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Slave or Fetishist? - 2/18/2006 10:20:06 PM

MstrTiger

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
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Do any of you other Doms/dommes get approached by strange fetishists masquerading as slaves while online, they usually say that they are slaves when they approach me wanting to lick my watch or see my steam iron or whatever it is that turns them on. I usually find after a brief conversation that they have little or no desire whatsoever to submit in any true sense of the word. I have nothing against fetishists providing they open about it in fact I like slaves with fetishes, I find it entertaining the explore their desires with them and help them to explore those aspects of their sexuality.

As ever I am not sure if I am expressing my point very well so in summary:

I am not a fan of fetishists that offer something in which they are clearly not interested in the hope that I might let them marvel at the wonderment that is one of my toe nail clippings or whatever it is that makes them horny.

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RE: Slave or Fetishist? - 2/19/2006 3:29:38 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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LOL, the only true fetishist I've talked with was into purses. When he asked about mine, I told him it was a Coach and how many years old it was. He asked general details about the appearance and told me within $5 what I'd paid for it. He then offered to give me the full as-new retail price for the purse (8 years old at the time.) I turned him down. It squicked me a bit to think what he might do with it.

Other than that, lots of men have a specific act they want performed upon their body. (strap-on, CBT, sisification) Their only goal in serving is to get that act performed. And yes, other than the CBT ones, they leave me cold. (I am quite into CBT) Since my goal in BDSM is power exchange, the ones who don't offer it for real leave me feeling cheated if I make the mistake of interacting with them.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/19/2006 3:31:03 AM >

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RE: Slave or Fetishist? - 2/19/2006 4:58:02 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
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Are you telling me there is fakes out there ?

No Way! ~hands over my ears..... ~humming star spangled banner so I can hear it......

~likes my fairy tale world just as it is in my head....

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RE: Slave or Fetishist? - 2/19/2006 6:13:07 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
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The biggest one I have always found are girls who need pain witht their sex. Some pretend to be submissive to get the "action" and then some are just not sure. I spent time with one who wanted to find out whether she was actually submissive or not. About 6 weeks in she says I think I just like to be beat during sex (I already had that one figured out)

K

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RE: Slave or Fetishist? - 2/19/2006 8:24:26 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Do any of you other Doms/dommes get approached by strange fetishists masquerading as slaves while on-line, they usually say that they are slaves when they approach me wanting to lick my watch or see my steam iron or whatever it is that turns them on.

Tiger,
'On-line' you are anything you claim. One way to never be disappointed is to never rely on how someone represents themselves.

Self professed "slaves"? Seeing a profile where someone calls themselves a "slave" seeking a "master" begs the question - without attachment exactly who/what are they a slave to? The question has an answer. They are a slave to the idea of being a "slave" at best; a slave for the own pleasure at worse. "Worse" if you don't realize this and meet him/her and are greeted with a six foot long list of limits and acceptable activities. Involvement with this sort of 'slave' serves the same function as a vibrator. The person functioning as the "slave" is, in reality, the "master" of the relationship, dictating terms and conditions.

Your term, "fetishist" is more accurate than the one I commonly use - "sensationalist". The vast majority of participants in lifestyle activities are just in it for the sensations. As you've discovered they just like pain during sex, or enjoy bondage, or some other diversion from "vanilla" sex. My life experience confirms PlayfulOne's. It was most common to hear; "I didn't realize you REALLY did want to live this way ALL the time. I can't handle it."

It supports my core belief that "slaves" are a VERY rare and unique commodity. It takes a very long time to find one. Consummating a Master/slave relationship should only occur after a sufficiently long period of time so that the Master's definition of "slave" is understood. My feeling was strong enough that I documented the definition in the form of a "contract". It's a legally unenforceable contract, just as our life together is unenforceable "slavery". But when we consummated our relationship with our ceremony and tattoos we each knew what our responsibilities were to each other and to the relationship.

However Tiger, don't discount the importance of "fetishists". Also remember. there are as many fetishist "masters" as there are "slaves". There is nothing wrong with only wanting the fetish or sensation. There is no need or requirement to be a "slave" or "master"; no envy. You only need to understand it exists. Define yourself as Master, define your "slave" and seek him/her. You can spend the rest of your life seeking. Along the way, skills and self awareness develops. My search took 20+ years after discovery of the lifestyle. I'm grateful to all the fetishists. And there are many times where we are "fetishists", especially when we include others in our play. I was a very heavy "sensationalist" along the way. Master/slave is an indication of a relationship dynamic. Fetishist or sensationalist indicate activities. There is no reason to exclude one from the other. Wanting or needing one doesn't require condemnation and/or disbelief in the other.

Being aware of the situation is all you need. It's part of the journey. Enjoy it.

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RE: Slave or Fetishist? - 2/19/2006 9:24:20 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

Self professed "slaves"? Seeing a profile where someone calls themselves a "slave" seeking a "master" begs the question - without attachment exactly who/what are they a slave to? The question has an answer. They are a slave to the idea of being a "slave" at best; a slave for the own pleasure at worse. "Worse" if you don't realize this and meet him/her and are greeted with a six foot long list of limits and acceptable activities. Involvement with this sort of 'slave' serves the same function as a vibrator.

The ones that frighten me are the opposite of this scenario. They claim years of experience as slave to people that can't be located for references. When you ask about their limits they have none. When asked why they say they don't want to limit themselves or their choices in partners. Further discussion on ther experience and preferences finally reveals that they have no experience with REAL people and just want someones toes to lick or shoes or whatever fills their imagined fetish that no one will patricipate in with them. As for the vibe hell who needs it they're stroking at the idea and I've already moved onto a latte.