RE: the experienced submissive

RE: the experienced submissive (Full Version)

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pyroaquatic -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/7/2009 5:46:22 PM)
I've been submissive my entire life yet I have had little experience with the lifestyle. Does that mean I am damaged? I would like to think not. Far from normal and very far from damaged thank you very much. Maybe deranged, definitely strange.

lronitulstahp -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/7/2009 6:33:50 PM)
i thought i had experience....turns out i was just a slut.[8\|] quote: I don't care what kind of kink you think you got on you. That's a quote from Mr.Ron's profile, and i found it simple but true. For a Dominant that feels training and building a relationship is based on individual needs, and not collective experience, all the stuff many consider experience is irrelevant. i was experienced in bottoming, and kinky sex, but when a Dominant required obedience past "You better not gag, slut!" i was pretty much a novice. Experience is subjective. i was one guy's "perfect sub", and one guy's "fixer-upper". In my "experience"[;)], what a person requires or needs at a certain point dictates how useful or useless my previous experiences really are. Now for many a "dominant", instant sub (Just add water and stir) is quite desirable. i've known people who have designed their entire relationship, protocols, play, dynamic for the "dominant" because that's not their "dom's" thing. But usually they base it all on the personality of a previous partner. It's all fun and games until somebody isn't having their needs met.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m17.gif[/image]

Bearlee -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/8/2009 3:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples You would think that experience, knowledge, and self-confidence would be valued in a submissive. Yet many dominants seem to prefer a blank canvas, so to speak. I guess I'm wondering why? Why is that so much more attractive? Wow, and here I had a hard time finding a Dominant that would take on an inexperienced sub. Isn't it purely a personal thing? Yes, I would think it is a personal thing. When I first discovered BDSM, I was sort of taken underwing (no...not with a collar of protection!!!), by a couple of experienced Doms. I learned a lot, too. And one thing I learned was that they really, really enjoyed experienced submissives. It was way cool... Now that I am an 'experienced submissive'...who has met an inexperienced Dom recently...I'm surprised to hear that HE is surprised I'd have much to do with him...inexperienced and all. So yes, I believe it's pretty much a personal thing. This man might not have experience with whips and such, but he is certainly a Dominant man. I think that is the part that counts. I could go on and on about why some guys like inexperienced or younger women...but then something like: quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: HeadmasterDavid "Inexperienced sub" sounds to me like: 1. schoolgirl 2. young and inexperienced 3. innocent Damn, can you think of anything that turns on a Dom more than that? Yes. 1. Black belt. 2. Manager of a major corporation. 3. President of a national attorneys association. Spanking such women feels frikkin amazing. pops up and I feel so refreshed I loose the urge for a rant. LOL Yeah, I guess it's just a personal thang. Thanks, Red!!!

catize -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/8/2009 9:50:35 PM)
If my experience has only taught me specific tasks, then I can see that as a detriment. On the other hand, if my experience has taught me submission, then new tasks will be no problem.

KCalli -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/8/2009 11:52:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnareMage85 I don't know, I've mixed feelings on this. On one hand, an inexperienced submissive is a new challenge as they'd have no knowledge of what the expect there's the subconcious thrill of being their first Dom, being the one to find their limits, and push them, and they haven't ever been in a relationship along such lines so there's less likely they've had a bad D/s or M/s relationship. Where as an experienced sub has stronger limits and more tolerance, but they likely have more that is "off-limits" because they've been through it before, and absolutely loathed it. I am not sure that I agree with the part of an experienced sub has stronger limits and more tolerance........ Even with experience, there are other variables, such as (example) pain-was it applied artfully, or was it just "beat the snot out of your sub". To close ones self off to experiences because of the past also may close off part of the mind. If there were bad experiences in the past they can also be overcome with proper encouragement, and caution. But, that kind of think takes trust and effort. Some Doms don't seem to wish to do that. The same way and experienced sub can help an inexperienced Dom (who is open to being helped, of course) to learn what that truly means without leaving the role of being a sub, although I do agree that it is much better for an inexperienced Dom to observe and learn from other Doms.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/9/2009 8:08:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships. Experience in a dominant is highly valued; experience in a submissive is not. Thoughts? To be honest I don't know at what point you become 'experienced' one scene? 5? 3 PE relationships? I dunno. I kinda see what they are saying, that you can have a relationship in a certain way and your next partner may want it to be completely different. If having previous relationships makes me damaged goods then I guess Ill just have to put a 'sale' sticker on my ass

kallisto -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/9/2009 9:39:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally If having previous relationships makes me damaged goods then I guess Ill just have to put a 'sale' sticker on my ass If that's the case, then just throw my ass in the "bargain basement bin" and call it day [:)]

petitbateau -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 2:35:35 PM)
I find quite intriguing the thought of a slave/sub as a damaged good if "experienced". I can obviously see why I, as a slave, find the idea a bit uncomfortable but what interest me the most is why a Master or Dom could find it appealing... what space is left in a sub mind if so experienced to understand the dynamics of the relationships or the games as much as the Dom? what's the imprinting the sub had about his duties and what the previous Doms wanted? why using the term damaged? It's intriguing because it reveals a portion of the Dom mind, in the perpetual search of the perfect sub, the undamagedged good, the holy grail of slaves. It's interesting because it sets a loss since the beginning of a thought about a sub... the utter failure of any sense of adventurous research and the downfall of what I like the most: a sense of challenge.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 2:42:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petitbateau what interest me the most is why a Master or Dom could find it appealing... what space is left in a sub mind if so experienced to understand the dynamics of the relationships or the games as much as the Dom? what's the imprinting the sub had about his duties and what the previous Doms wanted? why using the term damaged? The thing is all people are different all relationships are different just because I have had D/s relationships before does not make me an expert in ALL D/s relationship just the best authority in the ones I have had from my perspective.

petitbateau -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 3:12:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally The thing is all people are different all relationships are different just because I have had D/s relationships... of course... and I tend to think the same in this matter. It's just that I'm amused by the thought a Dom could have of a "damaged good"... I'm just thinking that it might be because yes, in this very case this thought just shows that the Dom in question (nothing personal) is lacking this, for me basic, form of psychological education... instead of thinking of all the difference, it's a thinking that's all the same for everyone? ehehe or it's just maybe the idea of an excessive education has a detrimental effect on the creativity of the Dom/Top/Master mind? °_° interesting interesting indeed.

AnimusRex -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 5:21:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships. This isn't about BDSM. Old goats chasing younger women is the norm. As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 5:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex This isn't about BDSM. Old goats chasing younger women is the norm. As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity. So as not to encourage the flame war I am simply going to roll my eyes at all you said.

subtee -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 5:29:27 PM)
~FR I think it's the cause for so much bitterness here ~not attractive~ the Doms want the little girls young and inexperienced...until they realize they're young and inexperienced. Then they all pissed because she didn't know what it's actually about...you gonna blame girl for being what you wanted?

Apocalypso -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 5:52:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity. Nice way of appearing gentlemanly to the women who fit your personal preference, without that obviously being your motivation. Bravo, sirrah!

subtee -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 6:22:18 PM)
Does that mean it's incongruent with yours and you resent it?

LillyoftheVally -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 6:28:01 PM)
So that it doesn't get silly, can I just say that any assumption about experience based on age alone can be very very very short sighted. I know many a person who has come to wiitwd at a later age, so if we are discussing experience as 'submissives' age may be completely irrelevant. I am not going to bang on about the nature of experience generally because I have done so before and people will believe what they believe despite evidence to suggest otherwise.

Apocalypso -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 6:29:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee Does that mean it's incongruent with yours and you resent it? Of course not. I'm completely open about the fact that I post things that I find amusing in the hopes those I am attracted to will do the same. I am not good at the whole subtle thing, to be honest. [8D] More seriously, yes. I don't put down other people's relationship preferences in the way that is being done by some in this thread. I don't feel the need.

subtee -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 6:41:29 PM)
Seemed like your penis was out there for a sec...

subtee -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/10/2009 7:00:51 PM)
I'm just saying that you have usually posted with intelligence and wit and this seems to have become a matter of length...or something outside of my purlieu, in which case, I'd like to learn about it.

Apocalypso -> RE: the experienced submissive (8/11/2009 5:33:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee I'm just saying that you have usually posted with intelligence and wit and this seems to have become a matter of length...or something outside of my purlieu, in which case, I'd like to learn about it. Much as I find my penis fascinating, I can't help feeling it is outside the purview of the OP. Possibly start a thread to discuss it? I think it's worth being the sole focus of the discussion. Ok, that was entirely unconstructive. To answer you more seriously, why I mocked the poster in question was not about his liking for submissives in an older age range. That's obviously entirely fine and a personal relationship preference. I did raise an eyebrow at his insinuation that anybody who didn't match his preferences had negative reasons for doing so, hence my response. Somebody already did the same to headmasterdavid's post, which I thought was valid, but that post was actually far less dismissive of other people's preferences. Also, I did find "I like experienced submissives because I am really mature!" kinda amusing. And I'm not known for resisting a cheap shot in that kind of situation. Does that answer your question or did you mean something different?

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