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Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 7:03:46 PM

subtdop1

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i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should.

i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself.

i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it.

thanks for the help,

tim

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 7:27:38 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtdop1

i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should.

i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself.

i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it.

thanks for the help,

tim

Does it happen? Yes.

Should it happen? How successful are you at stopping your emotional connections like that? It isn't a matter of should, its a matter of "is" or "is not".

Might it work out? Only if both parties want it to and are willing to put work into the relationship. If one of you is unsure then it will not work, it really is as simple as that.

This is true for non-bdsm relationships though as well.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 7:59:27 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

Might it work out? Only if both parties want it to and are willing to put work into the relationship. If one of you is unsure then it will not work, it really is as simple as that.

Dear subtdop1 to me it is exactly as TammyJo said.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing if all parties are interested in having that happen; if not, than you may have an unworkable problem, since some folks, as I have read/heard are unable/unwilling to mix M/s relationships with love.
I hope things work out for you and your Mistress. M

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 9:35:45 PM

seaturtle50

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Joined: 12/28/2005
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quote:

i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should.

i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself.

i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it.

Hi Tim, Well first of all, congrats. Many and perhaps most of U/us seek what Y/you may have found!

In my personal experience (to date i have only "fallen in love two times in my life) confusion and a sense of "out of control" are components of the "falling in love" feeling.

i place that in italics as i have found that people tend to identify many different feelings with that of falling in love, and i have also found that there are different "levels" of passion in that falling.

i can also remember feeling like i was the "strongest man in the world" and the "weakest man in the world" at the exact same time. Very strange feelings indeed.

The first time i began to "fall" i tried to stop it within myself, as it took me rather by surprise, and i intellectually wanted other things for myself. what amazement i experienced as my very self mocked me. It laughed right out loud at me ;-)

i learned that a true "falling in love" can no more be stopped while in progress than it can be created when one wishes for it. It is a most natural occurrence. It seems to happen "in spite of oneself."

Today, i also understand that falling in love itself is not "good enough" in itself. i am not going to get into my thinking on the psychological aspects at work, but rather will jump to the chase. There comes a time when the process requires a conscious decision. Where two people each at the same time, select and chose the other to "stand in love" with. meaning ... chose that person to do the "work" of loving with. <please note the apparent importance of dreaded timing in this flow of things.> Technically speaking, so much of the (significant) pairing of two loves is about timing.

If she is working it back to more "sterile," between the two of Y/you, i personally do not see how that impacts or takes away from the issue of loving O/one another at all. Since, your ultimate desire is to serve Her, so shall it be.

Personally i seek this "passionate love" as i seek my Domina. i do not however require for it to be reciprocated. i understand that when i feel the feelings of passionate love for a Woman, they are my feelings. Self-contained within me, and not contingent necessarily on the reciprocation, especially in the context of a D/s, M/s relationship. That said ... i also understand that one hand cannot clap without the Other.

No matter what ... try to have fun and enjoy the moment. It is not so much about getting the butterfly’s to go away ... but rather to get them to fly in formation.

st50

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Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 9:56:17 PM

slaveboytd

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good points....

< Message edited by slaveboytd -- 2/15/2006 9:57:25 PM >

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 10:16:06 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

Personally i seek this "passionate love" as i seek my Domina. i do not however require for it to be reciprocated. i understand that when i feel the feelings of passionate love for a Woman, they are my feelings. Self-contained within me, and not contingent necessarily on the reciprocation, especially in the context of a D/s, M/s relationship. That said ... i also understand that one hand cannot clap without the Other.

That is a great outlook to have, especially if you hope to submit to and be owned by her.
I'm not a sub as everyone knows, but I could never successfully cope with unrequited love, so from that perspective (the only one I understand), I would never recommend anyone sacrifice his life/emotions that way, to serve/love without being cared for/loved back. M

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 11:10:02 PM

seaturtle50

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quote:

That is a great outlook to have, especially if you hope to submit to and be owned by her.
I'm not a sub as everyone knows, but I could never successfully cope with unrequited love, so from that perspective (the only one I understand), I would never recommend anyone sacrifice his life/emotions that way, to serve/love without being cared for/loved back. M

But Ma'am, it appears to this one that being allowed to experience his own love for his Beloved is in fact the goal. That is to love. That is it.

That said, i do not mean to imply that i would prefer it not to be returned. Should i experience that i will bask. i have just discovered (so far in this life) that "love" for another is within myself. Once there, it is already mine, regardless. And it seems that for so many reasons <the primary being some sort of spiritual development i suspect> requited love between a man and a woman is elusive. i do refer to a type of that love that is oft described in poems, found in the least likely place, and most often when least expected.

Cared for? That is another thing all together for me. Yes, i seek Her Protection and Care, for i find that i am largely lost without them.

st50

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/15/2006 11:55:45 PM

UtahGoddess

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As this is posted in multiple forums, I will copy my previous response here

Dear tim,

Yes. Dommes can and do fall in love with their slaves. As a matter of fact, my slave and I are happily married.

I won't assume to guess what your Domme is going through, but I can offer my experience. When I first began having feelings for my boy I pulled my affection back a bit. Realising I was falling "in love" with him made me feel vulnerable. I worried that I was falling too fast and so set the brakes until I learned more about him and his intentions.

For a short period of time I even refused to see him so I could think clearly and sort out my feelings (without the intoxication of his presence). Like all human beings, I feared being emotionally hurt. Through it all my slave quietly persisted. I came to terms with my fears and decided the risk was worth the reward and surrendered myself to the process.

I am not a weak or fearful person. Far from it. But those that know me, know I only reveal my "inner self" to a very small number of people. With most people (subs, slaves, vanillas, Dom/mes, etc etc) I am friendly, yet reserved. So when I do meet someone that quickly penetrates my armor, I become a little disconcerted. <laffs>

So your situation may be nothing to worry about. She may just be setting her own internal boundaries in an attempt to limit her emotional vulnerability. If that's the case, continue to be the wonderful you, you are, and let her open up at her own pace. She may just be asserting more formality as a way of reassuring herself she (not her emotions) are in control.

I hope this made sense LOL

Ms Sandi

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/16/2006 5:43:45 AM

ShiftedJewel

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quote:

No matter what ... try to have fun and enjoy the moment. It is not so much about getting the butterfly’s to go away ... but rather to get them to fly in formation.

For us... the love is a vital part. I don't want just a body, I want the mental and emotional connection, I want the love. Part of the reason for us being poly is that we wanted to share the amazing love we have for each other with others.... Well, that and the fact that we are both dominants... lol. Anyway... I don't know whether or not it SHOULD happen, I just know that for me... it has to.

quote:

No matter what ... try to have fun and enjoy the moment. It is not so much about getting the butterfly’s to go away ... but rather to get them to fly in formation.

I love this statement... it's so accurate!

Jewel

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/16/2006 7:59:27 AM

subtdop1

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Wow, thanks for the insights...

i believe as well that love is integral to making things work otherwise it is just playing and unreal.... i love to connect and to have that be a mutual thing between two.... it is paramount to me.....

tim

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RE: Falling in love... - 2/16/2006 8:00:50 AM

subtdop1

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Ms. Sandi,

that is very interesting process and if i had to guess, that is what is happening now... She is pulling back some to gain a perspective and to take time... that is something that i had not thought on.

thank You,

tim

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