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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 8:01:45 AM   
LillyoftheVally


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

I think age gap relationships can work, and I certainly don't think that they should never even be attempted it can be an experience if nothing else.
Relationships with an age gap of more than 10 years fail at a higher rate than relationships that do not. So, yes they can work, but chances are that they won't. And it certainly won't if both parties don't ask the necessary questions.


As is true of most relationships, I mean 100% of my relationships have failed regardless of age


< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 7/24/2009 8:02:00 AM >

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 8:18:15 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		When you are 42 dating a 22, it stands to reason that you are going to experience things like this and it will probably take some doing just like it does with Men your own age -- before you find forever.    Sorry but that's just how it is.  Get over it the same way you have any and all the other Men you have dated, married, divorced, had kids with, etc etc etc.  Why would you expect this to be different --- all it is that is different is the geography of the reason and your focus on the age difference.  Sorry, it doesn't seem all that different, he is a person who decided the relationship he was in wasn't working for him either now or in the long term.

angel

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:06:10 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am sorry this happened to you take a litle time to get youself settled and start looking again. You may find someone who wants the same thing you do and nothing more than what you can give.

My relationship is very strong. Master is 19 years older than me. I admit i always liked older men, but if Master was my age or younger i wold not have benn interested. A large age gap does not spell the doom of a relationship.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:24:35 AM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		FR

You cannot expect a boy to behave like a man.
At 22, that boy still has a long way to go before he is ready to even look at "happily ever after".
Leave the boys to play with the girls.  Start over, this time with a man.
j

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:27:45 AM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

I am sorry this happened to you take a litle time to get youself settled and start looking again. You may find someone who wants the same thing you do and nothing more than what you can give.

My relationship is very strong. Master is 19 years older than me. I admit i always liked older men, but if Master was my age or younger i wold not have benn interested. A large age gap does not spell the doom of a relationship.

Matt's littleone


MLO,
I, like you, have always had relationships with men significantly older than myself.
However, there is a huge difference between an older man/younger woman relationship and an older woman/younger man thing.
j

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:28:56 AM   
Dannigirl


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: United Kindom
Status: offline 		ok thanks

< Message edited by Dannigirl -- 7/24/2009 9:31:01 AM >

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:31:00 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Danni, this is what happens on forums, people have different perspectives.

You have to just do what you normally do at the end of relationships, eat ice cream, see friends, grieve, thats all you can do

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:37:11 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dannigirl

ok back off you lot, i am upset, and dont need this, HE CHASED ME, not visa versa, i backed off for a long time, but he was very persuasive, i knew it was never going to last but am shocked at the suddeness of his "ok Goodbye" !.  It was a LDR, i have home comitments, sick parents so we only met occasionally, but spoke every day.  Stop making out i am the bad guy, i feel sucidal with this adding to my already overloaded stress levels so give me a break !


I understand how persuasive he must have been, and he made you go against your natural instincts. I'm sure he gave you the whole "age is just a number," and "you seem so much younger than you are," (not saying you don't). Certainly what he did was inconsiderate, immature and disrespectful, and even if he had been your age, those adjectives would still apply.

I have often dated men younger than myself, always on the short term (yes that translates to "for my enjoyment only"). You are in no way the bad guy. After all, there were so many things about you that did mesh so well. When he spoke of the future, as others have said, he most likely meant having a family, which is something you are faultless in being able to give him.

If you learn something from this, accept your natural instincts from the start and don't let go. End communication if you have to to avoid it in the future. I know when someone seems so right for you and is giving you the "warm fuzzies" it is easy to lose sight of what the future will be like.

Now is the time to grieve the loss, take time for yourself, and when ready move on. Good luck.

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 9:51:16 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I believe you got caught up in the thrill of the chase. You were unattainable and so he wanted you more. I dont think he actually thought you would ever give in to his persuasions, and then once he had you he had to rethink the situation. Did he want you, or did he want the idea of you?

Age gaps dont have to spell a disaster for a relationship. I am 10 years older than Fox and we are doing just fine. The problem is, it has to be something you both put effort into and actually really want. Children are a big deal, especially if someone is thinking long term relationship and wanting a family. Even in my 30s, it is becoming a concern.

Chalk it up to someone who didnt actually know what he was getting into, and put it aside as a life lesson. Dont forget it, ever. Next time you are getting involved, remember what you should have known before you got in so far that would have saved you the heartache and ask about it. Did you know he was thinking about someone for a long term family relationship? Are you willing to have children if you are with the right person, or is that part of your life past? Think also about what you needed out of the relationship that you didnt get... communication for one, and closeness maybe?

It wont be easy to get over, especally with no closure. Dont dwell on what could have been done differently, sicne changing the past isnt going to happen. Rather use his behavior as a flag for others, and try and be more communicative about what you both need before you get into that situation.

DV


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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 10:47:04 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
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quote:

i feel sucidal with this adding to my already overloaded stress levels so give me a break


Okay, now i have a really snarky comment i could make but what i am going to say is this -- THIS is a public message board -- saying crap like this is COMPLETE DRAMA.  If you really feel like that i have some advice -- take your ass to a counselor instead of whining about how some guy dumped you on a message board and then saying how suicidal you are or feel.  If you aren't going to do it then don't bluster about attempting to HARM yourself for the sake of drama because your feelings are hurt many people aren't sympathizing as you want them too or aren't blaming him but are holding you responsible.

You know some people actually DO commit suicide and it tears people who are left behind apart and people shouldn't use it for DRAMA sake on a bloody message board because you don't like what anonymous nicknames on a public message board are responding to your post and question and you want sympathy you aren't getting. 

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 7/24/2009 10:48:46 AM >

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 11:45:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Excellent point Angel.

Which led me to think a snark, but I will behave. However, at age 42, there should be a certain maturity that would avoid this type of drama. If threatening suicide or going out and getting drunk, is a person's way of coping with the end of a relationship, some self examination, and growth are needed.

My father, a building contractor, had a very annoying saying. "Measure twice, cut once." I have found the philosophy behind that saying can be applied to a great deal of life.

Next time some hot young piece of ass gets your hormones all astir, take measure with a clear head. Beyond the immediate gratification of a hot young piece of ass wanting you, what is the measure of the man? Does he fit your specifications of master or is he just a horny, young, hot piece of ass feeding you a line of bs to get in your knickers? After the second measure, you need to decide. Do you want to get laid, or be mastered?


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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/24/2009 6:17:54 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		My condolences for what you are going through OP.  However harsh some posters are on this topic, I do agree that he is fairly young for you to have put so much faith in the relationship for the far future...time will make things easier.  I'm pretty sure you'll be able to ride it out.

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 9:41:53 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		hell, i've been with the same man for three years and it took one conversation for me to close the door forever and i'm dealing with it just fine...

if i freaked out over a loss of fucking someone young enough to be my son, i'd seek mental health counseling.

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 10:01:27 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

How the hell am i suposed to deal with that ?.
As opposed to...what? Allowing it to destroy you?
We have all had our hearts broken, and we have all thought the hurt will never lessen. Lemme tell you a secret here...we were all wrong!! Time heals, but healing takes time.
Allow yourself the time to heal, but in the interim, take measures to build yourself back up.

You allowed yourself to expect mature adult behavior from someone of an age that is barely an adult. He is 22! You are 20 years his senior and have responsibilities that he does not want. Quite frankly, i am surprised at your reaction.


< Message edited by sirsholly -- 7/25/2009 10:08:53 AM >

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 10:07:20 AM   
Phoenixpower


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

We have all had our hearts broken...Time heals, but healing takes time.
Allow yourself the time to heal, but in the interim, take measures to build yourself back up.



Indeed...quite frankly I have the opposit problem...I know quite a few damn hot guys out there...who are tooooo old for what I am looking for as they are 48+...I wish (in that respect) to be a bit older then I am now (though in all other aspects I am glad to be as old as I am). Be glad that he said it now and not a year later...so more time to spend with a potential new one :o)

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 1:36:38 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

i really needed someone to be bitchy !!!. I hope you never go through this and have some selfish person make you feel ten times worse. I have not been round the block, some of us have morals !!.


You have now. Quit moaning and move on. You have a life to live. And if you take up with a younger person, expect them to walk away at some point, that is perfectly normal and natural, leave room for it.

If you did not know that this could happen, it is time to go to the library and read up on human relationships. Alternatively, you could watch East Enders. But research is what people, myself included, often do afterwards... Now git and get happy, it is up to you.

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 2:59:42 PM   
Phoenixpower


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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Alternatively, you could watch East Enders.


who would wanna watch that


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RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 3:48:40 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I agree it was a mean spirited comment, Irishmist.  The truly wise person has no need to make another feel foolish.

Regarding other comments, yes it IS a big age difference; but, I notice there is no lack of male dominants here who seek female subs or slaves half their ages.  While for me, there is a generation between the 2 of them, I wonder if she would have gotten the same response if "she" was a He, and He was sad about his girl leaving. 

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 5:39:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		To some degree, yes. You would have thought they would have talked about problems beforehand. Like the younger one wanting children some day and the older has been there, done that. Or how do you introduce your new sweetie to your family when he/she is the same age as your children/parents. What happens when neither of your friends feel comfortable with him/her. And even such a thing as what music to listen to when they have totally different tastes.

Of course an older man could still father children, an older woman may not be able to.

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RE: Does it get any easier ? - 7/25/2009 6:34:01 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
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quote:

Yes, I agree it was a mean spirited comment, Irishmist.

So?
Your point would be?

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