Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (Full Version)

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lovingpet -> Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/26/2009 7:01:37 PM)

The fact of the matter is I could really give two figs about this whole things seeing how I've got my wonderful, yummy partners.  Still it drives me insane on a more visceral level I suppose.  "I want a submissive or, really a slave, but switches will do." AAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I'll do in a pinch is that right oh domly one????  Well phooey on you!!!!  Maybe I don't wanna come out and play.  I am worth more than a "making do" status.  Oh wow!!!!  You really will let me play too????  Shall I fan myself and faint now??????  I'm so overcome! [:'(]

And subbies aren't much better.  As a matter of fact, seems for the most part they don't want to let us play with them at all.  They can't respect us for some idiotic reason.  Whatever!  If they could manage to get past a freaking label, it would be abundantly clear what there is to respect and I don't mean some crap about being some badass that beats the crap out of them either.

Yeah, so sue me!  Something in a profile set me off.  Just some random one that popped up on my main screen.  I have no need of searching at this time and this clearly would not likely be the person for  me anyway, but do people have to be so condescending about it?  For goodness sakes, I can't for the life of me figure out why switches just have to be viewed as second class citizens of wiitwd. 

I have all the same drives that anyone else does.  I care deeply for one I would serve or one under my hand.  I work hard to learn and and gain both skills and insights.  I say, I will just play when I darn well want to!

Rant over.  Thanks for listening.  Please don't throw mean things at me.  LOL

lovingpet



Racquelle -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/26/2009 7:16:32 PM)

Ok, from a person who is not a switch, from the outside we worry:

Switches are not really submissive enough, or don't want to be submissive enough.  Some subs see switches as not domly enough.  We're also not sure you know what you want.

In this forum, we get stuck with labels, and yes, we are limited by them.  Do you find it is the same at play parties and such?

I appreciate your frustration.  Perhaps if you think of ways in which you might transcend the label, especially how you might communicate in your profile to transcend it...



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/26/2009 7:43:19 PM)

I have no trouble finding folks to play with when outside of the cyber world.  Frankly, I haven't found it too difficult here.  I maintain a separate dominant account due to this issue.  I am upfront about my switchiness even there.  It is funny.  My partners would never even whisper that I wasn't whatever enough.  There is no doubt how I respond to each that I have in my life at present.  It is also clear that I could potentially walk away from one side in the relationship realm if need required.  Just topping or bottoming would do if the other was abundantly fulfilled.

It only seems to matter here, like a screening criteria.  And it is not so much that some people don't care for switches.  It is that we are forever fighting the assumption we are less than and therefore not what a person would want in the long run.  It is a very hurtful approach to take to anyone, that they are disposable and an automatic poor fit.  In the end, like I said, I don't care.  I put myself out there on the line in the real world and that matters far more.  I am glad I found people who didn't need to pidgeonhole me so.

lovingpet     




allthatjaz -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 4:54:25 AM)

I think its more a fear on the Dominants part that perhaps we know how to dominate better than they do. God forbid we could even snigger at there efforts!
Lots of dominants get stage fright and so playing with a switch is far more nerve racking than with someone who (they feel) wont be testing them.
My partner never got stage fright with me, he just got on with dominating me because he could and yet I am incredibly fussy about who I would offer my submission to. He has also said that he's never met anyone who could submit like I do and yet he has had various submissive (none switch) partners before me.

I can understand that subs want 'just Dominance' and can't imagine submitting to someone who can take the other side of the kneel but to believe your Dominant side isn't pure and honest is just ignorance on there part. If they choose to miss out then its there own loss.

Some people sit down for a once course meal and some of us like to enjoy the whole banquet. Just be proud of your diverse capabilities.



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 5:46:47 AM)

Thanks for that!  I know this post was kind of out of character for me, but it really does just push my buttons.  I think it does so BECAUSE I am proud of who and what I am and it is just an affront to have people attempt to devalue that.  I'm all good now.  It was just a bitchy mood I was in.  I am just glad others might understand where I am coming from with this.

lovingpet



DarkSteven -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 5:56:17 AM)

In my black and white world, I can see two kinds of switches. Those who could let out their switchiness possibly, if the circumstances were right, and those whose switchy side NEEDS to come out every so often.

I'm a Dom looking for a woman to submit to me.  So if she is the former type, then she submits to me, and we're both happy.  If she's the second type, then how will she get her Toppy itch scratched?  I don't like to share.



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 6:10:41 AM)

In the case of switchie number two, I guess it would be a balancing act for the dominant to determine if the switch's happiness and well being could be met under his hand.  Could he let her top at public sessions some of the all too willing unpartnered people, if that was adequate?  Could he handle her having a pet of her own and set specific limits for who this person could be and what they would be permitted to do?  Maybe it is as simple as incompatibility, but that doesn't make the switch a less than or inferior entity.

My issue came with the attitude I see expressed often that switches are only half assed submissives or weak dominants to be toppled.  It is also very insulting to be told up front that you are only going to be Mr/Ms Good Enough for Now.  That hurts.

lovingpet



DarkSteven -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 6:41:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

My issue came with the attitude I see expressed often that switches are only half assed submissives or weak dominants to be toppled.  It is also very insulting to be told up front that you are only going to be Mr/Ms Good Enough for Now.  That hurts.

lovingpet


Interesting, lp.  You're miffed because you're not high on the list.  I think you should be miffed to even BE on the list in the first place!

No Dom should take on a switch for her sub side only unless he has plans for her to fulfill her Domme side..  Anything less screams "My needs matter, yours don't".



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (6/28/2009 7:00:35 AM)

I determine who's list I am on and thank goodness so far I haven't had to fool with people like that.  I don't mind that being a switch might make me an inappropriate fit for another (say, a dominant who wants a monogomous, private relationship).  What I do mind is this attempt to make me feel less than for being so.  Of course, I am too stubborn to actually allow that to happen.  It's like getting shot in the chest while wearing a bulletproof vest.  It may not be fatal, but it stings like hell!

lovingpet 



poeticfreak -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/5/2009 6:02:45 AM)

Here's a quick analogy of the way things are.  Basically you like chocolate and strawberry ice cream, those who only like strawberry find your love of chocolate disturbing, and those who only like chocolate find your love of strawberry disturbing.  



LadyPact -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/5/2009 11:42:22 AM)

Not a switch here either, but damn interesting thread.

The first thing that I have to say on this is, if it's just playing, why would anyone care?  If I'm the top and the other person is the bottom, I don't care if it's sub, slave, switch, or Dom with a maso streak.  (Some of whom really are quite yummy.)  Unless it's tattooed on your ass, what's the difference?

As for a dynamic, I can understand why it may not be a good match up for some folks for the reasons given above.  If the switch has needs to express both, and someone unwilling to share their partner is involved with them, there could be issues.  Somewhere along the line, that could be a compatibility problem.  I happen to be poly, so it wouldn't phase Me in the least.  However, if someone is monogamous and expects the person on the other side of the kneel to be completely monogamous, the two might not be the best fit for each other. 

By the way, I'm not attempting to say that all switches need to play both roles with different people all of the time.  I know that some are perfectly content to chose one role to be in a dynamic to be with just one particular person.  I'm looking at it more from the perspective of when a person wants to express both in two separate dynamics.  Otherwise, I'm back to My what's the difference theory.



LotusSong -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/5/2009 12:09:32 PM)

Please consider this:

If you are ill .. would you want a doctor or just someone who plays one on TV?

When your transmission breaks down... do you want a master mechanic to do the repair or someone who just always wanted to work one one?

There are people who just like to ride a horse and there are those riders that realize you have feed, water and groom the horse.

As angry as you are, realize that this is the conundrom of being a switch. The truth of the matter is- being a swtch does not guarantee you the best of both worlds with the partner of your choice.



kdmfl -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/6/2009 2:46:08 PM)

I'm with ya.... I'm a switch.  I enjoy being 100 percent submissive OR 100 percent dominant.  I don't mix it up in any relationships.  If I meet a woman who i(yes i) feel submissive to, the chemistry is right and a relationship is formed and i (little i again) become a submissive then i will always be submissive and never try to top.  On the other hand if naturally I am the Dominant partner, I (big I once again) will always be Dom and will not think i want a turn to be on bottom.  If in the right relationship that lasts a lifetime and I/i am one side or the other forever and ever, I would be extremely happy.  But just because I/i enjoy everything I/i can in life doesn't make me any less then a purist. 
All this said, IN PUBLIC or in a vanilla setting I am 100 percent for equal partners in an equal relationship.  I want someone I can enjoy spending time and enjoys spending time with me.  Sharing vanilla interests as well as lifestyle.  I won't be less then I am and won't be with anyone that is less then she is.   I don't need someone to tell me how to survive and don't have time for anyone that need me to tell them the same. 
Any and all relationships take good chemistry and a naturally blending of personalities to become that one shared relationship.  As a switch, I can just blend more then one way and be happy.  I have never been in a lifestyle relationship where the woman I/i was with thought of me as a switch.  Roles were clearly defined from beginning to end.

I'm sure not everyone agrees but such is life. 




sweetsub1957 -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 11:13:30 AM)

I don't blame you for feeling miffed.  A lot of people who are strictly on only one side of the kneel are judgmental.  Then there are those who aren't.  I've said many times that I used to have a switch for a play partner.  He was fantastic & he's still a fantastic friend, even though we don't play any more.  He Dommed me fantastically & in turn I would service Top him, calling on my need to please to satisfy him.  Worked out great  No judgment here.  :)  [:D]



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 11:51:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

Here's a quick analogy of the way things are.  Basically you like chocolate and strawberry ice cream, those who only like strawberry find your love of chocolate disturbing, and those who only like chocolate find your love of strawberry disturbing.  



Well at least you didn't choose vanilla! LOL

I just have to ask though. Why disturbing?



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 12:03:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Please consider this:

If you are ill .. would you want a doctor or just someone who plays one on TV?

When your transmission breaks down... do you want a master mechanic to do the repair or someone who just always wanted to work one one?

There are people who just like to ride a horse and there are those riders that realize you have feed, water and groom the horse.

As angry as you are, realize that this is the conundrom of being a switch. The truth of the matter is- being a swtch does not guarantee you the best of both worlds with the partner of your choice.


I am aware how rare a find a good partner for a switch can be to find. In some odd twist of fate, I have found mine and am thoroughly content.

I just get the feeling so often that no matter how deep and true the dynamic goes, if one identifies as switch, some just assume it is a role one is playing to be either submissive or dominant. This is kind of how what you wrote comes across to me. I can be a professional and a mother, but not a dominant and submissive within the same skin? Those two worlds are miles apart, but still I can live comfortably within both, just one, or neither. I may occassionally show glimpses that I have this other side to me, but only inasmuch as it supports the relationship I am in. If I am a therapist, then when my um comes to me deeply disturbed, I will draw upon that background despite it being a part of a whole other aspect of my life and personality. I can do the same within my relationship. Neither is a game, front, or role. They are ME.

I don't get two bites from the happiness apple. I joke that being switchie opens up my options and gives me a full buffet like Allthatjazz referenced. A switchie knows, however, that what actually happens is finding a truly good fit becomes very elusive just due to the chemistry aspect alone. Then with silly biases eliminating people from the outset, it really becomes matter of knowing who one is and that it is honest and pure as well. I wouldn't endure the judgements if it weren't.

I was only slightly irritated with this OP. Imagine if I were actually angry! LOL

lovingpet




lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 12:13:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kdmfl

I'm with ya.... I'm a switch.  I enjoy being 100 percent submissive OR 100 percent dominant.  I don't mix it up in any relationships.  If I meet a woman who i(yes i) feel submissive to, the chemistry is right and a relationship is formed and i (little i again) become a submissive then i will always be submissive and never try to top.  On the other hand if naturally I am the Dominant partner, I (big I once again) will always be Dom and will not think i want a turn to be on bottom.  If in the right relationship that lasts a lifetime and I/i am one side or the other forever and ever, I would be extremely happy.  But just because I/i enjoy everything I/i can in life doesn't make me any less then a purist. 
All this said, IN PUBLIC or in a vanilla setting I am 100 percent for equal partners in an equal relationship.  I want someone I can enjoy spending time and enjoys spending time with me.  Sharing vanilla interests as well as lifestyle.  I won't be less then I am and won't be with anyone that is less then she is.   I don't need someone to tell me how to survive and don't have time for anyone that need me to tell them the same. 
Any and all relationships take good chemistry and a naturally blending of personalities to become that one shared relationship.  As a switch, I can just blend more then one way and be happy.  I have never been in a lifestyle relationship where the woman I/i was with thought of me as a switch.  Roles were clearly defined from beginning to end.

I'm sure not everyone agrees but such is life. 




No one is guaranteed that I will be 100% with them. For me, it will all come down to chemistry and someone must be an exceptional example of dominant or submissive for me to respond in such a way. Then again, it is rare that I find anyone with whom I can switch within a relationship either. That takes a phenomenal level of intuitiveness about each other that doesn't come along very often. All in all, it is no simple thing to find a good partner no matter the dynamic that happens to develop. Part of it is being a switch, but also the level of intensity that I thrive upon. Such is life and all I can say is I am so glad to have found my bliss!

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 12:25:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Not a switch here either, but damn interesting thread.

The first thing that I have to say on this is, if it's just playing, why would anyone care?  If I'm the top and the other person is the bottom, I don't care if it's sub, slave, switch, or Dom with a maso streak.  (Some of whom really are quite yummy.)  Unless it's tattooed on your ass, what's the difference?

As for a dynamic, I can understand why it may not be a good match up for some folks for the reasons given above.  If the switch has needs to express both, and someone unwilling to share their partner is involved with them, there could be issues.  Somewhere along the line, that could be a compatibility problem.  I happen to be poly, so it wouldn't phase Me in the least.  However, if someone is monogamous and expects the person on the other side of the kneel to be completely monogamous, the two might not be the best fit for each other. 

By the way, I'm not attempting to say that all switches need to play both roles with different people all of the time.  I know that some are perfectly content to chose one role to be in a dynamic to be with just one particular person.  I'm looking at it more from the perspective of when a person wants to express both in two separate dynamics.  Otherwise, I'm back to My what's the difference theory.


Darn that scroll feature! I certainly did not want to miss responding to you LP!

I agree. In a simple play situation, it matters little what the labels are. I would guess that, unless they have seen me play in both worlds, no one at a party would have a clue I had a switch side. It would be irrelavant anyway. Like I said in my OP, if someone actually plays with me, there is no doubt left about my competence as either. If I have responded in a certain way, then it is just as real as it gets. It doesn't mean I share the same level with this stranger that I do with my partner, but it is nonetheless how I am most naturally inclined to interact with that person. There is nothing fake or contrived. There is no role.

Then we come over to cyberworld, where people only know you by what you put in a few blanks and boxes. Now it's a different story. I will say that those with an abundance of experience tend to not make such rabid assumptions, but most others will. Some will be in my favor, most not so. I don't care. If a label I am pretty much having to cram myself into is offputting, then we were not a match anyway. Some of the experienced folks just assume they can never interact successfully with a switch because of a bad experience or even multiple bad experiences.

I have said it about a lot of things, but it is true here as well. If you've related to one switch, you have still only related to one switch. We as a group all tend to function differently to some degree. Fortunately, there are a few who will follow paths wherever they lead. In this rare group, is where I have found a wonderful partner!

lovingpet


<<yes I realize I boo booed on the quote feature! LOL



onlyfreelycaged -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 12:27:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Please consider this:

If you are ill .. would you want a doctor or just someone who plays one on TV?

When your transmission breaks down... do you want a master mechanic to do the repair or someone who just always wanted to work one one?

There are people who just like to ride a horse and there are those riders that realize you have feed, water and groom the horse.

As angry as you are, realize that this is the conundrom of being a switch. The truth of the matter is- being a swtch does not guarantee you the best of both worlds with the partner of your choice.


I fail to see how any of the above apply to being a switch. Thoes are all about how much experience and training someone has.. after all the switch knows what it's like to be on the other side of the kneel, giving us the upper hand in experience.



lovingpet -> RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) (7/7/2009 12:27:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I don't blame you for feeling miffed.  A lot of people who are strictly on only one side of the kneel are judgmental.  Then there are those who aren't.  I've said many times that I used to have a switch for a play partner.  He was fantastic & he's still a fantastic friend, even though we don't play any more.  He Dommed me fantastically & in turn I would service Top him, calling on my need to please to satisfy him.  Worked out great  No judgment here.  :)  [:D]



Thank you sweetie! In my frustration, I hope it didn't sound like I was painting everyone with the same brush. Some out there are very open and willing to embrace who and what I am and all that means. It is nice to know!

lovingpet



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