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LafayetteLady -> RE: Can it work????? (7/24/2009 10:14:39 AM)
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Tammy,
While on one hand it is commendable to want to raise your kids yourself, on the other hand, why should it be so necessary? You had a horrible thing happen to you when your husband, their father died. Devastating for everyone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having someone in your life to help you. The amount that he helps is up to the two of you. His post was beautiful, his feelings for you blaringly obvious.
You admit that after the death of your husband, you went through a (fully understandable) rough time. Now the children walk all over you. Are you mentally hung up on the idea of correcting those issues on your own because YOU have determined you are a horrible mother? That if someone else was there who made you happy, and content and alive again would mean that it was that person who was responsible for what the children become? I'm sure you know better. Being a single mom is God awful difficult, and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with letting someone in your life who may play a role in their lives. Since they've met, since Art has entered your life, making YOU happy, he already is changing their lives. With him, you have learned to live again, something your kids surely see. So you see? Even though you don't realize it, you already are not raising your kids on your own. Being able to say that you did it on your own isn't a badge of honor. By allowing Art in (because I think it is you who is running scared here), you are showing your kids that you are strong enough to move on.
That doesn't mean move in together tomorrow or next week, or maybe even next year. After all, when there are children involved, a good parent isn't going to bring someone around and move them in that quickly. You are already doing that, which shows you ARE a good mother, you just aren't perfect. And guess what? Anyone who tries to tell or imply to you that they are a perfect parent, or mother of the year? Well, they are full of shit and probably doing more damage to their kids than you did in your grief, so just laugh at them and move on.
You love this man, and he loves you. Stop putting barricades in your own way. Enjoy each other and let what ever is going to happen, happen. If a year from now, he suggests living together, don't use raising the kids on your own be your excuse. When things reach that point, you might even ask your kids how they would feel about it. If they told you they thought it would be terrific, that they would love for that to happen, would you still hold back?
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