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Mistakes - 7/18/2009 10:06:48 AM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?

I'm interested in both courting a new slave or sub and general behavior.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 10:08:14 AM   
TheOneLady


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		I think the most common one (and most obvious one!) is the failure by the majority to read any part of the profile whatsoever.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 10:21:35 AM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		KNEEL BITCH! ( when you're typing to me)

(in reply to TheOneLady)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 11:58:53 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
Aaaah.  That is a big mistake. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to mefisto69)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 1:45:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Believing that if someone is submissive she is incapable of choosing who she submits to.
And not talking to her as a normal person, not bothering to find out what kind of movies she likes, whether she's a cat or dog person etc.

In other words believing if she's submissive you can change her drastically from the person she is instead of taking the time to find someone you are highly compatible with from the beginning.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 2:27:55 PM   
dove967


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps one that some Dominats don't think about is having a blank profile or one where the information is somewhat vague.  I know alot of Dominants are trying to present an image of mysteriousness or aloofness,but, personally  it's kinda like an insult to my intelligence and I refuse to reply to the message or accept any chat or friendship requests.  Any Dom that approaches me obviously saw enough in my profile to be interested in me and want to initiate a dialog,  so why doesn't He think I would want the same courtesy to decide if I was interested enough in Him to want to know more?  Being a Dominant in and of itself is just not enough information to warrant my interest. 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 2:41:08 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Not using enough capital letters when referring to one's self: Me, Mine, etc.
 
Or maybe it's a lack of self awareness.
 
Or holding the flogger by the wrong end.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to dove967)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 4:14:34 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?



Drinking a beverage while reading posts. 

But that happens in all flavors, I believe. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 4:22:48 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		The very first Dominant I met real time and played with from Collarme wrote to me about a vanilla interest I'd mentioned in my profile.  He shared that interest.  That lead to many chats and phone calls.  We're still great friends after over 4 years and see each other regularly.  He and my Dom are good friends and I consider his submissive one of my best friends. 

If he'd wanted to know my private interests, including kink or sexual interests right away I probably would have written him off as an online whanker and not bothered to write back. 

Courting a submissive is not so different from courting in a vanilla relationship.  You both find some common ground and interests and build up from there.  

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 4:49:36 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?



In my experience, the most common mistake made by doms is to rush things, to move things along too quickly, to have certain expectations without putting in the necessary time and effort.. (and it's not just doms I've known from collarme.)

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Mistakes - 7/18/2009 5:22:45 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?



Forgetting that submissives are people first and formost.  It seems (to me) a lot want to start out talking about nothing but D/s dynamics without even seeing if they would be compatible in a regular vanilla relationship..

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 2:31:36 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?

Easy - disagreeing with MY posts and opinions....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 4:32:13 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		the misunderstanding that bugs me, is that just because im conversational, polite and easy going i am likely to be perfect for them.  not so.  i get on with just about everyone, i can chat till the cows come home more often than not.

so..., dont assume anything too soon - that is such a put off for me.  she might just be polite and conversational.  if she starts to pull back or hesitate or say things like 'id rather not thank you' then you should slow right down and stop pushing her in that direction.

the biggest success is when someone is capable of reading between the lines, picks up on nuances and comments and responds accordingly.  it shows theyre listening and that they wish to invest effort and thought.

bullish barging and ignoring hesitation from the sub is a sure way of losing her trust way before youve even begun earning it.

oh - and please dont assume that youre smarter than her and can manipulate her into a situation she isnt ready for, simply because she's a sub and youre a D - thats just naff.

submission is organic it grows as the feelings of trust, comfort and need start to develop.  its youre job to engender those feelings in her and that can take time.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 4:35:40 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?
it has been awhile for me, but the biggest mistake (and instant turn-off) was a potential Dom trying to pull rank. It did not have to be as obvious as the infamous "Knees/Bitch" approach, but those subtle ways were just as bad

_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 6:40:24 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		the assumption that just because someone has chosen the submissive label, that means they are _______________ (fill in the blank with whatever generalization one cares to make, including, but not limited to submissive).

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/19/2009 6:41:10 AM >

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 7:05:30 AM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Setting a "standard" for the "perfect" submissive or Dom, then complaining loud and long that no one is out there, and not evenly remotely considering anyone who doesn't meet all their criteria.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 7:36:31 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		 not giving credence to what my profile states i am seeking.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 9:12:41 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

What, in your opinion, are the most common mistakes made by Doms and Masters on Collarme?

I'm interested in both courting a new slave or sub and general behavior.


I took the following journal entry out of your profile...

quote:

There are sub/slaves with demands? How does one thing coincide with the other? By no means am I saying a sub should not have an opinion nor take care of his/her well being. But to demand something is to be hypocritical of what you claim to be. I tire of the endless list of things subs tell Doms they must submit to before the sub will submit to the Dom. Subs, in my opinion, have only requests to be considered and if they have chosen wisely in their Dom should have nothing to fear.


Perhaps they are choosing wisely and that is why they are not responding?  I don't say that to be an asshole but there are roughly two schools of  dominants on here, one that would agree and the others would not.  As a broad overgeneralization, IN MY OPINION, the ones who would agree pick women I wouldn't want, the ones who would disagree pick women more along the lines of what I find desirable.

If you want the living equivelent of a blow up doll (and they ARE out there) that paragraph is perfect.   It would however drive away any woman I might be interested in.

quote:

.
Perhaps you think me too strict. That maybe I take too literal a definition in the terms Dominate and submissive.Then I say to you that you are weak and cowardly.  To me the difference between a sub and a slave is that a sub reserves the right to veto certain things via safe words. But even then, if used too often, should be considered topping and a breach of the relationships protocol thus ending it.


Ignoring the silly bits about weak and cowardly, but the sort of woman I want doesn't walk up with a sign around her neck saying "I am a level 7a submissive" (and that is just a silly analogy) but instead we dance and as I show her by my actions and deeds that I am indeed the dominant she seeks, her walls, her defenses,  melt away and she becomes mine.  It doesn't happen on day 2, month 2, it occurs over time with patience and time spent together.

I think that is the most common mistake new dominants (and new submissives) make is that you just throw the switch and you have a 24/7 D/s relationship.  Meeting someone is like planting a seed, sometimes it takes weeks before anything visible happens..  You still have to water it, keep it warm and safe, feed it, despite not seeing anything happening, then suddenly one day that beautiful vibrant green bursts forth exposing those first soft leaves to you.  Evoking someone's submission is no different, it takes time and patience on both sides.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 7/19/2009 9:15:04 AM >

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 9:36:52 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Whining in their journals...about anything. This may not affect the women you write, who may or may not bother to read your profile, but it certainly affects the women who browse and could or would have written you...until they saw the whine.

When subs who read a lot of profiles and who sometimes initiate contact see this, it's an instant turn-off. We don't nod our heads in agreement about what terrible people we submssives are and how wise this clown is to criticize us and point out our faults (which he generalizes onto all submissives from a few experiences with a few individuals); we think, "I'll never write him in a million years! He's 4x, 5x, 6x years old, for pete's sake! When's he going to grow a pair and take responsibility for his own actions instead of blaming others?"

No matter how good the profile reads, the whine puts the lie to it. "It" being the idea that this is a mature, repsponsible, or even intelligent individual. I'm sorry, but it's just extremely hard to take somebody who seems to be doing the written equivelent of rolling around in a supermarket aisle screaming his lungs out because he didn't get a piece of candy from "mommy" seriously as a dominant. (Is it clear how I feel about whiners? If not, I can certainly make it clearer! :D)

Also, since quite a large percentage of collarme posters do the journal-whine thing, you tend to think when you see one, "eh, they're just like all the other children" and pass them by without even reading the profile.

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 7/19/2009 9:37:14 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mistakes - 7/19/2009 3:46:37 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		For me...
~ Blank profile = unwilling or unable to describe yourself in a few words, or what you're looking for
~ Whining in journal entries and/or profile
~ Describing others in journal entries in vindictive and/or hateful terms (i.e., using your journal to "get back" at others here with whom you didn't successfully connect) or other immature behavior in journal entries
~ "Write to me and I'll tell you about me" = ugh

< Message edited by DomMeinCT -- 7/19/2009 3:51:34 PM >

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 20
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