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British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 2:59:48 AM

Sardax

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Have you been faced with puzzling behaviour by people you have met on the other side of the Atlantic?
I'm not talking just use of odd words, which is minimal as the languages are becoming so similar as to become more like dialects.I'm talking about something in the character which seems to be understood through words, but isn't.
I keep thinking we are still "divided by a common language", when I, as a Brit, hear of people's experiences meeting others over there who, though we share a common interest, communicate in a rather different way. Brits are notorious for their love of saying what they feel in a twisted ironic way, or sometimes not even saying what they feel at all.
Have you as Americans experienced this or do you find talking to them the same as speaking to your compatriots ?
Can one even generalize at all about this, seeing the differences between some people in the States ?
Vice versa, you British, what have been your communication experiences with the cousins over the pond?

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 4:10:35 AM

MysticalPhoenix

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From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
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A lot of people believe that the British have no sense of humor...but they simply have a different sense of humor.

My favorite story took place on the London Underground some years ago. My mother and I were sitting near a couple of city types in suits and wearing (I kid you not) bowler hats. The lights went out briefly and the train stopped, and a woman in the car moaned rather loudly, and one of them said to the other, "Pain or pleasure?" And everyone in the car burst out laughing.

There are always going to be cultural differences, although if you want real fun, come work where I do. Most of us are Americans, but it's a German-owned company, so we've got two Germans, an Austrian, a Brit, and a Dutchman (who is never to be found, and thus I have caused him to be known as the Flying Dutchman).

German's are also believed to not have a sense of humor, something they themselves encourage people to believe in. They do.

Phoenix

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 4:33:44 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix
A lot of people believe that the British have no sense of humor...but they simply have a different sense of humor.

Sense of humour! Just not done old bean. Still upper lip and all that!

I don't find communication with those over the pond to be that much diffrent, you just have to be a little more aleart for things taking an unexpected tangent when some miscommunication slips in because of cultural diffrences.

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 6:36:02 AM

pollux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sardax

Brits are notorious for their love of saying what they feel in a twisted ironic way, or sometimes not even saying what they feel at all.
Have you as Americans experienced this or do you find talking to them the same as speaking to your compatriots ?
Can one even generalize at all about this, seeing the differences between some people in the States ?
Vice versa, you British, what have been your communication experiences with the cousins over the pond?

Good question. I'm not sure I agree with the part in bold, but the rest of it -- absolutely.

I work with a lot of British musicians, and here's what I've noticed.

**** GROSS GENERALIZATION WARNING ****

Conversationally, I find that Americans tend to be excessively polite about sharing opinions with people they don't know well. When you talk to Americans and ask their opinion, I find there's a lot of concern about hurting other peoples' feelings, and because of this often you don't really get the American's opinion. You get some sort of warmed-over statement that hopefully doesn't offend the other person too badly.

The Brits, OTOH, when you ask their opinion of something, can be rather caustic and blunt (or, as you say "twisted and ironic"). They don't sugar coat anything. They always say it so beautifully, though, it takes a bit of the edge off. My experience has been to never ask an Englishman what he really thinks of something unless you're fully prepared for an answer you might not like.

Example: a Brit and an American attend an orchestra concert or something. You ask the American, "what did you think?". He or she will say, "Oh it was very nice, and I enjoyed it very much....blah blah blah". Basically, they won't tell you anything at all, let alone anything that might be troubling or critical. You ask the Englishman, though, and he'll say, "Well, it was rather untidy, wasn't it? And the winds seemed to have a lot of difficulty with parts of it, didn't they? And it was a bit too loud in spots. But they made a nice go of it." And then they will smile disarmingly...

(in reply to Sardax)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 6:55:04 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sardax
Have you as Americans experienced this or do you find talking to them the same as speaking to your compatriots ?

I haven't had all that much experience dealing with Limejuicers but I've spent some time with Australians, particualarly an SAS team with which I worked.

The biggest difference was a seemingly inability to take things seriously which is highly refreshing in a chaotic situation. I think I wrote earlier about what happened when the bar they were in was subject to a bomb attack.

Another time we'd been chased by a bunch of hostiles for a few hours before we could get them to follow us across a set of paddies. When they were in the middle, I got a chance to call in a pair of SkyHawks and worked over the paddies pretty well. When the last of the steel stopped flying, the head honcho stood up, looked at me and said, "You yanks leave a very messy battlefield."

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 7:45:04 AM

MHOO314

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My work is in international marketing, daily I sit on conference calls with a composite of countries represented--I spend a great deal of prep time to ensure I don't Americanize My speech and presentations--and that for each geo or country I am always mindful of the cultural differences---after 6 years, I don't think twice about it, I naturally slip on My cultural hat when someone is from out side the US.

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/15/2006 8:30:55 AM

LadyTantalize

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
Conversationally, I find that Americans tend to be excessively polite about sharing opinions with people they don't know well. When you talk to Americans and ask their opinion, I find there's a lot of concern about hurting other peoples' feelings, and because of this often you don't really get the American's opinion. You get some sort of warmed-over statement that hopefully doesn't offend the other person too badly.

So true, pollux!! But I think that also pertains to strangers and I think it might also be due to fallout from having "politically correct" pounded into our heads! We often fear the ramifications of offending another, which in America, seems to be able to broaden and deepen quickly even sometimes blossoming into heated exchanges or deep-seated emotional outburst from the easily offended. The PC days have made us weary on this side of the pond and most of us have learned to watch what we day for a good reason!! I think some Brits might fall victim to this type of self-censorship in not realizing how literal and personal many Americans seem to take things. Anyway, it's a PC thing for many, I think.

On the other hand, recently in a GA BDSM yahoo group, a gal from CA came in and was shocked at our conversations saying we shared "too much information" with each other. Granted many in that group somewhat know each other, but I posted that we Southern folk often communicate with a certain "familiarity" that others in the US and certainly across the pond are lacking. We'll talk about everthing from granny's gravy to the best lube with total strangers and then we'll hug ya too! But I've seen some Southern folk pale when dealing with the somewhat reserved yet dry-wit Brits and Brits pale when that Southern stranger then wants a hug. *g*

quote:

The Brits, OTOH, when you ask their opinion of something, can be rather caustic and blunt (or, as you say "twisted and ironic"). They don't sugar coat anything. They always say it so beautifully, though, it takes a bit of the edge off. My experience has been to never ask an Englishman what he really thinks of something unless you're fully prepared for an answer you might not like.

I totally agree and it seems, in My experiences that many Americans and especially Southern folk wince at the blunt delivery of many Brits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sardax
Brits are notorious for their love of saying what they feel in a twisted ironic way, or sometimes not even saying what they feel at all.

I confess I was a bit miffed a time or two when visiting London over some conversations with some Brits delivered seemingly blunt and caustic. At first this opinionated bluntness seemed offensive then acknowledged the cultural differences, gave the blokes a good 'ol southern hug and we all shared a chuckle.

Yes, they are certainly cultural differences as to communication styles between folks across the globe, even those that communicate in same language - well, almost the same! *g*

Hope all is well with you across the pond, Sardax!!

And I send a southern hug down to you, pollux!!!!

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(in reply to pollux)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/18/2006 9:12:10 AM

Isara

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Again, this is a generalisation, but we Aussie's have always had a terribly macabe sense of humour, no doubt, the argument can be made it dates back to convict times and all that, but I've never actually understood American humour.

I -know- funny Americans?

But I don't get American humour, it's always seemed loud, obnoxious or, just...not funny, like there is a joke, but without a punchline.*shrugs*

But, to the poster who said that they felt Americans to be diplomatic, while the British were more straight laced? I've got to disagree, American's, in my experience, have been terribly...terribly likely to foget diplomacy. There seems to be, at least with the ones that I run into in both the hospitality industry, and in the social welfare sector when I was there, a trend for the loud, obnoxious American to rear their ugly head.

Americans have, in general a very bad reputation as tourists, especially when it comes to treating staff in venues well. And we're not even getting started on politcal differences. ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I haven't had all that much experience dealing with Limejuicers but I've spent some time with Australians, particualarly an SAS team with which I worked.

The biggest difference was a seemingly inability to take things seriously which is highly refreshing in a chaotic situation. I think I wrote earlier about what happened when the bar they were in was subject to a bomb attack.

Another time we'd been chased by a bunch of hostiles for a few hours before we could get them to follow us across a set of paddies. When they were in the middle, I got a chance to call in a pair of SkyHawks and worked over the paddies pretty well. When the last of the steel stopped flying, the head honcho stood up, looked at me and said, "You yanks leave a very messy battlefield."

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 8

RE: British and American Communication - 2/18/2006 9:57:13 AM

IronBear

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Personally I enjoy both the Americans and the Brits.

The British SoH is to me completely enjoyable and funny I have as much fun with the Mersey Siders (randy females there) as I do with the far more stoic Yorkshire folk and friends from London (Mostly Sloan Rangers and again terribly horney lasses there too).

Like Isara, I still get lost in the US Soh, especially from the Yankee States. Most humour and comedy I've seen stemming from NY for example appears to be politically based and to get the fun side you need to be well up on US politics, public figures and read the Wall Street Times. Now the folks from the Confederacy are a different kettle of fish (crawdads). I adore Southern Humour as well as the Southern Drawl (put me in a room full of folk from the Deep South and my Southern accent is in full swing without knowing it.) California is a state which is so close to our own thinking and humour its a joy to be with them.

If I had to encapsulate the essence of the Aussie humour and and way of speaking, I'd use Paul Hogan with his dry, straight faced level voiced delivery. You can never tell if an Aussie is pulling your leg or not but watch your wallet for he'll likely sell you the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House. Reading John's comments about the SAS, I can remember being at a largish base which was under rocket attack and joined with my lads doing the Zorba dance whilst getting sloshed on ozo whilst accross the camp the SAS were throwing empty beer cans at the incomming rockets and singing "The SAS are on the piss again................"

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to Isara)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/19/2006 5:18:11 AM

pollux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Isara

But, to the poster who said that they felt Americans to be diplomatic, while the British were more straight laced? I've got to disagree, American's, in my experience, have been terribly...terribly likely to foget diplomacy. There seems to be, at least with the ones that I run into in both the hospitality industry, and in the social welfare sector when I was there, a trend for the loud, obnoxious American to rear their ugly head.

Americans have, in general a very bad reputation as tourists, especially when it comes to treating staff in venues well.

I don't disagree.

I was thinking about social interactions that are more substantial than tourist vs. staff, etc. More along the lines of a situation where you had befriended some Americans traveling overseas and had them over for dinner and asked, "hey what do you think about X....?" *That's* where Americans (IMO) turn into mealy-mouthed wimps.

But... that is decidedly NOT so with the Brits. IMO.

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 10

RE: British and American Communication - 2/19/2006 6:21:58 PM

Isara

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I don't disagree.

I was thinking about social interactions that are more substantial than tourist vs. staff, etc. More along the lines of a situation where you had befriended some Americans traveling overseas and had them over for dinner and asked, "hey what do you think about X....?" *That's* where Americans (IMO) turn into mealy-mouthed wimps.

But... that is decidedly NOT so with the Brits. IMO.

*laughs* I've been to dinner parties, with American, Irish and Rhodesian family, it's gotten -really- interesting at times. Views on social welfare especially have gone from quiet, diplomatic conversations to full on screaming matches. Still, ;) we're a multi-cultural family, we're very used to it by now. Still, it usually ends with the Irish and Rhodesian and Australian family (who all come from a British tradition) ganging up on the US side ;)

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"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to pollux)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/19/2006 6:36:44 PM

WikedUncle

Posts: 45
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sardax
Have you been faced with puzzling behaviour by people you have met on the other side of the Atlantic?
I'm not talking just use of odd words, which is minimal as the languages are becoming so similar as to become more like dialects.I'm talking about something in the character which seems to be understood through words, but isn't.

I've never had much trouble, but then I'm British-American and bilingual. I was raised with the directness spoken of in the thread, the understated humour (and the spelling). After a lifetime I still have to curb my tongue around more thoroughbred Americans: otherwise it's easy to insult someone, and one never wants to insult another by accident.

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/19/2006 8:11:30 PM

mnottertail

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Whizzo! Whizzo! Good Show!

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/19/2006 11:01:41 PM

Sardax

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quote:

Still, it usually ends with the Irish and Rhodesian and Australian family (who all come from a British tradition ganging up on the US side!

That's amazing to hear the colonials agreeing with the mother country for once ;)

One of the big differences I keep hearing is that English seem to be constantly jibing and teasing-but usually in a friendly way.
Our whole school tradition seems to be based on teasing each other and learning to put up with jibes.
I have met orientals who cannot understand this tendency at all and feel insulted where no insult was intended .But in some twisted way it does seem the more an Englishman or woman teases you, the more friendly he tries to be.
For instance just there I used the word colonial.Any English would know that to use the word at all today would be considered so pompous as way unacceptable.So instead it has to be construed as a tease.
Did you imagine I was using the word seriously?
Similarly "mother country" Think we are so arrogant even now?

(From what I've heard dry irony like this isn't unknown to the Aussies either.)

This is the sort of thing that I mean-the misunderstanding that can lead to bafflement and irritation.

(in reply to Isara)

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/20/2006 1:56:48 AM

ShadeDiva

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From: Sacramento, California
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I find Americans to be less tactful than other nationalities.

I get along with Brits just fine - they are as blunt as I am and they usually seem to have a better grasp of the nuances of a word than the masses of Americans do. At least in my experience. I'm in a vanilla UK yahoo group filled with housewives - and one thing that really strikes me everytime I'm reading the posts is how delicate many of them are when it comes to language.

We were discussing the differences bewteen common "insults" or "jibes" - same words used in both countries but how each society viewed their usage according to tact, degree of profanity and how insulting it would tend to be taken in each country.

Really mild stuff really. Wanker naturally came up. And it was interesting to see how some of the Americans viewed that word too. They felt it was about as rude as calling someone a jerk. Which we all know isn't really that big if an insult here - call a New Yorker a jerk and they might just thank you for it. Same for most of the states really. During this REALLY mild discussion many of the members fled due to the cursing. I found it remarkable considering it was such an objective conversation, deviod of any emotion, and certainly not directed at anyone! We seem to have thicker skins when it comes to stuff like that. We also seem to be a bit more bluntly crude. I find us a tad boorish as a culture in most instances, with some exceptions.

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RE: British and American Communication - 2/20/2006 2:19:04 AM

RavenMuse

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The one that amused me as a kid as still makes me smile is the American habit of falling on their fannys! Even the men, which for a brit is anatomicaly impossible

British fanny = vagina
American Fanny = arse

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Post #: 16

RE: British and American Communication - 2/20/2006 4:17:18 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sardax

That's amazing to hear the colonials agreeing with the mother country for once ;)

One of the big differences I keep hearing is that English seem to be constantly jibing and teasing-but usually in a friendly way.
Our whole school tradition seems to be based on teasing each other and learning to put up with jibes.
I have met orientals who cannot understand this tendency at all and feel insulted where no insult was intended .But in some twisted way it does seem the more an Englishman or woman teases you, the more friendly he tries to be.
For instance just there I used the word colonial.Any English would know that to use the word at all today would be considered so pompous as way unacceptable.So instead it has to be construed as a tease.
Did you imagine I was using the word seriously?
Similarly "mother country" Think we are so arrogant even now?

(From what I've heard dry irony like this isn't unknown to the Aussies either.)

This is the sort of thing that I mean-the misunderstanding that can lead to bafflement and irritation.

Dear Americans ;)

I'm a staunch Republican-as in, get rid of the queen allowing Australia to be one, and telling an American that-without explination has caused a few hassles*wry grin* But indeed, dry wit? Is something I was brought up with, and appreciate much more then blatant humour, which, comes across-at least on television as being indicative to American humour. Obviously there are exceptions, I know some. I've dated some. And I'm related to some terribly funny Yanks.

And again, there we go with something that's a cultural difference.

American=Yank. Yes, all of you. Not just those from the Yankee states. It is not (at least mostly) an insult, and we mean it with a fair grain of affection, there are however times we are insulting you. Hopefully you can work it out. ;)

We will call all of you Yanks, without prejudice :P Deal with it, embrace it and accept it without throwing a hissy fit ;)

We, in turn will deal with your ignorance regarding our culture, and the belief we are by large a culture of kangaroo riding, sheep shaging folk, who marry our own cousins and are interchangable with those who come from New Zealand. ;)

Much love.

An Australian Woman.

< Message edited by Isara -- 2/20/2006 4:18:59 AM >

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to Sardax)

Post #: 17

RE: British and American Communication - 2/20/2006 4:15:35 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I'd have to agree with this in all aspects bar one.....

I'm a staunch Royalist and the Day Australia becomes a republic is the day I start looking to move my famiuly to another country and turn my back on Australia for ever. My first loyalty is to the Court of St. James. But that's a personal thing and how I was brought up.

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http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Isara)

Post #: 18

RE: British and American Communication - 2/21/2006 6:00:02 AM

Oumae

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Irony is a big part of our humour here and I got your joke about colonials but you might be surprised at the amount of Brits who ask me quite seriously when I will be visiting the "mainland" again and look puzzled when I tell them I'm living on my mainland. We celebrate the 90th anniversary of regaining our independance this year.

Speaking in general terms I think Americans can tend to be more earnest about things, here in Ireland we are good at talking around a subject and giving very little personal details.

Oumae

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Post #: 19

RE: British and American Communication - 2/21/2006 6:26:56 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
I'd have to agree with this in all aspects bar one..... I'm a staunch Royalist and the Day Australia becomes a republic is the day I start looking to move my famiuly to another country and turn my back on Australia for ever. My first loyalty is to the Court of St. James. But that's a personal thing and how I was brought up.

Move to the UK IB, always room for one more person that I would enjoy a beer or three with whilst putting the world to rights

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