what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme?

what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (Full Version)

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realsub2424 -> what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 10:36:33 PM)
Okay, I hope this post is going int he right spot. I would like any help in this matter. I'm looking for a woman that I could be in a relationship with. I've written to a few Dommes on here, and haven't had much luck. I know I'm in the vast majority being a sub male, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have no problem meeting women in person, but as soon as I try online I fail. I just don't know how to approach someone and "sell myself". I'm looking for something real, and eventually committed, this is information that I usually include if I write to someone. I usually tell about myself, probably more on the vanilla side than the sub side. As of now, I'm emphasizing my vanilla interests and life. Is that kind of a turn off? Should I spend more time on my interests in BDSM? I always felt like that was inappropriate, but am starting to reconsider. Sorry that this is so long, but I really hope to meet someone I could spend some time with, and feel like I need some help. Again, thanks.

slavekal -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 10:47:37 PM)
I would put a photo on your profile.

Racquelle -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 10:48:05 PM)
Not having read any of your e-mails, my first suspicion is that you don't tell them how they seem to relate to what you are about. It's not time to shamelessly compliment them, but honestly tell them what struck a chord with you in their profiles. That is one of the biggest mistakes I see in e-mails.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 10:48:19 PM)
Short answer - you just haven't met the right person yet. Follow up to the short answer - to find the right person, you have to kiss a lot of toads. :) Lastly - just meet people! Before I found the great fit I have now, I spent time with people that weren't the perfect fit, but we had some great experiences together. I learned from every interaction, and really enjoyed my life before I found BLISS!

DarkSteven -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 10:55:09 PM)
I read your profile and it doesn't say much. Basically it says that you're a sub male looking for a Domina. Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway. (Although discreet play can be hot.) So add something. WHY do you want to submit? Is it because you genuinely want to please? Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting? Also, what do you bring to the table? Do you do electrical work? Are you good at housekeeping? Are you good at massages?

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 11:24:47 PM)
OP: HI there real..you have been on here 2 months..?? and written a few... with no luck..what luck do you want?... it is not luck.. it takes TIME and a PLAN .... eg) I have been on here for 9 months.. I have talked to about 800 men and 30 women...from 1 sentence messages to days to weeks to months,...from on line to meeting to more... I am searching seriously and know what I want...within a few messages I know..wheatehr to continue or not. It has taken 22+ actual meetings over a long period after on line..phone..meetings etc...to find one boy .. and a couple of session partners. Many boys met once..were all enthused then reality STRUCK and they fled. I could not let this jade me or deter...it is their choice..and may or may not have had to do with me..needless to say..we were not a match. I say all this to emphasize TIME and attending to your search.. to the CM message you can add...talking on forums..meeting in your community and more..for a well rounded sample of the "life.." Personanlly I like to talk vanilla...the person..their interests..their MIND FIRST,,, kink later,,,fetish later...a commited relationship can/not be BASED on kink alone..unless you are up fornt. You state you wish real..tell what you mean///>> DOmmes appreciate hearing how you would enhance their life and why..you would want to serve and what service means to you. Thye very quickly see thru those who bullshit to get to meet them in order for a quick thrill I f you truly WANT MORE then it will come out as you talk about it.. Best of luck... GQ

Apocalypso -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/3/2009 11:58:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realsub2424 As of now, I'm emphasizing my vanilla interests and life. Is that kind of a turn off? Should I spend more time on my interests in BDSM? I always felt like that was inappropriate, but am starting to reconsider. You need to spend more time on your interests in general. I came away from your profile feeling that I didn't know you any better than before I read it. At the moment, there's nothing actively offensive about it. But it has nothing to differentiate it from the rest of the profiles on here.

onlyfreelycaged -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 12:48:04 AM)
I like profiles that make me say "I want to get to know them better" besides filling out the profile, I like to read journal entries. They can help show more who you are.

StoneFox -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 2:05:21 AM)
Well, so far you've gotten some good responses. That's good news! As for myself, when a sub emails me interested in serving, I look at a few things.. -Is he local? (if he can't do real-time then he probably just wants to wank on IM) -Is he cute? (lol...hey, I'm human) -Has he read my profile to know what I'M looking for? (because really, it is about me) -Has he gone one step further and read my journal entries to get a feel for my personality? -Does his email seem interesting? -Is his profile a good read? (not long but just fun or insightful) -Did he enclose a good face picture? If not, does he have clear face pics on his profile? Hope that all helps! Best of luck :)

MsFlutter -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 4:30:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I read your profile and it doesn't say much. Basically it says that you're a sub male looking for a Domina. Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway. (Although discreet play can be hot.) So add something. WHY do you want to submit? Is it because you genuinely want to please? Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting? ...... Realsub must have changed his profile as I dont see discussion of public play. (public play can also mean 'in a local dungeon', yes?) as opposed to in the privacy of his bedroom. I really really like the inside of your head, Steven - particularly the way you expressed this --> Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting? ......

Goddess2002 -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 4:39:23 AM)
To echo what's already been said here....you definitely need a photo and to expound on who you are and what you have to offer. No offense, but your profile is pretty run-of-the-mill. Personally, I would recommend becoming active on the message boards...that way others can get a better sense of what you're about. There are several posters I may not otherwise have noticed but by reading their regular posts, I find them to be quite thoughtful and intriguing. If I wasn't already involved I may certainly seek them out based on that.

PeonForHer -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 4:46:14 AM)
I'd echo Kal, realsub. You need a photo. Faint heart ne'er won fair lady, and all that. Be a gent, and be interested in her.

Racquelle -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 5:12:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven ...Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway... Look, I am not claiming to be sane, but there is all kinds of play that can go on in public that isn't particularly insane. It need not be obvious to the casual bystander.

realsub2424 -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 5:19:55 AM)
Thank you all so far for the recommendations. I was worried that I my question would not be taken seriously, but so many of you have given me valuable advice. I really appreciate it and will adjust accordingly. Again, thank you all.

DarkSteven -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 5:49:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Racquelle quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven ...Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway... Look, I am not claiming to be sane, but there is all kinds of play that can go on in public that isn't particularly insane. It need not be obvious to the casual bystander. Racquelle, you're not the only Domina that took issue with the way I worded that. What I had meant to say was obvious things in front of nillas, such as making a sub wear a leash or impact play in public. Play parties and subtle things like no panties or a butt plug under clothes are fine. The I realized that humiliation play such as having a sub buy an enema kit and lube at the supermarket STILL negates my statement... I plead temporary insanity. Or stupidity. Whatever. [sm=doh.gif]

PeonForHer -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/4/2009 7:30:11 AM)
Dominant and sub could probably get away with playing things like hopscotch and tig in public too, so long as it's not on Sunday.

Racquelle -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/5/2009 2:17:07 AM)
Steven - I agree that people in public have a right to not be exposed to overt d/s play. I tend to think I have a right not to be exposed to a loud gaggle of poorly supervised children who are throwing things at each other in a store, especially when I have a headache.

CatdeMedici -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/5/2009 4:50:57 AM)
From a CollarMe perspective you have only been on here 3-4 months. Just because someone proclaims themselves to be in this life, does not mean that a bevvy of fawning Dominas will appear at your door. Think of this as a stadium on game day, just because you are there doesn't mean anyone will talk to you--yo have to have patience and diligence--and the knowledge that it may happen and again it may not.

XaviersXian -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/5/2009 6:17:18 PM)
greetings to all, There was absolutely nothing wrong with your profile, the way you worded things, or anything else. I'd definitely email you or reply to you. well wishes, xian

thetammyjo -> RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? (7/7/2009 1:37:14 PM)
If you have not trouble meeting vanilla women offline why not go to munches and workshops and conventions and meet dominant women in those venues? I just not getting why you want to rely on online if you know you have the social skills to meet offline?

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