RE: How do you leave the lifestyle

RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (Full Version)

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DisenchantedLife -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/18/2009 8:42:05 PM)
quote: Simple questions to both 'd's and 's's: 1. Have you ever wanted to, thought about leaving the lifestyle? 2. What would make you leave the lifestyle? 3. Have you left the lifestyle and then come back into it/ Or is this not your take on it? 1. Yes 2. Bad experiences 3. Yes Often and alot for the past decade. Bad judgement calls on those i get involved with. I get scared silly and take off running. Eventually after years pass, i gather up courage again and give it another go! So far, I've been 2 years out. I'm still scared silly (even more so now than ever) as I've learned what happens when you meet a Dom with out morals, boundaries and so forth. Yet the lifestyle calls me. The knowledge of what could bee pokes at my innards. IMO - I'd be very happy being nlla. I just cant seem to be nilla

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 12:18:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Musicmystery Was it Paul Simon who sang "50 Ways to Leave Your Flogger?" Just wondering.... [;)] yeah you just pat her on the back jack and set your slave free....[:D]

ZenDragoness -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 7:25:19 AM)
As others have wrote i can not leave myself. I have been in a relationship with a slightly kinky man for 16 years, there was not enough pain (giving/receiving) for me, but other nice things. Beside that i loved him dearly. I never made a secret out of my being more S/M orientated than him. My current relationship is with a dominant men and it is quite nice to have such a amount of S/M in our relationship. I would not settle again with a only slightly kinky man, even if i would fell in love. Only if the relationship would be open from the start, so i could met my S/M needs with somebody else.

RCdc -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 7:31:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Hello the.dark. As always, My regards to Darcy. I do hope that you know I have been following Merc and beth's trip and have been quite envious of their opportunity to meet you in person. Perhaps, someday, I will have the luxury of doing the same. Dearest Lady Pact. Well, I know that Master has decided to pay a visit to Folsom at least! So the opportunity may be soon! quote: I do know that you dislike the term. Still, I don't think you can deny at least some common understanding when it's used. I consider it a shortcut, if you will. While I would never say that anyone should be so easily explained away, in some instances, it should be good enough. The message is conveyed, and that is the purpose of any term. I don't dislike the term at all - I have learnt that it's just not a word that relates to how I live. Stepping in and out of somewhere, or out of a role then yes I can see that the word makes sense. But I don't do that. It's just that I don't ever change being me, regardless of which relationship I am in. Being Darcy's slave(now) or being an s-type (general) is no different to being a mother to my children or the daughter of my parents. It is a constant, which is why I feel that the word 'lifestyle' does not apply to the life I live. the.dark.

LadyPact -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 7:48:46 AM)
I'm hoping to be there this year. I'll be on that coast after the move. (Terribly sorry about your bird. I saw it on the other thread.)

RCdc -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 7:53:36 AM)
Thank you for your kindness Lady Pact. the.dark.

RedMagic1 -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 8:11:30 AM)
LadyPact, I don't think I've ever seen you write something like, "I've been in the lifestyle for X many years." I haven't seen that from other actual leather masters either. They talk sometimes of their leather family, or events they've been to. My point is that you don't take time out to call yourself something. You talk about experiences you have had, while scening, or while building relationships. There were some people on another thread who said that all posts are statements of opinion. But that's not true. If someone writes, "Here is something that happened to me. This is what I learned from it. Maybe you will find it helpful," that's not opinion. That's a personal story. Saying "You should do X" -- that's opinion. Just like "real life," the people who tend to have the strongest, most respected posts on this forum are the people who share important lessons they've learned from actually living through difficult things. By contrast, there are plenty of examples of how much respect someone gets by playing Opinionz-R-Funnn. I'm sure there are exceptions to my "rule," but I have noticed that people who throw around the word "lifestyle" often have very little wisdom to impart.

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/19/2009 4:08:56 PM)
i started the thread and i've read through the replies and i've learned. two of the most pertinent points for me were points made by the dark and Lady Pact. Quite different points but they've touched me My interpretation of what the dark said was that she recogbised a difference between those who played for release and those who were living life 24/7 without that release. My interpretation of what Lady P said was that there was a term which others and she herself understood to be bdsm. If i simplified that i'm sorry but those two simplifications which are probably mine make sense to me at least. i look at language and the use if language more often than not in a totally creative way these days. That;s a luxury as a writer. But on the other hand i often have to look at language synoptically as that's part of what i do at work. So: about lifestyle. The term i mean. i think it's been co-opted a great deal in recent years. And as it has been co-opted those who practice at the edges have gone further underground. There's still a great deal goes on between consenting adults which can't be, perhaps shouldn't be, indeed definitely shouldn't ve played out for all to see. Dogging. Swinging. Cruising. Minching. These are terms and there are many many more which i know about with less sense of connection than lifestyle. 'It' that crosses taboos. 'It' that crosses ethics. And if 'it' doesn't do that 'it' certainly crosses most public terms of service and being co-optable into a mediated network (say like this). I'm happier to have a term for something than not have a term and that for me is how language works. I doubt ih i had posted have you ever left it, what would make you leave it, etc there would have been so many interesting responses..... so back to the lifestyle then.............. i'm all for private practice. And it's for private practice that i need a term like lifestyle. It still has its usefulness for me.

LadyPact -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/20/2009 7:11:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 LadyPact, I don't think I've ever seen you write something like, "I've been in the lifestyle for X many years." I haven't seen that from other actual leather masters either. They talk sometimes of their leather family, or events they've been to. My point is that you don't take time out to call yourself something. You talk about experiences you have had, while scening, or while building relationships. With that in mind, Red, let Me tell you that one of the most excruciating things I have written in the last few years was My bio when I started doing demos here in GA. I literally had other people help Me to write about Me. I do hate to disappoint you, but it really does start out with saying, "Lady Pact started in the lifestyle in xxxx..." quote: There were some people on another thread who said that all posts are statements of opinion. But that's not true. If someone writes, "Here is something that happened to me. This is what I learned from it. Maybe you will find it helpful," that's not opinion. That's a personal story. Saying "You should do X" -- that's opinion. That part I tend to agree with and those are the threads and replies that I happen to enjoy the most. I think that's why I tend to favor reading certain posters rather than others. Their way might not work for Me, but it's worked for them. Therefore, it has value. quote: Just like "real life," the people who tend to have the strongest, most respected posts on this forum are the people who share important lessons they've learned from actually living through difficult things. By contrast, there are plenty of examples of how much respect someone gets by playing Opinionz-R-Funnn. I'm sure there are exceptions to my "rule," but I have noticed that people who throw around the word "lifestyle" often have very little wisdom to impart. While I do see your point, I still just consider the word something of a shortcut. I think it would get rather tiresome to have to type out the different nuances of how I live My life, those aspects of BDSM that I incorporate into it, the social circles that I have, etc., etc. Even those who don't like the term get the concept of what I mean when I use it. In a sense, it allows Me to get to the point faster. Or would you really like Me to talk more? LOL.

LaTigresse -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/20/2009 7:17:37 AM)
LadyPact, I do not think I've ever read anything you have written, that I didn't enjoy reading. Regardless of whether it was informative or humorous, I've always found something worth reading.

LadyPact -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/20/2009 7:20:36 AM)
Thank you, LaT. Though I do have to wonder if that might be because we have the same kind of warped sense of humor. (Nobody said that was a bad thing. [;)])

Prinsexx -> RE: How do you leave the lifestyle (6/20/2009 8:52:42 AM)
wooa Ladies you done distracting me from me from my thaang.... i just know, on occasion, when a cane connects with my backside, there's somewhere in my head that quietly says: "yep maybe THAT'S what's meant by being a lifestyler...."

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