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Sirandlittle1 -> RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate measurement? (2/19/2006 1:46:02 PM)
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In answer to this, NO, catagorically NO. I would not chose a public player as my partner. I do not wish to be with someone who needs to play in public, as im never going there. I am pretty vanilla, i would not of considered anything other than monogamy in vanilla, and my values have not changed now that i am in a D/s relationship. I will not allow my life partner to sleep with another female, and it be 'ok' coz he's a dom! But that requires me limiting my options somewhat, but that is fine, just was prepared to wait.
Also, how the hell can a observer possibly know what the power exchange element feels like, unless you are the one being played with? It is not observable is it. Sure you can watch how techniques are played out. Ive watched a scene where the two people were apparently very connected to one another, oblivious to the rest of the room. But i wouldnt assume i knew what was going on between them.
I definately consider my Dominant to be real lol. But most of our powerexchange is not based on sex. It is in every day interactions, it is the way we ARE. Sex encompasses our D/s dynamic wonderfully, but it is a toy, not the actual dynamic. Kink, does not have to be present for a powerexchange relationship. Nor does fetish. These are plug in's, extras, and a whole lot of fun, but they are not what makes a powerexchange, what does that, is our most basic way of being, me submitting to him, him dominating me, in whatever we are doing. Allways.
He had played twice with a one night stand situation prior to us meeting, and at the beginning of our relationship, he knew very little of my button's that dropped me to the place i like to go. And visa versa. We learnt about each others control needs along the way.
Very much like in the vanilla situation, a one night stand is not often likely to be as good a lover, as someone who'm youve shared your self with often. Skill is something that is aquired. And the skills for one partner, often dont do jack shit for the next.
A dominant, is a person. He is a dominant with or without a partner. He just is, or she. A top as opposed to a Dominant, is a skilled player, and not my cup of tea at all, but each to their own.
little1
quote:
ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan
A thought came to me, from another thread that suggested someone may not be "real" (or a Dom/me) because they were never seen with a "play" partner, nor playing (having a scene) in a public/group venue.
I used to enjoy participating in many public BDSM venues for fun and meeting others, and yet have never been much for public scenes, or casual play. I enjoy private and intimate pleasures, for me and my partner(s). Because of this, I too have heard of others saying such things about me, like "well, she's says she's a Top...BUT, I've never seen her play," implying that's the measure or indicator to gauge by.
Now, I have had some tremendous HOT scenes in public play venues, and don't allow myself to be judged by others, but can't help but wonder how many here might view quantity and public scenes as a measure of "real," or of one's orientation, as a Dom/me or sub. (I have a submissive friend that won't scene in public and is accused of being fake, and a tease, when in fact their experience...well, it's their experience, not for others to enjoy. They are a private person, and they enjoy private pleasures, as I do. So both Dom and sub get judged by this.)
Do you have to "see" someone in action in order to believe who they are, or what they say they enjoy? Is it a measure of being real versus a wannabe to you?
Yes, I do realize that "watching" someone do a physical scene can be a good gauge to their technique and safety, but is it also the measure to define more? What does it tell you? And if they don't scene in public...?
What you see is what you get? Is it necessary for you to see...to believe?
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