RE: How do you leave the lifestyle

RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 7:59:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? This isn't a lifestyle and you can't leave it. You can stop calling someone master but if you like abusive men you are just going to find a vanilla abusive man. If you have low self esteem as a slave you are just going to have low self esteem as a vanilla woman. The problem isn't all the bdsm crap, it is our own issues. Beating women made me a more sensitive and caring person. Learning to humiliate women taught me to better understand myself and how to make my partners more secure. You have to face your problems no matter where you go because YOU are there. I can't run from my problems, all I can do is face them fearlessly, admit to them, and do my best to work on them. So, when I see a pattern in my life, I stop and look to see what the hell is going on. Do YOU see any patterns in YOUR life? Yes i see patterns. The universe has a pattern. Everything has a pattern, a fractal, a repeat. The yin and yang of it all. It's impossible to escape patterns even for those of us who belive we have, or find repetition nullifying. I agree though there are negative patterns and positive patterns to everything including relationships. The negative ones by definition make themselves obsolete in time.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:01:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Maybe I'm getting grumpy and snotty, but, not kidding, when someone uses the word "lifestyle" seriously in a sentence, I now view that as a yellow flag. It seems to be coming from the same mindspace as comparing the new partner to former partners. How do you measure up to some set of protocols and practices that are followed by a handful of other people? If you want to talk to me, talk about how you want to relate to me. Got it. You obviously fit into the don't see it that way group then.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:03:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I don't live a lifestyle. I live - that's about as simple and uncomplicated as it gets. So, its live or die. the.dark. i knew you would answer like that my friend.

RedMagic1 -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:09:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Got it. You obviously fit into the don't see it that way group then. The only "group" I try to fit into is the one labeled, "Reliable, responsible and happy."

LadyVillen -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:10:04 AM)
Yes there have been times when i have contemplated leaving this lifestyle. This was pre emted by too many numpties contacting me and wasting my time and effort. Nothing could make me leave this lifestyle as it is innate, who I am, and i could never be nilla again, nor would i want to be. I have taken time out of the lifestyle for 7 months following the breakup with my former Dom, I took the time out to heal, centre myself and think clearly what i seeked.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:15:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild Plain and simple, yes there was a time when I seriously thought about turning my back on this part of life and as my one sig line states.....BDSM is a lure I am unable to resist. Having tasted the "forbidden fruit" so to speak, I can no more walk away than I could cut off my right arm. There are those for whom bdsm is a forbidden fruit. Mayne it's a generational thing. There are very very many out there who live two entirely separate lives: one vanilla and one 'lifestyle'. And there are those, perhaps the majority here who are responding who state they live 24/7 . Maybe that means they believe themselves to be just living an ordinary life, or that they believe what they do as bdsm is just everyday or ordinary for them. So don't even have a defintion for lifestyle, don't know and i'm not trying to be judgmental. i do know there is stuff that i do that is not 'ordinary' and certainly not something that fits easily into any everyday setting, family, or even fixed relationship format. So i've been through phases on this. said i am in a lifestyle, Stated that i just live 24.7 being me. i suppose the question should have been what would make you give up or leave WIITYD ....

agirl -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:31:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild i suppose the question should have been what would make you give up or leave WIITYD .... *Same answer as before. If I wasn't with the person I created it with, once he's gone , I wouldn't HAVE a what it is that we do....I'd only have a what it is that we did....lol* The life I have isn't ordinary in that most people I have contact with don't live with a clear and constructed D/s dynamic but it's absoutely normal for us and SEEN as normal for us, too. I don't find it normal to iron flannels, underpants and bedsheets ..... I think it's crazy, weird and faintly amusing. It takes all sorts. agirl

sleazybutterfly -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:46:40 AM)
I will try to clarify a bit what I wrote earlier. I think at my nature, I will always be submissive to whomever I am in a relationship with. What I would be leaving would be more the trappings, or what I consider trappings when you give it the label bdsm, lifestyle, or wiitwd. It will also depend on the person I meet. I don't know that I would ever specifically look for this again, like having a personal on here. If that dynamic came to me from meeting someone someplace else, then I am sure it could happen for me again. Not sure if that helped clear anything up or not..but I feel it explains it a bit better.

Andalusite -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:49:52 AM)
Yup, I don't think of it as "lifestyle" either, but I haven't had a vanilla relationship since I was 20. It's important to me to date people who are interested in BDSM, or at least open to giving it a try, so I bring it up by the 3rd date. There have been times when I was single and not even playing casually, but only for a few months, at most. I still considered myself to be a switch, and once I started looking again, I wanted some form of BDSM.

beargonewild -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 9:02:48 AM)
~grinz~ Allow me to clarify when I say "forbidden fruit"! I meant that in the sense that growing up, I was taught that anything kinky was too different thus it was weird if I showed and expressed an interest that was outside the norm of the values and morals my parents taught. Though I did have some inkling that people did engage and enjoy S&M, bondage and other activities pertaining to BDSM, this was perceived as deviant behavior that was delegated to dark alleys and sleazy bars inhabited by people of highly questionable character and morality. So for myself, this type of desire and aspect of life acted as a lure which appeals to my sense of nonconformity and exploring life outside the box, so to speak. So in a sense it was forbidden fruit in my way of thinking and I wanted/needed/craved to be part of this. In time I was able to explore these desires I had denied myself for many years and found that WIITWD is not like what my parents had portrayed and led me to believe. I can't say that this is a lifestyle or not, all I know is the aspect of WIITWD has simply become an integral part of who I am as a person much in the same way my sexual orientation is also integral to who I am as a person that I feel it is impossible for anything to have the power to cause me to give up WIITWD. To turn away is to deny a part of who I am which I refuse to do. As a person that I respect told me a few weeks ago, "BE YOU, EMBRACE YOU." this has to apply to ALL parts of who I am.

Lashra -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 9:11:21 AM)
quote: Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? Yes I have and I did for twelve years. 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? I was burnt out from a sub who felt that he needed to be micromanaged. I also had a child a few years later and wanted to devote my time to her. 3. Have you left the lifestyle and then come back into it/ Or is this not your take on it? I came back into it, got into a relationship that was not healthy, got out of that situation then met my present sub six years ago. Things are going good and strong. I think if you need a break you take it. There is stress in ALL relationships and sometimes you just need a break to recharge your batteries. ~Lashra

RumpusParable -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 9:25:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? 3. Have you left the lifestyle and then come back into it/ Or is this not your take on it? "That's not my take on it". Like many others have answered, I just live my life and that's it. Sometimes I don't have a partner available (nearby or at the moment) or don't feel like playing for X amount of time, but I never "Leave the lifestyle". My life is a mix of several "lifestyles"... I think that's the case with most everyone(?). I just be me and incorporate what is right and happy-making for me, taking the opportunities life gives me. I can't understand the idea of Officially Leaving The Lifestyle... I can see not feeling like playing any time in the future or choosing not to have a relationship in the next X amount of days/years/whatever... but, I can't see how one stopped being themselves. I'm a dominant female. I've been since childhood, clearly by memories of the age of 4 or 5. If I never played again or never had an Official Slave Partner I'd still be my dominant self who draws submissive males and females into my life to end up running. But then, my first D/s relationship started when I was too young to know all the special words we use for it as adults; it's just the natural interaction type I have, whether or not the special names are given to it. It's not a role I put on or a relationship style I decided at some point to try out, it's everyday life and normal everyday interactions.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 11:17:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I agree though there are negative patterns and positive patterns to everything including relationships. The negative ones by definition make themselves obsolete in time. Really? When do you expect that to happen for you?

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 11:19:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? 3. Have you left the lifestyle and then come back into it/ Or is this not your take on it? There is no lifestyle, there is only the choices we make in our own individual lives, and the coincidence of those choices coinciding with others sometimes. What you call a lifestyle I call a bunch of pervs that all know each other :) so, no leaving my lifestyle would be suicide, and Im just not into that.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 11:57:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I agree though there are negative patterns and positive patterns to everything including relationships. The negative ones by definition make themselves obsolete in time. Really? When do you expect that to happen for you? i'm a good person Michael and we all die.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 1:03:46 PM)
If you have EVER thought I believed you were anything but a good person I most humbly apologize! I think you are a TORTURED person and that your refusal to look at your patterns and work on them is why you continue to have the same issues over and over. I know working through my emotionally abusive behavior and the other issues I had made me both happier and a much better partner. I still very much have issues I am working through but they keep getting smaller and less impactful on my life. I just wish for the same freedom for you that dealing with my own crap has brought me.

leadership527 -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 1:12:27 PM)
quote: Prinsexx Asked: i suppose the question should have been what would make you give up or leave WIITYD .... For me, WIITID is a reflection of the unique relationship between Carol and I. So what would make me leave it is one of two things... - Losing Carol for some reason. - One or both of us growing and discovering a better way to make us happy If Carol were to die today, I would not go out looking for a "submissive" or a "slave". I'd be looking for a woman. Presumably, whatever woman I found would be attractive to me in her own unique ways and I would seek to build a relationship which fostered those things.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 1:28:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild ~grinz~ Allow me to clarify when I say "forbidden fruit"! I meant that in the sense that growing up, I was taught that anything kinky was too different thus it was weird if I showed and expressed an interest that was outside the norm of the values and morals my parents taught. Though I did have some inkling that people did engage and enjoy S&M, bondage and other activities pertaining to BDSM, this was perceived as deviant behavior that was delegated to dark alleys and sleazy bars inhabited by people of highly questionable character and morality. So for myself, this type of desire and aspect of life acted as a lure which appeals to my sense of nonconformity and exploring life outside the box, so to speak. So in a sense it was forbidden fruit in my way of thinking and I wanted/needed/craved to be part of this. In time I was able to explore these desires I had denied myself for many years and found that WIITWD is not like what my parents had portrayed and led me to believe. I can't say that this is a lifestyle or not, all I know is the aspect of WIITWD has simply become an integral part of who I am as a person much in the same way my sexual orientation is also integral to who I am as a person that I feel it is impossible for anything to have the power to cause me to give up WIITWD. To turn away is to deny a part of who I am which I refuse to do. As a person that I respect told me a few weeks ago, "BE YOU, EMBRACE YOU." this has to apply to ALL parts of who I am. i was raised to believe that masturbation was disgusting, nudity to be feared and that men and women lived together without sex or communication. There is still an association for me between arousal and that which is forbidden. So now that anything goes, and it's all to do with being oneself, then my sense of arousal and the forbidden has also wavered. It could explain why i am constantly searching out new. My question is (in simplified terms) still though if there ain't a forbidden lifestyle, why isn't everyone at it?

kuriouswitch -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 1:29:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? 3. Have you left the lifestyle and then come back into it/ Or is this not your take on it? 1: I've never wanted to leave the lifestyle, for me it's what I find comfort in. I have thought about it, what would I do ect, but I think I'd be more lost or confused in a vanilla relationship and knowing myself I'd find a dominant man naturally any way even if he wasn't into kink. 2: What would make me leave the lifestyle would probably be losing Master to death or something similar. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with anyone else. 3: No I haven't left and then come back, I haven't been in "it" long enough to even think seriously about doing so and I don't think it'd really ever be a viable option for me.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 1:30:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I think you are a TORTURED person i'm a masochist Michael: chance would be a very fine thing. Smiles.

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