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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 5:52:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
Unless I have absolute, unquestionable proof that someone is a danger to others, I will not offer up a negative opinion of that person.

Awesome story Evanesce!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 5:55:01 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, and have to wonder why this issue keeps coming up. It's like a bad case of herpes. We're not a state. We don't have a government. So there is no way to "police" the BDSM community. (Fuck, for that matter, we're not a "community," either.)

Frankly, when people give me unsolicited opinions about other people, I immediately discount what they have to say. Some people feel a very strange need to be at the center of all things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Ah another role for the Patriot Act, for the internets.


(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 6:24:12 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Awesome story Evanesce!


Thanks.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 6:47:20 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I agree, and have to wonder why this issue keeps coming up. It's like a bad case of herpes. We're not a state. We don't have a government. So there is no way to "police" the BDSM community. (Fuck, for that matter, we're not a "community," either.)

Frankly, when people give me unsolicited opinions about other people, I immediately discount what they have to say. Some people feel a very strange need to be at the center of all things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Ah another role for the Patriot Act, for the internets.




I am an asshole..... just an unsolicited opinion for you!


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 6:53:24 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

So in another thread there is a rather confused and confusing question on someone going from online to real life. Further investigation reveals that the profile of the poster overstates their credentials, or at least states different credentials. Perhaps English is not the first language of this particular poster, and they really are what they say, but it raised an interesting question in my mind.

What is the role of those who have been around the block in pointing out inconsistencies and incompetence? Is it our place to "mark" those who seem suspicious or insincere? Do we let the obvious ones go buy, figuring that anyone who falls into that trap is a lost cause anyway?

Just wondering what the thoughts were out there...

Taggard




Who polices the police? This is no different than shopping at a second hand store and telling someone what they are about to purchase is junk---its all perception--like Knight said--its opinion--one opinion is no more right or wrong than mine or yours--

IOHO's--there are some we would raise our eyebrows at, but that person may meet another's needs--when newbies ask Me, I send them to the boards, read and learn--eventually you get a feel for the person behind the profile, however, that only works if there is a profile, otherwise its communication and asking.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 7:16:24 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
my favorite ole Bear
Q


You are an absolute darling sweet lass. WEere I there ore you here, I'd have you 6 and that is bankable.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Oberonrex

I agree, as I usually do, with John Warren and with IronBear.


Thank you old friend much appreciated.

From a Gorean Master's personalpoiiny of view, I can only say that if you know and especially demonstrate or prove that a predator is prowling about a sub/slave/s you have no choice but to speak up. It is a matter of honour and duty to the community you are a member of. It's not policing or shoving your nose in some body elses business any more than it would be if you warned parents of a sexual preditor hanging about svhool yards. Is there any difference? IMO not really. submissives and slaves look up to Dominants and Masters who have their safety in mind and the well being of the community in mind (or so I have been told).


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 8:26:30 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

This is a tough one. When you are in midst of swirling lies, but ache to believe, it probably won't do much good to have people point things out to you. I've learned a hard lesson from the recent past. I will never deny my gut ache again.





Momma always said listen to those intincts.... hairs standing up on the back of the neck.... gut aches... they normally are a warning sign.... and one that should be listened too.


As I've seen others on here state... as I've stated... red flags to one.. are not red flags to others.... but I have to agree with the hard proof .... If someone was to approach me and ask me about Joe Blow........ I would only be able to tell what I did know.. for a fact... or could back up with the proof..... just because it's something you feel.... as Evanesce stated.. doesn't mean it' proof....

Btw... great example Evanesce......

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 8:29:36 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

I personally would have saved myself a year and a half of headaches, lost money and aggrivation, if someone, (which there was plenty of people who knew him) would have just told me he was a predator. I personally would have listened if i was taken aside and told ...jen , the man you are seeing is a known predator in the lifestyle, i certainly would have ask questions and made a decision to walk away. It is our place to warn others in a tactful way. my opinion....


Jenny, I know what you mean and I'm sorry this happened to you. The thing is, even if you were warned, would you have truly listened? There is an active thread right now on the boards of people warning someone to slow down and think of her safety first, but I dont think she is going to heed our warnings. I am all for allowing people to learn from their own experiences and mistakes, but it doesnt stop me from offering advice to slow down and take a breath when I feel that they are not thinking of their own best interest. I wouldnt stand and watch someone who was getting ready to run into traffic either.

_____________________________





(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 1:58:57 PM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Thank you old friend much appreciated.

From a Gorean Master's personalpoiiny of view, I can only say that if you know and especially demonstrate or prove that a predator is prowling about a sub/slave/s you have no choice but to speak up. It is a matter of honour and duty to the community you are a member of. It's not policing or shoving your nose in some body elses business any more than it would be if you warned parents of a sexual preditor hanging about svhool yards. Is there any difference? IMO not really. submissives and slaves look up to Dominants and Masters who have their safety in mind and the well being of the community in mind (or so I have been told).



Glad to do it my friend. I agree with you that if one does have proof, then one does need to act for as Dominants, Masters, etc. we do have a responsibility. I have seen (and heard) of where that worked and worked well. Yet, I also do have to have proof as I have seen some of what you mentioned earlier. I know of one Master who took a lot of heat, because I think he pushed things by encouraging manners, allowing service at local events (as in allowing submissives and slaves who wanted to do so to get drinks and otherwise see to the comfort of the dominants there), being a bit edgier than the then norm for that area, and -- I suspect -- because he was Gorean. In point of fact, he has provided me with insight and coaching on Gorean and related protocols for my studies. No one has yet shown me proof that he was a danger or an abuser, so I don't knock him. By the same token, there is at least one "Master" that I think is an idiot and a user, but since he is not an abuser I am limited in what I can and will say.

Maybe we should start a "Dumb Dom Tricks" thread as I have a really good story for that one. Probably have told it before, but it's still funny and a good lesson. Will even tell one on myself...

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 2:30:41 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

when newbies ask Me, I send them to the boards, read and learn--eventually you get a feel for the person behind the profile, however, that only works if there is a profile, otherwise its communication and asking.


Oh...Me too! Unfortunately, it also only works if the person they are trying to learn about also posts on the boards. And only a small percentage of us do.
However, I try to always refer people to the forums. I seem to run into quite a number who don't have the patience and feel it is too hard to do all that reading. They just want to find their Dom/me and get on with it.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 3:23:46 PM   
delectablepink


Posts: 94
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		i am damned disappointed -- i expected a thread on police scening.

delectable pink.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/15/2006 3:28:35 PM   
bear372217355


Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

So in another thread there is a rather confused and confusing question on someone going from online to real life. Further investigation reveals that the profile of the poster overstates their credentials, or at least states different credentials. Perhaps English is not the first language of this particular poster, and they really are what they say, but it raised an interesting question in my mind.

What is the role of those who have been around the block in pointing out inconsistencies and incompetence? Is it our place to "mark" those who seem suspicious or insincere? Do we let the obvious ones go buy, figuring that anyone who falls into that trap is a lost cause anyway?

Just wondering what the thoughts were out there...

Taggard



I think in some cases it all depends on the tone or the willingnes of the person who has been "deemed" incompetent or inconsistant.

It's one thing to belch out something you think you have the market locked on, as apposed to put forth a concept you think is valid and take critisism over it gracefully. Albeit, not all critisism put forth here is constructive, if you feel your point is true, then defend it with facts or case points.

With that in mind, an new comer may not realize that the information stated is not factual, and therefore make a choice, thinking that they are informed. When in fact they are going on heresay or conjecture. That is where the "elite" or seasoned kinkster comes in.

Their train of thought may not be factual or correct either, but it puts the original theory in a whole new light. It creates a shadow of doubt. It now shows that newbie that she/he may need to look deeper for those answers or information. Not just swallow the first tid bit that comes along.

Does that help.


_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:00:02 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Some people feel a very strange need to be at the center of all things.


Somewhere in the universe, a very small galaxy just collapsed due to an irony overload.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:07:03 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

So in another thread there is a rather confused and confusing question on someone going from online to real life. Further investigation reveals that the profile of the poster overstates their credentials, or at least states different credentials. Perhaps English is not the first language of this particular poster, and they really are what they say, but it raised an interesting question in my mind.

What is the role of those who have been around the block in pointing out inconsistencies and incompetence? Is it our place to "mark" those who seem suspicious or insincere? Do we let the obvious ones go buy, figuring that anyone who falls into that trap is a lost cause anyway?

Just wondering what the thoughts were out there...

Taggard



I feel that online there is little I can do other than be myself and use my logic and experience.

In a face-to-face community (a munch, a club, a organization) I'm happy to answer people's questions about others experiences and interests. If someone seems upset or unhappy, I'm that person that goes up and says "you look like you could use a hug".

When I was on the steering committee of a BDSM organization my duty was much greater. Someone who didn't meet our criteria for membership was asked to leave. Someone who was abusing other members was investigated, talked to and then asked to leave the group if we believed the accusations. Someone who was constantly complaining about things was asked to help out or get out when they got on our nerves.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:12:31 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Some people feel a very strange need to be at the center of all things.


Somewhere in the universe, a very small galaxy just collapsed due to an irony overload.

Taggard



Does this mean M.I.B 3 will be coming out soon?

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:27:46 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Does this mean M.I.B 3 will be coming out soon?


I was going more for a HHGTTG feel...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:35:46 AM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		the problem is when one person takes it upon themselves to police the community, it is by their own judgements. It often becomes a witch hunt. We have had it in our own local community where there was someone who believed he was the end all be all of what bdsm should be. He started attacking dom he felt were not worthy, and even went as far as compiling a "dangerous dom" list. This ended up being very hurtful to many, but noone tried to stop him. I say we need to be more tolerant of other peoples practices. I agree with what John Warren said. Give people the warning signs and let them make the decisions for themselves. We are after all adults. This is not high school.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 10:44:11 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		one person's nightmare, might be another's dream. it is not up to me to make that determination for someone

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 11:00:39 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		its sad that people think they have the right to advise someone about another. there are good points and bad points to this. i lost two people two this kinda of bs. check this out i was bonding wonderfully with a cool domme so. i thought she was flirting with other subs and doms did not even think anything about It As a sub i was supportive in her what she did are relationship was not open. we were focused on building things..
one day she told me to leave i was puzzled even devistated. found out later a sub who she had been flirting with had said some things about me that were not true after we split up they got together. he had been manipulating the relationship from the outside. a comunity can do that too. if they do not think a sub or dom or domme should be together. I have seen this happen. so i am very leary of saying anything to anyone about a person unless he has a police record thats the only true way to know other wise its just he said she said and when you create negitive ripples it does came back at you yep yep. ten fold sure does so its best to let people do their things and be supportive .like i said if no police record non of my bussiness. as it should be with yours whos to say whos right or wrong for a person .........................................

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 11:43:36 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

its sad that people think they have the right to advise someone about another. there are good points and bad points to this. i lost two people two this kinda of bs. check this out i was bonding wonderfully with a cool domme so. i thought she was flirting with other subs and doms did not even think anything about It As a sub i was supportive in her what she did are relationship was not open. we were focused on building things..
one day she told me to leave i was puzzled even devistated. found out later a sub who she had been flirting with had said some things about me that were not true after we split up they got together. he had been manipulating the relationship from the outside. a comunity can do that too. if they do not think a sub or dom or domme should be together. I have seen this happen. so i am very leary of saying anything to anyone about a person unless he has a police record thats the only true way to know other wise its just he said she said and when you create negitive ripples it does came back at you yep yep. ten fold sure does so its best to let people do their things and be supportive .like i said if no police record non of my bussiness. as it should be with yours whos to say whos right or wrong for a person .........................................


I think there is a difference between offering information when you are asked and just talking about others when you are operating as an individual. (If you are running or helping an organization there are other duties you have.)

If someone asks you about another person I think I have an obligation to tell the questioner what I know and give them my opinion -- they can do what they wish with that information.

I would have saved myself a lot of heartache if some folks I asked about a former partner had told me their opinions and about their experiences instead of just saying "I've seen him around; he comes to things regularly". I mean, I asked, I ASKED, give me information when I ask.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 40
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