RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 4:03:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I'd be delighted, offer you dinner, possibly take you out for drinks and thank you lots and lots. Though if you would try to hold it over my face as "I owe your arse now, dominate me as I tell you I want to be dommed" I would possibly pay you, in hard coin, meaning I tie you to the fridge and throw money at you, in coins and aim at places where it would hurt, in a non-kinky way...


I have to say, Lady C, newbie that I am, I hadn't realised there was a non-kinky way of tying a man to a fridge and throwing money at him.  However, this may be because I've spent very little time in Germany to date. 

Also, I think that I can say - with the utmost sincerity - that I've grown up with the most profound belief than no-one owes my arse anything at all.  My arse agrees.  Never, at any time, has it complained to me that it requires gifts by way of thanks for services that it has performed.  Indeed, it maintains a modest and utterly undemanding silence at all times, except for the odd slight complaint after I've eaten onions. 



LadyConstanze -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 4:23:00 PM)

I lived in Germany for a while, so your point is? I lived in quite a few countries and frankly the "Germanic" jokes are getting a bit old, or maybe I am a bit sensitive since the racist long nosed porker thought to throw a few racist "jokes" in my direction. Care to try a few Italian jokes now?



girlygurl -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 4:23:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



When a sub gives you a PRESENT (one you did not ask for - OR, he asks, "What can I send you as a gift?") then later makes you feel like you owe him, how do you handle that?  I don't like feeling obligated.  I really resent it when a guy gifts a gift that I did not ask for and then holds it up or keeps kind of mentioning it. It seems some subs are so used to "tributes"  = play, that they can give a gift and have strings attached.

How do you tactfully tell them, "Thank you for the gift, but I am not going to do S&M with you"?

Akasha



Akasha, I haven't read through the other posts but I'm sure this has been touched on... no one makes you feel anything. You allow yourself to feel that way.
Men and women often (IMO) assume/hope for/expect some type of reciprocation when giving something. If you never gave this person a reason to anticipate something in return it's his issue not yours.



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 4:30:04 PM)

*Nods and agree's with Girly*. No one can make us feel anything we don't want to feel.

And if anyone tries to make me feel anything by saying something outright, they get an explanation, a return of the gift and are shown the door. That is in a D/s, or any other situation. A gift is a gift, not a payment.



PeonForHer -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 4:51:43 PM)

Lady C, I'm sorry.  I didn't want to offend.  I remember those comments regarding Germans from the person in question and they annoyed the hell out of me at the time. I'd have kicked her nasty arse at the time if I hadn't known she had me on 'ignore'. 

I know lots of anti-English jokes, but I don't know any any Italian ones. I'd do some research but the spirit is lacking right now, for some reason. 




CatdeMedici -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 5:48:55 PM)

I do not allow any submissive to make ME feel guilty for something he decided to do or offered of his own volition. I am very clear about the boundaries, the relationships, if they decide to do something, so be it.



DarkSteven -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 6:05:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Care to try a few Italian jokes now?


What do you call a fog in Sicily?


.
.
.
.

.
.
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A big-a-mist!



epepincanada -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 6:14:04 PM)

quote:

I am not comfortable in accepting a gift from you, as I have no interest in anything more than a casual acquaintance with you. Please donate it to the charity of your choice."


send the gift back , might hurt there feelings but atleast they didint waste there money as bad as that sounds.  Gifts do seem to = play with some doms on here which is causing your problems



LookieNoNookie -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 6:26:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



When a sub gives you a PRESENT (one you did not ask for - OR, he asks, "What can I send you as a gift?") then later makes you feel like you owe him, how do you handle that?  I don't like feeling obligated.  I really resent it when a guy gifts a gift that I did not ask for and then holds it up or keeps kind of mentioning it. It seems some subs are so used to "tributes"  = play, that they can give a gift and have strings attached.

How do you tactfully tell them, "Thank you for the gift, but I am not going to do S&M with you"?

Akasha



As a male sub, I'm okay with gifts.

I don't have a website with a list like some Dommes....but I'll list my choices here...(send as is appropriate):

1)  Car...lots of leather...deer whistles....and a bike rack.  (I don't have a bike...but I may someday).

2)  Big tittie'd Domme.  Short legs.  I'm 50....almost 51....I don't want to bend over all that much anymore.

3)  Blonde.  Don't care all that much if it's natural...just want blonde (unless of course "Big tittie'd", which of course takes precedence).

4)  Grammar....want someone who can grasp decent grammar....good language and writing skills....unless of course she has extremely large titties....and is blonde.

5)  Want someone just like Mom....unless, naturally, she looks like Mom....whereupon....I have a friend.  (You'd like him).







PeonForHer -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 7:03:37 PM)

*Sob*

That was so beautifully sensitive, wise and understanding, Lookie.  [:(][:(][:(]



LookieNoNookie -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 7:32:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

*Sob*

That was so beautifully sensitive, wise and understanding, Lookie.  [:(][:(][:(]



I appreciate that...(occasionally I feel I'm a smidge too sensitive).



PeonForHer -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 7:35:08 PM)

Perhaps - but, IMO, you were right on the money about the blonde hair and premium-sized warheads.  [:D]



LookieNoNookie -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/17/2009 7:43:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Perhaps - but, IMO, you were right on the money about the blonde hair and premium-sized warheads.  [:D]


Indeed.

(I think it's one of those "rocks / paper / scissors" kind of thing).



purepleasure -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 4:01:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

So if I turned up and fixed everything in your home - just because I can, because I'm fjoeken brilliant at DIY and I don't like to see broken things - you'd not be impressed?  OK, you don't need to do the hands clasped in front of chest and eyes fluttering thing, but a small noise of being impressed would go down well.


This would be reciprocated with a gift card to your favorite restaurant or entertainment venue.



loverly -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 4:11:14 AM)

isnt a Domme but would love a visit from purepleasure and would do the flutter and appreciation thing over and over at he point of DYI being done!  :D
on the subject at hand.. send the gift back and say no thank you... no gift .. no strings. Some people just dont get it due to interacting with people who Expect tribute. i would suggest forgiving ignorence and moving on. period.



PeonForHer -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 5:11:31 AM)

This would be reciprocated with a gift card to your favorite restaurant or entertainment venue.
 
Tut.  I'd already be at my favourite venue. [;)]   A big kiss on the cheek and a bottle shared would be appreciated, mind you.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 7:02:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


As a male sub, I'm okay with gifts.

I don't have a website with a list like some Dommes....but I'll list my choices here...(send as is appropriate):

1)  Car...lots of leather...deer whistles....and a bike rack.  (I don't have a bike...but I may someday).




What is a deer whistle?  Do I want one?



gentlemanprince -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 7:51:50 AM)

I'm still waiting for the first Domme to offer me gifts as an inticement. When that happens, I'll try to formulate a policy.



vasha -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 9:06:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I've noticed quite a few tribute dommes' profiles in which they make it abundantly clear that a 'good and real sub' is one who recognises that he must pay a tribute.  I could imagine a submale thinking that this is 'just the way it is, so that's how I should be'.  It's all quite squalid, really.


what he said.

its really qite disenheartening how hugly many ... what ild call - manipulitive users-  there are.  and its easy to see how a submale could get that point of view of how things are... if he didnt know better from more experiance.



vasha -> RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" (7/18/2009 9:08:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What is a deer whistle?  Do I want one?


small plastic cones that go on a car bumper usually..  the pitch emitted while the vehicle is in motion will, theroticly at least, warn deer of the vehicle's presence.  
do you want one?  only you can say.  altho they certianlly sell well in a lot of very rural areas



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