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RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 4:14:22 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718
For me, I know my own reality and the powere players can kiss my chunky buttocks.

We're talking 'quote of the day' material here.

I've known some very "real" people that I never saw do an actual scene in public. What I did see some of them do, and the stories of their scenes were hair-raising enough, and I can't bear to watch anything involving needles (even the stories and the pictures are squickalicious to me).

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Nuke718)

Post #: 21

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 4:22:57 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

Nope, I don't have to see them to believe it. Many times, you can get a feel for someone by just listening to them talk, or paying attention to what they talk about, etc..you don't have to see them in action to know if they are real or not.

Though, also, on the other side of the coin...there are those who are very accomplished at covering up their real self...but I still would not rely only on public or casusal play scenes to determine if someone is real or not.

brat you already said what i was going to say. LOL You can learn alot from some one just by listening to them talk and getting to know them.

For abit of a twist. When i was a complete newbie i played in public in the clubs almost every weekend and now, as i am not a complete newbie and do have abit of experience i do not play in the clubs or public.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 22

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 5:47:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
For abit of a twist. When i was a complete newbie i played in public in the clubs almost every weekend and now, as i am not a complete newbie and do have abit of experience i do not play in the clubs or public.

Is that because you don't enjoy it anymore or because your dom doesn't? Or both? Or neither?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 23

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 6:41:32 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

A thought came to me, from another thread that suggested someone may not be "real" (or a Dom/me) because they were never seen with a "play" partner, nor playing (having a scene) in a public/group venue.

I used to enjoy participating in many public BDSM venues for fun and meeting others, and yet have never been much for public scenes, or casual play. I enjoy private and intimate pleasures, for me and my partner(s). Because of this, I too have heard of others saying such things about me, like "well, she's says she's a Top...BUT, I've never seen her play," implying that's the measure or indicator to gauge by.

See I have a different reading on that. It sounds like they were saying that they know that you identify as X, but they have no way to verify that you are X. I’ve had people ask me about someone, and I’ll usually say that to indicate that I know that they identify as a certain way and have been to certain things, but I don’t know anything beyond what they’ve said. Someone could say that they are a heavy sadist, but if I’ve never seen anything to verify it then I’ll make that clear when someone asks about them.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 24

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 1:30:46 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Before people talk about others being "real" or not. I think they should provide their definition of "real."

Seriously, is anyone really saying that people who post and write emails aren't real... that they are some sort of AI programme?

Reading this.. all I could think was... "Take me to your leader" (of course said in robot monotone)

I've gotten the "you're not real" speel. And I agree with a few others that its peoples way of making themselves look better for the lifestyle choices they made.

Its the same kinds of things I found in a lot of churches growing up. If you don't do this, then you're not really a ______. If you don't come to church every day, then you're not a _______.

I think every clique or group has their .. You aren't one of us if _______.

Back in HS.. it was you can't be a cheerleader if you're not thin and cute.. or you're not a cool kid if you don't (drink, smoke, drugs?).

There is always someone somewhere thats going to tell you some kind of "you're not one of us" BS. Which for me is usually just fine anyway, if thats the way they are.. I don't want to be one of them either.

So.. yes.. I am an AI programme and I'm very good at it.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 25

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 2:07:07 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718
For me, I know my own reality and the powere players can kiss my chunky buttocks.

We're talking 'quote of the day' material here.

I've known some very "real" people that I never saw do an actual scene in public. What I did see some of them do, and the stories of their scenes were hair-raising enough, and I can't bear to watch anything involving needles (even the stories and the pictures are squickalicious to me).

Phoenix

Thanks Pheonix!

And I agree, in every group over a certain size that I have been involved with there were people that instead of having the reputation of not being real, had the rep of being real scary (wether its needles, or asphyxiation, or bloodletting, or whatever.

Nuke

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

Post #: 26

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/17/2006 2:19:21 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

A thought came to me, from another thread that suggested someone may not be "real" (or a Dom/me) because they were never seen with a "play" partner, nor playing (having a scene) in a public/group venue.

I personally avoid public venues; I think they're great for fetish models, Pro Dommes and all the willing creatures and clients who inhabit such scenes, but this does not appeal to me. I would say the same of munches as well. Just don't care about being part of the "culture" in that regard, as I am a very private person.

Don't believe in me? That's ok; I'll get over it.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 27

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/18/2006 11:49:13 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

BTW I've never seen you go to the bathroom either, therefore you don't pee and must be an alien.

K

i am sitting in a hotel room by myself and burst out laughing. Nicely done, PlayfulOne!!

Not only has Master not used me publically (not to say that he won't if he wants to), but i rarely share what he does with me, because for me it cheapens the intimacy i feel. There was a recent thread about where we get our validation. Like most of those who replied to it, i get my validation from my Master, and am unphased by what others think of my reality (which is often in question, ha).

And Amayos, if i didn't believe in you i wouldn't have passed out over the 8 FOOT bullwhip...(good gawd)

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 28

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 1:51:12 AM

dincubus

Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline

At this ppint in my evolution as a Dom, I do not scene in public. Part of it is due to my own thoughts about myself and what image I try to portray as a person. The other part of it is where I live. In this area, one of the more conservative States, it is had to be anything close to approaching outspoken.
As an example, there is a sizeable Gay and Alternative lifestyle community where I live. There have been more than a few instances where those of a "non-mainstream" lifestyle have been bashed openly. Therefore to have anything close to a chance of considering a normal life here, one has to keep a low profile.
It is difficult but it is something that is manageable. Those whom I consider firends know of my lifestyle and that is ok with them. None of my friends have any issues with my choice to not scene in public. There are other reasons I do not scene in public, but that would be best left to either another thread or a private email.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 29

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 2:55:12 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Accepting someone as actually being a Dominant or submissive is a judgement call. If that person fits your idea of "real," then they are. Seeing someone in action is the quickest and easiest way some of us determine if we accept someone as a peer. We're in the age of instant gratification, and getting to know someone over a long period of time and reserving judgement is too much trouble.

Personally, I don't feel it matters if someone else believes I'm real or not. Just as a capital letter in chat doesn't make or unmake me Dominant, someone else's ideas about me don't change who I am. I hope it is the same for others.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 30

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 3:07:59 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Right off the bat, I don’t think you have to do anything in public to be anything. Further, you don’t learn that much about someone from watching the person scene in public. You watch how well a technique is done. The term “public” is not accurate either. Scening with those who are all into the lifestyle is hardly public.

My public experience in Atlanta began with trepidation for the sub I was with and for me. I live a hundred miles south of Atlanta in a small city where I doubt I would play due to my profession and other factors. The club was large and crowded, but there was a small group of about 20 people that I knew well from an online group we had arranged to meet there that night.

We were dressed very vanilla and that stood out although we looked good in my opinion in this atmosphere of omnipresent Doms and subs. The online friends gave us an immediate family and I was impressed with the friendliness of everyone there.

By the end of the evening, watching our friends and others scene, I knew I could do that because my comfort level had improved and I was feeling that way you get after the initial uneasiness passes and you find yourself so relieved that you are almost frivolous in your thoughts. Of course it helps if both of you are so in tune to D/s that your psychology tests would have the examiner calling the police, serial whatever division, and giving them your full names and descriptions.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 31

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 10:10:46 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

And Amayos, if i didn't believe in you i wouldn't have passed out over the 8 FOOT bullwhip...(good gawd)

Good Gawd... is a damn understatement!. LOL

8 footer huh?... LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 32

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 1:46:02 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

In answer to this, NO, catagorically NO. I would not chose a public player as my partner. I do not wish to be with someone who needs to play in public, as im never going there. I am pretty vanilla, i would not of considered anything other than monogamy in vanilla, and my values have not changed now that i am in a D/s relationship. I will not allow my life partner to sleep with another female, and it be 'ok' coz he's a dom! But that requires me limiting my options somewhat, but that is fine, just was prepared to wait.
Also, how the hell can a observer possibly know what the power exchange element feels like, unless you are the one being played with? It is not observable is it. Sure you can watch how techniques are played out. Ive watched a scene where the two people were apparently very connected to one another, oblivious to the rest of the room. But i wouldnt assume i knew what was going on between them.
I definately consider my Dominant to be real lol. But most of our powerexchange is not based on sex. It is in every day interactions, it is the way we ARE. Sex encompasses our D/s dynamic wonderfully, but it is a toy, not the actual dynamic. Kink, does not have to be present for a powerexchange relationship. Nor does fetish. These are plug in's, extras, and a whole lot of fun, but they are not what makes a powerexchange, what does that, is our most basic way of being, me submitting to him, him dominating me, in whatever we are doing. Allways.
He had played twice with a one night stand situation prior to us meeting, and at the beginning of our relationship, he knew very little of my button's that dropped me to the place i like to go. And visa versa. We learnt about each others control needs along the way.
Very much like in the vanilla situation, a one night stand is not often likely to be as good a lover, as someone who'm youve shared your self with often. Skill is something that is aquired. And the skills for one partner, often dont do jack shit for the next.
A dominant, is a person. He is a dominant with or without a partner. He just is, or she. A top as opposed to a Dominant, is a skilled player, and not my cup of tea at all, but each to their own.
little1

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

A thought came to me, from another thread that suggested someone may not be "real" (or a Dom/me) because they were never seen with a "play" partner, nor playing (having a scene) in a public/group venue.

I used to enjoy participating in many public BDSM venues for fun and meeting others, and yet have never been much for public scenes, or casual play. I enjoy private and intimate pleasures, for me and my partner(s). Because of this, I too have heard of others saying such things about me, like "well, she's says she's a Top...BUT, I've never seen her play," implying that's the measure or indicator to gauge by.

Now, I have had some tremendous HOT scenes in public play venues, and don't allow myself to be judged by others, but can't help but wonder how many here might view quantity and public scenes as a measure of "real," or of one's orientation, as a Dom/me or sub. (I have a submissive friend that won't scene in public and is accused of being fake, and a tease, when in fact their experience...well, it's their experience, not for others to enjoy. They are a private person, and they enjoy private pleasures, as I do. So both Dom and sub get judged by this.)

Do you have to "see" someone in action in order to believe who they are, or what they say they enjoy? Is it a measure of being real versus a wannabe to you?

Yes, I do realize that "watching" someone do a physical scene can be a good gauge to their technique and safety, but is it also the measure to define more? What does it tell you? And if they don't scene in public...?

What you see is what you get? Is it necessary for you to see...to believe?

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 33

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 2:57:56 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Do you have to "see" someone in action in order to believe who they are, or what they say they enjoy? Is it a measure of being real versus a wannabe to you?

Yes, I do realize that "watching" someone do a physical scene can be a good gauge to their technique and safety, but is it also the measure to define more? What does it tell you? And if they don't scene in public...?

What you see is what you get? Is it necessary for you to see...to believe?

Newp, not necessary for me to see, although without at least having seen them play it's impossible for me to recommend someone as a 'play' partner. I can say "I know them to have lots of integrity in their dealings" or "I know they have always done what they told me they were going to do" or "that person is always such a pleasure to interact with" or "that person is an arrogant ass" or any other such things. I can't, however, say "what I have seen of this person suggests to me that they are a talented (or bad) top."

So, while I may 'believe' someone is probably a decent enough top by the way they carry themself otherwise, I can't say "that person is a skilled top" without having some sort of experience of same.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 34

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 3:23:35 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

And Amayos, if i didn't believe in you i wouldn't have passed out over the 8 FOOT bullwhip...(good gawd)

Will take pictures when it's in my eager talons. :D

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 35

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 3:25:09 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Good Gawd... is a damn understatement!. LOL

8 footer huh?... LOL

Well, I was considering the 12ft version, but it seem a bit unwieldy.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 36

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 5:54:56 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

This is one of those questions that usually ticks me off. While I OFTEN carry the marks to show that I play with my Dominant privately, I wouldn't be able to "prove" my submission using some of the criteria set out for needing to play in public. I have NEVER played in public. The two events I attended in public were ghastly. Now I'm not saying this is the norm for most events, but one was a munch and one was a play party at a dungeon. The munch was as vanilla as vanilla gets. There was almost no BDSM talk at all.

The play party was a hoot and a half to watch. There were more pretenders there than real doms and subs. Men and women all dressed up in leather and vinyl, prancing around, flirting and hitting on each other. There were some people leading others around on chains but it was more like a vanilla costume "dating" party than anything I'd consider "real". More goes on one on one with my dom and I, in private, than was going on there, and I thought we were on the light side.

We do have an occassional dom and sub over, but that is about it. We are very private people. I understand that the advent of the play parties and munches is a rather new phenomenon. How new? Anyone know?

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 37

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/19/2006 6:33:41 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

And Amayos, if i didn't believe in you i wouldn't have passed out over the 8 FOOT bullwhip...(good gawd)

Will take pictures when it's in my eager talons. :D

i would love to see it.

A 12 footer would prompt a girl to always stay 13 feet away.....lol

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 38

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/20/2006 10:45:16 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Yes, I do realize that "watching" someone do a physical scene can be a good gauge to their technique and safety, but is it also the measure to define more? What does it tell you? And if they don't scene in public...?

What you see is what you get? Is it necessary for you to see...to believe?

There are times that public scenes if that is all you see can give a very incorrect perception of what someone or a relationship is about. Last night my Lord took the house to a play party and if you watched how he and I interact in the context of play you would have an inaccurate perception of his authority over me. His rule during play is that there are no rules. Last night I knocked him on his ass more than once, kicked him and took a swing at him.... This is just how he and I play; it is very primal and can be quite disconcerting to those who are not aware of it. However, this does not reflect my behavior towards him outside of play.

So it is really a matter of context and how you carry yourself overall and not just in a scene that is important to me.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 39

RE: What you "see" - Is that an accurate meas... - 2/20/2006 10:55:15 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Yes, I do realize that "watching" someone do a physical scene can be a good gauge to their technique and safety, but is it also the measure to define more? What does it tell you? And if they don't scene in public...?

What you see is what you get? Is it necessary for you to see...to believe?

There are times that public scenes if that is all you see can give a very incorrect perception of what someone or a relationship is about. Last night my Lord took the house to a play party and if you watched how he and I interact in the context of play you would have an inaccurate perception of his authority over me. His rule during play is that there are no rules. Last night I knocked him on his ass more than once, kicked him and took a swing at him.... This is just how he and I play; it is very primal and can be quite disconcerting to those who are not aware of it. However, this does not reflect my behavior towards him outside of play.

So it is really a matter of context and how you carry yourself overall and not just in a scene that is important to me.

Knight's kyra

I watched a scene much like this recently. The sub was fighting back when she would get pissed off at something the Dom did. It was hilarious to watch at first. There was another sub next to me just going off about what kind of physical danger she would be in if she did such things to her Mistress. But then, as the scene progressed I was pulled into the dynamic between them and it was HOT. Really hot.

I do know there is at least one sub I would allow this from, and also one that I would not under any circumstances. So I guess the relationship between the Dom/me and sub has a lot to do with the nature of the play.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 40

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