CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
Has your bdsm ever offerred you a choice? A sliding door? A Vietnam versus Thetford? Thetford? Did you make the right choice? Do you always make the right choice? Did you make a wrong choice and what were the consequences? Life is nothing -but- choices. Even for the most abjectly kept individual, the decision to wake in the morning and move through the day is a choice... sometimes a more profound choice than what many consider a "major decision". Sometimes, too, the choice isn't an 'either/or' choice. Sometimes, exploring options without immediately committing to any of the available options provides valuable insight, allowing one to maximize the benefits and ameliorate some of the risks of more than one option at once. Nobody makes the right choice every time, and I've made my share of wrong choices. Most of the time, the consequences have been simply the need to go back to 'square one' and step out again on the other road -- it set my progress back a bit, but in the end, I learned from the experience and moved forward, and life progressed at pace, with only the occasional bobble in the road. On several occasions, however, my bad judgment actually nearly cost me my life, and -those- were real "sit up and take notice and get your crap together" moments. I am pleased to say that, 22 years after my last really, truly -stupid- choice, I haven't repeated any of those really nasty lessons, and I have made good enough choices since not to end up in a similar pickle over the last 2 decades. Most of my poor choices came from trying to be something that I wasn't, or deny something that I was... basically, being less than completely honest with -myself-. A few more came out of a genuine desire to try to do something that I really wasn't sure I could do. The choice gave me the chance to -try-, and for the things that didn't work out, I feel good that I now -know- that I'm not suited to XYZ (as an example, I paid a substantial amount of money to attend cooking school... only to discover that I -hate- "bulk", restaurant cooking. I'm only happy cooking when its' a small group, and I get to both share the meal and watch the people I cook for enjoy it)... and I'm also glad that I at least -tried-, plus I came out of the experience with a phenomenal knowledge of the French kitchen and patisserie. -Bonus-! Where relationships are concerned, sometimes the hardest thing to sort out is when we're not in a position to be -in- a relationship. We, as a culture, are so conditioned to the idea that people come in pairs or groups that we ignore opportunities to be by ourselves and learn who we are in a manner that will enable us to -flourish- when we -are- in a relationship. It seems to me that, with all the choices you listed, you didn't give yourself an option to choose "none of the above", and just enjoy being on your own and learning about yourself for a while before making -any- choice. One other thing that I think is important is that, when we are healthy and self-aware, most of the time our 'best' choices are self-evident. We know what feels right, and we are strong and secure about letting go of the addictions that keep us clinging to choices that aren't really choices, because we already know that they're not suited to our nature or our circumstances at the time. Many times, we rush into things -knowing- that they're not suitable, with the idea that, if we hurry up and 'grab the golden ring', we'll be able to adapt the situation so that it is more like what we -really- want. In contrast to the earlier thread on risk-taking, there is a point at which we move -so- quickly that we blatantly ignore the clues telling us that something either -is- or -isn't- a fit for us. Initiating new things is good... but it is also important to be self-aware enough to be able to let -go- of new things that turn out to be a poor fit before anyone involved is excessively damaged by the exploratory process. I hope these thoughts help. Dame Calla
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/26/2009 5:38:51 AM >
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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