Ialdabaoth -> RE: Why do you believe in what fate awaits you? (7/11/2009 10:54:44 PM)
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I believe, in the deepest parts of my heart, that I'm going to Hell. I believe the Hell is an eternity of infinite torment. I believe that "infinite torment" means just that - torment so horrendous and indescribable that nothing can possibly compare to it, that there is no way to block it out, and that every moment will feel so indescribably horrific that you will be incapable of doing anything but wishing you had never been created. I believe this, because I was raised to believe that the Bible was the purely literal word of God. As I continued to develop, I was taught that dinosaur bones were put in the earth to trap those who think too much. I was taught that the Earth was made to "appear" spherical, so that those who think too much would be deceived and stop placing all their faith in the holiness of God, and try to think for themselves. I think too much. I was told at a very early age that I think too much, and that I need to stop if I want to stay right with Jesus. I've never been able to stop. I hate how much I think. I hate how often I'll realize something that people don't want to admit to themselves, and I'll know that I've given away that I see it. Understandably, this doesn't make me very many friends. I came to realize, later in life, that multiple different accounts each say they are the one true way to believe, and each of them will send you to Hell for believing the wrong one - including believing other conflicting versions of the same account. Since it's impossible for a limited being such as myself to know which one to believe, I can't simply accept that a fallible being such as myself has guessed right. See that right there? That's called "lack of faith", and I was taught that damns you to Hell quicker than anything else. So, no matter which way is true, I'm fucked. I stay up late at night worrying about this.
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