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surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:26:31 AM   
LadyElizabeth


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline 		What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:29:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me it would be food or clothes. I'm extremely picky about each and better at it than most people.

Although frankly if they wanted to directly control and limit time with my biological family and current partners, that would be pretty serious for me.

For a lot of subs, the hardest thing to give up is allowing someone to give them pleasure and direct attention.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:53:48 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me it would be food or clothes. I'm extremely picky about each and better at it than most people.

Although frankly if they wanted to directly control and limit time with my biological family and current partners, that would be pretty serious for me.

For a lot of subs, the hardest thing to give up is allowing someone to give them pleasure and direct attention.



Lucky I agree with your list.. food I can by pass.. as long as I'm not made to eat something I don't like.. but taking away something I like.. probably wasn't good for me anyways.. LOL

Clothes.... being a large woman.. I like to dress nicely... I do get annoyed when i hear the.. "You'll look good in this corsett".... maybe in his eyes.. but not in mine.. and it's hard to feel sexy.. when you feel you look like shit... So I prefer not giving up control over my clothes...

Biological family.... Oh hell no!... If I have to give up my family... he has to give up his balls!... It's not going to happen.

But what I don't understand lucky... is your last statement...

For a lot of subs, the hardest thing to give up is allowing someone to give them pleasure and direct attention.


I have no problems with this... if I'm reading this right. So as to not ASSUME anything.. before I comment on this... can you please explain YOUR definition of this statement please?

But finally... the hardest thing I have trouble surrendering control over... is being able to speak my thoughts.. and opinions. Even though Master has final say. But at least I got to voice mine.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/15/2006 10:02:02 AM >

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:56:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
I have no problems with this... if I'm reading this right. So as to not ASSUME anything.. before I comment on this... can you please explain YOUR definition of this statement please?

Meaning it's extremely difficult for a sub to be comfortable with a master saying "sit down, let me take care of you" or to spend a chunk of time JUST in giving the submissive pleasure.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:01:28 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross



Meaning it's extremely difficult for a sub to be comfortable with a master saying "sit down, let me take care of you" or to spend a chunk of time JUST in giving the submissive pleasure.


I thought so... nope. I got no problems with this at all... because this brings Master pleasure... and I too love to be pleased... just as he does... Being in a M/s relationship doesn't alway mean it's give, give, give, and get nothing in return. This was in a thread I once started.. about a submissive being pleased as well... Master is always going to be pleased... even if he wants me to sit back and let him bring me pleasure... it's what he wants.. to be pleased himself..

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:02:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Although frankly if they wanted to directly control and limit time with my biological family that would be pretty serious for me.


This would be the big one for me. Family is extremely important to me. I am currently caring for my Mother who has been very ill. She comes first. It is not a preference, it is a resonsibility and one that I do not take lightly. I am also a Mom and although my children are now grown and no longer live with me...if they needed me to be there for them that would take precedence.

In raising them, I drew a line there. My ex Master perfectly understood and had no issues with it. We all worked together as a team with their Father, who was always very active in their lives. Their Father and I both expected my children to be respectful of my ex at all times and when it came to discipline, that was something discussed between the two of us before it was meted out. He was the head of the household and had every right to have his say about the way that he wanted things to go within his home. I valued his opinions and advice greatly and was thankful to have a partner that helped me find the strength to stand up to two young men at the various stages of their maturity. But when it came to actual discipline...I am their Mother and that was my job...or the job of their Father.

Men can come and go in your life but your kids are your kids forever.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:14:39 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
I have no problems with this... if I'm reading this right. So as to not ASSUME anything.. before I comment on this... can you please explain YOUR definition of this statement please?

Meaning it's extremely difficult for a sub to be comfortable with a master saying "sit down, let me take care of you" or to spend a chunk of time JUST in giving the submissive pleasure.


My sub has no problem with my spending a chunk of time giving him pleasure. He loves it, I love it. It works for us. But that is just us. I have a feeling though that there are many subs out there who would love it if their Master/Mistress told them to sit back and relax while they took care of them. It is whatever works for them and whatever brings the most pleasure for both parties.

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 11:17:00 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Smoking.

Best,

LaMalinche


(in reply to LadyElizabeth)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 11:45:29 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Smoking.


Interesting, because after having been a smoker for 27 years, that was the *easiest* thing for me to surrender to Him. The most difficult thing for me are those things that He wants from me that I find embarrassing (or that make me feel "awkward").

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 12:04:28 PM   
Merritt27


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?


i would agree that the embarrassing or things that make me feel awkward are sometimes hard to give to Him. But, for me the hardest has been surrendering that instinct to make a quick decision. Being a fairly headstrong person, it is really hard to swallow that i cant just do what i want, when i want. Remembering that i do have a Daddy, a Master and most importantly a Partner to make decisions with me and of course for me.... was a bit of a struggle. That inner struggle is a small price to pay.....

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 12:32:10 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?


The big joke in my family is that my first words were "I can do it myself!" I have always been extremely self-sufficient and I have had very specific ideas of what I want and how to get it. Letting go of what I want and what I think is best and giving him authority to tell me what he thinks is best has been one of the hardest things to do. It helps that our thoughts and opinions are so compatible.

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 12:34:28 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?


myself

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 12:41:06 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?



::ponders, brain starts to smoke from over use, eyes begin to water::

I really can't think of anything. No doubt because there hasn't been an issue which has come up in the last 9 years which Himself has wanted to control, but I haven't wanted him to control it. The surrender has been effortless for me, but I can't say it's been tested either. Maybe it's just him or the way our dynamic works, or maybe it's just me.. don't know.

::time lapse::

Ok, I just spoke to Himself and he said something which I failed to see, and he's right, as usual.

The hardest part has been 'not' being allowed to serve him, for example, when he gets his own drink and that's 'my' job. Wrapping my brains around that was very difficult and, on occasion, I still stuggle with it, although I'm much better now. Even harder was when he offered to get 'me' a drink! Horrors! What?! That was really tough and took much longer. Understanding that it was 'his' choice when to exert his power and control.. yep, that's it.

Celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 12:41:44 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Anything where I feel my way is "better" or makes more sense than his. ANYTHING!

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 1:45:21 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		clothing

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 1:53:01 PM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		i have to agree with LA on this one. Clothing for me being the hardest thing to have someone control. I personally don't think i look good in those skimpy lil outfits that a good majority of Doms wish one to parade around in. Plus i have always been highly sensory sensitive. Certain clothes and types of clothes can send my skin into hyperdrive. And then i just want to crawl out of my skin. Food also can be difficult as well, but having a Dominant who knows when i need to eat, and what i like to eat helps. Trusting that he will make the right decisions for me has been difficult, but slowly we are getting past that one.

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 1:57:08 PM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		The money set aside for my children's higher education. Thankfully this isn't really a concern: It's shared with the ex (kids dad) and Master would never want to touch it.

Hardest thing to surrender control? Holding back my feelings. He won't let me do that and it's been a hard barrier to overcome.


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Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 2:02:18 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?


Playing golf. I prefer to walk and He wants me to drive the cart. I also hate listening to the advice He gives me on my game.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 4:15:06 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


Meaning it's extremely difficult for a sub to be comfortable with a master saying "sit down, let me take care of you" or to spend a chunk of time JUST in giving the submissive pleasure.


Yes that would be hard for me. Also just learning that I can really trust him with the truth. No matter how painful that truth is sometimes.


_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 4:25:39 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Merritt27


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?


i would agree that the embarrassing or things that make me feel awkward are sometimes hard to give to Him. But, for me the hardest has been surrendering that instinct to make a quick decision. Being a fairly headstrong person, it is really hard to swallow that i cant just do what i want, when i want. Remembering that i do have a Daddy, a Master and most importantly a Partner to make decisions with me and of course for me.... was a bit of a struggle. That inner struggle is a small price to pay.....

Surrendering my instincts, so well said. Yes, i'd have to say that is my most difficult because it requires more trust than i presently know to surrender that.

(in reply to Merritt27)
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