Chastity and control

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newtop -> Chastity and control (6/15/2009 6:48:21 AM)
I've been talking to someone for about three months online off and on, and we really hit it off. We talked on the phone a few times, text each other regularly, and are just generally friendly. This weekend I had the chance to meet him and things went very well. He would like me to control him with chastity, and I think I'd love to do it. The problem is, is that it's a long distance thing until the fall and I'm not really sure what I'd be getting out of it if he's hundreds of miles away. I've thought about having him send me thank-you gifts in creative ways, writing down his experiences, things like that, but he's a very busy person. Yes, he has enough time to jerk off here and there, but will he see it the way I do? That I want something in return? Anyway, does anyone have any ideas? If I do this, it'll get boring very fast to get random texts or phone calls or emails asking for permission but not have anything given back. It might be a rush at first, but we both have our own lives and I can't see him often until the fall.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 6:55:16 AM)
Were it me, I would explain to him -why- I wasn't going to put him in chastity right now, just like you did above. He may have a creative suggestion that will make the whole thing pop for you... but if not, you can begin the "control" part by controlling the -timeframe- in which this happens. Fall is only a few months away, and if he is as busy as he seems, it shouldn't, in my mind, be unreasonable to say "In the fall, when we can be together so I can enjoy the experience, I will begin training you for service in chastity." [sm=2cents.gif]JMTC, Dame Calla

Hardbutt -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 8:01:51 AM)
You could take the opportunity to expand his time in chastity so that he is prepared to go weeks at time in chastity if you wish. When you get together he will be ready for what ever you ask of him. You can also enjoy each day knowing that he has sacrificed his male sexuality for you through chastity. When you talk with him on the phone you will hear it in his voice after a few days. It will give you each more time to understand the others wants as well as you own. There are ways to make his keys unavailable until you decide that he has earned some free time before locking himself up again for you. He will enjoy having committed to you and to be safe from the temptation to pursue any other woman which is part of the enjoyment of wearing chastity. You both know he is willing to give up any possibility of sex except with your permission, and that thrills him. You could also work on some suggestive reconditioning, a bit of hypnosis if you want to call it that. Decide what would make you very happy in this relationship future you have and spend some time laying the groundwork, in his mind, to be happy to give you exactly what YOU want. Now is a good time to decide what domestic chores should be his once you two are together, and how and who will initiate sexual encounters in your house together. By being in chastity for you, he is hoping that you both understand that you will be the boss in many ways, he wants to surrender his independence to you. This time apart can be beneficial to get through all the negotiations and planning that must be made to successfully live together in a 24/7 lifestyle. Develop realistic expectations and you can live a happy reality. Good luck and have fun!

newtop -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 8:58:07 AM)
Just to make it clear from here on, I am not interested in a relationship with him at this point. I'm not romantically involved with him and I don't plan on it happening. He's tied to his choices for at least 10 years and I'm not interested in following along because I like the spot I've worked out in my own life. I'm strictly looking for ideas on how to get what I want in return for claiming him in chastity.

gentlemanprince -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 10:12:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newtop Just to make it clear from here on, I am not interested in a relationship with him at this point. I'm not romantically involved with him and I don't plan on it happening. He's tied to his choices for at least 10 years and I'm not interested in following along because I like the spot I've worked out in my own life. I'm strictly looking for ideas on how to get what I want in return for claiming him in chastity. Why bother? If there is no real relationship with him, it sounds like a lot of work for little return.

AAkasha -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 10:21:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newtop Just to make it clear from here on, I am not interested in a relationship with him at this point. I'm not romantically involved with him and I don't plan on it happening. He's tied to his choices for at least 10 years and I'm not interested in following along because I like the spot I've worked out in my own life. I'm strictly looking for ideas on how to get what I want in return for claiming him in chastity. What you "get" out of it is the rush of owning his cock, making him squirm, hearing his desperation and watching as the layers of resistance and pride are stripped away and he becomes vulnerable and helpless. HOT! If you are not into him on some level and are just looking to find out how much to "charge" him for this activity, first establish how much time you are going to invest and what the appropriate compensation is. And be honest with him. If he wants free teasing & denial he can go to milovana.com. Men in chastity are VERY high maintenance and need a lot of attention because once they cannot cum, they can't stop thinking about it. You have to have rules, protocol and punishments in place. In my opinion, it's much better for both people if you are getting off on it. Otherwise, chastity is one of those types of play that can be very draining. If you aren't at least amused and excited by his desperation, you will be burnt out fast. Akasha

Lockit -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 10:38:53 AM)
Despite my nickname... I don't care much for chastity because often times it isn't anything more than a focus on a cock and self and I would prefere the focus be on me, us and whatever relationship it is. This is a very common request or desire or even requirement of many submissive men and although many say and may believe that it is a focus on the dominant, I don't believe this is true from what I have seen. Sure the dominant is tied to the situation, but it is more about him and his cock and sexual release or fixation than what I want and require. Do look into the medical reasons that long term chastity requires a look at. What you can get out of it... depends on you and him basically. I found a lot of the conversation is about his release or lackthereof and it became something I didn't care to do, but you may like it very much. The only way to find out is to do it. For me it just isn't real enough or what I want. I wish to control a man from a different place and because he is mine. I guess what I want is the uncommon.

gentlemanprince -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 1:48:48 PM)
I agree with you, Miss Lockit. From a man's perspective, if I want chastity, I can do it myself. What I want it to be owned by a woman and all the things that go with ownership, such as love, trust, and respect. Without those things, chastity or virtually any kind of play becomes meaningless for me. I might as well go into a chatroom and have cybersex. I understand that others are different, but that's my take on it.

newtop -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 3:41:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince quote: ORIGINAL: newtop Just to make it clear from here on, I am not interested in a relationship with him at this point. I'm not romantically involved with him and I don't plan on it happening. He's tied to his choices for at least 10 years and I'm not interested in following along because I like the spot I've worked out in my own life. I'm strictly looking for ideas on how to get what I want in return for claiming him in chastity. Why bother? If there is no real relationship with him, it sounds like a lot of work for little return. Because no strings fits my life at the moment. We've both agreed that if it doesn't work out we'll still be friends, so why not have some fun? AAkasha, I agree! It's totally hot! My problem is though, that I find it hot in person not over the phone. I want something in return for the maintenance, even if it's something as simple as an explicitly detailed description of how much frustration and agony he's going through at that particular moment. This weekend I teased the hell out of him and the poor thing was miserable, but after telling him he could cum and hearing him whisper my name while his mind was completely unattached from earth is something I'd love to experience again. I don't believe he was completely focused on himself, or my name would have never been said when it was obvious he wasn't even there mentally.

Lockit -> RE: Chastity and control (6/15/2009 5:34:39 PM)
I guess you already had your answers then. Thats what you get out of it. [:D]

newtop -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 7:19:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I guess you already had your answers then. Thats what you get out of it. [:D] I don't really have any answers besides tell him and see what he says and wait until he's local. I'd like to hear some ideas others may have.

Lockit -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 7:29:26 AM)
So you don't want to hear from me? Damn I'm wounded! You want us to tell you how you can get something out of keeping a man in chastity long distance and hear some idea's... yet you got into his release and his calling your name. It is his release that is the focus... his need... his desire... lock me up, tease me, torment me... then deny me, but do let me cum at some point so I can call your name and get you off. You liked it... that's what you get and that is about all you get. Okay... I know you don't want to hear from me... but I am not about to tell you how I dominate a cock or what I get out of it. Find your own way darlin... that gets a bit more personal than the advice or common ground another... wonderful dominant has shared with you. What more is there to say? Unless you need real details. In which I would be wondering what you are needing to get from us... and not just in an information kind of way.

newtop -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 7:34:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit So you don't want to hear from me? Damn I'm wounded! You want us to tell you how you can get something out of keeping a man in chastity long distance and hear some idea's... yet you got into his release and his calling your name. It is his release that is the focus... his need... his desire... lock me up, tease me, torment me... then deny me, but do let me cum at some point so I can call your name and get you off. You liked it... that's what you get and that is about all you get. Okay... I know you don't want to hear from me... but I am not about to tell you how I dominate a cock or what I get out of it. Find your own way darlin... that gets a bit more personal than the advice or common ground another... wonderful dominant has shared with you. What more is there to say? Unless you need real details. In which I would be wondering what you are needing to get from us... and not just in an information kind of way. Oh my. I understand it's not something you're into, but you're coming off as incredibly judgmental and I know that's not like you. I've spent plenty of time lurking and I've learned a thing or two from your posts. Please don't look down on my kink, or at least realize that you're coming off that way.

Lockit -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 7:38:51 AM)
LOL... I don't need you to tell me how I feel and what I am doing. I know very well what I am doing. I am calling things as I see it. You went from asking what you get out of it... to telling what you got out of it and wanting more details. I am not the one confused here.

Lockit -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 9:40:30 AM)
Look... my second post, when I laughed was not meant as a laughing at you. It was more from a place... see, you already know what you get out of it. I am a cheery person and I laugh a lot. That is meant more as a friendly laughter of recognition. You experienced it and enjoyed it. If it is your kink, you will get off to it in some way and will find ways to enhance it from what you get out of it. I am not judging your kink. I have played in this area with a long distance relationship that went full time or have done so in the beginning with someone or to get their attention or give some play, but will not do it all the time. I have nothing against it even if I see where it might come from. If it is what someone wants to do... then do it and enjoy it! You said yourself that it will get boring if you are not getting something out of it. You then said you got something out of it. That is what you get out of it and if it continues to excite you, then cool, but you think it will get boring and from my experience it is more about him than me and what I get out of it and is limited as to what I can get out of it in a long term situation. Maybe if you can tell us more of what you are seeking here we can know more of what you are wanting to know. I personally won't tell how I do things because someone I might do them to might read it and know how I work it. That is part of the element of surprise and or shock and play that I have. I think that my feeding off of whatever my submissive does or how he reacts pushes me to be more devious and creative in what I do and how I handle him. I think the real answers have to come from you.

AAkasha -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 10:07:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newtop Because no strings fits my life at the moment. We've both agreed that if it doesn't work out we'll still be friends, so why not have some fun? AAkasha, I agree! It's totally hot! My problem is though, that I find it hot in person not over the phone. I want something in return for the maintenance, even if it's something as simple as an explicitly detailed description of how much frustration and agony he's going through at that particular moment. This weekend I teased the hell out of him and the poor thing was miserable, but after telling him he could cum and hearing him whisper my name while his mind was completely unattached from earth is something I'd love to experience again. I don't believe he was completely focused on himself, or my name would have never been said when it was obvious he wasn't even there mentally. If you find it hot, then identify how you can capture that essence with your limited interface. You said time is an issue with him, and of course you are long distance - those are your barriers. I can talk about this from my own experience and maybe it will apply. First, NOTHING is better than real life, in-the-flesh domination and BDSM - I get that. In fact, if I don't have a healthy dose of that, I'm miserable. But I need more than that, I need variety, and a variety of exchanges and to see fresh, new surrender - in that sense, I enjoy long distance BDSM and power exchange now and then. I can share with you how I capture that thrill/rush of surrender with someone who is not with me in the flesh: * Make him photograph his plight. Make him send proof. Taking a picture can be done very quickly. If he is wearing a chastity device, use numbered locks and have him submit photo proof that he's still in the cage. This does not take long, but puts a real stamp of FINALITY on his surrender. There's no faking it. * Make him ask for EVERY orgasm. It only takes a moment to text or email. Limit those orgasms as you see fit. * Set up times for tease & deny - it can even be a 15 minute phone call. It will put him in a terribly horny frame of mind! * Make him leave you voice mails that plead for release; if you like a certain kind of begging or desperation, train him to perform in the manner that amuses you or turns you on. * Make him set up a Twitter feed and/or you do the same - short, teasing, taunting messages that pop on his screen and his on yours are a constant reminder of the control but take just a few seconds to hammer out. * Send him to sites like milovana.com and order him to complete some of the "teases" that do not allow release. * Make him report to you his horniness level on a scale from 1 - 10 each day so you can see how his desire is peaking without a long, drawn out email. * Send him your lingerie to worship. He'll be dying that he cannot cum when he opens that package. It will be the kind of sweet mix between torture and pleasure. * MAKE HIM SURRENDER by doing (and BEGGING for) things he considers difficult/impossible: eating his own cum, sucking a dildo, worshipping an old pair of your shoes - you pick the acts and he'll start with hesitation but by the time he gets horny enough, not only will he do them, he will beg to do them. This doesn't matter if you are in the same room or across the country - he will get there. The journey is a hot one. For me, I take what makes me hot (surrender, vulnerability, desperation) and then figure out how I can feel it's "real" in a long distance medium. It comes from the look in the eyes (pictures), proof that he is doing what I say (pictures), sincere desperation (tone of voice) and ultimately the surrender to acts that compromise his ego and pride in a hot way for both people. Akasha

PeonForHer -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 10:54:45 AM)
Wow! You've thought of all this, A, and with pretty damned impressive results, I may say.

Hardbutt -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 11:54:17 AM)
Wow!

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 12:31:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Wow! You've thought of all this, A, and with pretty damned impressive results, I may say. I agree! makes notes for the boy

AAkasha -> RE: Chastity and control (6/16/2009 1:30:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Wow! You've thought of all this, A, and with pretty damned impressive results, I may say. Thank you - but it's not about effort, it's just what I am - it's what I do. I think in many ways there are some femdoms who dominate because they are attracted to the results of the power exchange : they want what it provides them (nothing wrong with that). When it comes to dominant acts, I am much more a "top" I guess, or a fetishist. My desire to get what I want (surrender, vulnerability, fear, desperation) is a compulsion and nothing less - it's powerful, distracting and intense. I deal with it in a healthy way, but regardless, I want what I want - and I don't feel "satisfied" until I feel I have achieved that. That said, the list of things I provided are just ways I dealt, in my life, with the "hunger" to get that feeling when the man happened to be on the other end of a phone line or across the country. Even before digital cameras were so easy to get, and webcams existed - just PHONE. Phone, email, and even snail mail for photo proof - I figured out ways to get a man to surrender to me and help me "scratch the itch" because I wanted it that bad. All on top of having a rl partner to beat and torture, yeah...but I have a big appetite! Akasha

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