Weakness or Benefit????

Weakness or Benefit???? (Full Version)

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LdyWintershade -> Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:14:38 PM)
I have been discussing this issue with several Dominant peers and associates, when I realized I really want the opinion of subs/slaves... As a sub/slave, do you find it to be a weakness or a benefit for a Dom/me to have served as a sub/slave in the past? I ask because my local BDSM community organization has a protocol which requires newbie Dom/mes to spend a brief period of time in service to another. The reason for this, was because the group found that many Dom/mes were unappreciative of, and even irresponsible for the power given to them by others. As a result, some rather dangerous situations popped up and serious abuses of power. The group felt that serving for a brief period prior to taking on a sub/slave would encourage a respect for the power they would wield over others, and potentially make them better Dominants. Would you agree with this reasoning, or would you consider a Master/Mistress that has served another as weak? - I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death, your right to say it.

rayne221 -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:22:14 PM)
I would hate to make a blanket statement and imply that any Dominant who has not bottomed, is not a good Dominant, but generally speaking i have to say, in my own experience, it has been a Benefit. I have been a sub for 12 years. I have had a few relationships, one which lasted seven years. All of my former Dominants have been considered by their peers to be fairly strict and stern. They have typically been the sort of "no-nonsense" Dominant. I have learned over the years, that without exception, all of these Dominants started in the lifestyle in the sub role. Due to their strong Dominance, this was not information they offered openly nor easily. It took years before they shared this information with me. But due to this information, it did cause me to change my own perspective; which formerly had been that if a Dominant had ever subbed... it was a sign of weakness or not complete Dominance.

LadyPact -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:22:14 PM)
Not a sub. I'm answering anyway. The day, the hour, the minute any community decides they can dictate to Me who I am, how I run this household, or any other thing, I will happily remove Myself from said community, and darken that door no longer.

littlewonder -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:25:04 PM)
I wouldn't see it as a weakness or a benefit. I just see it as a preference on their part. I personally though would have no interest in the man though since I'm not attracted to switches or anyone who has any itch to try the other side.

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:30:20 PM)
I remain convinced that the real reason for such rules is to give the established tops first crack at the fresh meat. I wanna know, who died and left them in charge?

Missokyst -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 9:47:56 PM)
I have run into dominants who began as bottoms. Sadly most end up wanting me to top them, which I can see from a logical standpoint. I know I love being sub too much to top or dominate. lol I can't help but wonder if those that went this path long for the good old days.. On a personal level if i was a dominant there is NO freaking way I would let someone "teach me" by making me submit. Who made them my boss? I would not tolerate it. Like Lady Pact, I would happily remove myself from their doorstep. Kyst

kuriouswitch -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 10:00:52 PM)
i don't think it's a weakness, I've knows some very good Dominants that served first in the past before becoming a Dominant. They are not weaker, they just know both sides of the coin having experience with both.

Lockit -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 10:28:46 PM)
Someone who is going to abuse power or a person is going to do so whether they served as submissive or bottom or not. They lack a sensitivity bone and their damage runs deeper than what they could learn by most experiences. That would be a group that I wouldn't be a part of simply because they could not understand what causes real abuse of a person or power. It isn't a lack of compassion or understanding.

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/10/2009 10:50:50 PM)
OP: Just as I do not see my subs as WEAK in their submission. .but strong.. I thus saw myself as strong when I went to a DOM to submit for a year to see what it is like for subs.. and my boys agree..it has made a difference in my insights. I understand the reasoning behind the local group's idea of D's submitting.. GQ

WestBaySlave -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 12:03:41 AM)
I can't imagine that the experience would subtract from someone's experience as a dom, but I don't think it's necessary, either. Understanding can come in many forms, and I'm not sure time spent learning how to be sub is necessarily better than an equivalent period of time learning to be a better dom. I would not regard a dominant who served another once as weak, just as I do not perceive myself as being weak for serving. The only issue I've had is with switches who equate their experience on the submissive side with my own e.g. "I liked and wanted this as a sub so you do, too". Everyone is unique. I can definitely see Lady Pact's point about not wanting to be ordered around by any community. I feel the same way as a sub, and can't see myself as being too comfortable if "forced" to own a slave for a few weeks to get the dom side of things in perspective. "Fetch me a Diet Dr. Pepper... from a Wall-Mart... in Perth, Australia... no problem if you get a bit lost on the way back, too..." [:D]

WyldHrt -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 12:11:15 AM)
quote: I feel the same way as a sub, and can't see myself as being too comfortable if "forced" to own a slave for a few weeks to get the dom side of things in perspective. "Fetch me a Diet Dr. Pepper... from a Wall-Mart... in Perth, Australia... no problem if you get a bit lost on the way back, too..." [:D] You beat me to it, WBS [:D] I do like flipping things around..... so should a sub have to top before submitting? I suspect not. [8D]

CatdeMedici -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 2:25:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Not a sub. I'm answering anyway. The day, the hour, the minute any community decides they can dictate to Me who I am, how I run this household, or any other thing, I will happily remove Myself from said community, and darken that door no longer. Yep, I'm with LP on this one--though I DID spnd time as a submissive when I first started to ensure I was a Dominant, I do not think that it makes Me a better or worse D, it simply was one of My many experiences. So do you also have a rule that before a submissive can be proclaimed a twue submissive they must spend time as a Dominant? Who comes up with the crap anyway?

WyldHrt -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 2:39:14 AM)
quote: So do you also have a rule that before a submissive can be proclaimed a twue submissive they must spend time as a Dominant? As I said above, I sure as hell hope not, lol.

Drakontos -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 3:27:37 AM)
quote: As a sub/slave, do you find it to be a weakness or a benefit for a Dom/me to have served as a sub/slave in the past? zaphira would find it a weakness

thishereboi -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 3:46:30 AM)
I don't see that being a sub first would change you if you are abusive. Your still going to be the same person as when you started. If you were an abusive asshole, you will still be an abusive asshole. Oh and I agree with the others who said there is no way in hell I would let some "community group" decide who is dominant enough and who needs "sub" lessons first. Sorry but that is not their place. If they are holding an event and someone acts like an idiot, then by all means they should throw the idiot out. But to say someone can't be dominant because they have never been submissive is just stupid in my opinion. edited to add: I am curious as to how large this group is and what their growth rate is?

barelynangel -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 4:54:43 AM)
I don't know the D/s factor but come from the M/s factor i would tend to have reservations about a Man who willingly spent time as a submissive expecially to a woman. I am way to strong for any Man who has willingly placed himself to be dominanted in the sense we are speaking. So yes, i would see it as a weakness in a Man NOW that being said, what i don't know lol I do understand that if i am not told same, i could very well never suspect either. But it is a squick factor for me because the concept being spoken of is a concept of where someone exists naturally. So i would look esckew at a group who felt Men should submit willingly to somehow "know" the power. Someone cannot find out what it is to be a slave or i believe even submissive due to roleplaying a part. ACTIONS do not make it so, its something one is naturally its reactions to the naturally occuring catalyst. So anyone trying to play the part by following orders of someone calling themselves a Dom to see what its like to me is making a mockery of submission and slavery instead of recognizing what being a submissive and slave is. I would have serious reservations about anyone who believed this was a viable way to understanding the dynamic. I would also believe any natural dominant would not have the same reactions to the catalyst of dominance against them but instead would have to fight their natural reaction to confront said catalyst instead of what natural submissives and slaves would do and submit. So again, it makes no sense to me. angel

slavekal -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 5:29:55 AM)
For me, a woman who would never consider submitting to anyone is the biggest turn on.

angelikaJ -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 5:38:17 AM)
I always find this to be an interesting topic of discussion. I disagree that it is a weakness due to my experience with my first partner. He shared with me that when he was in college he spent time as a submissive to a woman. She had asked him to help her top in a scene and when he did he simply realized he had "been playing for the wrong team". I don't think being a bottom at one point in your life automatically makes you a switch; it just means you have acquired greater self knowledge. I don't think having information ever makes someone weaker, however being mandated by a community group...? shudders

olena -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 5:53:56 AM)
We are all on our own individual paths in life. How one gets where they are is not particularly important to me. I think any one way type stuff has absolutely nothing to do about the best way of doing something and everything to do with selfish motivations, like more fresh meat, but most often people trying to quantify credentials for ego strokes. Way too many dominants want to measure their greatness and wanting cuts to the front of a mythical line to get a submissive by thinking some training concept carries significant weight. I would not be scared a dominant was submissive before but it would be something to think about if the person was not showing things that I would look for in a dominant. I would not view it as being weak but it still comes down to context. Some people just are in this life for kinky sex regardless of the roles or looking for a submissive but are not up to being a dominant. Relationships are complex and about two people. Doing things from a mythical one way instruction manual and thinking it is the best or only way is more a sign of arrogance or stupidity then being weak or automatically thinking one is not really dominant.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Weakness or Benefit???? (7/11/2009 6:26:14 AM)
LOL!!! why not cover all the bases and have your community pass out a safeword that everyone is required to use, provide/ require STD testing and background checks of all newbies and then do random home visits of everyone participating in your community, just to make triple sure no one is abusing their power??? seriously, though...spending time "acting" submissive so you can "earn" the right from some local group to dominate another individual doesn't sound like an individual who is strong and confident. more like...weak and desperate.

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