True submission?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

True submission?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> True submission?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:21:20 PM

Subbieariana

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline

Hello everybody,
I thought I would ask you guys, both Dom/mmes and Subs who have more experience about something that Im not sure how to handle.
First of all Im a female sub :) and Im in search of Dom. I have an ad and I've gotten a nice amount of emails and stuff, now there's a particular Dom that caught my attention when He emailed me. We seemed to be on the same page with several things, likes. dislikes etc. We exchanged emails and the like, but after a while of talking to Him, -never met in person-He lives about 2 hrs from me -it was clear to me that He wanted me to submit to him completely from the get go. I mean that would be our first meeting! I was a bit surprised and since I thought we shared a conection, I told him that. But he told me that He expected Realness, and that I wasnt allowed to question anything, only when submitting I could beg or ask for a certain thing.. nothing more. I kept trying to explain that I needed to feel safe with the person Im with, and once knowing Him I'll submit and once the relationship grows-limits could be pushed etc etc...but He was still adamant that if I was a True submissive that wanted to submit et etc that I needed to go ahead and do it...
I didnt have a good feeling about it...I told him I needed to think about it, He basically said goodbye-and that's OK I guess what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? Or He was right and after clicking, IM's, chats, phone conversations I should have submitted to him overnight as He had requested?
Please I would like for honest opinions, yet respectful. Thanks!

Post #: 1

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:24:32 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Try doing a forum search on "true submissives" or any close derivative in the search box on the forums. There's a ton of discussion...

Short version is, it's different for everyone. What's true to you might be bullshit to me, and vice versa.

If you didn't have a good feeling about instantly submitting to him, and didn't, then good for you. You just used your creep radar, and avoided someone who (most likely) just wanted to play silly little games.

Go slow. Figure out what you're looking for, and don't rush anything. Don't worry if others think you're doing it wrong, or that you're not acceptable. They're obviously not people you want to be with anyway.

Good luck.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 2

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:25:53 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Why are you asking this question? Would a sufficient number of responses here from people saying "of course you should have submitted to him!" actually persuade you to think that what you naturally want is "wrong" and that you should rewire your psychological innards?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 3

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:35:40 PM

VAcontroldom

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

Posted at 7:20, profile gone three hours later?

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 4

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:42:32 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

You know the answer to this one, take out your number two pencil and mark: None of the above.

Realize, this is not shooting fish in a barrel, its trial and error, relationship 101 and common sense 401.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 5

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:43:56 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

She asked for honest and respectful answers, do you think she got that? she is new, inexperienced, and its kind of scary to post when you dont know yet what is right or wrong for you.

(in reply to VAcontroldom)

Post #: 6

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:50:14 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VAcontroldom

Posted at 7:20, profile gone three hours later?

Wow. Profile's already gone.....i just checked.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to VAcontroldom)

Post #: 7

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:51:06 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

She asked for honest and respectful answers, do you think she got that? she is new, inexperienced, and its kind of scary to post when you dont know yet what is right or wrong for you.

She put her questions out to a mass audience, when one does that, they have to have the balls to deal with what they get and realize, she won't always get the responses she wants, but she will damn well get some stuff worth thinking about.

And as far as posting when you don't know what is right or wrong, how the hell will you learn? How many times did you hit the pole when you were taught parallel parking?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)

Post #: 8

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:55:18 PM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

She might have just hidden the profile.

OP, you did the right thing FOR YOU. If your gut tells you something, then LISTEN. He may have been wanting a play partner, and you wanted more, so you didn't "gel" so to speak. Submission for some is more than play. Play is easy to find, deep and meaningful is something else. If he could walk away so quickly and easily, then maybe the connection you thought was there just wasn't.

My advice? Yes, you may have been played. No, don't give up. Everyone see's submission as different things, just hang on till you find the one who see's it the same way you do. Good luck!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 9

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 7:59:47 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I had alarms going off in my head as I read the post. Then you said the words "true submissive".

The guy was NOT a Dom. He wanted sex at the first meeting. He never would have wanted anything past that.

He is just a wanker. Move ahead and find a genuine Dom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 10

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:05:27 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I am wary of someone making one or two posts and disappearing, too. I’m not sure what that’s about, but it doesn’t make me feel it’s a sincere post.

But that may not be the case with this one because she uses buzz words that someone who has been here a while wouldn’t use. Maybe it is a sincere request and she never had a profile available for viewing. That is an option some use.

So to answer her question, meeting someone, even if he is a Dom, should be exactly how it is when you meet any person as a potential whatever. Online, you should have gotten to know him well after a LONG period of chatting. When you actually meet, it is still superficial friendly talk until other feelings kick in…if they do.

How would you handle any date? I would have told him you didn’t want expectations placed on the meeting. If he didn’t agree, I would think that he was unsure and wanted to play without you being able to evaluate what kind of person he actually is.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 11

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:07:49 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

She may have just hidden her profile.

Why do so many people assume that the person has closed out the account, when it says "profile not found"?

OP: you used your good common sense. Congrats! Good job. That guy was a jerk, and you are well rid of him. Anyone who submits completely to what essentially is a total stranger, on a first meet... Can easily end up dead.

At the very least, you might have been used and abused by a total jerk, if you'd met with him under such pretenses. And a guy like that could give you awful diseases... Ew...

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 12

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:09:50 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I had alarms going off in my head as I read the post. Then you said the words "true submissive".

The guy was NOT a Dom. He wanted sex at the first meeting. He never would have wanted anything past that.

He is just a wanker. Move ahead and find a genuine Dom.

That really stinks, telling someone they're fake if they won't submit on a first meeting. I wonder if that guy is the same one who told me just day before yesterday that my karma stinks & I'm a true wannabe, cause I wouldn't give him my IM when he asked in his first letter? lmao Subbieariana, sweetie, don't let it get you down. He's the wannabe. It took me six months on here to be called a wannabe, you're way ahead of me. hahaha

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:11:59 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Yeah, I don't know what the big deal is about her hidden profile. She is online now. Maybe her profile was never available for viewing.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 14

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:13:34 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

I met a Dom in Birmingham one time, and he gave me specific orders to follow -- what to wear, eye contact restrictions, verbal restrictions, etc. -- so that he could judge what kind of submissive I was, I think. I had no problem with that, as it posed no danger -- either emotionally or physically -- to me.

Had he insisted that I "prove" my submissiveness by letting him tie me up and flog me on our first meeting, I would have cut our meeting short, headed back home, and never spoken to him again. Any man, Dom or otherwise, should respect your concerns for your safety. I believe you're better off for him to have said good-bye so soon.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:14:36 PM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

Hi OP
Welcome to the boards. Yes, you did the right thing for you. I do understand the need for confirmation, especially when entering new territory.

For those who found she had no profile and had to cough up an insult, many people do not have profiles, or like me hide it at times. Don't be so quick to judge someone.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 16

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:22:14 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

you saved yourself a lot of time by standing up for yourself and not agreeing.

move on and find a Dom who actually does respect you and have a genuine interest in you.

and i will follow my own advice, of course.

i have often gotten requests to meet with the stated or implied condition i 'submit' immediatly to play and sex.

i have always said no as i felt uncomfortable.

i have met with Dominants who i felt resepected me and who i felt safe with.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)

Post #: 17

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 8:28:48 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subbieariana
I didnt have a good feeling about it...I told him I needed to think about it, He basically said goodbye-and that's OK I guess what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? Or He was right and after clicking, IM's, chats, phone conversations I should have submitted to him overnight as He had requested?
Please I would like for honest opinions, yet respectful. Thanks!

Here, let me turn the question around for you. Was this guy a "true dominant?" Fundamentally, he scared off the girl. I gotta think that's not exactly his intended result which means he failed to get his way. In this case, the facts are in, the votes are counted. He failed.

Honestly, I have no idea whether you are a "true submissive" or not. I'm not even sure I know what that phrase means. But I am absolutely certain that he's not a "true dominant" and I'm absolutely certain you did the right thing.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 18

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 9:04:03 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

and that I wasnt allowed to question anything, only when submitting I could beg or ask for a certain thing.. nothing more.

Big red flag here. You do not even know this man and already he is telling you that he will not respect your boundaries. Using the word "true" is usually used by someone who wants to make you feel that you are not what you claim to be.

I am of the belief that since he is pulling this crap on you that he is not a "true" Dom. One who will respect you as a person, a submissive and respect your boundaries. You should be able to question things and if he does not allow it, then I believe he is hiding something. Perhaps he is not as experienced as he would have you believe.

Take care,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Subbieariana)

Post #: 19

RE: True submission? - 6/23/2009 9:32:13 PM

MakeMeSmile4U

Posts: 710
Joined: 4/27/2008
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Ariana,
Congratulations on using your very best judgement. The first time I met a 'Dom' in person I didnt use mine. After several weeks of email etc, we met, had a drink, and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I was very new and afraid he'd think I wasnt a "true submissive" if I refused. it wasnt until we got there and he had me half-naked and bound (loosely, but thats NOT the point), when I realized I didnt have any safe-calls set up and no one knew where I was and I was rightfully scared...I used my safeword. That was the only time I've ever used a safeword. Needless to say, that relationship ended fast. Months later I met my One. One of the questions he asked me while we were getting to know each other's bdsm history/limits/etc. was if I ever used a safeword. When I told him the story he was furious with that guy for playing head games with me.
As newbies, we cant really know what we're doing, we have to follow our gut instincts and go with trial and error. Even with vanilla dating, its rarely the first horse out of the gate that wins the race.
For me, I didnt give up, I kept trying and in the end realized the perfect Dom for me was the one who insisted we go slower than I wanted to. We are celebrating our 1 year anniversary already, so it just proves that good things can come to those who wait :)
I do wish you the best of luck!

_____________________________

"And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done, so I missed a million miles of fun"~Len

"Do all those things that you do to me, ya know what I mean boy... Do all those things that you do to me, yeah.." ~The Cult

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> True submission?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094