RE: the experienced submissive (Full Version)

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KneelforAnne -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/12/2009 6:31:24 PM)


~FR~

I've been propositioned by many, many, many Doms who can't seem to wait to "teach" me how to be a twue submissive. I've had a short number that want to know what I think about things.

BUT,

Those few are the ones that I speak to and get to know.

~

Is an inexperienced sub worth more than the experienced?

I think it depends on what they learned through the experience? Did they learn anything? Do they know more about themselves? Can they express their needs, wants, or desires more clearly?

I'm not sure, but I think experience helps answer all of those questions.




realtuffdom -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 12:48:36 AM)

Experienced subs are scary. They often ask me questions I can't answer. Like "what is that for?" and "Have you ever done this before?"



Andalusite -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 8:51:53 AM)

I'm pretty experienced in BDSM in general, but hadn't submitted until my last relationship, which lasted 3 years. When I was looking, before I met my Master, the men I spoke with usually felt that my experiences and clarity were an asset, but if I'd spent 3 years floating from one Dominant or Master to the next, or if all of that experience had been online, they probably would have seen that as a negative. I very much didn't assume that I was "trained" just because I had previously been a submissive - everyone's expectations and requirements are different. I discussed this in depth with my Master while we were dating for a couple of months, before he enslaved me. [:D]



daintydimples -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 8:57:31 AM)

quote:

I've been propositioned by many, many, many Doms who can't seem to wait to "teach" me how to be a twue submissive. I've had a short number that want to know what I think about things.
quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne


This is so very true. At least it does give us a way to weed them out.





marie2 -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 9:51:42 AM)

 
I think experience is good in that it helps us to evolve and to realize who we are and what we need.  If someone wants a virgin submissive, maybe that person limits his/her possibilities, but if that's their preference so be it.

In some ways, I personally prefer a dom who has experienced a ds-based relationship before, but on the other hand, I've been involved with "experienced" doms who had no communication skills, no ability to steer the ship, and basically not much skill with the sexual aspects of it either. 

My belief is that we aren't doms and subs except to the partners who interact with us as such, so when I come into contact with a man who feels dominant to me, that's basically all I need.  All the experience in the world isn't going to matter if the man can't dom me.  



playfulotter -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 11:52:53 AM)

I learned years ago after comparing everyone to my first Master for a while that it is best to see every new relationship as if you are starting out new for the first time...of course you know certain things to expect and how you react to certain stimuli etc so I think that is a plus but otherwise don't go into it having any preconceived notions and it makes everything so much better and you become a better person each time because of it too.



PlayDocWithMe -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 2:21:47 PM)

When I first got into this lifestyle about 15 years ago, I would fall for the first guy that could hold my gaze or grab my hair. They would turn out to be near nillas or Doms only interested in their own pleasure. Now I realize that, as engaging or willing as they may be I still need to focus on what I am here for which is medical fetish. There are many experienced Doms who do not understand it, aren't interested in it, and are not equipped for it.  I'm not afraid to discuss EVERYTHING  and ask questions right upfront. Lay all the cards on the table. There seem to be many men, vanilla or lifestyle that are intimidated by that and prefer to be evasive. An experienced Dom who appreciates what I have to offer not only as a submissive, but as a woman, and a human being will have nothing to be defensive about and see an experienced, desirable submissive as a fine wine, aged to perfection.



DesFIP -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 2:47:41 PM)

Who says a highly experienced top is valuable? Because experience can be construed in different ways. Do you really have 30 years experience or does he just have one years experience repeated 20 more times?

Beyond that, if he's had 30 subs in 30 years, I'd consider him a failure in having a relationship.

Depends what you're looking for. On both sides of the slash.



DarkSteven -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 6:40:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: realtuffdom

Experienced subs are scary. They often ask me questions I can't answer. Like "what is that for?" and "Have you ever done this before?"


[:D][:D][:D]



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 6:51:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: realtuffdom

Experienced subs are scary. They often ask me questions I can't answer. Like "what is that for?" and "Have you ever done this before?"


INexperienced DOMs who have tools laying about and do NOT know what they are for...IS SCAREY[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image]

GQ



kiwisub12 -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 6:52:46 PM)

I am in  a real time relationship, so i guess you could say that i have experience in submission.
But if i am going into another relationship, i will be doing it as a new person, exploring a new relationship with a new master in a new way.
I don't see my previous experiences as being "bad" or "undesirable".  They just are.

They are also part of what makes me (hopefully) desirable to another person. So why would they make me less than desirable?



overfiend -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/13/2009 8:07:18 PM)

Yea my wife is an inexpierienced sub can't say I'm super thrilled about breaking another one in I prefer xp devotion and skill it takes years to refine the truly unexperienced subs and I'm ready for fun not teaching
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships.

Experience in a dominant is highly valued; experience in a submissive is not.

Thoughts?






HeadmasterDavid -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/18/2009 9:13:32 PM)

"Inexperienced sub" sounds to me like:

1. schoolgirl
2. young and inexperienced
3. innocent

Damn, can you think of anything that turns on a Dom more than that?

Compared with

(list deleted... you get the point)




aldompdx -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/18/2009 11:41:48 PM)

It all depends on what the experience was. Many people in all walks of life experience tragedy and suffer trauma/damage.

Sometimes it takes more effort to untrain and then retrain. It is contingent upon the skill, quality, and values of a prior trainer, along with the inner personal work which the trainee had done on their own.



NihilusZero -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/19/2009 8:52:01 AM)

A certain bit of experience (even if only the introspective sort wrought by sincere thinking) is, I think, a good thing in order to better guide a sub towards understanding the direction in which she actually wants her submission to go and becoming more embracing of it. Someone knowing what they want out of such a dynamic and being able to verbalize.explain it is always a plus and those things a naturally helped along by having a bit of experience.



CaringandReal -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/19/2009 10:05:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

You would think that experience, knowledge, and self-confidence would be valued in a submissive. Yet many dominants seem to prefer a blank canvas, so to speak. I guess I'm wondering why? Why is that so much more attractive?



Wow, and here I had a hard time finding a Dominant that would take on an inexperienced sub.  Isn't it purely a personal thing?


It is to some degree, because people tend to remember failures more than they remember/acknowledge sucesses. You remember the person who didn't want you because you were experienced/inexperienced because it stung, while those that did want you for whatever it is you were don't register enough to get remembered (well, unless you wound up living with them. It would be pretty hard not to remember them under that circumstance! :) )

So a burned man may not want an "experienced" submissive who has undergone "trauma" because he had bad experiences once with one, but so what? If you meet those qualifications (experience and trauma), you wouldn't want that burned, possibly achingly bitter man with his assumptions and attitudes that blind him to seeing anything in you except a sterotype anywhere near you. It'd be a pretty toxic experience for the sub, I would think. I tend to see people who DQ themselves from contacting me as doing me a big favor rather that denying me anything in particular. And I find the converse to be true: people who are deeply interested in me (those who see me clearly, of course, not those who see only their own fantasies) are often the ones that deeply interest me.



RedMagic1 -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/19/2009 12:20:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeadmasterDavid
"Inexperienced sub" sounds to me like:

1. schoolgirl
2. young and inexperienced
3. innocent

Damn, can you think of anything that turns on a Dom more than that?

Yes.

1. Black belt.
2. Manager of a major corporation.
3. President of a national attorneys association.

Spanking such women feels frikkin amazing.



lally2 -> RE: the experienced submissive (7/19/2009 4:39:12 PM)

in my experience, as ive evolved and strengthened in who i am i have by return tended to attract stronger, more established, secure and considerate men who appreciate the fact that i know who i am and what i want.

i no longer get the 'kneel bitch' bunch or the tiresome emails banging on about what they want to do to me based purely from my photo and profile.

i feel like ive swum past the reef where the waves are choppy and ive reached the open sea where the water is lovely and the big waves are heaving in.  i could catch one i guess - but its kinda nice just sitting in the swell and feeling the tide pull me in and push me out and maybe one of those waves will carry me back to shore, - theres certainly a wave approaching that i like the look of. [:D]




Acer49 -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/7/2009 2:37:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships.

Experience in a dominant is highly valued; experience in a submissive is not.

Thoughts?




Damaged good? Not likely, experience is always valuable be it Dom or Sub. Only an inferior Dom would have made that statement



CaringandReal -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/7/2009 5:20:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples


I guess that's what gets to me, the shallow assessments and snap assumptions. And you are correct, it is one more easy tool for weeding out the wheat from the chafe on the many messages I receive.



I tend to lose track of threads. I write something in one and then I can never find the thread again. But someone bumped this one, thankfully, and so I can respond to it. I'm always browsing profiles, I never tire of reading what people say about themselves and how they say it, so I do come across a minority (but a significant minority) of dominants who say right there in the profile that they want experienced submissives only.

A much larger group mentions both as equally acceptable. Big Yawn. I know they're just trying to cover all the bases, but that strikes me as an advertising to the widest possible audeince ploy or an "I'll take anything, just let be submissive" type of attitude. I expect some may have a preference one way or the other, they just don't want to ace out any possibilities by being open about this.

This can be fun: do a search on "experienced submissive" in male dominant profiles. You'll see a lot of the "I'll take both types, but then every 3-10 profiles, you'll see something like this, maybe: " I would love to find an experienced submissive female who is willing to "educate" me in the mannerism of a Dominant" or "I much prefer the experienced submissive who, hopefully, has not already met and had an experience with a bad guy predator." I bet inexperienced novices read those profiles and get discouraged and think, "the doms only want experienced submissives, sigh."

And then there are a lot who seem to only want novice subs. I can sort of understand it. (1) "novice sub" is a euphemism that many men use for "young tight bod." when they think they'll be slammed by both the young and the old and even the in the middle for wanting a young tight bod and (2) It can be quite fun when you know something very well to show it to someone relatively new, who will be suprised or awed by their experiences. Sometimes, though, if wowing a newbie is the only experience a person ever seeks out, it strikes me as coming from insecurity.



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