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Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:02:03 AM   
Audaciter


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline 		I started off in D/s relationships as a Dom, and i am comfortable in that role...But about six months ago I decided to experiment and try subbing...I was bored and wanted something new...It was amazing...I have never been so euphoric in my life. I enjoy Being Dom, and it comes naturally to me, but I have craved that feeling of helplessness since then...my problem is, I don't seem to have the makeup for it. I end up topping from the bottom. I cant give up that control...lol it's frustrating, because I can only get that feeling of euphoria by submitting completely...im always so close to getting to that space...but i fall just short...Part of me thinks I haven't found the right Dominant yet...I'm almost to the point of giving up and switching back to being Dom, but i wanted to get some new feedback first. I am curious if anyone else has had similar problems, and if so how have you adapted?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:04:25 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Im lost, you love submitting really makes you happy but you can't do it? Personally I have had times when i haven't been able to submit to specific individuals because we don't click or whatever but no generally as I actually feel comfortable in relationships where I submit I don't have problems. If I did then I wouldn't be a sub.

I mean people have have TFTB dynamics that work, but if it doesn't work for you then all I can say is submit dammit what other advice can anyone give you

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:08:24 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I don't believe that six months is long enough to make a decision.
Concentrate on finding someone you dig, who you can explore life with and go from there.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:09:31 AM   
Audaciter


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline 		I submitted successfully the first few times...since then its been difficult. Those moments left an impression on me, which is why im so stubborn in trying to reach that place again

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:12:11 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You realize you don't have to forever choose to only eat either eggs or bacon for breakfast, right?

Find someone who likes making omelettes too.


_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:12:13 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Ahh now that I an relate to, recreating the first experiences is something that is soo hard. But it really is about finding someone you mesh with, and it can happen.

I mean it does depend what you are after really, but I think at the start in 'scenes' we can go in all guns blazing and allow far more vulnerability, then we get standards and often need more for the same level of experience. Its about growth and adaptation, also making sure that you are with the right person

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:20:35 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Audaciter,

You have just recently discovered you are a switch...welcome to the club. It is quite the mental and emotional adjustment at first.

I personally find there is a limited pool of people I will allow myself to submit to. This has nothing to do with them being a fine and worthy dominant for another. It means they are not strong enough to dominate me. It's not physical (I'm 5' tall), it is mental, spiritual, emotional. I suspect that (like me) you are a strong personality yourself, and you are not going to give it up to just anyone. Part of that is, though you might want to, you don't NEED to. Finding someone who can engender that need is key, to me.





(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:20:41 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Audaciter

I submitted successfully the first few times...since then its been difficult. Those moments left an impression on me, which is why im so stubborn in trying to reach that place again


Sounds like you're trying to compare present and future potential encounters as a submissive against your first few times and found it comes up lacking?  Each time you submit it isn't gong to be like the first time which was enlightening/perfect, each time will be different, sometimes great and other times not so great.


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(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:28:59 AM   
Audaciter


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline 		lol, finding somebody that can successfully mesh with me is much easier as a Dom. I am not known for my patience :-) I haven't had to wait more than a week in between meeting new submissives...there are so many! But female Dominants are few and far between...I would have to travel pretty far not to lessen my standards and find another Dominant...then again being a submissive isn't supposed to be about me, is it? :-) 
My first Dominant was a close friend, we knew each other pretty well and she knew exactly which buttons to push. I haven't even been close to that sort of intimacy since i was a Dom.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:32:03 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		being a submissive is about whatever you want it to be about, there is no point in doing it if you aren't feeling it.

Have you been to many events? Munches and the like?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:35:56 AM   
Audaciter


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Hello Audaciter,

You have just recently discovered you are a switch...welcome to the club. It is quite the mental and emotional adjustment at first.

I personally find there is a limited pool of people I will allow myself to submit to. This has nothing to do with them being a fine and worthy dominant for another. It means they are not strong enough to dominate me. It's not physical (I'm 5' tall), it is mental, spiritual, emotional. I suspect that (like me) you are a strong personality yourself, and you are not going to give it up to just anyone. Part of that is, though you might want to, you don't NEED to. Finding someone who can engender that need is key, to me.



That sums it up pretty much to the T. :-)

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 8:38:09 AM   
Audaciter


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline 		I haven't been to any so far. I live out in the boondocks (more or less) I have hosted small BDSM parties, but its within a small circle of friends, and being in a small community we are pretty quiet abut it.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 9:17:05 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you.

(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 10:57:49 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Audaciter

I started off in D/s relationships as a Dom, and i am comfortable in that role...But about six months ago I decided to experiment and try subbing...I was bored and wanted something new...It was amazing...I have never been so euphoric in my life. I enjoy Being Dom, and it comes naturally to me, but I have craved that feeling of helplessness since then...my problem is, I don't seem to have the makeup for it. I end up topping from the bottom. I cant give up that control...lol it's frustrating, because I can only get that feeling of euphoria by submitting completely...im always so close to getting to that space...but i fall just short...Part of me thinks I haven't found the right Dominant yet...I'm almost to the point of giving up and switching back to being Dom, but i wanted to get some new feedback first. I am curious if anyone else has had similar problems, and if so how have you adapted?


Yes... for years I was only Dominant but I was always curious and some of my fantasies included submitting. The trouble was I had a very specific fantasy and that included Mr Perfect Dominant. I spent years doing nothing about it. I enjoyed my dominance, still do and I was content in the knowledge that I never felt the slightest inclin to submit to any Dominant man I had ever come across.
Eventually after a relationship break and a whole load of other grief, I decided to give it a go but when it actually came down to the nitty gritty I felt myself taking over or I just wanted to head butt the said Dom!
Around the time I met S I had made up my mind to give up on that idea and just enjoy what I knew I liked but then he came along and overnight things changed.
I can't imagine I would ever (if this relationship ended) submitting to another man and certainly never to a woman. I would just go back to being totally Dominant.


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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 12:09:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Complete submission is something I can't define. I do know I couldn't submit nearly as deeply when we first met as now. I needed years of shared history to know that he made good decisions and would keep my needs in mind. Took two years after we were 24/7 to go a lot deeper.

No way I could hand over total submission to different people every week. I am submissive to one,

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 3:40:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'd say you're a switch who enjoys bottoming. You get off on the adrenaline rush from the physical play but you don't so much enjoy submitting. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you make it clear to whoever you play with.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 4:38:12 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'd say you're a switch who enjoys bottoming. You get off on the adrenaline rush from the physical play but you don't so much enjoy submitting. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you make it clear to whoever you play with.




This is a big misconception about Switches. Just because we can play both roles, does not mean we are any less comitted to either role. As a submissive, I submit completely to my Sir, as a Domme I throughly commit to being a Mistress to my submissive. This is not just topping or bottoming to the physical sensations. This is not about being greedy and willing to play with anyone in any role. This is about throughly enjoying and commiting one's self to BOTH roles.

As for the OP, I suggest spending a lot of time these next few months around/talking to full time submissives/slaves, you can learn a lot from your peers. You may find the answer you seek in watching and learning from them. I know it sucks, missing that emotional...trigger that fuels your submission. I had to deal with that in my path also. Took a lot of soul searching to figure out what had changed in me. Good luck darling, and if you need someone to vent at or whatever, find and email me on the other side.

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 7/23/2009 4:39:26 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 5:15:25 PM   
GambitLeBeau


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Lancashire, UK
Status: offline 		Maybe you need a slightly stronger dominant? If you have someone who knows what she wants, and will take it from you, make you do whatever it is the she wants, regardless of your opinion and the fantasies you have in mind.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 5:17:20 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Once you find the right Dominant for you it will become easier. Trust is the foundation and that is something many people have trouble with, trusting someone else with their lives. I suggest you keep working at it and soul searching. My male sub went from a Master in another relationship to my submissive. It takes work and dedication but he finally got there, I am sure if it is meant to be, it will for you as well.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Audaciter)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Difficulty submitting - 7/23/2009 5:23:07 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Keep looking for the right energetic hit...when you find it, it will drop you to your knees....litterally.

I mostly Dom, but when I met Lee he was not afraid to take me down hard, and it has been that way ever since.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

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Profile   Post #: 20
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