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ElectraGlide -> Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/24/2009 10:48:30 PM)

I have heard some doozies this year. I just heard the best today. A crackhead idiot at work said he was not at work Monday and Tuesday because his car got repossessed Monday before work, he showed up to work in it Wednesday, he said he bought his own car back for one dollar at a auction, lol. Lets here the best ones you have heard.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/24/2009 10:52:34 PM)

I had a guy that I was in a guild with on WoW in addition to working with him. he called in and said his house had been robbed, everything stolen
When I got home, guess who was playing wow?



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/24/2009 11:05:46 PM)

"I knew I was running late again, and I was afraid you'd fire me for being late, so I turned around and went home. And then I was afraid to call and tell you I wasn't coming in." Actually had an employee tell me that once.

I fired her.

I had another one invent a dead brother. Well, actually, she invented a sick brother, and made him dead a few weeks later when she figured she'd milked his imaginary illness dry. Then, after he was "dead", there was a memorial service. In another state. Which required an airplane ride. Supposedly. The day she was supposed to be back, she called - claiming she was stuck in Phoenix, because Northwest Airlines had bumped her from her 10 PM flight the night before, and it was going to be at least another day before they could get her on another flight.

I called Northwest Airlines and asked them about their flight schedule. They hadn't had a 10 PM flight from Phoenix the night before. Last flight out was 6 PM, and it was only 90% full. There were 4 flights a day, all 4 of that day's flights had at least 15% empty seats as of that morning. Even if anyone had been bumped the day before, they'd have had their choice of flights that day. Fired her, too.

The best one i ever heard of, though, was the guy who forgot to bring the Sunday paper in off the porch on Sunday morning. On Monday morning, when he we was leaving for work, he found the Sunday paper on the porch. Assumed that this meant he was wrong about it being Monday, that this must actually be Sunday, and went back inside and spent the day lounging around on the couch reading the paper. Which raises the question of how anyone that stupid can even get a job in the first place.




MoGa -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/24/2009 11:56:55 PM)

The very worst thing you can do is use a family member as an excuse to not come in. One of my employees used the excuse that his mom had died. We felt awful and sent flowers to the funeral home and everything. A week later, his mom shows up out of the blue to take him out to a surprise lunch. Was he fired? Oh yes.
 
Then another employee used her brother as an excuse. She said he was in the hospital and she couldn't come in, because they didn't think he was going to make it. Found out later that month, that although she was lying at the time, her brother did indeed die suddenly of a heart attack. after she lied about it happening.
 
Can we say Johnny-No-Fair (Or Play)?  Remember his dead grandmother excuse?
 
The worst and best excuse I ever used was the truth. I called my boss and asked if I could play hookie. I told her I didn't want to lie, but I just wanted the day off. She said yes and used me as an example of getting what you want, without lying to get it [:D] Two months later I was promoted to office manager. Go figure [8|]
 
MoGa



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 1:36:03 AM)

Several years ago, a temp started in my department.  I gave him a very challenging assignment and he did it perfectly on the very first attempt.  I complimented him and asked why someone as smart as he was hadn't been snapped up by one of the companies he temped for.  He replied that after a few weeks he "felt compelled to screw up" and that "there wasn't anything he could do about it."  After a few weeks, I saw what he meant about the screwing up part.

First, he came into work in jeans one day, when he was fully aware that they were not allowed by the dress code.  When confronted by our manager, he told her that there was a leak in his closet and somehow, the jeans and shirt he was wearing were the only things that didn't get wet.  Next, he took off work, calling in to say that his "sister" was in the hospital.  When he returned, he told me that his "cousin" was doing much better.  I told him he had said his "sister" before.  He laughed and said, "Oh, did I say that?  I'm such an airhead.  It was my cousin."  Next, he missed work one day and didn't even call in.  When he showed up the next day, he said to me, "Now do you see what I mean about screwing up?"  Shortly thereafter, the manager told him to gather his things, get out, and never come back.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 2:22:56 AM)

In Detroit, Monday morning, on an answering machine at a medical facility I ran.

"Kal…   you gotta' cover for me today.  It’s like 5am and I’m still drunk, I’m in bed with 2 girls and I won’t be coming in.  I’m at the Ponchatrain Hotel, room # 327.”

I was the clinic admin/owner and they were the blood lab tech.   I didn’t fire him. 



sunshinemiss -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 3:12:51 AM)

I was coming back to Philly from Illinois and got caught in a blizzard in Ohio.  Well, the next morning, the roads had been cleared, and I was able to drive the rest of the way back.back. 

I got called into the office and was written up for "making up" a blizzard.  My bosses at the time were very snotty about people calling in, and since I was calling out after being on vaca, they thought I was just trying to milk another day.  "There was no blizzard where you were in Illinois." they tells me.  "No, there wasn't.  But there was in Zanesville, Ohio," says I as I pull out the receipt from a hotel and the Zanesville newspaper with "BLIZZARD STOPS TRAFFIC" as the headline. 

*sigh.  They tore up the paperwork. 



sunshinemiss -> RE: Lets hear your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 3:15:58 AM)

Oh, and same job...

We had a meeting about calling out sick.  This many days, write up, that many fired.  You know the meeting.

One guy says, but what if you call out and you really ARE sick.   [8|]

Another gal says *I am not making this up*  "What if you need to call in and you want to keep your private business private.  Like if I need to call in because my brother just went to jail again and I need to bail him out, and I don't want everybody to know?" 

hmmm, didn't she JUST tell us?



Musicmystery -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 5:22:46 AM)

I was just always amazed that after desperately begging for the job, how badly they need it, will do anything, etc., they then routinely want days off (for which they weren't paid), call in, etc., then complain that I cut their hours way back and aren't making enough money (but still want days off, call in, etc.) until they finally quit and took their bullshit elsewhere.




GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 6:27:10 AM)

When I taught school in N Alberta a teacher called in and said she could not get in
becuz a skunk[:'(] was under her car...( she lived out of town)

The Principal said he woudl go pick her up..
she said..

"No it might spray you too"

GQ



HatesParisHilton -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 6:53:18 AM)

An assistant told me he couldn't come in because his girlfriend who'd been stripping near The Hungry Eye in SF had pissed off one of the Yakuza patrons and he had to help her skip town.

Yes, this was before CSI began so I give him some credit for this one.

I didn't give him the same amount he'd have gotten if he made the deadline though.



LaTigresse -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 7:04:27 AM)

When he worked here, my second pressman, a young man that loved the girls, called on a Friday morning and said he was going to be "a little late cuz I woke up in Chicago".

I said "Farley, you were here yesterday, how in the HELL did you wake up in Chicago?!?"

He replied "I'm not sure LeeAnn, I was downtown drinking with some girls I met and just woke up here."

I could tell he was still drunk by his voice and thought he was bullshitting me. Oh no, he really did end up in Chicago. A good 4-5 hour drive from Iowa City Iowa.

The University of Iowa is here, there are a lot of wealthy kids from the Chicago area that come here for college. He had hooked up with a group of them on the Thursday night bar blowout.

I've seen many Friday morning, walks of shame, but that was the best. The bad part was that I had to send the boss to Chicago to get him. He had ridden to Chicago with the girls, his car was still in our parking lot here in Iowa City.

And no, he wasn't fired. It was too funny to get mad.



Rainfire -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 8:26:00 AM)

[8|]  At Lumus' company, they don't even try to make excuses half the time. They just call in and say they drank too much last night and can't make it in. Of course, this is the same company that floors me consistently with their unprofessionalism and shit..... It's no surprise anymore, the crap they pull and the crap they let employees get away with. 



purepleasure -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 8:29:08 AM)

" I have anal glaucoma.  I don't see my ass coming in to work today."



Rainfire -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 8:58:11 AM)

[>:]  Considering the assholes He works with, they'd buy that shit.......

(But that's a good one - I'm going to have to remember that one!)  [sm=lol.gif]



SteelofUtah -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 9:18:59 AM)

In 2001 I was Captain for Southern Nevada Protective Services, We did Body Guard Work and Roving Patrols in questionsable neighborhoods. We were basically Glorified Vigilante Because the Owner was former vice and the LVMPD backed our License.

I got a call from my Roving Supervisor said he would not be in and could I please swing by his place with some chicken soup. He did not sound sick and acted like everything was fine. So I said sure and that I would swing by on 3rd patrol when I had finished reliving all the other mobile units. That was when he sounded disappointed and said "You can't show up now..... I really need the soup." I could tell I was on Speaker Phone so I said look I'll be there 3rd shift so whatever silly game you guys are trying to play on me you can wait till then and hung up the phone.

I was only 21 and was the youngest Officer let alone Captain for the company I took a LOT of crap from Retired Police Officers and Officers on Pension for being hurt on the job and they liked to tease me because I was young and fat.

Around 1am (That's 7 HOURS after he had called me I pulled into his drive way and saw his front door open so I want inside and called his name.

He called me back to the back bedroom where he was Handcuffed to the Wrot Iorn Bed frame and Naked with a Whole bunch of Poloroids around him on the bed.

Turns out he had been Trick Rolled, He got a Prostitute and she hand cuffed him and then robbed him while he was hand cuffed to the bed.

He Called be by pulling his cell phone out of his pants with his toes and then dialing me on speaker phone with his toes.

He has pissed himself while waiting for me. And I got him out of the cuffs and he showered and I took him to dinner and asked him why he didn't tell me what was going on.

He was afraid that I would have asked for some of the other guys to come with me and he didn't want any former cops to see him that way... Also the Prostitute was a Transvestite and the Poloroids were of the Tranny in Questionable positions with the guy. He didn't want to have to live that down.

I felt truely sorry for him.

However after that day he stuck up for me when the other guys (Who were technically my subordinants) would tease me.

No he didn't get fired either.

Steel



VirginPotty -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 9:23:53 AM)

Geeeeez Steel!!!  What a story!



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 10:18:06 AM)

At another company, a young man that worked for me called in with a ridiculous excuse.  One day there was ice on the roads in some outlying areas, but most of the DFW Metroplex was fine and all employees except those in the far outreaches could make it in.  He called and said that for some reason, the city of Carrollton in particular was hit exceptionally hard and he couldn't make it in.  That seemed puzzling because that town isn't that far out.  A few minutes later, another employee who lived right near him walked by my desk.  I asked her, "Don't you live right down the street from "Joe?"  She confirmed that she did.  I asked her if Carrollton had been hit exceptionally hard by the ice storm.  She told me, no, there was no ice on the ground at all in Carrollton.  I attempted to reach him at home to demand an explanation and there was no answer.  The company policy was to give a written warning rather than firing, and he got one.  It stayed in his personnel file.

Some time later, he called and said the window at his apartment had been broken and he had to stay home to wait for the glass repairman.  The next day he walked in with a box containing shards of glass to prove to me that his window really had been broken.  Well, that could happen to anyone, I figured at the time.

I ended up transferring to another department on the same floor and he got a new manager.  Shortly thereafter, he pulled the same thing on him (claimed his window was broken and brought in the box with shards of broken glass to “prove” it.)  The new manager and I were chatting in the coffee room and he happened to mention it.  I rolled my eyes and told him the guy had pulled the same thing on me a few months earlier.  Guess he didn't count on me and his new manager chatting.  He had probably kept that box of broken glass on hand for years and used this excuse with every manager he ever had.

That particular company required a certain number of written warnings before an employee could be fired.  In time, he racked up the required number and out the door he went.  I didn't have to do the dirty deed, but there were some written warnings in his file from me that counted toward the number required for firing
 



Rainfire -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 10:41:26 AM)

This reminds me of a time when I worked for a major cable company in San Jose, California. I went to run some errands on my lunch time one stormy day and we'd been hearing how there were flash flood warnings for the Guadalupe River. I left the office and drove down the street past my place since I only lived a few blocks from work. As I was heading down the street, I saw that the flooding had started and the flood waters were creeping up my yard to my door. Needless to say, I stopped and started packing things up in the house, after driving through water deep enough to go over the hood of my car.

I called into work on my cell phone because all power and phone lines were down due to flooding. My asshole of a manager didn't believe my house was flooding and that I needed to report back to work immediately for the remainder of my shift. I told him to go stuff himself, I couldn't get out of the house because of the flood waters. He informed me that I would be written up for failure to return to work and lying about the flood. I told him he could go do several very rude and unlikely things to himself and hung up.

Needless to say, I got an apology when they discovered I had 10' of water in my house and they tried to drive by but couldn't because the police had cordoned off the area..... I was off work for days cleaning that fucking mess. [>:]   He never doubted me again when I had to call in.



sirsholly -> RE: Lets here your best why I was not at work excuse, I just heard my best... (6/25/2009 12:42:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

" I have anal glaucoma.  I don't see my ass coming in to work today."
[sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif]



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