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newlychaste -> RE: Good Luck, Becky. (6/19/2009 2:50:55 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
Ok, what I got from the post was that you befriended this novice dominant person that asked you to have a talk with "Becky", whom you discovered isn't quite a "Becky" yet? And this "Becky" opened a profile as a female pretty much just to see what's out there? Am I close? And you offered up a reality check...
If that's right then I think you did the dominant person one hellova a favor!! Being a novice that may have set them aback just a little. But then again, the way you put it, that dominant person knew "Becky" to be a "TV Girl"? Ok, so that part is a little confusing.
But your advice? I think it's great. It's important to be honest with yourself, to know yourself and be able to see clearly what it is that you want out of a relationship before setting off looking for one. And the work thing? Honestly, that should be common sense but I know that it's not so common anymore. So I think it was great advice. Unless you live for the kind of drama that results from you talking about your sex life at work you shouldn't talk about it. And keep in mind, those "drama queens" don't seem to move up a company ladder well at all.
Jewel
Jewel, yes, exactly. "Fifi," the supposed Domme, wasn't a real person, and the profile was false. Becky, the real boy wanna be transvestite, was subconsciously seeking someone to give him a reality check--you hit the nail on the head, and I do apologize again for the ambiguities.
I think reconciling your identity as a kinky person in a vanilla society is, to a certain extent, difficult for everyone, and wasn't surprised that Becky had done what he had done. I wasn't even terribly upset, to be honest. At 19, the desire to dress as a woman must be scary. I wanted to address the motivation for that desire--wanting to experience the stigma associated with being a woman--but I thought the best tact to take would be to first address the dishonesty.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ranja
So do i understand it correctly that there only is one person: 19 year old Becky, who is a male submissive and also transvestite with a desire for a sexchange?
I think you did good figuring that out and cooping with the imo quite cute deception...
I feel iffy about sexchanges....cutting bits off is soo permanent...i prefer to embrace it all, or even just hide bits rather than medical removal and altering pleasure organs.
Can people who had a sex change still orgasm?
All the best
Ranja, the sex change is a long way away, for this one--there are a few steps that need to be taken, first--in fact, if I had suggested it, he probably would have been scared straight, which isn't what I was going for at all!
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ORIGINAL: oceanwinds
quote:
ORIGINAL: sirsholly
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So sue me. I'm still proud of myself. Lol.
i had no idea what this thread was about till i read this.
Looking for a pat on the back, are ya now?
After reading the op, I too was wondering if they were seeking validation.
I guess your advice was good, but on something small like this why do you need validation?
Sirsholly, simply, no, I wasn't looking for a pat on the back. I think if you reread my original post, you'll find that I was seeking input with regard to my exchange with this person.
Oceanwinds, two things:
First and foremost, just because someone else said what you were thinking doesn't make it true. Feel free to check your premises.
Second, what if I am seeking a little bit of validation? The conversation I had with this young novice made me realize that I've accrued some experience, and am in a position to impart some of that value to those who are seeking, as I seek. Isn't it a good thing to encourage and guide those who've screwed up a bit, and need to be straightened out?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
if this is a question about transition then so be it and my thoughts are this.
i would never pass a judgment on how long, through what medium, (ie alt.com, real life, hormones, surgery, the harsh decks of the sinkng NHS or any other means) for a person to trans gender.
Al i feel can be summoned up in this phrase: an opportunity to practice being a woman is sacred time.
And i would pass no judgment.
Prinsexx, I may have misread your post, but it seems to me that you're inferring that creating a false profile on a personals site is acceptable. If that's the case, I disagree--I believe it's dishonest, as well as a form of lying. Dishonesty and lying are bad things, in Becky's case, in my opinion, because he's still forming his identity. It's important for him to say, "I am a male, I enjoy dressing up as a woman," to himself and to others, so that he can find support, play partners, like-minded people. Advertising himself as a woman isn't constructive, honest, or realistic.
I do, however, agree that practicing being a woman via honest means is important for him, so that he can grow as the person he is. I wasn't being judgmental--in fact, I was encouraging about it. We all have a certain amount of difficulty reconciling the "vanilla" and kinky parts of our lives. Roleplaying is wonderful. Lying is objectionable.
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ORIGINAL: peppermint
(pats you on head) You were a good boy.
Peppermint--thanks! ^_^
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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I am really confused, maybe it is just end of week brain overload. Was there two people and one had a false profile, or one person?
LaTigresse--all apologies for the ambiguity. One person, one false profile. The "Domme" was an alter-ego.
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ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Putting some one elses business all over the place, this site or otherwise, I find it disrespectful and self serving.
Cat, that's quaint--I find your condescencion disrespectful and self-serving!
So let me get your "point of view" straight: it's not alright to look for guidance, with regard to training and mentoring someone? Oh, I'm sorry! Let's imagine Becky is my sub. Is it "disrespectful and self-serving" now? Check your premises, and while you're at it, check your tone.
quote:
ORIGINAL: IronBear
Such comments are not what I would expect from someone who in their profile identifies as a slave. I may expect it from a bratty sub on rare occasions. I, personally for one would not bother to give any assistance to such a rude and ignorant attention seeking person.
IronBear--it's a good thing for me, then, that I'm in no way, shape, or form required to abide by your expectations! It would have been more accurate to say "Such comments are not what I would expect from someone who IS MY SLAVE": expecting someone who identifies as a submissive or slave to behave as one toward any and all comers is, at best, silly--and at worst, quite telling.
In my vanilla life, I'm expected to be dominant. You're not part of my BDSM life. Should I kneel at your feet? Should I call you "Sir"? If you show me that you deserve respect, and it will be returned in kind, but frankly and simply, you don't merit any of the aforementioned. I think you'll find (if you read the entirety of the thread) that I didn't throw the first stone. Frankly, my identity is not relevant to this thread--it was entered into the discussion by someone else--but while we're on the topic, I'm tired of being criticized for not acting the part.
Finally, if I were seeking attention for myself, you would have just fulfilled that wish.
Check your premises.
------
"The Dude abides."
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