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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 12:25:28 PM

LATEXBABY64

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thers a movie with mel gibson i think everyone should watch. on this thread. its about a teacher
who is difigured. and the comunity manipulated the truth great movie
makes ya wanna go hummmm :)

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 7:44:58 PM

truesub4u

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The Man With No Face?

or was it

The Man Without A Face?

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/16/2006 7:45:38 PM >

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/16/2006 8:15:38 PM

iamready

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Frankly, when people give me unsolicited opinions about other people, I immediately discount what they have to say. Some people feel a very strange need to be at the center of all things.

quote:

And I as a newbie have to say that I am inclined to be the same way. If I ask your opinion that is certainly one thing, but if it is unsolicited that is indeed another. Of course, by the time I am asking an opinion, I have usually had some sort of reason to be suspicious of the person anyway and am just looking for someone to confirm what I believe or what I am feeling. I don't know how many people can honestly say that they would heed the warning or advice if it is unsolicited. I know that I probably would not, altho I would consider it and then probably try and put together with things that I already know and then try to figure out if there is any basis to be concerned. I have certainly been wrong and there are times when I should have listened but chose not to. I can only say that I have gained insight and knowledge each time and have certainly learned from my mistakes.

kathleen

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/18/2006 6:42:41 AM

MizSuz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

So, we can choose to speak out, or not. At best, people will take heed what we say, at worse, we get sued for slander.

Fire

Newp, at worst you become the target of a compulsive and unstable lunatic who makes you their next pet project (gee, I sound a bit like I've been there, huh?)

I state my opinion and/or experience forthrightly if I'm asked or it comes up in conversation. I've been known to make a public journal some place and direct people there if I'm tired of talking (or typing) about it. I don't make exposing these people my mission (whether they believe that or not). I've never seen anyone thank another about warning them. Most folks have to learn for themself anyway and I wouldn't change that.

But no, I don't feel the need to go around saving the unsuspecting, overly trustful or 'innocent.' They have to earn their chops like everyone else.

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/18/2006 7:06:00 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
But no, I don't feel the need to go around saving the unsuspecting, overly trustful or 'innocent.' They have to earn their chops like everyone else.

I think that is right.

In all, I think far too much harm is done in the name of protecting the innocent.

I often feel like doing my best Mrs. Lovejoy impersination and shreiking melodramatically "But won't someone think of the newbies???"

Taggard

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/18/2006 7:31:13 AM

MizSuz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

"But won't someone think of the newbies???"

OMG, I just laughed so hard I startled my cat!

I come from the vantage point of having been targetted by someone I spoke up about. She went out of her way for two years to try to throw a wrench in anything I did. She went on email writing campaigns, she had others go on email writing campaigns, she embellished the story to the point that it didn't even resemble the facts, she harassed anybody and everybody that happened to be on good terms with me (that she knew about) and I had to have my phone number changed to stop the hang-up calls at all hours of the day and night. During this period of time I was also outted at work by someone anonymous on the internet, was it her? Maybe, maybe not.

Since she gave up and moved on she has had similar dramas with everyone she's been involved with. So I just sit back, watch and think "I tried to tell you." There is no smugness in this for me because I know the difficulties she causes and don't wish it on anyone.

Nobody thanked me for my trouble, either.

Had she not tried to get in my business I probably would never have confronted her. I'm not sorry I did it and would probably do it again under similar circumstances, but it opened up a huge can of worms that was a real pain in the ass to deal with. I would not go through this for someone I don't even know and who would probably never thank me for it, although they are likely to send me notes later saying "I wish I'd listened." I've certainly had a ton of those kind of notes for the above referenced situation. There is no victory in it for me, just sadness. The entire situation was a black hole, a total vacuum; and the only satisfaction I got from it was speaking my mind clearly and forthrightly.

The scary thing is that this person espouses enlightenment as her mission and lots of people have fallen victim to her very polished presentation. In the end I usually get that mentioned email, though. Very sad, indeed.

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/18/2006 8:34:48 AM

HoosierScorpio

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The only way we can police our own community is to educate every one what they must look for. The only way we can do that is to create a network of people and the only we can do that is by attending munches and events. I have seen and heard so many that their first so called Master or Dom never took them to munches or isolate them from events. We had a situation with a Master and as a community we came together to let this man know we do not tolerate his actions so he got the message when every group he belonged too was removed from them. He also got several e mails from allot of people saying his action was not tolerated in the community. He got a bad reputation with in a 24 hour period and the last email he received to the groups letting them know he would never practice BDSM in our state again. What bother me about these guys is they are burning out those who are truly looking and they get so many guys like that and they think every Male Masters or Doms are players. The key to any and every thing is knowledge and education so you can use them to protect yourself and those in the lifestyle. Remember there are so many on the outside who do not like what we do and they are trying to keep us doing what we do because these guys end up on the 6 o'clock news . This is the worst king publicity we need so they can justified why we they should create laws to make what we do illegal. We are loosing our rights all over this country because of these guys.

As for me I rather take my time getting to know the person and I never tell them what my skills are. Matter of fact I down play what I know and can do I rather let my actions and the way I play speak for itself. I also have attend allot munches and community events so allot of people know me for about 7 years now. I also have played with people in a public setting so they know how I play.

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/18/2006 1:54:40 PM

LATEXBABY64

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i would like to think that we can make good c hoices by learning about things. if people would studie more fbi profile types they might learn good and bad behavior . but this lifestyle attracts to many life in the fast lane poeple. i love karma just let the natural order of things take effect . your either a good person or a pile of shit that is black n white learning how to tell the difference is were time tells all and keep in mind not everyone is compatiable when lust takes over and rules us thats when we get into trouble i call it the i am so horny love you long time this i call factor H take the time to look down at where your feet are purrrrrrrrrrr
later gators

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/19/2006 12:19:17 AM

Petruchio

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quote:

What is the role of those who have been around the block in pointing out inconsistencies and incompetence? Is it our place to "mark" those who seem suspicious or insincere? Do we let the obvious ones go buy, figuring that anyone who falls into that trap is a lost cause anyway?

Going back to the original post, there is a web site called http://www.truedater.com/ in which you can record your complaints about others. However, I think it would be easy for a rejected party to make up crap about another.

As for me, everyone thinks I'm handsome, charming, and wonderful.

At least until I asked them to buy new batteries for my ankle bracelet.

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/19/2006 11:36:46 AM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

As for me, everyone thinks I'm handsome, charming, and wonderful.

At least until I asked them to buy new batteries for my ankle bracelet.

DO I dare?............... hmmmmmmmmmmm

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/20/2006 5:39:41 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

quote:

What is the role of those who have been around the block in pointing out inconsistencies and incompetence? Is it our place to "mark" those who seem suspicious or insincere? Do we let the obvious ones go buy, figuring that anyone who falls into that trap is a lost cause anyway?

Going back to the original post, there is a web site called http://www.truedater.com/ in which you can record your complaints about others. However, I think it would be easy for a rejected party to make up crap about another.

As for me, everyone thinks I'm handsome, charming, and wonderful.

At least until I asked them to buy new batteries for my ankle bracelet.

I'm glad someone else brought this back around to the original post.

Those of us who have been around the block...
Hmmmm, how many of us travel the same path?

Now to those select few that would be known as "around the block", who could deem this group as being knowledgeable enough to go out & start pointing fingers at others?

I've been around the block, up the hill, down in the gutter & up on the high road... hell I even trampled around in the thick of the forest without a trail many times... should I be out there pointing fingers?

Not at all... who the hell am I to tell someone else, hey man, you're doing this all wrong.

We are not our brother's keepers. We are each entitled to our own opinions & perspectives of what goes on around us. I have seen interactions that really tweaked me & I had to sit on my hands & bite my lip & in the end I was damn glad I did because the scene I witnessed that bothered me so much was something they enjoyed & it was their style of play with one another. (just for the curious minded-- this guy gave this girl several stiff chops to the head with a cupped hand & proceeded to whack her with a very heavy flogger about the head which knocked her to the floor)

Can you imagine my embarrassment if I had stepped up & said something? My good deed would have been turned right back on me & labeled me as a interfering, disrespectful top. I was not a DM at this event. The only ones that should be considered as any type of police are those that are in place at events as a DM. If it's your party, then you make the rules. If you are at the party & you don't like the rules... leave.

Policing the whole community is a ridiculous notion. Just like Petruchio mentioned, it is easy enough for a rejected party to make up BS about another.

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/20/2006 6:44:17 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion
I'm glad someone else brought this back around to the original post.

Those of us who have been around the block...
Hmmmm, how many of us travel the same path?

Now to those select few that would be known as "around the block", who could deem this group as being knowledgeable enough to go out & start pointing fingers at others?

I'll reiterate that "pointing fingers at others" is generally useless and may well do more harm to the pointer than the pointee.

I do believe that those who have some experience can offer advice to newbies as to what behaviors and patterns that we have found may indicate untruthfulness or danger. Of course the listeners are free to ignore this and my personal rule is "tell once then sit back in silence."

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RE: Policing the BDSM community? - 2/20/2006 9:35:19 AM

LATEXBABY64

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this is my concern when judge others i do not see alot of phds in mental health to determind these things we tend to set on our own feet so to speak but hey its your life shrugs do what ever you want or feels best just know that sometimes the best thing is do nothing let lifes course do the right thing if someone is thrity i think they have enough education about life to know better about people unless people are just that stupid. but in our lifestyle even people on the surface may seem ok may not be or vise a verisa you just do not know
learn to look for signs of bad behavior they do not crop out till about five months into a relationship when the new ness has died down

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