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Alphascendant -> RE: Why do you believe in what fate awaits you? (7/9/2009 6:52:37 AM)
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I always liked the expression, "If there wasn't a god , there wouldn't be anything to debate." Years ago , while hitchhiking around the U.S. a somewhat strange fellow stopped and gave me a ride. His theory was, take an "o" out of good and you have "god'", add a "d" to evil and you have the "devil." I think that when we die and our bodies decompose, the negative energy in is drawn to the center of the earth, the "ground," and the positive energy radiates outward from the earth in the form of life. Our thoughts, being electrical impulses, are divided in the same manner. Twenty six years ago. I was sleeping in an 8'x12' cabin, with nothing but a small bed, table, chair and woodstove. I dreamed that there was a man with long hair and a beard, wearing a long white robe, sitting next to me. He was talking to me, but I don't recall what he was saying. It seemed like part of a dream, but my eyes were open looking at this man, listening while he spoke. I laid there on the bed as he finished speaking, stood up and walked out the door, leaving the door wide open. I got up off the bed to close the door and noticed that there were no footprints in the snow, standing there looking out the door, realizing that I was indeed awake as my eyes had not closed since waking to see the man sitting next to me. So yes, I believe that there is something, or someone else out there in a different dimension from which we can see.
It has been said that when we die, we see our life flash before our eyes. Has anybody ever been in an accident, when everything slowed down almost like slow motion? I think we are already all dead, and what we see is our lives flashing before us, in slow motion. I also believe that sometimes a person can die, and because of the pain they are suffering, they don't even realize that they have died. Still conscious, waiting for that moment to be confirmed, when they can say , "Oh please forgive me, I believe! Then the demon in the black hood shows up and says, "Too late my friend, you died a few minutes ago." Has anybody seen the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?"? Quantum Physics
A few years ago I overdosed. I couldn't get a woman out of my mind, and couldn't figure out why as she was not that attractive, or was anything like the kind of woman I could picture myself being committed to in any way. I couldn't sleep, didn't eat, often for days.So I asked a friend for some valium, hoping to get at least a few hours of sleep. She gave me a bottle of ativan. So I looked it up in my little drug encyclopedia, found out what it was and figured four of them would knock me out sufficiently into the next day. I woke up about two hours later, freaking out, I thought all my teeth had fallen out and I was pawing around the bed looking for them. Realizing I had all my teeth, I asked the "god" what the fuck...??? I thought I was a good person, honest, hardworking, loyal, charitable, had even been coaching Special Olympics basketball for three years, without asking for anything in return. Why was "god" letting this happen? So I then wanted to ask "god" in person. It wasn't because of not wanting to continue living because of any depressing shitty life, but I wanted to know, I wanted to see "god" face to face. If I ended up in hell, so what, if that was where "god" wanted to put me, I would accept my fate. So I downed the remaining 40 pills and laid down with my bible. I woke up walking down the street during a 100 degree summer day, sick, wanting to go home, but deciding to go back to the hospital. It seems as though the girl in question paged me, but I did not answer, which was unusual, so she called a neighbor. The ambulance took me to the hospital, pumped my stomach, and as soon as they walked out, I disconnected all the tubes and left, which freaked everybody out. When I returned they strapped me down and kept me for three days, then cut me loose. They tried to give me more medicine, but I wouldn't take it, and it was almost a year before actually ingesting anything that that contained anything artificial or processed, an aspirin because of a bad toothache.
I'm not sure where I was intending to go with this, but sometimes we have to trust in things we can not see, our conscience? Maybe when we die, if we were too materialistic, we carry that baggage with us. yes, life is full of good and bad, and who are we exactly, to judge whether we are good or bad, just because something makes us feel good, doesn't mean it is good. I think that they next life is going to be even more difficult than this, but also more rewarding as well. There are several good points from both sides of the debate here, but basically, these are all the same threads boiling down to just rehashing the same ideas over and over again. "There is a god, there isn't a god." "I'm good because I feed homeless people, I love animals." "I am a loving person." "I'm good because I give homeless people 5 dollar bills." Well, for every good thing we that we can feel about ourselves, there is also something that isn't good. Things we choose not to show those that we might benefit from in some way. That's why we can all sit here and talk shit about each other, and think we are smarter than the other because out in the real world most people won't put up with that crap.
I have only experienced BDSM with one person, but the entire "growing together" process that she desired isn't happening. I have taken on a different approach to life because of my own personal interpretation of discipline, but to be honest. I can live without the games, that's all they are , something to spice up an otherwise boring existence. I used to want to go to a bondage club, or event, a dungeon with her and see some things first hand. But after watching the movie, "The Flock," I have changed my mind. I may enjoy some of the play one on one with a special person, but am not interested in watching others do it. Pain is pain.
I was horribly abused as a child, and yes, it may have fucked my brain up, but there are plenty of people who haven't been abused and they are fucked up as well. Anything that can kill us is generally defined as deadly, so is the world, so is life. I guess I feel as if this site has nothing left to offer me, much in the way as any dating site. There have been some laughs, some good points, and I probably have learned something about myself from all of you that I didn't know before. But I have another life to live and it isn't here. One woman wanted to meet me, tentatively I agreed. Then the subject of meeting for coffee came up. I said I'd rather bring my little stove to a park and make the coffee than sit somewhere paying to have it brought to me.
Of course, she politely declined. Sent me an email saying it wouldn't work. So there was somebody who initially thought I was handsome, talented, and after several emails she seemed really excited at the chance to meet. Then poof, gone. That made me realize that the person I want to give my time to isn't looking for somebody online, doesn't have her face plastered over several dating site with pictures that are years old. She isn't online at all. Interesting, you can look at a dating site, see a face, then years later, there is that same person, still on those same sites. Why?? Oh, they haven't met the right person. Maybe that person isn't right to begin with? Suddenly, I don't find anything meeting or corresponding with anybody online being attractive at all.
Pardon me if I rambled on too long, you can shoot me down all you want, but I'll treat it as if you were in my face, with a smile. Thanks for the many ideas, my newest one coming from a thread, "Enough is Enough,' which has inspired me to a new song that will take a lot of work to finish and polish up. I am a musically inclined artist and I try to stay true to my vision. Why do I believe in what fate awaits? Because I am not going to allow myself to grow old and brittle in front of a computer. Fate is what it is, we can choose our direction, but it is still fate whichever way one turns. I believe in fate because I believe in myself and being able to carry out my fate. So to heed my calling and write this song, I have to live it, enough is enough. I do not find confidence here, I find it when I walk away. So, anybody is free to make your snide comments or insults as seems to be the norm, pretend, or even be more intelligent than me. Make a joke. Maybe I have provided the fodder for your jokes at none expense of my own, thus, by making the joke, the joke is actually on the house, the jokes are on you.
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