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RE: Banned Friendships - 6/24/2009 6:46:15 AM

Drakontos

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

"In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN"
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

zaphira can understand the thinking that would go behind this assumption; however, she must point out that not always is it a sign of an abusive relationship. Master cut this slave off from all friendships, and all family for over a year, after she begged his collar. There was nothing abusive about it all. It was simply his way of making sure that the dynamic's of our relationship were in place and practiced.

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Drakontos
zaphira

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(in reply to GotSteel)

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Post #: 81

RE: Banned Friendships - 6/24/2009 12:01:52 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

While a blanket desire to isolate a sub from friends can generally be suspicious, keep in mind that concepts such as "healthy" and "harmless" are entirely subjective. I've found unacceptable and underhanded behavior in individuals that many others seemed readily complacent to or accepting of.

Realistically, this shouldn't even be an issue since at the moment the sub has chosen to devote themselves they've presumably done so with the feeling that their D-type makes competent decisions which may possibly even conflict with those they'd make themselves.

This is what I get for going on vacation...late to all these good threads that popped up while I was gone.

I agree. If a submissive has chosen to submit to the dominant's commands, wishes, desires, wants, needs, and his/her plan for their dynamic...whatever that dynamic is, be it full control or the beginning stages of a D/s dynamic..., then in most cases she has already recognized his "right" to make decisions regarding certain areas of her life. This can include control of her friends and acquaintances. As has been noted, a blanket ban for the simple reason of "because I can" doesn't make a lot of sense to me in most instances but then I read someone like daddy'sprop and I can see where it applies in their situation. Doesn't mean I agree with it but I am not living in their dynamic.
To get back to what N.Z. has stated...as well as a couple of others...I don't like people that are toxic or non-understanding of the dynamic and would tend to strongly disapprove of my submissive being involved with them and the first sign that the friendship with such people was creating confusion or disobedience or questioning of my plan/our dynamic within my submissive would meet with a ban of that person.
I also agree that during training periods or periods in which the dynamic is in an upheaval or a delicate balance are times when contact with friends would be restricted.
A submissive who cannot understand that point of view would not have to worry about it because she would not be under my consideration of entering into a long-term relationship with.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

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Post #: 82

RE: Banned Friendships - 6/25/2009 11:13:57 AM

maia09

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

One of the things I am always intrigued about is the "banned friendship" aspect that I see all too often in this life--now I get it if the friend or relative creates drama or destruction in the submissive, but banning contact with friends, relatives because... well what would be a reason to isolate a submissive from seemingly normal yet vanilla friends or for that matter other friends in the life be they D or s? The only answer I can come up with is insecurity---am I way off base?

I'd like some enlightenment...

i have no desire to judge why any Dominant would wish to ban a friendship. All i know is that if my Master were to do so, i would obey Him. i would probably seek further discussion and may even bring it up again at another time, but i would obey Him. Fortunately my Master doesn't insist on this.

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She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)