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what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 10:36:33 PM

realsub2424

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/5/2009
Status: offline

Okay,
I hope this post is going int he right spot. I would like any help in this matter. I'm looking for a woman that I could be in a relationship with. I've written to a few Dommes on here, and haven't had much luck.
I know I'm in the vast majority being a sub male, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have no problem meeting women in person, but as soon as I try online I fail. I just don't know how to approach someone and "sell myself".
I'm looking for something real, and eventually committed, this is information that I usually include if I write to someone. I usually tell about myself, probably more on the vanilla side than the sub side.
As of now, I'm emphasizing my vanilla interests and life. Is that kind of a turn off? Should I spend more time on my interests in BDSM? I always felt like that was inappropriate, but am starting to reconsider.
Sorry that this is so long, but I really hope to meet someone I could spend some time with, and feel like I need some help.
Again, thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 10:47:37 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I would put a photo on your profile.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 2

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 10:48:05 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Not having read any of your e-mails, my first suspicion is that you don't tell them how they seem to relate to what you are about. It's not time to shamelessly compliment them, but honestly tell them what struck a chord with you in their profiles. That is one of the biggest mistakes I see in e-mails.

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 3

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 10:48:19 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

Short answer - you just haven't met the right person yet.

Follow up to the short answer - to find the right person, you have to kiss a lot of toads. :)

Lastly - just meet people! Before I found the great fit I have now, I spent time with people that weren't the perfect fit, but we had some great experiences together. I learned from every interaction, and really enjoyed my life before I found BLISS!

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 4

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 10:55:09 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I read your profile and it doesn't say much. Basically it says that you're a sub male looking for a Domina. Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway. (Although discreet play can be hot.)

So add something. WHY do you want to submit? Is it because you genuinely want to please? Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting?

Also, what do you bring to the table? Do you do electrical work? Are you good at housekeeping? Are you good at massages?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 5

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 11:24:47 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

OP:
HI there real..you have been on here 2 months..??
and written a few...
with no luck..what luck do you want?...

it is not luck..

it takes TIME and a PLAN ....

eg) I have been on here for 9 months..
I have talked to about 800 men and 30 women...from 1 sentence messages to days to weeks to months,...from on line to meeting to more...
I am searching seriously and know what I want...within a few messages I know..wheatehr to continue or not.

It has taken 22+ actual meetings over a long period after on line..phone..meetings etc...to find one boy .. and a couple of session partners.
Many boys met once..were all enthused then reality STRUCK and they fled.
I could not let this jade me or deter...it is their choice..and may or may not have had to do with me..needless to say..we were not a match.

I say all this to emphasize TIME and attending to your search..
to the CM message you can add...talking on forums..meeting in your community and
more..for a well rounded sample of the "life.."

Personanlly I like to talk vanilla...the person..their interests..their MIND FIRST,,,
kink later,,,fetish later...a commited relationship can/not be BASED on kink alone..unless you are up fornt.

You state you wish real..tell what you mean///>>

DOmmes appreciate hearing how you would enhance their life and why..you would want to serve and what service means to you.

Thye very quickly see thru those who bullshit to get to meet them in order for a quick thrill
I f you truly WANT MORE then it will come out as you talk about it..
Best of luck...

GQ

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/3/2009 11:58:26 PM

Apocalypso

Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: realsub2424
As of now, I'm emphasizing my vanilla interests and life. Is that kind of a turn off? Should I spend more time on my interests in BDSM? I always felt like that was inappropriate, but am starting to reconsider.

You need to spend more time on your interests in general. I came away from your profile feeling that I didn't know you any better than before I read it.

At the moment, there's nothing actively offensive about it. But it has nothing to differentiate it from the rest of the profiles on here.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 7

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 12:48:04 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I like profiles that make me say "I want to get to know them better"

besides filling out the profile, I like to read journal entries. They can help show more who you are.

(in reply to Apocalypso)

Post #: 8

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 2:05:21 AM

StoneFox

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Well, so far you've gotten some good responses. That's good news!

As for myself, when a sub emails me interested in serving, I look at a few things..
-Is he local? (if he can't do real-time then he probably just wants to wank on IM)
-Is he cute? (lol...hey, I'm human)
-Has he read my profile to know what I'M looking for? (because really, it is about me)
-Has he gone one step further and read my journal entries to get a feel for my personality?
-Does his email seem interesting?
-Is his profile a good read? (not long but just fun or insightful)
-Did he enclose a good face picture? If not, does he have clear face pics on his profile?

Hope that all helps! Best of luck :)

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 9

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 4:30:59 AM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I read your profile and it doesn't say much. Basically it says that you're a sub male looking for a Domina. Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway. (Although discreet play can be hot.)

So add something. WHY do you want to submit? Is it because you genuinely want to please? Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting? ......

Realsub must have changed his profile as I dont see discussion of public play. (public play can also mean 'in a local dungeon', yes?) as opposed to in the privacy of his bedroom.

I really really like the inside of your head, Steven - particularly the way you expressed this --> Is it that you feel giving up control is comforting? ......

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 4:39:23 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

To echo what's already been said here....you definitely need a photo and to expound on who you are and what you have to offer. No offense, but your profile is pretty run-of-the-mill.

Personally, I would recommend becoming active on the message boards...that way others can get a better sense of what you're about. There are several posters I may not otherwise have noticed but by reading their regular posts, I find them to be quite thoughtful and intriguing. If I wasn't already involved I may certainly seek them out based on that.

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 11

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 4:46:14 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I'd echo Kal, realsub. You need a photo. Faint heart ne'er won fair lady, and all that. Be a gent, and be interested in her.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 12

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 5:12:20 AM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven ...Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway...

Look, I am not claiming to be sane, but there is all kinds of play that can go on in public that isn't particularly insane. It need not be obvious to the casual bystander.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 5:19:55 AM

realsub2424

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/5/2009
Status: offline

Thank you all so far for the recommendations. I was worried that I my question would not be taken seriously, but so many of you have given me valuable advice. I really appreciate it and will adjust accordingly.
Again, thank you all.

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 14

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 5:49:43 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven ...Also, you don't want to play in public, which no sane Domina would do anyway...
Look, I am not claiming to be sane, but there is all kinds of play that can go on in public that isn't particularly insane. It need not be obvious to the casual bystander.

Racquelle, you're not the only Domina that took issue with the way I worded that.

What I had meant to say was obvious things in front of nillas, such as making a sub wear a leash or impact play in public. Play parties and subtle things like no panties or a butt plug under clothes are fine.

The I realized that humiliation play such as having a sub buy an enema kit and lube at the supermarket STILL negates my statement...

I plead temporary insanity. Or stupidity. Whatever.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/4/2009 5:50:37 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 15

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/4/2009 7:30:11 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Dominant and sub could probably get away with playing things like hopscotch and tig in public too, so long as it's not on Sunday.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/5/2009 2:17:07 AM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Steven - I agree that people in public have a right to not be exposed to overt d/s play. I tend to think I have a right not to be exposed to a loud gaggle of poorly supervised children who are throwing things at each other in a store, especially when I have a headache.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 17

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/5/2009 4:50:57 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

From a CollarMe perspective you have only been on here 3-4 months. Just because someone proclaims themselves to be in this life, does not mean that a bevvy of fawning Dominas will appear at your door. Think of this as a stadium on game day, just because you are there doesn't mean anyone will talk to you--yo have to have patience and diligence--and the knowledge that it may happen and again it may not.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 18

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/5/2009 6:17:18 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to all,

There was absolutely nothing wrong with your profile, the way you worded things, or anything else. I'd definitely email you or reply to you.

well wishes,

xian

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 19

RE: what is wrong with my method to meet a Domme? - 7/7/2009 1:37:14 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If you have not trouble meeting vanilla women offline why not go to munches and workshops and conventions and meet dominant women in those venues?

I just not getting why you want to rely on online if you know you have the social skills to meet offline?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to realsub2424)

Post #: 20

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