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BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:07:28 PM   
LdyWintershade


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		To be honest, this is more of a rant than a posting, but by all means.....feel free to give me your opinions and thoughts.

I have been on this site before and have recently returned, in the on-going search for a 'house pet' for my boyfriend and I.  The problem, (besides the varying difficulties of finding someone who is serious and compatible) is the overwhelming amount of bullshit I keep getting hit with.  So far, I have encounter several attempts to scam me for money, several males and Dominants approaching me - to spite my profile clearly stating that We are looking for a bi-sexual female slave, at least 8 different Dommes questioning my experience and style, two Goreans telling me I can not be a Dominant female and a plethora of men posing as women and countless subs/slaves trying to pack their bags and move to me before they even know my real name.....WTF!?!
No wonder it is so difficult to find someone to serve Us.  It's just bullshit.  Seriously, I came to this site to meet new people, form some friendships and (hopefully) find a slave or two for my house....why is this whole process such a cluster fuck?  In addition, I've tried to get more involved in the chatrooms, but NO ONE TALKS!  I go in almost nightly, and it's always the same 3 to 5 people holding a discussion.  There are in excess of 30 people in the room, but no one is talking.  And if you don't know the people in the conversation, it seems that you are 'politely' left out.  I just don't get it.
I'm frustrated.  I'm disappointed and I'm feeling unwelcomed in a place that is supposed to be for people who are not welcomed in many social circles. 
We will continue to make an effort here.   We've set a deadline of 1 year in which to make some progress, beyond that I guess We will just have to give up on the notion of finding what we're looking for here.  Am I wrong?  Did I miss something?  Or am I just being overly sensitive?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:15:06 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		You know, I've been here for a year on a solo listing, and I've had the occasional flake post and some scam posts -- but maybe because I participate a lot on the boards and have met some really awesome people through the medium, I've realized that the real value of places like this is in the capacity for a broad range of people to explore a massive number of ideas, and kick them around for better or worse, in a way that leaves the door open for new things.

Don't write this place off right away -- if you're open to possibilities, there can be some really positive experiences here.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:27:36 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		You gotta keep in mind that people are people regardless if they are in a bar, munch or online. There's always a portion who are idiots and this realm of WIITWD is no different. As many people will say, you have to wade through a lot of chafe to find the golden kernel.


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:44:21 PM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		People are people, some are nice and some are... not so nice. I don't know about the chat rooms as I have never been in there. but I have met some nice people in the forums. It justs takes time.

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:54:47 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Your expectations don't match reality. Just trying to find a partner is difficult enough without hunting the unicorn.

What makes you think any other avenue of interaction will yield results different than what you've experienced here?

There are multitudes of people in line asking/demanding for the same thing as you. Have you forgotten that any burgeoning interaction with someone is a mutual courtship? What do you have to offer that the tons of other unicorn hunting couples out there don't?

People like to place blame on the vehicle of their attempts to find someone when it actually has little to do with the results at all. With a large enough sample size, the results will always revert to the same odds no matter what medium you use. Pretending to put a time limit on the medium because you think finding relationships works just like shopping at the mall does will, at best, only further stall your efforts and, at worst, deter potential partners who will start getting the impression you're only interested in a stopgap.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 6/25/2009 7:57:41 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:57:07 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I just wanna know what the fuck is on your profile that in a short period you got all them replies.

I have been on here for a while and I haven't gotten HALF of what you claim to have gotten.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 7:58:03 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I hear you. I empathize. Honestly though, I have made a lot of friends here and there are a lot of good people to find if you are patient.

I also enjoy the Nigerians...

:)

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 8:10:37 PM   
vagabondduo


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline 		If you can't handle what the free internet offers, then you need to get away. 

What makes you think that Collarme is any different from any free site on the internet?  Of course there will be men posing as women.  Of course there will be whankers.  Of course there will be people who say they want real time, but really only want the thrill of online kink.  Go to yahoo chat.  Count the number of whankers compared to how many are there to chat.  Heck, even the Home and Gardening sections are full of horny net geeks now.  Then realize that the same percentages are probably true for all free places on the internet.  Whining and complaining that no one wants to play by your rules is worthless. 

Use Collarme as ONE source for finding that which you seek.  It's probably best if you don't use it as your ONLY source.  Go to munches.  Go to events.  Go to swinger groups if you are serious about that bi female.   Network with those you meet at the munches and events.  If you are persistant, if you really are serious and keep trying...some day in the next 10 years you will probably find your house pet. 

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 8:15:22 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Try other bdsm sites at the same time as you're looking on here. It's fun and each one has a slightly different culture/feel to it. You might find one more to your liking and maybe even find a better poportion of the sort of person you're looking for. Also, when you're active on several sites you avoid that deadening "I'm stuck in this awful place" feeling you can get from just frequenting one site. Seriously, being active elsewhere makes the bs that occurs on here much easier to take. :)

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 8:15:48 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Wow.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 8:42:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		When did you first start to date? How long was it from then until you met your boyfriend?
I'm betting it was more than one year. If you had said that you would never date again if you didn't meet the perfect person inside of one year, you wouldn't have had a date since before you were old enough to drive.

Beyond that, damn few people want to be the third, to come into a pre-existing relationship and be expected to fit into pre-existing pigeon holes. And that's what you're looking for. How would you like to be measured by those standards?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 9:05:02 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I just wanna know what the fuck is on your profile that in a short period you got all them replies.

I have been on here for a while and I haven't gotten HALF of what you claim to have gotten.

Steel


She's female, Steel, that's all it takes.

I don't bother with the chatrooms for the same reason - but that's my experience of ALL live chatrooms, a handful of people hold forth and treat the place like their own private meetingplace and everyone else either watches or cybers in private sessions.

LdyWinter: Here on the forums you'll find an antidote to the BS, for sure. I don't rate CM as a dating site, however. I'm advertising, yes, but i know my chances are slim to zero.

I'd say, forget what you thought the place WAS, find an aspect of the site you enjoy and stick to that.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/25/2009 9:09:56 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Have you tried looking at local munches or events? Might have better luck there.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 1:05:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm not the only one here who has waited several years to find a suitable slave. Better to have an empty collar than collar the wrong person. Time is your friend if you allow it to be and your worst nightmare if you think you can manipulate it. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 6:06:18 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		What I like to understand is the attitude of instant connection here or anywhere. I been on here for about a year, started with oceanwynds then switched to this spelling. I am not looking for anyone, and could care less about the cmails I get. I might be from the old school, I dont like instant coffee, nor do I need fast speed anything. I prefer to let life unravel by itself and see what it has to offer. There some really great material here on these boards, some things puzzle me, some I just shrug my shoulders and some offer much insight. I also am big on living gratitude. I for one am grateful we have CM and the internet. I got to meet some wonderful friends here, and this is always a blessing.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 6:12:13 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

I just wanna know what the fuck is on your profile that in a short period you got all them replies. .... She's female, Steel, that's all it takes.


Way back in college, in the days of paper, we did an experiment by putting an ad in a swingers magazine for what we felt was the "perfect woman" and the "perfect man". The man's ad received, like, maybe 3 responses, mainly solicitations ... while the woman, oh my god, the responses for the woman kept coming and coming and coming. And coming. We had so many Polaroids flooding our school mailbox that we used to pass the unopened letters around the dorm as a form of voyeuristic lottery.

One enterprising colleague even gathered up a prodigious amount of SASEs and took 'em to the Post Office for a refund (I didn't know you could do that ... and I've done it ever since to turn in my old stamps for new whenever the Post Office issues a rate change - thanks to that experiment, I've never needed a 1 cent stamp ever!).

That was decades ago ... when Polaroids and SASEs were the norm. However, I too I doubt the free Internet changed anything except the quantity, prodigious then, and probably an order of magnitude more massive today ...

Read any of my posts on the subject. Women and men are different when it comes to responses. They get 100 to 1 the responses men get from the same (contextually) ad. Face it. It's one of the many privileges of being female. Good for them!

EDIT: Typos


< Message edited by pompeii -- 6/26/2009 6:16:45 AM >

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 9:09:12 AM   
LdyWintershade


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		Well, thank you all very much for your feed back.  I appreciate it, even the ones I didn't agree with.  It is true that perhaps, I am looking at the site as too much of a 'singles' site.  I have enjoyed the forums so far, and the journals...so I guess I should simply enjoy that and let come what may.
To clarify some points however;
This is not the only site I have been looking at.
I am very active in a local BDSM Community, go to monthly events and do not have any problems in r/l whatsoever.  My problem is that I kinda established a reputation in my area as a 'slave trainer' and am now seeking one of my own.
The dating thing has never been a long process for me in life, (I have no idea why I've been so fortunate, I just have).  The space of time before my current boyfriend was about 2 months.

I'm not trying to be snotty and DO really appreciate all the replies I've gotten.  It's just been the way my experiences in dating and BDSM have been to date.  Maybe that's the problem?  I've become a bit spoiled and am too used to getting what I want...lol.  But I will consider all these things, and try not to be so impatient or demanding.  Thank you all for your input. :)

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 9:39:51 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Your expectations don't match reality. Just trying to find a partner is difficult enough without hunting the unicorn.

What makes you think any other avenue of interaction will yield results different than what you've experienced here?

There are multitudes of people in line asking/demanding for the same thing as you. Have you forgotten that any burgeoning interaction with someone is a mutual courtship? What do you have to offer that the tons of other unicorn hunting couples out there don't?


This.
 
My fiance and I have been looking, online and off, for SIX YEARS.  We have yet to find the right person.  Some have been searching even longer.  Come back when you've been at it as long and have as much experience with unicorn hunting.  Until then, you have no room to complain.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 9:43:24 AM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LdyWintershade

To be honest, this is more of a rant than a posting, but by all means.....feel free to give me your opinions and thoughts.

I have been on this site before and have recently returned, in the on-going search for a 'house pet' for my boyfriend and I.  The problem, (besides the varying difficulties of finding someone who is serious and compatible) is the overwhelming amount of bullshit I keep getting hit with.  So far, I have encounter several attempts to scam me for money, several males and Dominants approaching me - to spite my profile clearly stating that We are looking for a bi-sexual female slave, at least 8 different Dommes questioning my experience and style, two Goreans telling me I can not be a Dominant female and a plethora of men posing as women and countless subs/slaves trying to pack their bags and move to me before they even know my real name.....WTF!?!
No wonder it is so difficult to find someone to serve Us.  It's just bullshit.  Seriously, I came to this site to meet new people, form some friendships and (hopefully) find a slave or two for my house....why is this whole process such a cluster fuck?  In addition, I've tried to get more involved in the chatrooms, but NO ONE TALKS!  I go in almost nightly, and it's always the same 3 to 5 people holding a discussion.  There are in excess of 30 people in the room, but no one is talking.  And if you don't know the people in the conversation, it seems that you are 'politely' left out.  I just don't get it.
I'm frustrated.  I'm disappointed and I'm feeling unwelcomed in a place that is supposed to be for people who are not welcomed in many social circles. 
We will continue to make an effort here.   We've set a deadline of 1 year in which to make some progress, beyond that I guess We will just have to give up on the notion of finding what we're looking for here.  Am I wrong?  Did I miss something?  Or am I just being overly sensitive?


you're missing something and you are oversensitive.

difficulties such as thesd aren't endemic to bdsm or collarme...everyone has these problems in relationships.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: BS in BDSM!!!! - 6/26/2009 9:44:17 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I just wanna know what the fuck is on your profile that in a short period you got all them replies.

I have been on here for a while and I haven't gotten HALF of what you claim to have gotten.

Steel


She's female, Steel, that's all it takes.



I forgot that Pussy made people insane..... carry on .

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 20
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