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RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 4:36:18 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline 		This has been constructive.  I've got a warm fuzzy.

------
"The Dude abides."

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 4:37:30 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		S'matter? 

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 4:52:06 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Please spare me the wisdom you desire to impart.

And who appointed you the judge and jury to decide who screwed up and who needs to be straightened out?

Listen pal...we interact with each other. We help each other...many of us are friends in real time. We see each other through the bad times and share the joys in our lives.

What we do not do is start a thread bragging about it.

Sirsholly--
A.)  When someone steps on your toes, you decide how to handle it.  Situations involving you require a judgment call by you.  If you had something to say about how I handled myself, that would have been fine; however, you seem to have glossed over the topic and created a wholly irrelevant topic of your own. 
B.)  I don't see how your input with regard to the topic I raised is interactive with me, helps me to help someone through difficult times, or shares in my excitement at mentorship.  Hypocrite.  ;)
C.)  I didn't create this thread with the intent of bragging.  If you have anything constructive to say, feel free.


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Newlychaste, you're going to have a hard time making friends -- much less finding a relationship -- as long as you come off like an attention-seeking braggart.  If half the people on the thread are saying WTF, maybe they're not all lame-ohs who are misunderstanding the genius that is you.

Red, let's not start.  Please reread this thread and reconsider your post.


quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

Wow. 

Congrats.

Have a cookie.

No comment with regard to the content of your post necessary.  I think you'll find the door thataway-->

Postscript:  Someone said something before about not posting this thread on the Alt.com forums, where it would be more useful for Becky--assuming she still had an account (which she doesn't), and was able to view the thread (which she can't)--and I thought, "you know, I'm at least familiar with the CollarMe forums.  Maybe someone will have something to say about this."  I honestly don't understand why, when I post something, it immediately escalates into a flame war.  Maybe if my signature block said something about "f@#$ you all--I don't want to hear it!" I could understand, but it seems to me as though the "ask a simple question, get a simple answer" thing doesn't work here.  It's more like, "ask a simple question, piss everyone off by asking, and then explain yourself, defend yourself, or just let them snipe at you."

It's pretty sickening, honestly.  So much for tolerance, acceptance, and understanding.

------
"The Dude abides."

< Message edited by newlychaste -- 6/20/2009 5:00:56 PM >

(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 4:57:03 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I didn't create this thread with the intent of bragging. If you have anything constructive to say, feel free.
well then perhaps YOU need to reread your original post...cause it sure as hell came off that way

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 4:59:19 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

Wow.

Congrats.

Have a cookie.



quote:

No comment with regard to the content of your post necessary. I think you'll find the door thataway-->
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you will find that Trapped is a very respected poster on these forums. You on the other hand...have no right to show her the door.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:01:48 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Newlychaste, you're going to have a hard time making friends -- much less finding a relationship -- as long as you come off like an attention-seeking braggart. If half the people on the thread are saying WTF, maybe they're not all lame-ohs who are misunderstanding the genius that is you.



quote:

Red, let's not start. Please reread this thread and reconsider your post.


My guess is he will do nothing of the sort. Red says what he thinks and means what he says...which is why he is so well respected here. And i, for one, happen to completely agree with him


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:14:34 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
well then perhaps YOU need to reread your original post...cause it sure as hell came off that way

Reread it, and it seemed as I intended upon initial posting--an explanation of the situation, my reaction, and a simple request for feedback.  *Shrugs*

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you will find that Trapped is a very respected poster on these forums. You on the other hand...have no right to show her the door.

Sirsholly--frankly, I don't give a flying crap about tenure but, rather, the merit of the interaction in which I'm interested.  "trappedinamuseum" said something deliberately inflammatory which is, to say the least, not welcoming of posts by a new member.  To me, this indicates a degree of xenophobia--a characteristic I don't appreciate, and would discourage others from overestimating.

I see you've got a "condemned" sticker under your name.  Does that make you respected here, or does it just mean you have too much free time?  If I keep going at this rate, y'all will hate me, but goddamnit, I'll have a sticker, too, and by this logic, be "well-respected here."  But frankly, I just came here for some feedback.

Then again, I can't resist a good flame war....

Before you reply to this message, check your premises, and please try to show some respect--I will show you as much respect as you show me, and treat you with as much respect as you treat me--I may identify as a submissive, but that doesn't mean my day job doesn't necessitate the occasional old-school intellectual beatdown.

------
"The Dude abides."

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:28:49 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newlychaste
I can't resist a good flame war....

Do you find negative attention more comfortable than positive attention?  I've found many subs do, both male and female.  The "classic" female example is the fat woman with a feeder fetish, or the woman who at least thinks she is fat and ugly and engages in BDSM play as a way to receive sexual attention she believes she is denied in the vanilla world.

Similarly, some submissive men are afraid of being caressed by a woman, of being tucked into bed when they have a cold.  They feel unworthy of -- or unable to accept -- any form of female attention except orders and degradation.

And then femdoms scratch their heads and say WTF is it with all these male subs, they're whiny and passive aggressive.  But it's part of the package.  If a guy is uncomfortable with positive attention, he will create an environment where he is more comfortable, by stimulating negative attention.

You might turn this question over in your mind: Do you want what I just wrote to be a good description of you?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:29:27 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

My guess is he will do nothing of the sort. Red says what he thinks and means what he says...which is why he is so well respected here. And i, for one, happen to completely agree with him

My guess is that Red, being a reasonable person--which is surely why he is well-respected here--will check his premises, show due diligence by way of reading the thread, and reconsider what he's said.  Alternative courses of action include continuing the flame war, and ignoring it. 

Whether or not you agree with his opinion is of no logical consequence, for the following reasons:
1.)  Opinions are not validated by agreement, contrary to popular belief, with the exception of ochlocracy--government by mob rule.  (Democracy is a poor example even of policy validated by agreement, let alone attempts at consensus.)
2.)  Whether or not he maintains his position he knows full well, by now, that what he says won't be relevant to this thread--or to me--unless what he says is relevant to this thread.  If he'd like to have a philosophical debate with me outside this forum, I'd be more than happy to entertain this wish; however, it's not appropriate here, and I won't entertain it.  (By the way, this is the basis for my apparently snide comments.)
3.)  If he changes his stance with regard to my candor, would you consider changing yours, based on his standing in these forums?   Agreement is intellectually dangerous.  Perhaps you'd like to state your viewpoint, so that I can respond to your viewpoint.  (Again, this forum is not the appropriate venue--please recall that Becky is the topic of discussion, here.)

------
"The Dude abides."

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:34:13 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I love conversations with several layers, tangents, inside jokes, excitement, interruption, apologies, and getting back to where we left off. I love listening to people reminisce. I interact with the world in the way of a child, a journalist, and an adventurer


and

quote:

Anyone with thoughts, comments, or questions, I'd love to hear them.


one quote from your profile, the other from this posting. you are GETTING conversations with simple layers and layers that you have no idea about, because you don't know the back-history of many people who have responded to you. temperance in your return comments could allow you some of that insight. i agree, though, you are interacting with the world in the way of a child and a journalist. not wide eyed and taking notes, but with an inability to see outside your experiences (in this case, with other posters) and looking for "sound bytes" that resonate with what you want to hear and process.

and the "check your premisese"? puhlease. repeating it endlessly does not give it some deep meaning.


_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub


(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:38:49 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: newlychaste
I can't resist a good flame war....

Do you find negative attention more comfortable than positive attention?  I've found many subs do, both male and female.  The "classic" female example is the fat woman with a feeder fetish, or the woman who at least thinks she is fat and ugly and engages in BDSM play as a way to receive sexual attention she believes she is denied in the vanilla world.

Similarly, some submissive men are afraid of being caressed by a woman, of being tucked into bed when they have a cold.  They feel unworthy of -- or unable to accept -- any form of female attention except orders and degradation.

And then femdoms scratch their heads and say WTF is it with all these male subs, they're whiny and passive aggressive.  But it's part of the package.  If a guy is uncomfortable with positive attention, he will create an environment where he is more comfortable, by stimulating negative attention.

You might turn this question over in your mind: Do you want what I just wrote to be a good description of you?


Red--that's the stuff.  ;)  Still not on topic, but the that's buried, so what the hell.

Honestly, I can appreciate your perspective with regard to me, and understand that you might think I'm stimulating negative attention.  You've made an astute observation, and have asked a basically valid question.  I'll consider it.  Thanks.

------
"The Dude abides."

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:41:40 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		By the way, if you go to the upper right of the main forum screen, you'll see a link named "My Profile."  If you click it, you can set your signature so you don't have to retype your Lebowski quote every time.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:47:14 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

one quote from your profile, the other from this posting. you are GETTING conversations with simple layers and layers that you have no idea about, because you don't know the back-history of many people who have responded to you. temperance in your return comments could allow you some of that insight. i agree, though, you are interacting with the world in the way of a child and a journalist. not wide eyed and taking notes, but with an inability to see outside your experiences (in this case, with other posters) and looking for "sound bytes" that resonate with what you want to hear and process.

and the "check your premisese"? puhlease. repeating it endlessly does not give it some deep meaning.

Angel--checking your premises is an important part of realizing that you are wrong.  Needless to say, I never need to do it, as my premises are rock solid.

Yes, I'm kidding.

Honestly, though, the back-history of other posters on this message board doesn't exempt them from conversation in a civil manner.  Nor does it exempt you from conversation in a civil manner.  You can't reasonably expect anyone to learn a moderate amount about everyone on these boards before they ask a question, or to learn the nuances of the tenured posters' senses of humor.

I find it offensive that you should suggest that I'm only here to hear feedback that I agree with.  In your life, you may have encountered examples of giving and receiving positive and negative feedback.  I think you'll find that the only feedback--positive or negative--that is relevant to the intended party is delivered civilly.  I thrive on civil, constructive criticism.  If you have any to offer, I'll be happy to hear it; however, if you judge me out of hand, I'll just cuss you.  That's how it works.

"Hey, what do you think of the President?  I like him.  In fact, I voted for him." 
"You're poor and smelly."
"Well, you're a bitch!"
"Mommy!!! This smelly poor boy just called me a bitch, AND he's a hippie scumbag!"

Oh, how I love to win friends and influence people.  *grin*

------
"The Dude abides."

< Message edited by newlychaste -- 6/20/2009 6:00:00 PM >

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:50:14 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

By the way, if you go to the upper right of the main forum screen, you'll see a link named "My Profile."  If you click it, you can set your signature so you don't have to retype your Lebowski quote every time.

*Grin*  I prefer retyping it, actually.  It's short, but it gives me a moment to consider what I'm about to post before I do.  (Believe it or not, I actually do that, lol.)  It's along the lines of licking an envelope, I guess.

------
"The Dude abides."  (retyped by hand, with love)

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:51:44 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline 		.... technical difficulties.  ^_^ 

------
"The Dude abides."


< Message edited by newlychaste -- 6/20/2009 5:53:12 PM >

(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 5:53:38 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		i was very civil to you. it may have been feed back you feel has no relevance, therefore you can ignore it, but i think you'll find most of your responders have said much the same thing in various ways that suit their personalities.

before i started responding, i read a LOT on the boards both on this side and in the P&RS side. I noted who were people who responded reasonably even though disagreeing vehemently, and followed their postings through numerous threads. I had a fair idea who would be vulgar and harsh yet have a point, and those who were just vulgar.

I also found those who would not accept criticisms of themselves or their postings. they took things very personally. if you're going to post, accept that in most cases you cannot take responses personally. otherwise you likely won't be around long enough for us to see the humorous, caring side of yourself that you tried to show through in your OP.

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub


(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 6:14:27 PM   
newlychaste


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

i was very civil to you. it may have been feed back you feel has no relevance, therefore you can ignore it, but i think you'll find most of your responders have said much the same thing in various ways that suit their personalities.

before i started responding, i read a LOT on the boards both on this side and in the P&RS side. I noted who were people who responded reasonably even though disagreeing vehemently, and followed their postings through numerous threads. I had a fair idea who would be vulgar and harsh yet have a point, and those who were just vulgar.

I also found those who would not accept criticisms of themselves or their postings. they took things very personally. if you're going to post, accept that in most cases you cannot take responses personally. otherwise you likely won't be around long enough for us to see the humorous, caring side of yourself that you tried to show through in your OP.

Hmm.  Alright, well, agree to disagree, I guess.  *Shrugs*

I can see where doing background research on the people posting on the boards would be helpful, but I'm honestly not that committed to being a part of the forums community.  Before everyone jumps all over me, I'd like to say that it's not that I don't think you're great, or that I have nothing to learn, or that I have nothing to contribute--I sometimes post on threads I haven't posted, and have posted precious few of my own--it's mainly that I don't feel like trying to communicate anymore, after I follow my thread down the drain.  :P  

Besides, I'm going to have a beer and think about Red's comment.

... sorry that response fell apart, at the end--I'm quite tired, sunburned, and frustrated about the boards.  :3

------
"The Dude abides."

< Message edited by newlychaste -- 6/20/2009 6:16:16 PM >

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 6:29:16 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		lol, fair enough.

can't empathise much with the sunburn, though, far too cold down here!

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub


(in reply to newlychaste)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 6:48:12 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I'm afraid what we have here is a classic case of what is described in the following post:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2660698
**********************************************************
"and now for something completely different..."

That being said, there is a reason that our boards have gotten somewhat of a reputation for being, let's just say unfriendly. If long time posters continue to circle the wagons and beat down every new member whose OP grates on their nerves, all the while telling said OP they "better get a thicker skin" or some such thing, this place is going to continue to get awfully empty...
Certainly you guys must realize that, at times, we longtime posters display a kind of "mob" mentality?


*steps down off the soapbox*



_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 6/20/2009 6:53:16 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Well said, BSB.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 40
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