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 1:27:41 PM)

Of course it matters. In some cases it matters more than others. That's why we dress the way we do, learn to use manners (at least some of us), and behave in a given way.

What I notice first is the eyes. What I look for is the attitude........



MsIncognito -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 1:46:51 PM)

I care about presenting myself as my authentic self. I care about being true to myself in that way. What I don't care about is presenting myself in a way that is inauthentic because that is what will garner favour with others. Generally, no, it doesn't matter to me what opinions people form. I don't expect everyone to like me or vice versa. When I meet someone for the first time I notice things like intelligence, being articulate and good grooming. Quiet confidence is nice too.



phoenix1 -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 3:24:04 PM)

I don't care about how I present myself to others... I am always my normal self(ves...lol)
Because of that, some like me a lot, some don't. I know I come across as a "looney" sometimes, but so what. That doesn't matter... what matters is that I'm always honest, sincere and truthful... and I love who I am as a person, for those very reasons.

The reason why I don't care what opinions others form (about me) is because hundreds of times people judge unfairly... or just make up stuff... to thine own self be true, that's what you should do.

Do some people matter and others don't? No. I'm always the same... sincere.

Regarding how I am with others... I've always been 100% niave and I've paid a very heavy price for that... I thought I was getting better at that but apparently not. I'll have to keep practicing reading people I guess.



IceyOne -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 5:36:52 PM)

quote:

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?


Very much so.

quote:

Does it matter to you what opinions others form?


Yes, but only to a small degree. I am who I am, and the opinions of others will not change that.

quote:

Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


NO, because I am the same way with anyone that I meet. I treat them all the same, and act the same with any and everyone.

quote:

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice?


How he/she acts with others. Their manners, the way they talk, treat others, etc.

quote:

How do you form opinions of others?


By their actions and by their words.




KnightofMists -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/12/2006 9:50:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress



I picked up on something today, so I have to ask...

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others? Does it matter to you what opinions others form? Are there some people that matter and others that don't?

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice? How do you form opinions of others?


I care about how "I" look and present myself. I live up to the standards that I have established for myself. These standards are not related or influenced by the opinions of others, except to those that I consider significant in my life. Generally, most people's opinion don't matter to me. The opinion of alandra and kyra very much matter to me. They are both a very significant part of my life and there thoughts and feelings are a primary part of my life. To a lesser extend would be my family (mom and dad) and friends like denika and her husband. Then there are people that will have a situational importance... like my boss's opinion of my work quality. Outside of these situations, others opinions are of no consequence or importance. IE to be blunt, thou I do enjoy many aspects that people post here, ultimately the opinions people have of me good or bad are of little consequence. It is not a reflection that a great many people here are not fantastic people.... for I suspect alot are and would love the opportunity to meet many here that have express some very interesting thoughts and feelings. But at the end of the day, in this forum we are but fonts on the screen to each other and many will come and go as their life situation and preferences require. So putting value or importance on such opinions of myself from many people here just seems silly for me.



yourMissTress -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/15/2006 8:59:44 AM)

Thank you all for your thoughtful answers.

I personally care and don't care at the same time, about what people may think. There are people whose opinions matter and don't matter. My unmentionable, for example, I want her to have a high opinion of me. I want her to see me as a moral person with courage of conviction and integrity. I also want her to see me as a loving, caring, nurturing mother.

I care about what she thinks of me, and to me her opinion matters. I can't tell her what I want her to see and expect her to wear blinders, I have to act accordingly. If I am saying this and doing that, she will not see a woman with integrity. If I am mean and spiteful she will not see a loving person. An attempt at duplicity although possible in the short term will certainly be impossible to maintain in the long term.

I must either be who it is I desire to project to others, or take a look at why I want others to see me as a person that I am not. I have often heard it said that actions speak louder than words. And my grandmother really clarified it for me with "A woman that needs to tell others that she is a lady, isn't." This makes perfect sense to me and I have strived to make my outsides match my insides. Attempting in all aspects of my life to act outwardly in harmony with my inner feelings. To me, this is the basis for honesty, being honest with yourself about who you really are.

Actions are how I judge others. Behaviors tell me what I need to know about a person. How they treat me and the people around them is how I form my opinions of others. If you steal from me, no matter how honest and trustworthy you profess to be, I will see you as a theif. Lie to me, once, you are a liar. Whine to me, constantly, you are a whiner. Tell me the truth, regardless of what light it portrays you, and you are at least honest in my eyes.

All of this being said, we all have our moments. The strongest among us are occasionally weak and the weakest occasionally strong. No one is perfect and even the most ladylike has a slutty moment. These moments are just that, moments, and do not make up the bulk of the actions that form you in the mind of another.

I have some strong opinions about people and no opinion at all about others. It usually depends on whether or not I find them to have an impact on my life.

What I've noticed recently is a lot of people that are chest beating or whining and when they are called on it, claiming that they are really completely different than what they appear to be. It's not just here on the boards, I know, but this is a place I can ask the question and get the most broad spectrum of answers. It's interesting to see who answered and who didn't, I could have almost predicted it.

Again, thank you all.



delectablepink -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/16/2006 8:25:05 PM)

~pokes truesubu with a sharp stick in the arm~ LMAO

Yr onna my favs, dear girl.

delectable pink



MysticalPhoenix -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/17/2006 5:14:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others? Does it matter to you what opinions others form? Are there some people that matter and others that don't?

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice? How do you form opinions of others?


Although you can to some extent, control how others are going to perceive you, you cannot control how they will process those perceptions, and what opinions they will form of you.

As a result, unless it's necessary that I project a certain image, usually for work reasons, I project whatever image pleases me. And, no, I really don't care what opinions other people form of me.

If I am in a situation where it's necessary that I present myself as a professional, I will wear a nice suit. But, I can't control people from looking at me and thinking, "mmmm...big boobies, she must not know anything about technology", and adopting a patronizing tone and not noticing the navy pinstripes at all. I can also use that against them, distracting people with the boobies, so they are not paying any attention to what's going on in the meeting-great during negotiations, boobies will make them agree to anything.

I have learned that the judgements that people make based on my appearance are usually not even close to being correct. Like Jessica Rabbit, the person I look like is nothing like the person I am, I'm just drawn this way. I have learned that the quote I use in my signature on this and other forums is very correct,

"Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are." Not surprising, the author of this quote, Niccolo Machiavelli, was an expert on human behavor.

As a result, I try to return the favor. I don't make any judgements on who or what a person is, based on their appearance or how they present themselves. Not until I've talked to a person for a long time, do I form any opinions about them. I notice grooming, because I'm squicked out by poorly groomed people. I notice manners and speech. I notice size and shape. I notice the physical aspects I like, and don't like. But none of these things necessarily define a person.

Phoenix



HalloweenWhite -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/20/2006 3:34:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress



I picked up on something today, so I have to ask...

Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others? Does it matter to you what opinions others form? Are there some people that matter and others that don't?

When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice? How do you form opinions of others?



I expect Im alone on this one lol, but Im paranoid about people's perceptions of Me-im neither the same shape or the same size as most on here, and have spent My life being judged by how I look so Ive been hard wired to be bothered about it.

Also, I think you need to at least be aware that there are other people on the planet, afterall you may need to get on with them at some point cos theyve got something you want-a job, a personallity you like being round. all kinds of things so I think it pays to at least try to be reasonable.



HalloweenWhite



ShadeDiva -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/20/2006 3:55:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Do you care about how you are presenting yourself to others?


In a sense. Basically with me, what you see is exactly what you get. I'm straightforward, pull few punches, am brutally blunt, and say what I think. Some folks have issues with that. Other don't. I dislike if I have erred conveying something I meant to communicate and will attempt to rectify that - if it's possible. But basically I don;t play games, and I am as I am, pretty much everyone gets the real me. lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Does it matter to you what opinions others form?


Hm. Not really. I suppose to some extent I hope that people can realize that amongst the masses that use masks and do passive-aggressive shit, and play little games, that I am not one of them. However, those that DO those things usually don't seem to get the concept that other's don't. Basically I can't change what someone decides to think of me. I can only offer what I am, and hope they see it's genuine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Are there some people that matter and others that don't?


Of course. I care about those that I have come to respect and care for myself. Those that do not know me or choose to not bother, I tend to dismiss as being revelant to myself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
When you meet someone for the first time, what do you notice?


Everything, actually. I tend to focus more though on certain things - where do ther eyes go as they talk, what is their body language, what my gut pulls from them and their vibe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
How do you form opinions of others?


Time mostly. I wait and I watch and I see how they conduct themselves. Do they play little games where they snub with a smile getting satisfaction from dissing someone without just being straightforward? Do they answer and behave in a forthright manner or is it always a feint and parry thing? Do their actions match their words? How do they handle themselves in a tense atmosphere or situation? Do they approach things with intelligence and thought and insight, or is it always a joke, a barb, or something designed to lessen the need to look at something deeply? Do they behave with a sense of honor, good sportsmanship, and integrity? Etc etc etc.

It takes me a long time to form an opinion. Unless of course they barrage me with enough negativity that I just decide right then and there all they thrive on is strife and melodrama, which at that point, I just completely dismiss them and cut them out.



slaveladyj -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/20/2006 4:58:08 AM)

IrishMist, I've only been visiting these boards for a few days, but I find you very informative and supportive.

As for how I present myself, generally I'm to open and friendly and that always comes back to bite me in the butt.



Aimtoplease101 -> RE: HOW do you re/present yourself? (2/20/2006 11:33:55 AM)

How much I'm concerned about how I'm presenting is directly linked to my perception/ opinion about the person(s) to whom I'm presenting.

There's a book call "Put your best foot forward" that analyzes a lot of these issues.
ATP



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