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Addressing Me As Sir - 7/2/2009 11:33:24 PM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

I am new(er) here. I have strong personal opinions about things that I will share. On occasion I am open to being wrong.

Respect is something which I demonstrate through actions I am worthy to have. Knowing things are done just for me or the select group the she feels are worthy is one of the things I 'get off on.' Call it an ego trip knowing I am that good. More so it is knowing she let me in. I am called sir or kneeled before on request because I deserve it.

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.

If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?

Do I need to change this way of thinking?

*No disrespect implied and I do not have in mind play parties, play partners or situations where roles might be 'predetermined'

Post #: 1

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/2/2009 11:46:28 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

sometimes, it's just how someone feels comfortable addressing a dominant. *shrug*

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 2

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/2/2009 11:54:52 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

All I can say is that I've heard everything on this issue, and had doms bitch me out both FOR and for NOT using "Sir" when I was just getting into the scene. I'd prefer not to use it with someone unless I'm involved personally with them, but some dominants really get their panties in a twist if you don't, so I start off speaking as I would with anyone and change it if they want. For me, it's just not worth fighting about for the umpteenth time. Whether I do or don't call you Sir has nothing to do with whether I respect you or not, just whether you've asked for that or not.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 3

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 12:26:01 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn
Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable.

Guess I'm a child again!

More seriously: I show respect to pretty much everyone until they prove they don't deserve it. I got a whole formula for determining if I'll call them sir/ma'am/mister/miss/miz/by name... but the simple fact remains: most people (to me) are 'sirs' or 'ma'ams' simply because I don't know them.

The only reason someone would need to earn respect with me is because they lost it at least once, already. That would be a bad sign.

Instead of thinking of their subservience as a sign of respect (since it implies they don't respect anyone else), think of it as a sign of something else? "She listens to me because it's something I deserve" is pretty much the same thing, semantics wise, but changes the entire mystique around it.

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 4

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 2:21:26 AM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

Respect is something which I demonstrate through actions I am worthy to have. Knowing things are done just for me or the select group the she feels are worthy is one of the things I 'get off on.' Call it an ego trip knowing I am that good. More so it is knowing she let me in. I am called sir or kneeled before on request because I deserve it.

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.

Is is entirely up to You how You wish to be addressed by a sub. Lay that out at the start. i address my Master as Sir, because He told me to do so. It shows my respect and reverence for Him.

k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 5

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 2:35:10 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I prefer to address any male Dominant i encounter here as Sir...i think it is a very nice polite way to address a man... i feel uncomfortable using a Christian name...in normal real life that is ok but here i like to be in my place.
I show respect to anyone as i like to be respected myself also...i do not believe in 'earning' respect but i firmly believe respect can be easily lost.
I am not weak Sir

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 6

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 2:36:55 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Do you WANT to change your way of thinking? If feeling this way reflects your personal authenticity, then don't worry about it and use it as a convenient weeding tool to find those who agree with you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
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(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 7

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 3:32:09 AM

WoodenPaddle

Posts: 154
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

I am new(er) here. I have strong personal opinions about things that I will share. On occasion I am open to being wrong.

Respect is something which I demonstrate through actions I am worthy to have. Knowing things are done just for me or the select group the she feels are worthy is one of the things I 'get off on.' Call it an ego trip knowing I am that good. More so it is knowing she let me in. I am called sir or kneeled before on request because I deserve it.

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.

If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?

Do I need to change this way of thinking?

*No disrespect implied and I do not have in mind play parties, play partners or situations where roles might be 'predetermined'

Interesting.
I'd say everyone has their own views on this, but I'm going to break it down here into two separate situations you mentioned, within the lifestyle, and within the everyday life/work situation.

To start with the life/work situation, I guess I'm an oldfashioned bastard, raised that way, and proud of it. Calling people sir/mam etc at work, especially strangers is to me a normal sign of respect. With my daily collegues I'm on a first name base of course, but in my view it's basic good manners to start of with sir/mam. At some point we can decide whether or not to proceed to firstname basis. But even there, I don't always.
To me, the manager/owner is "sir" at work. After hours, if we're friends it's not. I guess I just like to keep things clear, not to mention that during my time in the military it was drilled in to use the proper way to address people. So work and private life are kept apart.

As for the lifestyle, most subs are trained to call their chosen one sir/mam. Practicing that a lot makes it a habit to adress people that way I guess.
I don't insist on strange subs calling me sir. If we get involved, for instance the girls I have under my protection or being a mentor for, I do. It's part of the rules, they can take it or leave it.
Since I'm oldfashioned I teach them those values as well, so they will generally call strange Dom(me)s sir/mam. I think it's good manners. If that person doesn't like it they can say so and it will be changed.

But like I said, that's just MY view on things, which is not necessarily better or worse than anyone elses.

_____________________________

Don't worry about what people think about you: other people are already worrying about what you think about them.

"Life" : Life is what happens to you while you're busy planning other things

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 8

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 3:56:54 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

Again, it's all a matter of perspective. I don't call anyone Sir, Ma'am, Lord, Master, Lady or the Great High and Mighty Poobah except my Daddy and Master. I'm His submissive, not the world's. If it's someone here I don't know all that well, I'll simply address them by their screen nick. In personal correspondence on the other side, some people know me by my given name and I know their given name. Lumus has set it out perfectly clear that I am not to address another dominant in such a manner, not out of disrespect for the other dominant but because I am HIS, not theirs. It doesn't mean I'm rude or disrespectful but honouring my Master's wishes.

Now, out in the world, for work and what have you, I do tend to still call some people sir and ma'am. I was raised in an old-fashioned country home where anyone older than you or your parents was Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, yes sir, no ma'am, or quite frankly, you got smacked upside the head for being rude. And we ain't talking love-taps here. I also worked in customer service for many years so politeness is doubly-ingrained in me. In some jobs, it's a requirement to call the customer "Mr. Jones" or "Miss Smith".

One thing I have seen Lumus do is correct a sub who just starts calling Him "Master" or "Sir" out of the blue. He'll politely tell them that while they are sub, they are not HIS sub and that they can just call Him "Lumus". A lot of times, not always but a lot, those who start out calling Him Sir or Master are looking for something, so it's a bit of a red flag.

But, as the saying goes: your mileage may vary.

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to WoodenPaddle)

Post #: 9

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 3:58:40 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.

If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?

Do I need to change this way of thinking?

Yep, I think you need to combine a bit of "lighten up" with "grow the fuck up", here....

Any time a sub makes contact with an unfamiliar Dom/me, they're likely to get the full gambit of responses and, believe it or not, there are some real arsehole "doms" out there! So, assuming said sub doesn't know your name (or that of any other stranger Dom/me), I can understand if many lean on the side of caution. Duhhhh?

It really takes that much out of you to simply respond "Whoa, just call me Cecil..."?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 10

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 4:42:49 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Why be offended by someone being polite?

Here in the South, we use sir (notice the lack of a capital S) and ma'am as basic courtesy for our fellow human beings. The words are pronouns, not titles!! We also combine respect with familiarity. For example, Mrs. Smith is married to Tom, her name is Mary and if I didn't know her at all I would simply call her ma'am or Mrs Smith. If I knew her as an adquaintance but not a close friend, I would refer to her as Miss Mary and her husband as Mr. Tom and use sir or ma'am (as pronouns rather than titles). After getting to know them better, they might say in a friendly way to just call them Tom and Mary and then I would happily comply with their wishes.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 11

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 4:55:02 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I feel that when I am addressed as "Shithead" that that shows a lack of respect. Darn near anything else is just fine.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 12

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 4:59:25 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I feel that when I am addressed as "Shithead" that that shows a lack of respect. Darn near anything else is just fine.

DAMNIT Steven...you shithead!!! I just snorted coffee

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 5:09:03 AM

seekerof

Posts: 18
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

I teach my children to say "Sir" or Ma'am" to all unfamiliar adults. I am thrilled if you do not. Some day your child and mine might be up for the same job......

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 14

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 5:33:45 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes).
Maybe you should stop reading so much into it. I called the guy who sold me a paper sir. Believe me, it didn't mean a thing. It is just how I was raised.

Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it.
Most of the kids I hung out with were taught this. They still do it today and yes they understand why they do it. It's called basic human respect. I have found when I treat someone with it, they usually give it right back. Makes life so much easier that way.

In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me.
Why does it shock you?

Regardless of my title at work I have a name.
Yes you do and if that is how you want to be addressed, you should tell people that.

Do I need to change this way of thinking?
That is totally up to you.

*No disrespect implied and I do not have in mind play parties, play partners or situations where roles might be 'predetermined'

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 15

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 6:02:46 AM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?

when i address all Dominants Male or Female, it is to show, just that respect. when i say Sir, in a sentence does that make me fake or weak?? how does that make me weak?.....this is Your point of veiw and look i wont say Sir bc i know You dont like it.
i am proud of who i am and how i was taught to show respect..now if i go to Your box and say with respect Sir and You tell me not to call You Sir agian..bingo i am not gonna do that, cus if i did wouldnt i be disrespected Your wishes...

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 16

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 6:58:25 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn
I have strong personal opinions

*emphasis on personal*

What doesn't work for you may work for others. I have certain co-workers/brass that I call sir or ma'am but that has more to do with the type of work then a burning desire to show submission where there is none.

I wouldn't worry so much about changing the way you think as much as trying to think with an open mind. If it really bothers you then I would suggest you discuss it with any prospectives you encounter.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 17

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 7:03:22 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I am 57 years old, I am a Dominant, a Mother, a Senior Manager-- I use Sir and Maam daily--even if the person is younger than I am, it does not demean Me or lower My status in any manner, it IS a gentle reminder to humanity that social grace should never be lost in this world of far too much casual informality.

In My world, I expect Maam to be used by My submissive and My UM--if someone else uses it fine, if they don't fine--I'm not on an ego trip.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 18

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 7:37:00 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekerof

I teach my children to say "Sir" or Ma'am" to all unfamiliar adults. I am thrilled if you do not. Some day your child and mine might be up for the same job......

Thats if your American. Here in the UK we don't call people Sir/Maam unless we are in the armed forces or we are speaking perhaps to our Managing Director.
If I was to call someone I didn't know Sir/Maam (within the vanilla world) I would certainly get some very strange looks. In the UK we use Mr....... or Mrs/Miss........ or we use the first name.

I don't see what the op said as disrespectful but I found Focus50's reaction typical of a disrespectful person.

To the op... who in my opinion asked a perfectly good question especially if he is talking to multi nationals.
Like you, I don't want a single subs calling me Miss,Maam,Mistress, Goddess or any other name that denotes I am superior to them before they become my submissive. If on the other hand I was in a club, munch or at a kink friendly house and the taken sub was to call me Maam then I would except it as something there dominant had instructed them to do out of respect.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to seekerof)

Post #: 19

RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 7/3/2009 7:43:03 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

I am new(er) here. I have strong personal opinions about things that I will share. On occasion I am open to being wrong.

Respect is something which I demonstrate through actions I am worthy to have. Knowing things are done just for me or the select group the she feels are worthy is one of the things I 'get off on.' Call it an ego trip knowing I am that good. More so it is knowing she let me in. I am called sir or kneeled before on request because I deserve it.

When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.

If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?

Do I need to change this way of thinking?

*No disrespect implied and I do not have in mind play parties, play partners or situations where roles might be 'predetermined'

Do things YOUR way and forget about how everyone else THINKS things should be done. It's your life, your relationships, your friends, your way.
See a pattern here?
YOUR, YOUR, YOUR, YOUR....untill you feel confident enough to make the change to OUR and OURS.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 20

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