Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A Respectful way


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> A Respectful way Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A Respectful way - 7/1/2009 1:23:18 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Respectful way - 7/1/2009 4:52:20 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		somewhere within the first few emails and phone chats that we had, this slave let him know about the things she preferred not to do.
 
just information, not expecting Him to change His desires to accomodate this slave's preferences if there was any conflict.
 
at present, 6 1/2 years later, it doesn't really matter if this slave prefers to do it or not...if He wants it...it is done.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Respectful way - 7/1/2009 5:23:07 PM   
alanswhore


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone


Yup. I think that makes sense, and I have indeed said similar things before, always with the understanding that my owner can absolutely make me do what he wants anyway. I think it is more respectful of him to keep him informed about my feelings, because I know that those feelings affect his own enjoyment. :)

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Respectful way - 7/1/2009 9:27:55 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		There have been times Master's stopped play because I wasn't enjoying it and made me tell him what I wanted. Sometimes he'll change plans accordingly and sometimes he doesn't. I try not to say anything about my preference or not on something unless I'm scared or think it might hit a trigger. But if for some reason I prefer not to do it I try to tell him in the most respectful way, why and see if maybe we can either work up to it or try it another day.

(in reply to alanswhore)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Respectful way - 7/2/2009 1:15:02 AM   
vasha


Posts: 99
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline 		the sub/slaves reaction to whatever the Dom/me is doing is generally half the fun.  ergo,  if you arent reacting the way he or she had hoped,  something will be changed most like. and since communication is Key, he/she will want to know why.  at some point. before hand, may be best. situation depending. after all,  terro card readings dont do near as well as verbal communicatoin.  ;-)

(in reply to kuriouswitch)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Respectful way - 7/2/2009 9:14:59 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone


Learning to be respectful in my presentations is something i constantly work on. my inner nature is rather a smart ass at times - which is not pleasing at all to my Master. So yes, He not only appreciates my respectful communications, but expects it. If Chairman is interested in whether i prefer to do something or not, He will state that i have an option. In that situation i will express my opinion but in all honesty, i prefer what He prefers, so it's not very significant. Chairman asks my opinion or what i wish because i honestly think there are things He likes to do for or with me that He knows i like, or He's sincerely interested in my point of view. i'm just that lucky.


_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Respectful way - 7/2/2009 10:07:42 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone

I could have begged, pleaded, been throwing up, running a fever, etc etc...if he wanted to do something, he did it...if I did not want to do it...tough shit, I did it...

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Respectful way - 7/2/2009 10:30:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I usually give him the why upfront, not wait for him to ask for it. Because sometimes you just don't feel up to stuff; headache, tummyache, cramps, stressful phone call - doesn't mean you won't want to do it again later or tomorrow. Just means you aren't up for it right then.

It's helpful if you know that if, in trhe case of a headache, you would be right as rain if allowed two aspirin and then a half hour nap.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Respectful way - 7/3/2009 3:19:15 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		There are days I ask the girl to do something and there are days when I tell her to do it. There'll be no arguments if I command it, otherwise I'm open to any reasons why she'd rather not.

Unquestioning compliance can be a real drag when I don't require it....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A Respectful way - 7/3/2009 10:18:18 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am the same way.  Being upfront and open about what is going on is not as erotic (doing things in a respectful way to make everyone feel the done good fuzzies), but it sure cuts down on time.  When it comes down to it I would still do it if required, but this way everyone is on board from the get go. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I usually give him the why upfront, not wait for him to ask for it. Because sometimes you just don't feel up to stuff; headache, tummyache, cramps, stressful phone call - doesn't mean you won't want to do it again later or tomorrow. Just means you aren't up for it right then.

It's helpful if you know that if, in trhe case of a headache, you would be right as rain if allowed two aspirin and then a half hour nap.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Respectful way - 7/3/2009 11:03:29 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Nope because I do not enter in or engage in relationships where I am not allowed to say no or my refusal to do so would just end up in him over riding me and doing it anyway or seen as dis obedience.. In our relationship no means no, and we don't have to have a good reason for the saying no to be respected. It's also not considered dis obedience to refuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone


< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 7/3/2009 11:05:00 AM >

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A Respectful way - 7/3/2009 7:50:50 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Some days he asks me, some days he tells me.

My reaction to the "asks" days is to be honest and tell him if i don't feel like it or don't want to do it.
Occasionally, i don't want to play, and have told him this.

He would rather know the truth, he enjoys our play more when i enjoy it, but, on the days he "tells" me, my enjoyment isn't a given.  And some days, i really don't enjoy it!

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A Respectful way - 7/4/2009 7:38:22 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

It happens to us constantly. I care a great deal about what Carol wants and see my role as being the custodian of the relationship for the two of us. If I give Carol some command and it is more problematic for her than I expected, I need to know that information. I need to know it not only because I may change my mind about the command, but also (and way more importantly) because it speaks to a way in which I don't already understand her.

For Carol, I've given her a simple formulat. Her responses come in the form of "Yes but..." As in, "Yes Master, I am prepared to obey you, but there's this thing out ought to know..." In that way, right up front she is indicating that she's not abdicating her role as my slave, simply giving me some information to factor into my thought processes.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A Respectful way - 7/4/2009 3:04:13 PM   
LilKittenSub


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/20/2007
Status: offline 		I responded to my old Dom in much the same way when he asked me to do things I did not feel up to, primarily because the rule that he had explained when we first became involved was as thus:

"It is the sub/slaves job to tend to her Dom/Master's wants. It is the Dom/Master's job to tend to the sub/slaves needs."

_____________________________

“How delicious to corrupt, to stifle all semblances of virtue and religion in that young heart!”
--Marquis De Sade

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A Respectful way - 7/6/2009 6:32:58 AM   
babybella


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		excuse please, but isnt that why it's called topping from the bottom??????

this girl understands that if her Master makes a request (which is unusual in itself) she has the right to voice her opinions on the subject. He is not asking her permission, rather her feelings on the matter. when asked, she answers. when directed, she complies. simple, really.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A Respectful way - 7/6/2009 11:47:02 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		i would never tell my Master that i would "prefer not to" do something. that would be sooooo crazy! lol!! whew, that's a good one.



(in reply to babybella)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A Respectful way - 7/6/2009 11:49:23 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL that was the perfect answer. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

i would never tell my Master that i would "prefer not to" do something. that would be sooooo crazy! lol!! whew, that's a good one.




(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A Respectful way - 7/6/2009 2:53:50 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babybella

excuse please, but isnt that why it's called topping from the bottom??????

this girl understands that if her Master makes a request (which is unusual in itself) she has the right to voice her opinions on the subject. He is not asking her permission, rather her feelings on the matter. when asked, she answers. when directed, she complies. simple, really.



Topping from the bottom only exists if the top allows the bottom to make the decisions (in which case, the top is allowing it, so it's really still topping from the top).  In the case of the OP, she did not decide not to do it, she let him know what was going on in her mind about it.  Nothing toppy about that at all.

And Daddysprop - LOL!!!  Yeah, no kidding!  Go ahead - tell a sadist what you don't like...and then cringe for the next...well...rest of your life


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to babybella)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A Respectful way - 7/6/2009 5:48:24 PM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always.

Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey.


So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner?

Matt's littleone

zaphira would never tell me she does not want to do something because she knows from experience, that I could care less if she 'wants' to do anything.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A Respectful way - 7/7/2009 8:05:57 PM   
TheDomInTheHat


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		Communication is important. It is useful to have a phrase for when a submissive is truly expressing a concern and when it's more of the "no means harder" variety. "I'd prefer not to" might work well in that situation as long as your sub is not Bartleby.

(in reply to Drakontos)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> A Respectful way Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094