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Hardbutt -> RE: anyone else think its a mistake? (male subs) (7/16/2009 6:49:32 PM)
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Absolutely YES - in the context of web "dating".
I tried vanilla dating sites for 16 years and developed two good friends in that time (one from Craig's platonic list) although I have met dozens. I've tried kinky sites for about eight years have yet to develop a lasting relationship from any of them. It is one rejection and insult after another on these sites for most sub males even if you think you fit their ad perfectly. One mis-interpreted sentence and you may get no second chance...BLOCKED! In real life, I have women asking me out and even proposing to me so I have come to believe that web matches rarely work... it ain't me. It is the nature of internet dating, it cannot replace the real world.
You will not be able to shine as the real you on an internet ad, just like a car commercial (no matter how slick and expensive) cannot compare to actually driving the vehicle. Turn off the screen, get out of the chair, and go forth where your charm is actually felt. Use these forums as a place to learn and you will not be disappointed. But be careful what you post! You could be labeled a HNG (Horny Net Geek) by someone with 1000x as many posts as you... and yet you are the 'internet geek' in their eyes LOL!
Here on CM you will even notice women who have been here for years giving up on internet searches because all the men, they claim, are losers or wankers. So even with the numbers in their favor, females still call it quits... check recent threads for some comments. As a male, my suggestion is to place an honest ad and don't make the first contact, period. Until someone compatible within 100 miles writes to you, go outside and play. You'll feel much better about yourself.
Keep in mind that the internet forums are the most comfortable place for people who are introverted... it is not a unique quality of CollarMe or dating sites. The extroverts with ads don't seem to spend as much time on the site. Do a search for the thread about the members' Myers Briggs personality profiles and you will see the evidence in their own words. About two thirds of respondents were introverts and the majority were IN, Introverted iNtuitives, which if I recall correctly represent less than 7% of the total population. I leave it to you to determine how an IN and you would get along. You can also click the button in a profile to read all of the forums posts a person has made, which will tell you a lot about how they treat others outside of their clique.
If you want to find accepting and open friends, go forth and find a group of "real" people with interests in common and don't waste too much time here. In my experience it is so much easier to convert a friend into a kinkster than to convert a web ad into a relationship. Find someone you truly get along with and they will probably be of a similar mind once you approach the subject of D/s. And they may be free of many BDSM interests and expectations that make you uncomfortable.
You can build your own domme if you two are truly in love! Your a sub, watch for an outgoing and self-confident personality then introduce your ideas carefully. Don't be impatient but do be deliberate and true to your own path. If you lie to yourself then you will fail. Don't settle for less than you deserve just to get quick experiences, it will not pay off in long-lasting happiness.
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