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Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:10:11 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I was reading another thread and it got my head swimming. While I personally prefer a sub that has their act together as an individual BEFORE I become involved with them there seem to be many that so not abide by this same logic.

My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself?

or is the opposite the case...you're a mess without the guidence and support that a Dom/me provides?
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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:15:09 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		maybe i need guidance, i don't know for sure, as i have never had a Mistress that i could benefit from on a daily basis. alot of times i do need some sort of supervision in my daily life or i would not do anything but sit at home and mope...wait, i'm doing that anyway...LOL

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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:31:22 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself?

or is the opposite the case...you're a mess without the guidence and support that a Dom/me provides?


I've always been a whole person, whether there was someone else in my life or not. I like me. I'm good people. And I enjoy my own company almost as much as I enjoy Master's. I also do very well on my own, and have gone years without so much as even dating anyone, simply because I had no desire to do so. But I PREFER to live in a strictly controlled environment, which is the one thing I cannot provide for myself.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:35:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I am not a "mess" without guidance. But, I definitely prefer some external control and guidance in my life. I thrive under those conditions. That being said, rare is the person who can provide that in a meaningful manner. Show me, help me improve, I am ready to take on that challenge.

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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:41:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people?

Absolutely.

quote:

Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself?

Everyone chooses to get into relationships because it enhances their lives and their selves.
quote:


or is the opposite the case...you're a mess without the guidence and support that a Dom/me provides?

Plenty of subs are- usually the same ones hollering loud and clear how they are NOT A DOORMAT!!!

But then plenty of doms are a mess without a sub on the end of their leash. Becoming addicted to "having a relationship" really never ends well. It's when you focus on having a relationship WITH someone, and in a way that ENHANCES everyone's life that you're on the right track.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:41:30 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 132
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		I grew up under strict guidence. I can function through the memory of that guidence but it doesnt compare to the real thing.

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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 8:48:34 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Becoming addicted to "having a relationship" really never ends well. It's when you focus on having a relationship WITH someone, and in a way that ENHANCES everyone's life that you're on the right track.


As always, well said EM. I just wish more people would practice what you preach.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 9:25:19 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I think that my owner and myself are very codependant.

I think that we are very wrapped up in each other, and that we both feel less without the other.

It isn't that i -must- be in a relationship. I didn't jump into this one particularly fast. However, now that I'm in it, I -need- this person to be me.

So, yes, I need my owner to be me, but not because I belong to him. I need him because he's -him-.

This might not be altogether healthy. I'm not sure. All I know is that we're both happy, and i'm the sanest I've ever been.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: Without "them" - 2/14/2006 10:37:33 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I was reading another thread and it got my head swimming. While I personally prefer a sub that has their act together as an individual BEFORE I become involved with them there seem to be many that so not abide by this same logic.

My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself?

or is the opposite the case...you're a mess without the guidence and support that a Dom/me provides?


Would i be "whole" without him? Interesting question. i am "whole" when i am living the life i am meant to live - and that is as a slave, so i would have to say no, if i were not slave to him i would not be whole. Would i be functional without him? Yes, in time. Would i still live a life with friends, family, hobbies, etc? Yes.

The girl my Master met when he found me was an intelligent yet broken girl who had lost her strength. He saw in me what i no longer saw, as a result of years of abuse. He built me back up by teaching me to find internal happiness and peace, to think and analyze and problem solve, and to stand strong to the world. my every day life requires me to be in control of many things. It is my submission to Master which fuels me and fulfills me, however, so that i can go back out and do it again tomorrow. Without such teachings from him, yes, i would be a mess.

i shudder to think of life without him, but there will likely be a time when that occurs as he is much older than me. He is teaching me such things to ensure i do not fall with the loss of him. It is a wonderful gift he is giving me. It is true he is my foundation. He has trained me to view him as that. Other Dominants or Masters might prefer something different. Many prefer to find someone who is already together, as you do. Others prefer the challenge of bringing out the potential in a slave or submissive that he sees is there. It's all a matter of finding someone who fits you. As for me, it is my bond to my Master which completes me.

i'm going to have to agree completely with what perverseangelic said. With Master, i am the sanest i have ever been.




(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 4:10:22 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

Becoming addicted to "having a relationship" really never ends well. It's when you focus on having a relationship WITH someone, and in a way that ENHANCES everyone's life that you're on the right track.

As always, well said EM. I just wish more people would practice what you preach.



Sadly, I've known a lot of people - dominant, submissive, vanilla - who don't feel that they can be "without" a relationship, and run around in circles when they don't have one. I don't get it myself - while I certainly enjoy being in a relationship with the right person, I also very much enjoy being single with no one to answer to but myself.

When it comes to submissives...I've never had the patience to try to help "fix" them in a relationship context. I recall one in particular who "would" do this and "would" do that and "should" get this done in his life, but didn't because he didn't have someone to do it for. Hell, is there ANY better candidate to do things for but yourself?? He didn't feel he was capable of taking care of himself without someone in his life to motivate himself. Unfortunately, he let so much go that he wasn't a good partner for someone.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/15/2006 4:12:19 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 4:58:47 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		I would respond in more detail, but my left arm doesn't work while my Mistress is gone.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 5:05:26 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Don't you think that some of this maybe a case of reading too much into what some folks say?

Most people who don't have some kind of mental problem, if they have to live alone, can do so reasonably well and be content in doing so.

If they state they would be happier in a fullfilling relationship that doesn't automaticaly mean that they can't cope on their own.

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 5:09:58 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself?


Yes, I am a whole person. I have a job, friends, hobbies, etc that I am quite happy with. And while it would be nice to share it with someone, I don't need a partner to be happy or whole.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 5:41:31 AM   
typesgirl


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		This is such an interesting question and really pertinent to some recent experiences I've had.

Personally, I am whole without my Master. I can do well in all things and I have succeeded in life before finding Him. With Him life is easier and I do even better with less effort because His discipline helps order my mind and makes me feel even more confident.

That said...I don't think this is true for too many of the subs I have met lately. It concerns me so much when I meet a new sub (new to the lifestyle) who seems to be floundering around in search of any master who will take her because she feels she can't be a sub unless she has a Dom. Why are Doms so eager to take on subs who aren't whole people, who need to work on themselves before they can truly submit? Why would a Dom want the submission of a sub who isn't whole and can't truly submit? I find this confusing and aggravating.

typesgirl

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 5:47:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: typesgirl
Why are Doms so eager to take on subs who aren't whole people, who need to work on themselves before they can truly submit? Why would a Dom want the submission of a sub who isn't whole and can't truly submit? I find this confusing and aggravating.


Well said petal,

I am a Dom, not a psychotherapist, not a social worker. I want a girl who knows what she is and what she wants. That doesn't mean an emotional cripple, it means someone who knows themself and is looking for someone who can make them happier and recognises in me the potential for that to happen.

I can't speak for others but I can't see me finding what I am looking for in someone who can't function on their own at all.

(in reply to typesgirl)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 6:17:07 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: typesgirl
Why are Doms so eager to take on subs who aren't whole people, who need to work on themselves before they can truly submit? Why would a Dom want the submission of a sub who isn't whole and can't truly submit? I find this confusing and aggravating.


Well said petal,

I am a Dom, not a psychotherapist, not a social worker. I want a girl who knows what she is and what she wants. That doesn't mean an emotional cripple, it means someone who knows themself and is looking for someone who can make them happier and recognises in me the potential for that to happen.

I can't speak for others but I can't see me finding what I am looking for in someone who can't function on their own at all.



i have enjoyed your posts, but this one compelled me to respond. That's a long stretch, going from someone who is emotionally cripple to "can't function on their own at all."

i was emotionally in bad shape when Master found me. That in no way meant i could not function, or that i did not have inner strength, it just meant that i was in a lot of pain. Thank God he enjoyed investing in the work to mold me his liking. Most who knew me then do not recognzie me now.

That being said, i recognize i may be personalizing a bit too much. i have seen the types who can not seem to function, who can not finish a thought for themselves, who need a psychotherapist or even a parent more than a Dom. Maybe that is what you are referring to.

i also think there is a human nature aspect in some men to want to rescue that damsel in distress. Look at the fairytales we grew up with, after all. Just like many girls want to be a princess....just as many boys want to be prince charming.

Once again, it's each to his/her own liking, and what individuals find fulfilling.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 6:22:26 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
That being said, i recognize i may be personalizing a bit too much. i have seen the types who can not seem to function, who can not finish a thought for themselves, who need a psychotherapist or even a parent more than a Dom. Maybe that is what you are referring to.


Yes dear, it was.

There is a big diffrence between an emotional cripple needing proffessional help and someone who is just having a hard time but will eventualy get through it on their own and I too, like it sounds your master did, have stepped in and helped.

It was the former I was refering to, not the latter

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 6:54:51 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
That being said, i recognize i may be personalizing a bit too much. i have seen the types who can not seem to function, who can not finish a thought for themselves, who need a psychotherapist or even a parent more than a Dom. Maybe that is what you are referring to.


Yes dear, it was.

There is a big diffrence between an emotional cripple needing proffessional help and someone who is just having a hard time but will eventualy get through it on their own and I too, like it sounds your master did, have stepped in and helped.

It was the former I was refering to, not the latter


i thought and hoped that was the case. Thank you for clarifying.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 6:57:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: typesgirl
Why are Doms so eager to take on subs who aren't whole people, who need to work on themselves before they can truly submit? Why would a Dom want the submission of a sub who isn't whole and can't truly submit? I find this confusing and aggravating.

typesgirl

It's often known as the White Knight Syndrome or the Savious Complex, and unfortunately it is VERY common in dominants. It's usually an ego thing and an exagerrated desire to make someone happy. It's often the type of guy who has dealt with a lot of "You're just such a nice guy, let's just be friends."

Granted, many subs are more than willing to be the princess in need or the ailing pet so they fit together nicely.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to typesgirl)
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RE: Without "them" - 2/15/2006 7:30:56 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It's often known as the White Knight Syndrome or the Savious Complex, and unfortunately it is VERY common in dominants. It's usually an ego thing and an exagerrated desire to make someone happy.


Actually, much more common than I had ever realized. I have been told by several Dominants who seemed to be otherwise fairly decent matches for me, that I am not the best candidate for a submissive because I AM a fully functioning whole person. I don't need to be rescued and I don't need fixing. I can't fulfill their need to feel like they have saved someone. I want a Dominant because of the compliment to my life that having one would bring....but I don't NEED a Dominant to survive or be happy. Apparently this is a HUGE turnoff for many Dominants.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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