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To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 7:08:00 PM

nevergrowdup

Posts: 86
Joined: 12/1/2007
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This happened twice now ...

Someone sent me a c-mail and made a favorable impression. He's actually read my profile and is making the case that we are a good match. I check over his profile and we seem quite compatible. But I notice that he considers himself an expert in his political affiliation, and that it's the opposite of mine. In one case, he listed my political affiliation as a hard limit.

Does it matter to me? Not so much, really. My three dearest friends (my BFFs) are all opposite me on the political spectrum and there's nothing but love between us.

But in creating a response back I wonder ... should I let him know, in case it is a show stopper for him?

In both cases I divulged, but also said that I didn't have a problem with it. (I should also mention that I addressed many other points in my response; this was not a one issue type of thing.) The one who said my political affiliation was a hard limit said that the statement in his profile was a mistake. In the most recent case, I haven't heard anything back (and it's been 2 days.) Not that I've been losing sleep over this. But I'm wondering ... should I even mention it this early in the game ... first or second c-mail?

Post #: 1

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 7:16:03 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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I'm rather of the opinion that deeply held beliefs are important to place on the table. As an example, if someone's rabidly anti-choice, well, they're going to be a really poor fit for me because I seriously resent anyone attempting to relegate me to being a walking incubator against my will. That particular issue often becomes political and is also often religiously based.
Perhaps you could playfully note the difference and indicate a willingness to discuss.
Davan

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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Post #: 2

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 7:45:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm of the belief that if it is a hard limit for him and he has it listed in his profile as such...yes, absolutely mention it to him..and then see where it goes for the both of you. Who knows..he may realize he likes you more than he cares about his limit..or he may feel he needs to keep to his standards and if that's the case then you at least found out early enough on that you are incompatible before getting deeply involved.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 3

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 8:02:17 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
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I think if someone has a hard limit something of major importance particularly in the area of core beliefs/values it would be important to find out early exactly what that means. I have strong political views but it would not bother me for a sub to having differing veiws as long as we can both respect the others views.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 8:07:06 PM

LyraLaLaurie

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/14/2009
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Well if it's just a play partner, I don't think it should matter at all...but if it's a relationship it certainly will :(

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 5

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 8:44:09 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I've always found this issue to be somewhat fascinating because some people really find it extremely important. It's rarely been of importance to me. And for those who know me and my background, that should be quite surprising. I have a Phd in political science, but what that degree has actually done is make me less desirous of pushing my political ideology on someone else and more open to pretty much anything because the more you know, the more you realize that a lot of it is posturing and people don't often live up to what they claim to believe in.

When I was with my last mistress, she had a very set political ideology, and I just never brought it up. I knew what she believed, and she knew my attitude towards it (this was back when I just had a BA degree in political science), but she was always enlightened enough to not really care herself, as long as I didn't start some stupid argument with her, which for some reason I find to be the result of people who have a little bit of political knowledge and want to press it on everyone else.

These days, I find myself fascinated by the extremes of other people and how they believe their ideology is so uniquely correct and will argue for hours against their ideological opposites, as if convinced that somehow years and years of indoctrination will come undone by a fifteen minute one-sided argument.

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Post #: 6

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 8:51:03 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

... But I'm wondering ... should I even mention it this early in the game ... first or second c-mail?

Ask him.

(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 7

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 8:56:29 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

This happened twice now ...

Someone sent me a c-mail and made a favorable impression. He's actually read my profile and is making the case that we are a good match. I check over his profile and we seem quite compatible. But I notice that he considers himself an expert in his political affiliation, and that it's the opposite of mine. In one case, he listed my political affiliation as a hard limit.

Does it matter to me? Not so much, really. My three dearest friends (my BFFs) are all opposite me on the political spectrum and there's nothing but love between us.

But in creating a response back I wonder ... should I let him know, in case it is a show stopper for him?

In both cases I divulged, but also said that I didn't have a problem with it. (I should also mention that I addressed many other points in my response; this was not a one issue type of thing.) The one who said my political affiliation was a hard limit said that the statement in his profile was a mistake. In the most recent case, I haven't heard anything back (and it's been 2 days.) Not that I've been losing sleep over this. But I'm wondering ... should I even mention it this early in the game ... first or second c-mail?

a) tell him now, even if it does end it.
b) tell him later, after you've grown closer and take the chance that he'll call it off after you've grown even closer
c) never tell him, delete this thread, and lie to him for the rest of your life.

I post my political affiliation (or as close to it as I can) for an important reason - it speaks volumes about me. It says that I'm a 'libertarian' (though an anarcho-capitalist would be more specific). What I hope that says to people who view my profile is that I feel that no one can rightfully tell another individual what he or she can and cannot do with his or her body and property - no matter how well intentioned. when I read profiles that have things about loving 'marxist philosophy' or 'socialism' or 'neo-conservatism', that speaks volumes to me as well. it means that person does not value the same things I do. I prefer the sanctity of the individual to the idea of the community, whereas they do not. they value the armed intervention of a nation for the 'good' of another nation whereas I do not. I could never be intellectually attracted to a woman who did not appreciate property rights and self-ownership. Fortunately my wife and I have similar (if not identical) values about such things.

now as far as my (hopefully) future slave/harem is concerned, I care little about their thoughts on politics, ethics, or aesthetics. they serve a role and that role does not involve intellectual stimulation or for me to respect their ability to reason.

< Message edited by variation30 -- 6/21/2009 9:00:48 PM >

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 8

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 9:11:02 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
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Y'know, it might be worth a shot to ask a prospective how he feels about politics. Even if I think that Rush Limbaugh is way too liberal while you believe that Obama is too neocon for your tastes, it's possible that we could both get along IF we know how to discuss respectfully.

It's like assuming that sooner or later we'll disagree on something so might as well force the issue!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 9

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 9:15:44 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

       I would ask. It might simply be something checked in a passionate moment from the last election cycle, or even a joke, the way I have "fire play" listed as a play off my screen name.

     For some, it really is a hard limit. To my way of thinking, that sort of intolerance is going to be a hard limit for me.

    It is very possible for couples to very happy and successful together from the opposite end of the political spectrum. I have some family of the previous generation who have been together for 40 years, and have cancelled out each others vote in every election (They even made a deal one year that, since they cancelled anyway, they wouldn't vote at all... then both cheated).

_____________________________

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That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

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Post #: 10

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 9:20:04 PM

nevergrowdup

Posts: 86
Joined: 12/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

I post my political affiliation (or as close to it as I can) for an important reason - it speaks volumes about me. It says that I'm a 'libertarian' (though an anarcho-capitalist would be more specific). What I hope that says to people who view my profile is that I feel that no one can rightfully tell another individual what he or she can and cannot do with his or her body and property - no matter how well intentioned. when I read profiles that have things about loving 'marxist philosophy' or 'socialism' or 'neo-conservatism', that speaks volumes to me as well. it means that person does not value the same things I do. I prefer the sanctity of the individual to the idea of the community, whereas they do not. they value the armed intervention of a nation for the 'good' of another nation whereas I do not. I could never be intellectually attracted to a woman who did not appreciate property rights and self-ownership. Fortunately my wife and I have similar (if not identical) values about such things.

It's amusing to me that your values (sanctity of the individual, property rights, self-ownership) are a bit contradictory to the tenets of BDSM ... since a slave or submissive gives up those rights. Of course, it's voluntary.

I'm not being disagreeable by any means. Sometimes it just seems a bit odd that I can be a feminist ... and yet choose to submit to a man. (Well, it has to be the right man.) I sound pretty effed up, eh?

As the original poster, let me say that I did hear back from the person I wrote to two days ago. He's OK with my dissension, actually. We've started a discussion and I think we have more in common than not. Well, it's early ... we'll see.

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 11

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 9:22:32 PM

nevergrowdup

Posts: 86
Joined: 12/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

For some, it really is a hard limit. To my way of thinking, that sort of intolerance is going to be a hard limit for me.

Good point. Seems like intolerance is the real killer.

(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 12

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 9:48:50 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

It's amusing to me that your values (sanctity of the individual, property rights, self-ownership) are a bit contradictory to the tenets of BDSM ... since a slave or submissive gives up those rights. Of course, it's voluntary.

I'm not being disagreeable by any means. Sometimes it just seems a bit odd that I can be a feminist ... and yet choose to submit to a man. (Well, it has to be the right man.) I sound pretty effed up, eh?

As the original poster, let me say that I did hear back from the person I wrote to two days ago. He's OK with my dissension, actually. We've started a discussion and I think we have more in common than not. Well, it's early ... we'll see.

my fiancee could be called a feminist. she believes women should have complete control over their bodies and the decisions she makes with her life. her choice is submission. that is no more or less 'feminist' than donning a latex ss outfit and engaging in hours of terrorizing cbt.

as for as my political views contradicting with bdsm, they don't at all. any bdsm play I've engaged in, no matter how debasing, brutal, or humiliating, has always involved consent from both parties. it's like me going and buying a beer. I have four dollars, the bartender had a beer. we both want what the other has and we voluntarily trade. in other walks of life, I want to wrap my belt around the neck of a sobbing, bruised woman and sodomize her until she forgets who she is and the woman wants to be brutalized. we both want the same thing and voluntarily trade. the individual's rights are still there. she is engaging in an act she wants and I am engaging in one I want. I am of the belief that one can never truly give up their rights. they can enter into a relationship where their master can tell them what to do concerning every aspect of life...but in the end, the slave is still the one who exercises executive control of her mind and body, every order she obeys is in itself an exercise of her self-ownership to fulfill her own end - her mater's pleasure.

and it's a good thing you spoke with him again, I think it would be best to air such things as early as possible. a lot of 'hard limits' and turn offs aren't as concrete as one might think, especially when confronted by a desirable woman.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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Post #: 13

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 10:14:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Of course you ought to mention it. Do you really want to hide what you are and have it come out at six months down the line and things end then? Isn't it better to discover a major incompatibility immediately before you have any emotional involvement instead of afterwards when the breakup would cause pain?

In my book honesty is the better way.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 14

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/21/2009 10:39:48 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Variation30, I am a bit confused on a couple of points based on your posts:
**You mention a wife, a fiancee, and a potential future slave and/or harem. Am I correctly understanding you have a wife and a fiancee?
**You noted that you could not be attracted to someone who did not intellectually stimulate you but then you went on to say that a slave's opinion politically would irrelevant, so are you saying that you do not intend to be attracted to your slave?
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/22/2009 5:35:37 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I'm sort of "all out there". It would be hard to have a conversation with me that lasts more than 10 minutes and not develop at least some inkling of where my general preferences are heading, politically speaking. That being said, I often don't even read that list of stuff on the side of a profile--I flesh out the details in conversation, before we move forward, so I probably wouldn't have noticed that we were on polar ends of the political spectrum through the profile thing -- of course, it would show itself soon enough, in the course of our discussions, if it was going to be an issue. Of course, I also don't regulate how any of my servants do or might vote. As long as their politics doesn't cause problems with their service, I don't give a hootnanny which direction they lean--if it comes up in the course of a free-speaking discussion, they're entitled to their opinion, as long as none of us get vulgar about expressing it (and that -does- include me). If it causes a problem with service, either they put it in their back pocket, or they find the door, and that is entirely up to them. I don't deal with poor attitudes well, so *shrugs*.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Post #: 16

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/22/2009 5:49:04 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I am a firm believer in getting a few key items on the table at the getgo: Spiritual leaning, nonsmoking, political leanings and attitude toward home and family--each of those have some hardlimits for Me, so I'd prefer to cut to the chase.

edited for typo

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 6/22/2009 6:26:42 AM >

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Post #: 17

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/22/2009 7:47:17 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i'm a registered republican with an open mind, TheEngineer is a libertarian who has run for office. we dont necessarily see eye to eye on things, but he DOES expect me to be respectful to him when i disagree in private, and for us to present a united front in public.

i can handle that. and my vote is MINE not his to choose for me. he said so.

i'd say yes, divulge it. especially if the profile shows one thing or another as a hard limit.

kitten

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 18

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/22/2009 8:02:11 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

If I were still looking, I would probably just put it out there in the beginning. If it's not really something that matters to you one way or another, then I wouldn't mess with it. Mine is actually pretty important to me, so being with someone that has the basic outline as I do is pretty logical. There are certain things I will not bend on, so being with someone that believes totally the opposite of myself wouldn't work well at all.

I guess what I am saying is if it's a subject that is important to you, you ought to bring it up...if it's not that big of a deal, then it's something that can be left till later.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to nevergrowdup)

Post #: 19

RE: To divulge (political affiliation) ... or not? - 6/22/2009 8:17:22 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

If anyone in my had been stupid enough to vote McCain/Palin I would have tossed them out on their ass.

It has nothing to do with affiliation. I am neither Republican or Democrat. I simply do not like stupidity.

(partically joking.......

)

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 20

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