BossyShoeBitch
Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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Let me reiterate that I didn't make the original post in order to build up my ego.
Really? Because it truly seemed that way to me.
But honestly, if you had that would have been ok. It’s just that it usually works better when you know the other people and have an idea that they might actually care.
Granted, I was excited about the initial contact, and a bit proud of myself, but I wanted everyone concerned to have the background information necessary to formulate their own thoughts.
Then it might have been prudent to stick to the information and to pat yourself on the back in private.
Off the top of my head, here are a few questions to which I would like your responses:
1. Do you believe it's ethical to create a false profile on a (real life people) personal site, and portray yourself according to the false profile? If so, to what extent, and why?
Honestly, I believe that on this or any other site, let the buyer beware. Up to a point, it’s all make believe. TO ME, the moment that it does become real is when you’ve made that one on one connection with someone. It is at that point that it becomes unethical to continue the charade because people’s feelings and emotions have become involved and not revealing the truth at that point, TO ME, makes the person a jerk.
2. If someone with whom you had been communicating revealed, intentionally or unintentionally, that they're not who they said they were, how might you react?
Like I stated above, depends on at what point in our communications they revealed the truth. I am pretty good at not flying off the handle (although some might disagree with that).
3. If someone half-wittingly wanted you to find out that they were portraying themselves as something other than they are in order that someone find out, how might you react?
Depends on the role (if any) they had in my life and which truth I knew about them. For purposes of this discussion, I am going to assume no romantic involvement here either way.
For instance, if in my real life:
I only knew Becky as Bob, but Bob often left little Easter eggs for me (regarding his alter ego) to find because he was too insecure to tell me himself, I would discuss the Easter eggs with him and let him know that it’s safe (emotionally speaking) to talk to me about his secrets. But that being anything other than direct with me from that point on would constitute playing games with me and I don’t tolerate games.
Or if I only knew them online:
I wouldn’t react at all. I wouldn’t necessarily care, and on top of that I wouldn’t care to invest a moment of my time to indulge a stranger’s game.
4. How do you tell a 19-year-old with no BDSM experience who's ashamed of their interest that it's alright, and that they should explore that aspect of their personality? (Especially considering starting with a kink whose core element is shame--"you don't have to be ashamed to want to be ashamed" is counterintuitive.)
I wouldn’t really have to tell them that it’s all right. They would be able to tell by the, “Really?? That’s so freaking COOL! Boy do I have a lot of stories for you!! And by the way, there is this really cool website I’ve belonged to for a couple of years that you HAVE to see! I’ve made some amazing friends there and learned an unbelievable amount about this stuff! Hey, you should come to the next Fetish Factory party with my friends and me! There are also all of these places here that offer classes on almost all of the mental and physical aspects of this stuff. It’s the COOLEST thing, and aside from that, all this stuff is so fucking interesting to boot!!”
5. If you were approached by a 19-year-old with no BDSM experience who wants someone to tell him, "Oh, you don't have any panties? You should go out and get some," to what extent would you encourage him to jump into it? Bear in mind he lives with his parents.
I would still encourage them to read books, join CM and fetlife, and go to munches and parties.. It makes no difference whether they live with their parents. At 19, they would have learned to keep their private life, private from those they don’t want to know.
6. Becky used to mention, in a sneaky way, that he's interested in cross-dressing to people he knows--just to hear the truth said out loud, but really hoping that the comment would go unnoticed. For a submissive to mention liking being spanked to sound the waters is one thing, seeking a positive response.
How might you react to a comment about a submissive liking cross-dressing?
About the same way I’d react to a comment about a submissive liking sugar in their tea.
Would you encourage him to continue that behavior or not?
I would discourage the behavior. You never know when you may trip someone’s “homophobic trigger” and get a violent reaction.
What would you suggest instead (if anything)? Besides reading, websites, munches and parties, I don’t know that I would care to suggest ideas to help them get their jollies.
7. To what extent might you encourage a submissive in whom you have little to no interest, for his or her own experience with a particular thing? (e.g., A sub is interested is being penetrated. Do you encourage him to buy plugs? If so, what else? If so, how closely do you monitor the progress? Et. al.)
Again, depends on whether we are close friends or not. With a close friend, I am a great partner in crime.
With an acquaintance, I couldn’t say what type of encouragement, if any, I would be willing to give.
8. Do you have any particular input about cross-dressing? Pitfalls to consider, things to do that most people wouldn't think of, et. al.
Nope. Not a one.
9. Is it appropriate for me to mentor this person, knowing not terribly much about cross-dressing, or should I just leave it alone? (Consider the false profile, and wanting to be discovered.) If the latter, are you aware of any particularly valuable cross-dressing websites, books, video games, movies, etc.?
I hate the word “mentor”. For some reason it makes me bring an image of a sponsor in a 12 step program. If by wanting to mentor Becky, you mean you want to befriend her and help her find her way in WiiTWD and navigate the sometimes treacherous waters, then I think that’s a very nice thing to want to do.
If the latter, are you aware of any particularly valuable cross-dressing websites, books, video games, movies, etc.?
NOW THAT would be a good thread for you to start. There are many well respected people here who are TV/TG and could provide a wealth of information for Becky.
With regard to the conversation surrounding this thread, is it absolutely necessary to be so specific, in order not to be accused of self-aggrandizement?
YEP. Sorry dude, but HOW you say it is equally as important as WHAT you say.
< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 6/21/2009 7:53:38 AM >
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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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RE: Good Luck, Becky. - 
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