CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
When a sub addresses me as sir off the bat I view it as a 'weakness'. I see it as a red-flag or 'con-artist'(sometimes). Reminds me of a child who calls everyone sir/ma'am because it is socially acceptable. They might not understand why they do it. In the office co-workers who call managers "MR/MRS" shocks me. Regardless of my title at work I have a name.
If I have not yet requested it yet or this is how I am initially addressed it seems fake. If this is how she addresses everyone when used appropriately it looses power - no?
Do I need to change this way of thinking?
I think that only -you- can decide whether or not you need to change your way of thinking, and, if you are a wise man, you'll reach that conclusion after doing exactly what you've done, and obtaining information that will help you to make your decision.
Now, for a little information...
I am not a submissive individual, however, it is possible that, in the course of events, I might actually call you 'sir'. I was raised with certain courtesies, and have, over the years, developed my own preferred affectations, so if you are unfamiliar to me, and are male, I will address you as 'sir' because, to me, that is a generalized courtesy. In the same way, a servant in our household would address you as 'sir', not because xhe is a con-artist, and not because xhe wants anything from you at all, but because that is how xhe is directed to address you by the protocols that we abide by. In the same way, I prefer to be addressed as "ma'am", "dame", "dama", or "madam" by those who self-identify as 'submissive'. To me, these are common courtesies that also recognize that I do self-identify as a freewoman.
In the same way, were we to come to know one another, I might call you 'dear', or 'hon'. These, to me, are not diminutives, and are also not gender-biased. They are, coming from me, a sign that I've begun to think of a person more as a close associate or friend. This is an affectation of both how I was raised and where I live (where such is reinforced by local culture).
What follows is my opinion. I think that, if an individual is using a term of courtesy when addressing someone, that the -courtesy- should be recognized. I may not prefer a certain form of address (as in being addressed as "mistress"), but I also recognize that, until a person knows me, or until I have the chance to -say- something, it makes sense that a person will address me, if being courteous, in the term that -they- feel provides the greatest courtesy in a given situation. Rather than thinking the -worst- of someone in such a situation, I will often give the benefit of the doubt. If I'm not going to encounter that person again, I will typically not even bother to correct hir form of address, for, if xhe is being courteous, it isn't worth getting bent out of shape about.
If I -am- going to be encountering this person again, or we will be interacting, in some form (including on the boards), on a regular basis, I will typically very -gently- and neutrally let the person know how I prefer to be addressed. I also let people who read my profile know that I have a preference in how I am addressed. However, I also have to say that, of all the issues facing one of authoritarian mien, which courtesy honorific is used is less important, to me, than the fact that the person has attempted to be courteous at all... at least, until we've had the opportunity to discuss the issue.
Dame Calla
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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RE: Addressing Me As Sir - 
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