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abuddingdom -> RE: Why demonizing bad doms is bad (7/17/2009 9:26:03 AM)
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quote:
SCENARIO 2:
If Human "A" falls of their bike, and Human "B" says, "Oops, are you ok? Don't worry that happens to alot of people when they first learn to ride a bike. Can I show an easier way to try that? It may help to keep you from falling off next time."
You advocate scenario 2.
Right?
If there weren't people around the area, including my pretty one , who marched to the above drum I would have with my tail between my legs gone back to the vanilla dating site I was on afew years back looking for(&possibly would have found by now) someone with mutual attraction who likes to bottom.
About 2 1/2 years in the community, the lifestyle, whatever - I consider myself a "newbie" of sorts. I'm not a newbie like the brand new folks I met at our monthly munch the other night, or some folks I know who've been around forafew months& are still very much feeling their way. Neither am I a " charge forward full steam ahead Sir's in my screename&I expect all to call me Sir & where's the needles my sub's breasts await" type. I'm me - abuddingdom. Who's ina good, healthy far from perfect relationship with someone who had vastly more knowledge& definitely more experience than me. We spent a good amount of time getting to know each other, playing a lot in the process, & with time I realized that she had come to a place on her journey & learned , due to some hard-won lessons, that she very clearly knew what she didnt want. What she did want was still formulating&even subject to some change but she had no doubts as to what dynamics she didnt want in a relationship. .
One can read her posts & see the above developments if one chooses but back to me, as someone who could have been demonized out of the community & as one who could have been left in my pretty one's dust : I was carrying a lot of old attitudes over from my decades of topping. I came in assuming it was mostly about sex, & having long indulged in "funishment" was assuming that" subs want & or need to be punished, right?" Doesnt everyone like roleplaying? Dont all subs like getting their faces slapped & hair pulled? I'd bound&ravished many willing partners & whacked some of them around with my hands& belts&ropes&other things which were laying around so that means I could put down that I'm an expert in bondage&spanking&flogging on my CM profile, right?
I went real slow at the play parties I attended but eventually found a couple women who were willing for me to have at them with someone's borrowed toys, & I specifically asked other D types to keep an eye on me. But when my pretty one&I started spending a lot of time together I went into fullblown frenzy(which is the term she used in - respectfully -pointing it out to me). I wanted it all, & I wanted it now. We laugh about some of it now. In the past, it wasnt uncommon for me&my partners to drink while playing & she almost had a heart attack when I told her to make me a drink the first time we played privately. A Domme friend used to give me free(too free, looking back) access to her toybag in the dungeon&my pretty one said "no, no, no" when I picked up whips&heavy floggers with which I had no experience & said "lets' play". Someone jokingly said that was TFTB but I even knew it was common sense(& self preservation, lolol!) once she could get eye contact with me & say "not yet. try this one, Sir?".
There's a lot of different ways to exchange power, & Ive watched many of them over the last couple years. But I've always liked that saying, I think its from old Will S - "before pride goeth a fall". I'm still pretty new at this& I dont fear humility.Never have. Sometimes someone has to get my attention, though. I also feel grateful that I had a chance to grow, which is my main point believe it or not. Perhaps I should have just said that.......
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