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I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 2:18:19 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Hello worshipful and omnipotent masters ye all. I'm a newbie sub from the UK and I've been on CM for almost a year - give or take a few disappearing acts due to lack of privacy, computer crashes and spells of paralysing ill health.

I have a feeling I may have asked this question before but, I need some encouragement (or maybe a dose of realism - not sure which). I keep getting hassle from people who just won't take the time to get to know me online. They insist on jumping straight to messenger, a phone number, the most recent guy got pissy with me because I didn't respond to his email in 15 minutes. I was here on the boards at the time so I had the timestamps but he still took it as unacceptable, and there seem to be a lot of people who want it all in half an hour.

Is there any room at all in this lifestyle for an old-fashioned girl who likes to be friends first? Obviously the thought of unspeakable acts really turn me on but I don't feel I can have a really deep discussion about them in five minutes (although in fairness it depends on the person - some of you must just have a direct line to my libido). And frankly I'm new, and I'm aware that no matter how juicy your fantasies are, in reality they can often turn out horrible. I feel like I belong here with you all because so much of what I learn about seems right and appropriate to me, yet I really don't yet know what my limits are and often get criticised for that.

I guess I've never really warmed to the dating site idea: my most significant relationship so far developed after two years of emails based on common interests and it was lovely, although sadly it's over now. I just don't believe people can get genuinely intimate so quickly. I'm thinking of taking down my profile and just staying on the messageboards because I do love to share thoughts with everyone, but the chatrooms and profile service are just...too much sometimes.

Well, there are two real questions here: a) does the fact I don't seem to be as into 'extreme' submission as the majority of people here mean I shouldn't be here at all...? and b) the question I asked before but new views are sought - how much time would you be willing to allow someone who is uncertain and new to 'get used' to things?

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

Post #: 1

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 2:42:25 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

The right person will understand and you will move together in sync...
Just cause you're ready for it to happen, doesn't mean it will happen now, however....(there seems to be a time and a place for things...and trying to force it only seems to bring disaster)
Of course you belong here, if you feel that kind of pull. Many of us start off v slow...and find ourselves drawn further into it as time goes on...some stay at the same level and are happy there...it's about getting your needs met.
Just relax, meet new people and learn. Enjoy yourself!
Someday your dom will come along...

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 2

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 3:24:31 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop
Well, there are two real questions here: a) does the fact I don't seem to be as into 'extreme' submission as the majority of people here mean I shouldn't be here at all...? and b) the question I asked before but new views are sought - how much time would you be willing to allow someone who is uncertain and new to 'get used' to things?

Hey again petal

The problems you mentioned about people wanting everything NOW and trying to rush you is something I have heard many times. Advice on that, leave the chatroom or hit delete and block, as so-called dom acting like that isn't worth the lable, isn't worth your time and certainly from what you say here, not what you are looking for.

Don't let them get you down petal, there are folks out here that are looking for things closer to what you are seeking.

To your questions:
a) Not at all, if the site has a test somewhere that you have to score higher than some set number on a sub or Dom scale in order to qualify to be here then I missed it.

b) How long is a piece of string? It would depend on the person, the relationship between us and my own gut instinct. I couldn't put any arbitrary limit on the time I would give, each situation is diffrent. If I got the feeling they where 'playing games' with me, not very long, if I felt they where genuinly trying to work with me on it and there was enough of a spark between us then quite a long time indeed. I would hope that would be the same as saying 'as long as they need' but I have to admit a secret.... don't tell anyone but Doms are only human too!

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 3

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 3:44:55 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Thanks Blushes, and Hi again Ravenmuse!

If I'm honest I'm secretly hoping one of the not so nice Doms might post here just so I can gain some sort of insight into why they act this way...people-watching is entirely too much a bad habit of mine.

But if they don't turn up, what say we hijack the thread and organise some witty replies I can use when confronted in this way? Nothing worse than being rendered speechless whilst knowing you have something to say... (unless cleave gags are involved.)

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 4

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 3:52:30 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Why do they act like that? I don't 'know' but I suspect a lot of it is to do with far too many of them living in fantasy lala land after spending too much time in internet chatrooms where they can pretend to be 'superdom' and for who any 'true' submissive will fall instantly to her knees and kiss their boots. Of course when they are faced with a real live woman rather than some netgeek who is equaly into the same fantasy land, someone who understands that submission is earned through building trust rather than just thrown at the feet of some idiot who uses the lable 'Dom', then they run out of their oh so limited social skills.

Just a theory mind you

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 2/16/2006 3:53:23 PM >

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 5

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 3:53:38 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I will probably get in alot of trouble for this...but...

Penelope, next time you get someone who acts like that...send them this link

http://www.woman-submission.com/

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 6

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 3:59:25 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I knew it... I should have just opened a book on how long it would take you to respond.

If you two haven't 'met' let me introduce you

Irish, this is Penelope, Penelope this is TROUBLE!

Want a coach in putting down wannabes, she's your gal (
Blushes will no doubt chip in a suggestion or two as well)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 7

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:02:09 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I am not trouble

/sniff

As if.................

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:03:37 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I will probably get in alot of trouble for this...but...

Penelope, next time you get someone who acts like that...send them this link

http://www.woman-submission.com/

You already got that commission deal worked out there Irish???...lol

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 9

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:05:43 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If you are going to give any 'advanced' techniques of putting down wannabes, just do so in PM.
Don't want you getting scolded by the modkins again dear

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 10

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:07:23 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

I will probably get in alot of trouble for this...but...

Penelope, next time you get someone who acts like that...send them this link

http://www.woman-submission.com/

You already got that commission deal worked out there Irish???...lol

Yep, I even cut you in for the deal...seeing as how you discovered such a wonderful thing .

As of yet though, we are still hammering out the actual details. Anything special you want?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:08:47 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Now Raven,

I have been a perfect little lady this past week.
/nods
I am sure the mods have forgotten all about me by now
/nods

/looks around to make sure that there are no moderators lurking in the corners

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 12

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:09:34 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

As of yet though, we are still hammering out the actual details. Anything special you want?

A corner office with a view and a list of all the idiots who actually pay for such a service...so I never accidently accept a date from one.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 13

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 4:11:52 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

As of yet though, we are still hammering out the actual details. Anything special you want?

A corner office with a view and a list of all the idiots who actually pay for such a service...so I never accidently accept a date from one.

LMFAO

Deal

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 6:39:38 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop
I keep getting hassle from people who just won't take the time to get to know me online.

I imagine you are suffering because there are those who are simple time wasters. They are not who they say they are and will string a suitor along for days, weeks, and even months.

I wouldn't persue a relationship with anyone who wouldn't talk with me on the phone within the first hour of our correspondence. But I think what I seek isn't what you do, so I am sure my guidelines wouldn't work for you.

Most likely, you are running into people who are looking for something different, as well, so their guidelines also don't work for you.

quote:

Is there any room at all in this lifestyle for an old-fashioned girl who likes to be friends first?

In this lifestyle? Sure. On an online BDSM meat market like CollarMe? I am not convinced...

quote:

Obviously the thought of unspeakable acts really turn me on but I don't feel I can have a really deep Well, there are two real questions here: a) does the fact I don't seem to be as into 'extreme' submission as the majority of people here mean I shouldn't be here at all...?

Certainly not...though I would suggest that you might not waste any time persuing a relationship here. There are shallower waters to fish if extreme submission is not your bag.

quote:

and b) the question I asked before but new views are sought - how much time would you be willing to allow someone who is uncertain and new to 'get used' to things?

That all depends. If that person is in my back yard and very attractive, I will probably be quite patient and understanding. If they are halfway across the world, with little hope of any real contact, I wouldn't waste 5 minutes.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 15

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/16/2006 8:51:17 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

You have to do what you feel is right for you. If things are going too fast then stop it and tell the dom. If he doesn't listen and respect you then he isn't right for you. I am new and my Sir has gone very slow with me. We don't "play" D/s online, but we do read, talk, learn and try to do everything we can to learn about each other so once were together we are as prepared as we can be to begin this journey together.

Good luck and don't give up. You will find what your looking for.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 16

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/17/2006 5:09:29 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Also, I really doubt that the men who post to these forums are as immature as the ones you are describing. They probably don't even read the forums...so are not going to respond to this thread.

So....guess you'll just have to listen to us...

Remember...iggy (ignore) and block are your friends!

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 17

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/17/2006 5:18:32 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Also, I really doubt that the men who post to these forums are as immature as the ones you are describing. They probably don't even read the forums...so are not going to respond to this thread.

Very true, A.D.D. types might not have the attention span to read an entire post

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 18

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/17/2006 5:19:34 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I understand your feelings, but....i also see the flip side of things , where people get hurt from online posers , who will never take it to real life. Sometimes people just need to know whether someone is real or not. I talked to my Master , and met him the same day at the mall, and we have a great relationship now for over 3 months. Me personally , i believe in talking and meeting right away. Everyones different and so are their beliefs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

Hello worshipful and omnipotent masters ye all. I'm a newbie sub from the UK and I've been on CM for almost a year - give or take a few disappearing acts due to lack of privacy, computer crashes and spells of paralysing ill health.

I have a feeling I may have asked this question before but, I need some encouragement (or maybe a dose of realism - not sure which). I keep getting hassle from people who just won't take the time to get to know me online. They insist on jumping straight to messenger, a phone number, the most recent guy got pissy with me because I didn't respond to his email in 15 minutes. I was here on the boards at the time so I had the timestamps but he still took it as unacceptable, and there seem to be a lot of people who want it all in half an hour.

Is there any room at all in this lifestyle for an old-fashioned girl who likes to be friends first? Obviously the thought of unspeakable acts really turn me on but I don't feel I can have a really deep discussion about them in five minutes (although in fairness it depends on the person - some of you must just have a direct line to my libido). And frankly I'm new, and I'm aware that no matter how juicy your fantasies are, in reality they can often turn out horrible. I feel like I belong here with you all because so much of what I learn about seems right and appropriate to me, yet I really don't yet know what my limits are and often get criticised for that.

I guess I've never really warmed to the dating site idea: my most significant relationship so far developed after two years of emails based on common interests and it was lovely, although sadly it's over now. I just don't believe people can get genuinely intimate so quickly. I'm thinking of taking down my profile and just staying on the messageboards because I do love to share thoughts with everyone, but the chatrooms and profile service are just...too much sometimes.

Well, there are two real questions here: a) does the fact I don't seem to be as into 'extreme' submission as the majority of people here mean I shouldn't be here at all...? and b) the question I asked before but new views are sought - how much time would you be willing to allow someone who is uncertain and new to 'get used' to things?

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 19

RE: I don't know if I'm expecting too much - 2/17/2006 5:35:45 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

I understand your feelings, but....i also see the flip side of things , where people get hurt from online posers , who will never take it to real life. Sometimes people just need to know whether someone is real or not. I talked to my Master , and met him the same day at the mall, and we have a great relationship now for over 3 months. Me personally , i believe in talking and meeting right away. Everyones different and so are their beliefs.

Unless I was reading it wrong it isn't people who want to move fast that is Pennys problem, if both people are happy with that fine. It was people who get pissy and abusive when they find she wants to go slower.

For instance, if the young lady I sent a mail to this morning was to respond and want to meet up for a coffee sometime in the next week, that would be great. If however she wanted to spend a week or two getting to know each other a bit better that would be fine too.

What would not be fine IMO is for me to suggest meeting earlier and then throwing a strop if she would rather wait a bit. If things dragged on to an extent that I felt I was being played games with then it would simply be a case of us not being compatable and it would be "thanks but don't think this is going to work. Good luck and see ya later."

No need for getting on the other persons case about it or childish tantrums, which is what I think Penny was refering to.

I could be wrong?

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 20

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