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"what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:06:20 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		here's the deal i never understood about 'love'...

why is it that when 'in love' everyone and everything is hunky-dorey, but when 'love' is gone, everyone feels like they've been emotionaly beaten-up and unable to heal?

when i've been deeply and all consumed 'in love' and things come to a screetching halt, or even get nasty-ugly, 'love' may have kept me there until that point, but it's not 'love' that was hurtful, wrong and ugly...

so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?
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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:10:16 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		It isn't love that lets them down, its their inablity to face mistake, defeat or a lesson not learned---and the fact that as soon as they mention, "they are wounded"--they get attention. Those that need it IMHO are very rare ( abuse, etc) but most of it has become an acceptable bad habit that we all support as soon as we say " awww tell me about what happened"...

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:17:02 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
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quote:

and the fact that as soon as they mention, "they are wounded"--they get attention.

 
I totally agree with this CatdeMedici
 
Many people are drawn to getting attention, and any attention to them is better then none. It is a difficult path to not seek attention for your pain, and go within yourself to find the joy you desire another to give you.
 
My personal opinion is if someone needs to give that to us, then we are empty. How can we give anything positive back, when we are so needy that we need another to make us feel good?
 
oceanwinds

< Message edited by oceanwinds -- 7/5/2009 7:18:04 AM >

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:22:22 AM   
angelikaJ


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Status: offline 		It isn't love that hurts; it is the withdrawal of love.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:27:51 AM   
poeticfreak


Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline 		love can lead to many wonderful things, but anyone who is single can honestly say that up to this point in their lives that love has not lasted and has almost always ended badly, thus it makes the prospect of loving again somewhat daunting 

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:31:52 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer not knowing what *love* is. It saves so much time, effort, pain and misunderstanding.

It removes all of the * If you loved me...!!* .... * But you said you loved me...!!*

If you like a person, if you're fond of them, wish to be around them, wish to stay around them.........you do what it takes to be there.

People do SO many things *in the name of love*, that disappear up Jack's Arse when that *love feeling* changes to something the other can't recognize.

I don't want to be *loved* in the way I see so many people *loved*. It horrifies me. I'd rather have mild affection, frankly.

I'd rather someone be with me because they are constantly and consistantly interested in me,  with me because there are things about me that attracts them consistantly, with me because the good things outweigh the bad and AREN'T based on *feeling* alone.

Love doesn't cripple people..... Their idea of HOW they should be loved and what they think *love* is, does, mostly.

agirl





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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:36:29 AM   
oceanwinds


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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

love can lead to many wonderful things, but anyone who is single can honestly say that up to this point in their lives that love has not lasted and has almost always ended badly, thus it makes the prospect of loving again somewhat daunting 


I am not everyone, so that doesn't fit. I am single and happy. I am able to love without being freaking scared too love.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:39:57 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?


Love makes us vulnerable to the person with whom we are in love.  Any betrayal of that openness is a deep hurt, and will make us wary of experiencing it again. 

People who find it hard to go from one "loving relationship" to another are perhaps focusing more on the hurt they experienced as a result of being in love, than on the positive feelings they had while in love.  It makes sense as those feelings of betrayal and pain would be more recent.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 7:44:23 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		this reminded me of "Jumping off a building doesn't hurt. It is the sudden stop that hurts."
 
That kind of hurt is messy, damaging and reverberates through many decisions we make at any point thereafter. It designs the filters we put in place to protect us from those who would have the greatest potential to inflict pain.
 
I could blithely summarize it as "lust is far more reliable than love" and I'm agreeing with agirl's "mild affection."   'Love' puts a measuring stick on the wall and all things are held to it. Affection, on the other hand, may hold an uncompelled bit of loyalty and a gentle interest in my well-being but there is less hostage-taking.



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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 8:07:29 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have only been in love twice, and while it did take time to move on it had nothing to do with being crippled.  Oddly enough some people just need the alone time to get back in touch with themselves.  I think it beats the heck out of jumping from one love to another.  I have never been in love where it gets nasty ugly at the end.  But if someone has allowed that to happen I can see they might be fearful of going into a relationship again.  hmmm.. ya know maybe that reluctance to jump in again is really their trying to figure out where it went wrong so they can avoid it?  Nah.  Too logical.
Kyst

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 9:04:26 AM   
KnightofMists


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Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?



It's not the love that cripples people... it's the fear of losing it... once it's found.

It is said better to love and lost than to never have loved..... for some this is far from true when they are in the throws of pain when such love is lost. Grieving and healing from the lost of such relationships can be extremely difficult for some inidividuals... and until a person is able to grieve and put the pain/anger of that lost behind them... it will be something they carry with them into future relationships or even prevent future relationship from occuring.

It's almost a self-fulling prophecy of sorts..... one is unable to grieve and move past a failed relationship and becomes a destructive force in a future relationship which in turn fails which only adds to the fear of getting into a relationship.

I believe that such a destructive cycle starts with that first relationship... which is the relationship with oneself!

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 9:26:49 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds
so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?

courage? It's kind of understandablle actually. Let's face it, nobody can hurt us like the ones we've opened ourselves up to emotionally. Going into a love affair, one has to recognize that the odds are good that it will fail like most relationships and, worse, when it does, it's going to hurt. For me, at least, I accept that virtual certainty of hurt because I cannot imagine living my life without love.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 9:57:30 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds
so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?


"You can’t not trust somebody because of the actions of another.
You'll find someone who loves you and you'd hate to ruin that because somebody else hurt you."


When a man is really into a woman or vice versa and deep love ceases to fulfill one of them, the other is emotionally abandoned and rejected.  
The emotional love connection is deeply woven into our hearts, souls and spirits.
When the fabric of this emotional love connection is ripped apart, someone bleeds. 

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 7/5/2009 9:58:38 AM >

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 10:13:46 AM   
Rhembein


Posts: 136
Joined: 6/8/2009
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

It isn't love that hurts; it is the withdrawal of love.


Very very true. Love itself does not hurt. And I've learned that what some people describe as 'love' is actually fear and addiction. Addiction to a person and fear of losing them is not love.

If you lose love or another emotion that you perceive as love, you have to grieve it's loss just like any other. Those who turn out bitter have often been in denial for awhile or either not completely dealt with their loss. Live it, grieve it, and move on. You have to put yourself out there or you're going to sell yourself short. The biggest risks offer the most handsome of rewards! :)


< Message edited by Rhembein -- 7/5/2009 10:18:50 AM >

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 11:07:54 AM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have loved and lost and I agree with agirl and agelika state about love or loving. It is the withdrawal and loss of someone.
I am pretty convinced that while some people may 'love' that there are many ways to love and care for someone without
being in love. I have been called on the carpet for being cynical about love.
 
so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?

I think it is that you give your all to someone and when it fails, it just hurts and you want to protect yourself from feeling that pain ever again.  I don't think that it is all that unusual to want to heal and possibly be cautious about loving again.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 11:17:04 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		We all have memories and if we have been through something very painful then we will recall that pain and possibly fear similar future pain. I think emotional pain imprints itself on our DNA and perhaps teaches us to never take love for granted.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 7/5/2009 11:23:13 AM >

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 12:15:56 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

here's the deal i never understood about 'love'...

why is it that when 'in love' everyone and everything is hunky-dorey, but when 'love' is gone, everyone feels like they've been emotionaly beaten-up and unable to heal?

when i've been deeply and all consumed 'in love' and things come to a screetching halt, or even get nasty-ugly, 'love' may have kept me there until that point, but it's not 'love' that was hurtful, wrong and ugly...

so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?

quote:

here's the deal i never understood about 'love'...

why is it that when 'in love' everyone and everything is hunky-dorey, but when 'love' is gone, everyone feels like they've been emotionaly beaten-up and unable to heal?

when i've been deeply and all consumed 'in love' and things come to a screetching halt, or even get nasty-ugly, 'love' may have kept me there until that point, but it's not 'love' that was hurtful, wrong and ugly...

so why is it so hard for people to go from one 'loving relationship' that has fallen apart into another 'loving relationship' without fear? what is it about 'love' that cripples people?

lillioneds,

Cat has beaten me to it and said it as well as I might have.

CP

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 12:40:11 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		Love.  Arguably, the world's most precious state.  And it's a state that, quite often, is riddled with vulnerability, insecurity, sleepless nights, and incredible emotional ups and downs.  These are the aspects of love that might be seen as "crippling".
Yet we go back for more, every time, despite the pitfalls.
Does this indicate that love is a bad thing?  Or that people are imbeciles incapable of knowing any better?
Hardly.  The fact that we still want love in spite of heartache tells us just how wonderful it is.
j

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 1:25:38 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

everyone feels like they've been emotionaly beaten-up and unable to heal?


Everyone? I don't think so. It is true that a lot of people would do well to uncouple the emotion from living together or being married or be-all-end-all, look at all the profiles that go "I want someone to grow old with" even though few people spend 40 or 50 years with one partner. I've taught myself to make a quick, clean break, and move on.

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RE: "what's love got to do with it?" - 7/5/2009 1:43:38 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		love is a drug don't cha know...
some people want to be in-love all the time....so when it dries up some people can't wait to fall in-love again with someone else...and on and on and on

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