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How to woo a Domme - 2/11/2006 7:56:23 PM

UtahGoddess

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

I see a lot of posts on these forums asking "How do I find a Domme?" and the like.

I think the real question is "How do I woo Her after She is found?"

The way my slave wooed me was he was completely charming. He was polite and a gentleman. He did all the things society says men are "supposed" to do....flowers, chocolate, opening doors, dinners, etc.

He listened when I talked, whether it was related to kink or not. Instead of telling me a list of things he wanted kink wise, he waited for me to ask the questions. (Or act on my own)

He was sincere in his desire to get to know ME, not just a Domme that could do for him.

To all the other Dommes in serious relationships.....what about your sub/slave seduced you into moving forward in a relationship?

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

Post #: 1

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 5:48:10 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

He became my best friend.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 2

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 6:17:01 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

It was her genuine honesty, sincerity & politeness. I sensed her desire to please. (rather than just hear the words, big difference)

I ditto the "became my best friend" reply as well.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 3

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 6:20:12 AM

AlderTheKitty

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline

allot ofale subs think it's all about being large i the sack and nothing else that thre dommme will make you as she wants my friendship with MistresCarole started when she was feeeling bad one day and i was in chat at the same times and i just said nice things and did cute actions i chat to cheer here up now we are good friends even thouhg she useualy doesn't enjoy the company of streght males

i closeing it is about being a proper gentalmanand showing her that you are more then just a helpless body to abuse

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 4

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 6:25:56 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

There is an old quotation....

Happiness lies not in finding the right person, but in BEING the right person.

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)

Post #: 5

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 12:26:44 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

When I've cliqued with someone well and it's developed into a relationship, it has been because he is a gentleman who does nice things to/for (courtship thing again) his lady and because he is worldly, attentive, and genuinely interested in me. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 6

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 12:47:51 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

honesty is the key BlkTallfullgig...he gives you that, you have it all...chocolates are a big bonus..LOL!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 7

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 1:08:04 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

The first email he ever sent started it:

"I am too far away for you, but when I look at your picture, I know we met in another lifetime"
That spun My head around

Then a bit after we were talking regularly:

" Let me please you and be pleased that i do"

We talked of so many things kink seldom entered our conversations--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 8

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 1:53:15 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

honesty is the key BlkTallfullgig...he gives you that, you have it all...chocolates are a big bonus..LOL!

Is that what you've come to learn recently Fastlane? I've always known honesty is a prerequisite in any decent/honorable human being. I'm not much into chocolate, unless I'm the chocolate.

I always assume grown adults are just bad/bold enough to be honest, but I, among many others already know that is frequently not the case, so I can only hope we all get what we deserve. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 9

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 3:27:18 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is that what you've come to learn recently Fastlane? I've always known honesty is a prerequisite in any decent/honorable human being. I'm not much into chocolate, unless I'm the chocolate.
and a sweet chocolate you are..I'm sure?
I always assume grown adults are just bad/bold enough to be honest, but I, among many others already know that is frequently not the case, so I can only hope we all get what we deserve. M

_____________________________

No, I've always known that...as I have always also known, practice what you preach..but there are soooo many ways to decipher the truth..righ? My concious is and always has been clean....: ) Is your's?..don't believe all you read...trust me on that! I'm still here and wouldn't be, if all the bullshit was true.

I stand up for myself, girl...you do the same!

< Message edited by fastlane -- 2/12/2006 3:40:33 PM >

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 10

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 4:24:01 PM

UtahGoddess

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

Please excuse me for interrupting an apparent flame war between you 2.

I was hoping this topic would show submissives that the way to a Domme's heart is to appeal to her as a person first, Domme second.

If both people meet in a BDSM venue (club, group, forum, online chat) then their power dynamics are already established. What is in question is basic compatibility.

Too often (especially online) people begin relationships with sexual negotiation. "I like to be spanked til I cry" "I like to be tied up and whipped" (And the like) Dommes are inundated with subs with this approach and because it is so commonplace, you hardly stand out from the crowd.

A common thread from the Dommes that have posted is.....he wanted to know me as a person. That makes one stand out from the crowd and gets you noticed.

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 11

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 5:11:43 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

With our first boy, we were both on a chat list for a munch group, and posted nearly identical comments within 5 minutes of each other. We started talking back and forth on the list ... then decided that we were probably annoying the people on the list, and moved it to private e-mails. Very few of the conversations involved kink (outside of a rather nervous "I'm not very experienced with real life ... " conversation that we had).

With our second boy - I'm almost ashamed to admit how we ended up together. He and I worked together, and the first few interactions led me down to his supervisor's office, where I told his supervisor to keep him away from me or I'd kill him. Then he actually started talking to me, and one of the early conversations included a discussion of me not wanting to date anyone else that I worked with, and his reply of "who said anything about dating? I just want a one or two night stand." I finally got him to admit that he had not just wanted a short term thing, and the rest is history. But again, even with the comment about the one night stand, very few of our early conversations involved sex. One of the most important things that happened when we first started dating was that he and I would hang out after work in his car ... we would just sit and talked - for hours ... and one night I was laying across the back seat with my head in his lap, and fell asleep with him holding me.

The point is that, as Ms Sandi pointed out, it wasn't just about the kink - they both got to know us, Karen and Holly, as people - not as Miss Karen and Miss Holly, the Dommes of their Dreams.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 12

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 5:36:00 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

There is an old quotation....

Happiness lies not in finding the right person, but in BEING the right person.

That's the best relationship advice I have heard in ages.

Be it BDSM, vanilla, or what have you.

fergus

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 13

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/12/2006 7:58:54 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess
I see a lot of posts on these forums asking "How do I find a Domme?" and the like.

I think the real question is "How do I woo Her after She is found?"

The way my slave wooed me was he was completely charming. He was polite and a gentleman. He did all the things society says men are "supposed" to do....flowers, chocolate, opening doors, dinners, etc.

He listened when I talked, whether it was related to kink or not. Instead of telling me a list of things he wanted kink wise, he waited for me to ask the questions. (Or act on my own)

He was sincere in his desire to get to know ME, not just a Domme that could do for him.

To all the other Dommes in serious relationships.....what about your sub/slave seduced you into moving forward in a relationship?

Ms Sandi

Ms Sandi, I love this thread, thank you for posting it.
I met my pup here on CM, I was at home, sick for a couple weeks with bronchitis so I was on here much more than I normally would have been and he emailed me. I explained to him that I was not feeling well and that I didnt know when I would be able to respond to his email. He wrote back that day and every day there-after asking how I was. He sent his phone number and I called him, he could barely understand me as I had no voice lol but his concern for me was evident. He was extremely sweet and there really wasn't any mention of kinks or what each of us were looking for at that time. It wasnt until I was feeling better that we actually spoke of our interests. By that time we both knew that we wanted to further our friendship and possibly make it more. I bless the day he found me <big big smile>

_____________________________

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 14

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/14/2006 2:24:32 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I've always found the most seductive approach a sub could take was to be interested in me as a person. The moment they made me feel like a fantasy piece of meat, they were history. At that point, I felt like they weren't interested in serving me, but in using me. I'm a Domme, not a male fantasy or play toy.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 15

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/14/2006 3:18:44 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I was pretty sure I remembered a thread on this a while back. You might like some of what people had to say. http://www.collarchat.com/m_130950/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 16

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/14/2006 6:18:18 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I like to be charmed as a whole person not just as someone with a cap on my nic.

It is more satisfying to me to feel their submission is inspired by me rather than any Domme will do.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 17

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/14/2006 9:53:49 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

when he did not jump out and just ask me what i like to do to his body and and instead listen to what i had to say really listen to what my thought were not just looking at me as the next domme who will beat him and over the years i overlooked this sweet funny man now he is mine and we talk about all things that we both enjoy he also is a gentlemen, asked me how i felt on day, and i do not know how he knew but when i was down he saw that as a domme i was not always up and at it i had feeling too sorrow lose and i wanted love as any woman would.he is mine now i am glad he waited yes he waited until i show what a wonderful man i have found.

oh i am so happy

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 18

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/17/2006 10:47:26 AM

Nahemah

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

When a submissive male realizes that it isn't about what I can do to him, but rather what we can do for each other, then I am "wooed".

Dominance without submission and submission without Dominance are both empty fantasies. We need each other. D/s 101? Yes. But too often forgotten, I've experienced.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 19

RE: How to woo a Domme - 2/17/2006 10:53:34 AM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

**stands up, raises right hand in the air and whips it around in a circle and..."

wooo wooo wooo.

that's how to "woo" a Domme...

LOL

**runs off to hide in a corner, giggling into his hand**

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to Nahemah)

Post #: 20

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