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New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 11:45:10 AM

ServentoftheDark

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2009
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I am a shy sweet Sub who will looking for someone to help train me. I've been in this world for while but I feel I need some help. Would anyone found there know what I can do or maybe read to help me better myself?

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 11:57:00 AM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
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I think it may be easier if you could first identify which areas you would like to better yourself in.
It would be an enormous struggle to cover many aspects at once.

Maybe you want a bit more humility? Or is it knowledge? Or maybe something far more physical?

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 12:23:48 PM

ServentoftheDark

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2009
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I am looking for abit of everything from knowledge to physica
Every dom i had didnt even know what they wanted from me
They were mostly telling me go out and find someone to train you
I have some trained from few good doms who have been in this world for years
But I want to learn alot more to better myself as a person and a sub

(in reply to BoundDragon)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 2:36:53 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Cooking classes are always a good idea.

Maybe join a book club.

Tennis is also a great idea.

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 3:01:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Belly dancing?

But if you keep finding clueless doms who want you pretrained, then what you really need is to learn how to identify better possible partners. And to improve your screening skills I recommend therapy. Individual, group or self-help such as ACOA. Try six months and make the focus how to learn what you need in a partner and how not to get involved with guys you aren't compatible.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Aylee)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 3:16:05 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Better translation program?

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 3:18:12 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Wait, I just realized... the dark has a servant? Does Mr. Darcy know?

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 3:46:52 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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To me the term "training" has always been a euphemism for when someone fools you into taking sex classes. They get off without having to invest in a relationship.

I have never trained a sub formally. They get told what I like, they tell me what they like, and I tell them what to do.

I suspect that the "Doms" who told you to get more training were either trying to end things with you, or were horndogs posing as Doms who finally had to realize that they had no clue.

Someone once posted here about legit training, as a three part course. Part one was staying safe - using safe calls, warning signs in chat, the use of safewords, etc. Part two was domestic service (which is easily taken in vanilla venues). Part three was the kinky stuff.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 5:25:55 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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You don't need "training" - you need a dominant with a clue or two.

Training is a euphamism for sex with priviliges. You know - spanking, whipping, bondage.
When you find a dom with a clue, he will be able to give you all the training you need to please him.

Now, if you are looking for a friend with priviliges - you can always find a dom that you like, but don't want a long-term relationship with, and just have fun. You can get some real-time experience and enjoy yourself at the same time.
It just depends on what you want from your life.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 5:34:38 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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If you just want to make yourself a better person try volunteering, going to school and expanding your knowlege of the world, or take up a hobby that will bring you personal satisfaction.
The only thing that will make you a better sub is having a partner you have a need to please.
Kyst

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 6:21:31 PM

ServentoftheDark

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2009
Status: offline

thank you all for your inputs, -bows- it means alot to me thank you again

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/19/2009 6:32:10 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ServentoftheDark

thank you all for your inputs, -bows- it means alot to me thank you again

That's okay. It's fun to give our say here. And to do it with someone who has manners - that's a bonus.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 12:39:18 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Wait, I just realized... the dark has a servant? Does Mr. Darcy know?

the.dark.
(whoisverypan-flexibleapparently)

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 7:44:17 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ServentoftheDark

I am a shy sweet Sub who will looking for someone to help train me.

Train you to do what? Be a chef? Be a butler?

Personally, I think the word "training" is an euphemism that 99% of the guys out there use to get in you into a position where they can get their rocks off.
I agree with Kiwi, you need to find a different kind of Dom, if they have no clue about what they want.

As for generic training, I would recommend:

A cooking class
A massage class
A class on how to serve a formal dinner
A class on wine tasting
Read books about things that interest the Dom in question

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 9:37:57 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

I am a shy sweet Sub who will looking for someone to help train me.

train you to do what?

quote:

I've been in this world for while but I feel I need some help.

help with what?

quote:

Would anyone found there know what I can do or maybe read to help me better myself?

better yourself how?

this slave's suggestion would be to be more specific with what you are interested in spending time on.

for instance, learning how to give a great massage/do a fabulous manicure/ make a delicious curry isn't going to help if the person you serve can't stand to lay there and be massaged/hates for others to do their nails/ abhors curry.

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 9:38:31 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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I think that no one can trian you how to be a sub for another. Every Dom is different each onw will want things done his own way. Many of the suggestions you have gotten have been excellent ones. I will add one more join a gym or take up an exercise program (if you are able to) get those feel good chemicial's running.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 10:05:38 AM

Hawk1

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ServentoftheDark

...Every dom i had didnt even know what they wanted from me
They were mostly telling me go out and find someone to train you
I have some trained from few good doms who have been in this world for years
But I want to learn alot more to better myself as a person and a sub

If someone claims to be a "Dom" but does not know what they want from you, then they're NOT really a Dom, just someone who wants to "wear the suit". If "every Dom" you've had has done this, then I suggest you refine what you're looking for and/or who you accept as YOUR Dominant. Just because someone says they want to Dominate you, in any way, doesn't mean you have to ALLOW them to. It's ultimately your choice, so if they don't fit what you want and need, then reject them. Don't go along with anyone, or anything, just because someone claims to be Dominant.

Any so called Dominant who tells you to "go out and find someone to train you" is either lazy or is trying to tell you, in what they probably feel is a nice way, to go away and find someone else. Any true Dominant can "train" you in some "basics", but they can't train you to be a proper submissive, or slave, for another Dominant as each Dominant has their own preferences, desires, and requirements. I certainly do. I agree with OsideGirl... a lot of men, claiming to be Dominants, will tell you they can train you just to use you, so be careful who you choose, unless of course all you're wanting is to be used. In that case, then there's not much of a point to this whole "exercise" is there?

Before you can "better yourself as a person and a sub" you have to first identify what you consider to be "better" and set some goals to achieve what you want. In regard to the "better sub" part, a better sub for who and in what way? A better sub for your own self-esteem, or a better sub for a specific Dominant? As said before, each Dominant has their own idea of what's "better". One shoe does not fit all, nor is there a "universal sub" who can please each and every Dominant.

Also, keep in mind that everyone has their own opinion when replying to questions like this, and that's just what they are... opinions, so remember that everything that's said isn't "gospel". Read carefully the replies you receive and choose the one(s) that make the most sense to you, and apply best to your particular situation.

Oh, I realize this "discussion" is in "ask a submissive/slave". I found this thread by accident, and apologize for the intrusion, however I feel a Dominants opinion here is relevant to the discussion given the bad luck (???) the OP is experiencing. Perhaps it will be of some benefit.

< Message edited by Hawk1 -- 7/20/2009 10:29:08 AM >

_____________________________

"...if you do tie her up from time to time, or whip her just a little, and she begins to like it, that's no good ... you have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears."

(in reply to ServentoftheDark)

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RE: New Sub Looking for Help - 7/20/2009 3:07:47 PM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

{Fast Reply}

Greetings servantofthedark....

I see you are getting the usual answers from the usual people who, as usual, are usually right.

Yes, only the one you are serving can teach you how to serve them.

Yes, what most people call training is nothing more than playing with someone new until they get tired of their new toy or run out of ideas they have taken from other people.

Yes, most people who claim to be able to 'train' subs or slaves haven't a clue what they are doing except for what they read/saw in BDSM porn and if you are lucky, they read an intro to BDSM book or two.

Finally, yes, there are a very few people who do train subs and more often slaves in submission, protocols and general service for others. The ones who know what they are doing and who will do it for any specific person are very few and far between and they will all have references you can check of people they have worked with. You can also find out about them through sources other than what they directly tell you. There are even learning sessions put on at BDSM events or specific seminars for subs and slaves to learn skills to be better subs and slaves. Some are better than others. Once again, the more background and positive reputation you can find about someone the better.

Now...finding these people and figuring out who they are from the masses who make up the majority of trainers is hard, but it can be done. You do have to do the research and work yourself. Most people will not do it for you and really should not. If you can't independently verify something someone tells you....be very very cautious dealing with them. Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it isn't true. If it sounds wrong, it probably is.

Be well....

Malkinius

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A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com The goal is community.

(in reply to Hawk1)

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