quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Call me shallow but appearance (Like size) matters.  If I don't find something attractive about a person, the sexual piece just isn't going to be there.  Certain things are hard limits: creepy eyes, as an example.  I rather buy into the whole 'windows to the soul' thing. 
Anyway, as to attire: I'm not sure wtf is up but a lot of guys don't have either the training or respect to show up dressed decently.  A couple of months ago, I went out with a fellow (New rule after that: need to see a pic)

Oh, and he did not stand in greeting me, btw, which is immensely rude, imo), and about the time I looked at his grimy hair that looked like it hadn't been scrubbed in a week, was sticking straight up in several places and was generally disarrayed,

He spoke excessively loud for the venue and despite my lowering my tone in an attempt to assist him with modulating his, I was unsuccessful.

but OMFG, bathe, dress decently, and if one's not going to brush their hair, at least run their freakin' fingers through it.  I swear this whole single experience has a book something akin to "Sex and the City" in it.  Aaarggghhhhh! 
Davan

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ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

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ORIGINAL: Joseff

My problem always seems to be that I don't have a decent photo of myself. When we are taking pictures, I'm usually the one with the camera. So I get to choose, will it be that one from last Xmas, where I'm holding up the new socks, or maybe the one from the SCA, but I have my helmet on....OK, so I settled on one a couple years old, where I had my mustache shaved offf, but I'm not here looking for someone.  If I was, I'd make the effort to get at least one decent photo of myself. You have to put your best foot foreward, as it were.

Actually, I'm the same way Joseff.  And I'm not at all photogenic.  But I set the self timer on my camera and take lots of pictures.  (I'm assuming you have a digital camera, so there's no cost to messing up.)  Eventually a few will suck less than the others.  Keep those.  :)

I think practically everyone has something good going for them.  The trick is to know what that is and then to focus on it ... and to detract from the negatives.  Might I encourage you just a bit?

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ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Perhaps you should have that you believe men should stand to greet their date if they are already there in your profile then, as no one is a mind reader, and nobody w/ill know you expect the man to get up to greet you.

As for brushing your hair, my bangs stick up in every which direction, even if you have brushed them. It's just a quirk of my hair that is so insignificant, and not a problem to me, or that I mind I can't be bothered with worrying about what my bangs, are or are not doing lol.

Some people's hair sticks up all over the place brushed or not. But of course  you can probably tell the difference between hair all over the place because nobody brushed it, and hair that's just springy and won't kow tow to a hair brush, or laying flat.

As for  him speaking to loudly, perhaps you should of been direct and to the point and said could you lower your voice please you're a bit to loud. I find that works better than hopping someone is catching the repeated hint. Even if it's not so delicate.

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I wholly disagree about the matter of standing whether one is on the D- or s- side of the kneel or not at any way involved with power dynamics (Which was the case here): it's a matter of politeness and respect.  One better would have been to pull my chair out for me, etc. but that's a bit more formal than the setting dictated, imo.  I contend that there are certain baselines.  He should have gotten off of his a** to greet me and it's not my job to instruct him on proper manners: whomever raised him should have done that or, in his 39 years on the planet, he should have developed it for himself.  Same thing on the volume: it's just poor social grace.  And, I'm not a person who insists on extreme levels of formality, etc.: this guy was a mess! 
Which leads to the hair: unruly hair naturally is one thing: unbathed slovenly presentation is another. 
Again, disrespect.  If that was his best foot to put forward, that is a saaaaaaaaaad commentary. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

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ORIGINAL: afterforever
Well I'm just wearing my dressing gown in my pic and no one's ever complained.

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ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

SailingBum
Your picture is not bad at all. Those sunglasses are great, tee shirt is good, little of the boat I can see is nice, and the ocean, wow. How can one find fault looking at all that;)

oceanwinds

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ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Call me shallow but appearance (Like size) matters.  If I don't find something attractive about a person, the sexual piece just isn't going to be there.  Certain things are hard limits: creepy eyes, as an example.  I rather buy into the whole 'windows to the soul' thing. 
Anyway, as to attire: I'm not sure wtf is up but a lot of guys don't have either the training or respect to show up dressed decently.  A couple of months ago, I went out with a fellow (New rule after that: need to see a pic) who was intellectually engaging in type, had a cool educational background and vocation, interesting taste in music, etc.  We agreed to meet at a nice Indian restaurant.  I bathed, brushed my hair even.  I attired myself in an aesthetically pleasing fashion.  Walked into the restaurant.  As I approached the table (The host guided me to where he was), I had the urge to bolt.  Seriously.  The first thing I noticed was the John Deere t-shirt (Green, yellow logo), I scanned up to his face (Not good, so not good.  Oh, and he did not stand in greeting me, btw, which is immensely rude, imo), and about the time I looked at his grimy hair that looked like it hadn't been scrubbed in a week, was sticking straight up in several places and was generally disarrayed, I was assaulted by the roll of body odor that had made its way to my side of the table from his.  I sat down rather than bolting.  He spoke excessively loud for the venue and despite my lowering my tone in an attempt to assist him with modulating his, I was unsuccessful.  I swear he snorted/oinked several times throughout the meal.  And, I'm relatively certain that not a single piece of glasswear or silverware was left unclanged or unbanged on the entire table.  Yes, it was a date from Hell.  Nothing truly horrible or harrowing happened but OMFG, bathe, dress decently, and if one's not going to brush their hair, at least run their freakin' fingers through it.  I swear this whole single experience has a book something akin to "Sex and the City" in it.  Aaarggghhhhh! 
Davan

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ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

This is, in a way, a twist on the "looks and weight" thread in the "ask a master" forum.

I'd like to think that I'm pretty opened minded about appearances.  I would rather chat with someone first ... get to know them on the inside before seeing a picture.  Not to say that I don't have some standards.  But I put a lot of emphasis on character and less on weight, hairline, etc.

So over the weekend I was chatting with a really great guy.  In a way this was sort of a "Green Acres" experience.  He was a rural guy, and me, liking to be near a city.  And because we are so far away and both tied to our lives, it would never work.  But surprisingly we got along.  After a full day of chatting he showed me a picture of himself.  There were parts of him that I found appealing ... but the thing that really bothered me was that he seemed to care less about his appearance.  For one, there was the beard.  I actually prefer a man with a beard, but it should be trimmed.  If a guy looks like Grizzly Adams or a guy from ZZ Top, it turns into a negative. 

The other sticking point ... his clothes.  He was wearing a t-shirt, torn shorts, and a baseball cap.  Now, this is a big guy ... and his choice of clothes just accentuated his gut.  I've seen pictures of heavier guys, and know that if they wear certain kinds of clothes (e.g., button down shirts) the belly doesn't become the focal point.  The shorts were the worst.  They were so torn that I could see his underwear ... a lot.  I delicately talked to him about the picture, how it wasn't very flattering ... that if he was trying to get laid he might want to put his best foot forward.  His reaction:  (1) He was dressed like every other guy who lives around his area and (2) If I had a problem with his appearance than I was being shallow.  (For what it's worth, he bathes regularly so there shouldn't be a hygiene issue.)

I pride myself on being open minded.  But I do have an issue with a guy who doesn't care enough to present himself in a favorable light.

So, ladies, am I off here?  And guys ... would you be attractive to a woman who seemed to be clueless about appearance?

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ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

I agree that appearance matters and i'm shallow to that depth as well.   I have to be attracted to the person mentally as well as physically and it's different i'm sure for each of us. 

I read your story however and can't help but think of something a good friend said. "you can either grow a backbone and say it, or a wishbone and hope it changes for the best"  
I've read your posts, i don't doubt your backbone, which is why i'm not sure you just didn't say something to this person.  

I've worked in factories, on construction sites, been next to loud speakers at a concert, my hearing is not what it used to be and even if Master lowers his voice that isn't enough of a hint for me (and i'm a girl, i'm suppose to be good at hints)  Master will actually have to say "lower your voice"  before i realize i'm talking too loud.  

i'm sure the body odor also gave away the hint he hadn't bathed, but i do know some of the popular hair styles are to gel the hair and make it go every which way. 
I don't know.. when i see a well groomed, well dressed guy my first thought is "gay or married?"   then if i smell the fabric softener i recognize the universal territorial mark of the wife.  :)  

just some thoughts as i read your post.. best of luck to you. 

sincerely

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Seems like the poor guy can't win.

If he had worn clothes that disguised that he had a gut, and she then met him, wouldn't she have complained that his pic lied? That he lied by not making it clear he was overweight?

And if his pic showed a suit and tie, wouldn't the op have objected if he told her he expected her to mow the lawn and weed the garden since he didn't mention that in his profile or have a picture showing that?

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ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

I pride myself on being open minded.  But I do have an issue with a guy who doesn't care enough to present himself in a favorable light.

So, ladies, am I off here?  And guys ... would you be attractive to a woman who seemed to be clueless about appearance?

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevergrowdup

I pride myself on being open minded.  But I do have an issue with a guy who doesn't care enough to present himself in a favorable light.

So, ladies, am I off here?  And guys ... would you be attractive to a woman who seemed to be clueless about appearance?

i suppose my only question is why it warrants a thread? if he was physically unappealing and unkempt and clearly isn't your standard what's the issue? it seems apparent that he's okay with the way he looks and it isn't a problem for him, why should it be one for you unless you're interested and found yourself disappointed after you saw his photo?

as to your question, not a chance. i like a man that is well groomed and coiffed. but that's my preference and i generally don't have an issue with those that prefer a different look. they become friends, not partners.

porcelaine