PeonForHer
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Joined: 9/27/2008
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Since it pertains to the OP's enquiry, why not get on with it now?
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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
It's very difficult for a lot of guys to reach that point of "internal surrender."
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Time and again, it seems as though if the guy would just do an honest self-appraisal and say, "this is who i am, this is what i want in my life, and this is what I'm willing to give up in order to have it," everything else just starts to fall into place. No?
That's worth a giant thread all of its own, Panda . . .
I'm not going to start a thread until one of the chicks agrees to "do" me for it.
Quite right. We can't have them forgetting their place.
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You can always count on Venatrix for that razor-sharp wit!
I agree. I've always thought she has a nose for just the right line.
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Time and again, it seems as though if the guy would just do an honest self-appraisal and say, "this is who i am, this is what i want in my life, and this is what I'm willing to give up in order to have it," everything else just starts to fall into place. No?
I don't know that it does, Panda. I think subs have trouble reconciling the submissive parts of their nature and I think this is because of three main problems which are interrelated.
The first relates to being able to be introvert. That is, to be able to reflect upon oneself. We don't live in a society that encourages this. We live in a society that downgrades any such contemplation in favour of being 'people of action'.
The second problem is about being able to identify, within ourselves, which parts of ourselves actually are the submissive bits of our natures. Subs will not, and cannot, be submissive in all ways. It makes no sense. To achieve any success in one's life, of any kind, requires that one strive and 'conquer'. You give up a chunk of that, and willingly, as a sub with a dominant partner. Yet, it goes against the grain. It's not what we're brought up to do, it will jar and will not feel completely 'right', no matter how much our dicks or vaginas send fantasies to our brains saying otherwise.
The third problem is both the easiest and the most difficult, depending on how elastic one can make one's mind. This is that being a sub is about understanding that a chunk of you works only because what vanilla society takes to be mutually exclusive opposites are not, in fact, mutually exclusive. They might be for others, but they're not for subs. "I want to be forced to suck a vagina/cock" is illogical in vanilla terms. Likewise, "I want to be forced to dress as a woman".
All it is is two opposing drives in the head (and the groin). For vanillas (and a fair few dominants) this is impossible. "Come, come", they say, over and over again, in so many different ways, "How can you want it and be 'forced' to do it too?"
These drives can't be logically reconciled - not in the ordinary sense of what we take to be 'logical'. They contradict one another. You either 'enjoy' or you're 'forced'. You can't have both. But for a sub, one side simply will not push the other side away. So we have to accept that. There are various sorts of odd, far-out systems of logic that can accommodate the contradictions - you can pick it all up from quantum theory or Taoism, for instance - but, for my money, that's going the long route. The main thing to do is a) to see, properly, that there's a drive inside to submit, b) recognise it, own and accept it, and c) give it a space to grow. It won't kill you.
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