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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 3:28:00 PM

Oberonrex

Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?

Not in my book, but I also don't think Chivalry is dead. I was raised "Proper" Southern, and with a strong bit of Victorian thrown in, and I refuse to throw that aside for the fad of the day. I will open doors, close doors, seat them, place the food order they desire, and more because it reinforces that they are special to me. I also still use the grace words (please, thank you, etc.) even within the context of a command as I feel I must set the standard for the manners I expect from them. Does that mean I won't command, get as vicious as they want and need? No, it just means that I like manners (and that it makes a much starker contrast when the other is done). Good manners not only allow roles to be done and reinforced in public, it is just one more way to show them off and remind them of the pride and more I have in them.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 21

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 3:33:55 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I might be a Dom, but I firmly believe in holding the door open for My sub. I open her car door first, I help her balance when it is slippery, take the heavy things and leave her with the lighter ones, wait for her to sit down before I sit down, order for her, etc. There is a limit to what I do, of course, but I believe that there very much is a place for chivaly in modern BDSM relationships without compromosing dominant values.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 2/12/2006 3:34:46 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 4:20:20 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

What do you think a Dom is?

What do you think a Gentleman is?

Are we identifing these labels by the behaviors demonstrated?

What about the motivations of these behaviors as well?

I am not concerned what others think is Domly or the Gentlemanly thing to do. I am who I am. Sometimes I hold the door, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I sit first, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I enter a room first, sometimes I don't. these situtions are of no importance without considering the situation they occur and the given relationship. Being a Gentlemen to me is not just directed to a female. Being a gentlemen is just another phrase of indicating courtousy behavior. As a I drive, I let someone in the lane as they signal. Courtousy, is such a gentleman thing to do, but what if your a lady? Is that Ladylike?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 23

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 6:27:15 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

My dom definitly is always a gentleman, and I don't think that is something that should just go "out the door" when Dom/sub roles are taken. In my opinion, any act can be submissive or dominant, like RavenMuse said. My dom also does these things because it makes him happy whether it is holding a door for me, escorting me home, tucking me into bed, or getting me something when I ask polietly. I think doms should do little gentlemanly things like that now and then because it does make the submissive feel special. Just because we are submissive doesn't mean we don't want a bit of attention or pampering now and then as long as it is the doms decision and we ask polietly.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 24

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 6:35:18 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I Being a Gentlemen to me is not just directed to a female. Being a gentlemen is just another phrase of indicating courtousy behavior. As a I drive, I let someone in the lane as they signal. Courtousy, is such a gentleman thing to do, but what if your a lady? Is that Ladylike?

You raise a great question Knight.....one I would like to answer as well...

If I'm heading in a door.. and I see someone.. male or female.. coming.. going.. with hands full... kids.. etc... I wil hold the door for them. Elderly as well.

If I see a signal for a lane change.. i'm not one to speed up and be an ass or jerk... most of the time.. I can't say i've not done it at all.... i've been in a pissy mood with traffic... and think.. stupid .. you seen sign back there saying lane ends.. why wait so long.. now you're gonna wait longer..LOL

(Things deleted for a reason..... )

But your questions are fair enough too... about the ladies...

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/12/2006 6:38:24 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 6:54:56 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Good points Knight

Yes, I often slow down and let people change lanes or merge, I often hold the door or open it for others, I am nice to the people who run the register when I check out, true strength is not stepping on or abusing the less fortunate, reaching out to help those who need a hand

and yes I say sir, maam, thank you, please, my mom ingrained that into many years ago

K

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 26

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 7:18:41 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

OK I had to come back and regroup on your posting Knight....

Edited.....to say... ummm... never mind...

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/12/2006 7:19:35 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 27

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 7:53:51 AM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

There is a Master i've been seeing off and on for a few months... we don't get to spend as much time together as i'd like... so we're still very much getting to know each other.
But one of the thins i really like about him is that while he's very much Dominant and sadistic...
He's very much a gentleman.
He always opens doors for me, including the car door.
He always lights my cigarette.
And always talks to me and everyone else with respect.

It in no way diminishes his status as a Dom and Master.. it only serve to enhance it for me.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 28

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 9:12:14 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

What is a Gentleman? I guess we could look up the defination in a dictionary or even wade through books on the subject. For me he is first a Man, a real Man, a Man who has integrety, honour, his word is his bond, one who puts duty and loyalty before his own comforts. Usually he has a good sence of chivalary and excelent manners.

I used to say when refered to as an Officer and Gentleman, Officer by Government Order, Gentleman by right of birth.

Provided that my armes are free and I can get to the door first, I open doors for ladies regardless of station. Depending on circumatances I still kiss the hands of ladies and bow slightly none of these are submissive in any way shape or form, it is just what I do. It is even more importand to me true to myself and beliefs with a slave for she relies on my consistancy in all matters. If she is good enough for me to spoil (eapecially with chocolates and other treats), and enjoy her company and converstaions, she is certainly good enough for me to open doors etc for, be she slave or paid servant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence!
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all in the game and how you play it!

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 29

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 12:00:47 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead. And looking at some post made by some of the male Doms on here, on how they feel about their submissives... Playfulone is my example.

When one is a Dom and becomes a owner of a submissive/slave (for those that prefer being called one) Does being a gentleman go out the door? As for the female Doms, does one expect their submissive/slaves, to be more of a gentleman? And can it be carried to far sometimes?

For us, he is who he is. That doesn’t change when he owns me. He remains the same person he always was. There are some things that he does that he considers polite, but he has always done them, its not something that I require or is a limit or a demand.

quote:

Let me see if I can make this more understanding on where I'm going with this. I've taken notice.. in some communities... that the submissive will stand and open doors for their Doms. They sit after their Doms. (For the smokers) the submissives lights Doms smokes for them.

I’ve seen a little bit of that. It just seems like a little bit of extra protocol or in some instances service (the lighting the cigarette).

quote:

But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?

If that’s what they want to do, more power to them. To me its not a big deal.

quote:

Going back to Playfulone... he stated in other thread... his being alone last night while his little one was off with her mother... he missed her dearly... I about melted when I read that.
I thought there's one that still has feelings... romance... love... and is human. And not ashamed to let it be known. MHoo answered back about her love and missing her boy. Showing that it ok for the Lady Doms to have feelings... romance.. love.. and are human too.

If it works for them its okay. Personally being extra exuberant about emotions isn’t really something that I necessarily care for (with big public proclamations and such.. its just not my thing).

quote:

I guess where I'm going is wondering how many others out there feel.... just because they're in a M/s relationship.... does life always have to be Owner/submissive?

I’m in a M/S relationship because that’s how we relate best and its just the way we work and that label reflects us best. Its who we are all of the time. We don’t put on special clothes and go to a munch and act differently than we act when we are alone. Its who we are with each other all of the time, not just some time. So yeah life with my owner is a particular way because well.. that’s just who we are.

quote:

Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?

Did it ever occur to you that its not showing off. That its simply who they are?

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 30

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 1:48:45 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

[

quote:

Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?

Did it ever occur to you that its not showing off. That its simply who they are?

C~

Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 31

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 2:22:42 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.

In the opinion of this grey grizzled grizzly, whose love of languishing loquatious loving ladies is an undeniable undisputed flirtatious fact; there are those who can talk the talk and walk the walk with all the gargantuan grace of a jackbooted nazi storm trooper who doesn't give a flying fickle fig about the subtalties and deeper uderstanding but only wants to dominate or discard those who don't meet his questionable standards; and there are those who walk the walk, talk the talk and Live The Life, with a full understandig of it's virtues, hidden depths and meanindgs and has no intent of rubbing his lifestyle in people's faces, but by his exlempory behavious, courtious but strong manly manners, sence of hoour and duty and commitement fo friends, family and work can walz, tango and trip the light fantastic with his property and none of the uninlightened being any the wiser of their true relationship and yet maintain an iron fisted sheathed in velvet control on her actions, love and respect without a second thought.......

Ergo.. Those who have mastered themselves have no need for loud farting noises issuing from their mouths or be wearing jackboots for the stomping on the unenlightened and others in an uncontroled frenzy of self proclomation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence!
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all in the game and how you play it!

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 32

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 2:40:06 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

Truncated your lengthy post to this question:

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?

Certainly not. Being a dominant male does NOT warrant one to lose all social etiquette and grace.

< Message edited by amayos -- 2/13/2006 2:50:30 PM >

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 33

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 3:03:56 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

[

In the opinion of this grey grizzled grizzly, whose love of languishing loquatious loving ladies is an undeniable undisputed flirtatious fact; there are those who can talk the talk and walk the walk with all the gargantuan grace of a jackbooted nazi storm trooper who doesn't give a flying fickle fig about the subtalties and deeper uderstanding but only wants to dominate or discard those who don't meet his questionable standards; and there are those who walk the walk, talk the talk and Live The Life, with a full understandig of it's virtues, hidden depths and meanindgs and has no intent of rubbing his lifestyle in people's faces, but by his exlempory behavious, courtious but strong manly manners, sence of hoour and duty and commitement fo friends, family and work can walz, tango and trip the light fantastic with his property and none of the uninlightened being any the wiser of their true relationship and yet maintain an iron fisted sheathed in velvet control on her actions, love and respect without a second thought.......

Ergo.. Those who have mastered themselves have no need for loud farting noises issuing from their mouths or be wearing jackboots for the stomping on the unenlightened and others in an uncontroled frenzy of self proclomation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence!
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all in the game and how you play it!

Thank you IronBear.... I totally agree... you can still be who.. what you are.. without the loudness...

I think... IMO... those that have to still show.... have not mastered.... all though don't confused that all because you've mastered.. doesn't mean there's nothing else to learn.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 34

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 3:59:30 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

[

quote:

Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?

Did it ever occur to you that its not showing off. That its simply who they are?

C~

Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.

I am a little confused, are you saying that if someone in a D/s relationship “walk the walk all the time” they are acting as if others are beneath us? That if they are honestly exhibiting their authentic selves then this somehow treats others as less?

I do not stop being a slave when I am in public. I don’t care what other people think of me and my relationship and behavior choices; they are mine to make and I made the choice to give him complete authority over me. I have different protocols that I have to follow depending on the situation that we are in, but with each my behaviors clearly indicate that he is the one in charge. These aren’t things that I do to make others feel less than me, they are things that I do to please my Lord, things that please me because they demonstrate my submission to him. I am not going to stop doing those things in public because it may make others feel uncomfortable or less. I do these things because it is what resonates with me, what makes me feel complete; it is me demonstrating my authentic self.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 35

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 4:38:00 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

[

quote:

Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?

Did it ever occur to you that its not showing off. That its simply who they are?

C~

Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.

For many Dom/submissive what you see is just a natural demonstration of their inner self and character. No different than being polite or honest or open-minded or chrismatic behaviors that natural flow from a person. These behaviors is not some role they portray.. It is who they are! Now the perception one has of another will often be different than another. My girls see me as Dominant... others see me as just an Asshole... well ok lots see me as an asshole... and so do my girls... But I am honest *G* about it Point is... what you see as Dominant/submissive behavior can very much as ordinary for another to simple rude or boarish. What you see as a gentleman could very will be just appropriate behaviors in a given situation by another.

personally, I perfer to see a person that Walks the walk that they talk about as consistently as possible. I see it as a indication of integrity of self... and if they are honest with themselves well odds are they will be honest with me as well. I love confidence! Confidence in Dominants and submissives alike. Too often many with insecurities will think those with confidence as arrogant. I don't have any use for such weak-minded and passive aggressive individuals. Everyone, and I mean everyone will be in situations that self-esteem and confidence will be stretched. But those that look to themself to build this confidence and find support of others to help them... will soon find there own confidence grow. If you want to be grow your confidence! Be around those that are confident... Don't condemn them for Walking the Walk!

There is two ways a person can build themself up... At the expense of others... Or with the support of others! The latter seems to be a better way to go.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 36

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 4:45:53 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

In the opinion of this grey grizzled grizzly, whose love of languishing loquatious loving ladies is an undeniable undisputed flirtatious fact; there are those who can talk the talk and walk the walk with all the gargantuan grace of a jackbooted nazi storm trooper who doesn't give a flying fickle fig about the subtalties and deeper uderstanding but only wants to dominate or discard those who don't meet his questionable standards; and there are those who walk the walk, talk the talk and Live The Life, with a full understandig of it's virtues, hidden depths and meanindgs and has no intent of rubbing his lifestyle in people's faces, but by his exlempory behavious, courtious but strong manly manners, sence of hoour and duty and commitement fo friends, family and work can walz, tango and trip the light fantastic with his property and none of the uninlightened being any the wiser of their true relationship and yet maintain an iron fisted sheathed in velvet control on her actions, love and respect without a second thought.......

Ergo.. Those who have mastered themselves have no need for loud farting noises issuing from their mouths or be wearing jackboots for the stomping on the unenlightened and others in an uncontroled frenzy of self proclomation.

do not forget of the type that sits in the shadows and sends ripples of gossip of another and then is everyones friend in the light. I will take the jackboots person any day over this person... at least I know where and when the knife is coming from.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 37

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 4:50:43 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.

I'm confused - when did acting however you feel become having to act in the kind of manner you described? I'm saying that whatever you mean by showing off may just be the way the person is. To me the public exuberance over love is showing off, but I'm fully well aware that is just the way some people are. I'm not sure why whatever you deem as showing off can't also be just the way someone is as opposed to putting on an act.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 38

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 4:53:47 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

I was raised to be both chivalrous and dominant. At one time, the two warred with each other until I 'got it' that girls enjoyed being spanked, that I was delivering pleasure with every swat. That opened the door for me to really get into it.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 39

RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 5:04:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

There are ways to do the same act in which it can be completely unnoticed, or completely unavoidable.

Do I think people do the giggling/sir'ring/crawling/etc motions to show off and say "Oh look how awesome we are?" Absolutely.

But I also think it's pretty obvious to tell when that's what's going on versus simple natural behavior.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 40

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