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BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:10:49 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		This has been a way of thinking which has been forming for a while now.

The core essence of BDSM isn't about kink (as I once thought before I learned differently), nor is it about sex. However for a long time I thought it was about relationships and human interaction, but here again I'm having my doubts. You see someone is dominant or submissive or has such tendencies irrespective of whether they are in a relationship or not. The relationship is only the means of fulfilling those needs and desires. Or this is how it seems.

From what I read on the boards many of the problems we read about aren't so much about BDSM but about people, and how we relate to each other, don't relate to each other, and interpret other people's motives, intentions, words and actions.

Which leads me more to think that BDSM is essentially a study in human nature.

What do you think?

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:13:56 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I agree Stella, most of the problems that come up on BDSM forums could come up on any forum with people, the difference is the context.

I always say that all relationships are based in power exchange BDSM is just more open about it, but then even that may not be true, so often the biggest issue is lack of communication, a problem that seems to be everywhere.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:16:38 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Which leads me more to think that BDSM is essentially a study in human nature.

Indeed. I have been studying the minds of the various types of people here since I registered as a member of CM.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:19:34 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		For us, BDSM is an acronym.  That is all.
 
the.dark.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:21:35 AM   
rideemwet


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		Well, sexuality, kink, relations, etc are all aspects of human nature, so as a generalization, yes, its a study in human nature..

Some aspects of human nature aren't as relevant -- although there are probably examples of just about ever aspect of human nature in bdsm, thats because we're talking about humans and you'll see a bit of everything ...

But yes, I do feel its a study of human nature - I am often fascinated by the interaction of the emotional and intellectual aspects of it.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:23:00 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		To be honest, BDSM includes people, its about people, so it can't be anything else.

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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:24:52 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		every relation is a study in human nature
not really scientific...but more emotion driven

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 7/24/2009 8:26:42 AM >

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:37:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Most of the problems people have in bdsm relationships are the same problems vanilla people have. Picking partners who you are incompatible with, jumping in without knowing the other person, not knowing yourself fully, communication difficulties, etc. Nothing special here.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:39:30 AM   
rideemwet


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

every relation is a study in human nature
not really scientific...but more emotion driven


Slightly off topic, college course in psychology,  Quiz one:
Q? What is the definition of psychology?
A:  The scientific study of the behavior of human and non-human animals.
I left off the word scientific and got it wrong initially, but accused the professor of being "defensive" and he conceded.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:41:12 AM   
strangemelody


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/9/2009
From: Somewheres, MI
Status: offline 		Well for me, it is mostly about kink & sex, not much else. But it's also not a lifestyle thing for me (yet...?) and I'm still fairly new to all this. :)

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:43:39 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rideemwet

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

every relation is a study in human nature
not really scientific...but more emotion driven


Slightly off topic, college course in psychology,  Quiz one:
Q? What is the definition of psychology?
A:  The scientific study of the behavior of human and non-human animals.
I left off the word scientific and got it wrong initially, but accused the professor of being "defensive" and he conceded.



lol....  you kicked his ass? :P
or mine ?

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:45:22 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I see the BDSM sub-culture as a wonderful microcosm in which to study human nature.

As has already been mentioned, all the elements are there.


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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:46:18 AM   
rideemwet


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		Hmmm, I think you have to have some knowledge or innate feel for human nature to be a decent Dom.  Maybe that's not (as) true for being a sub?

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:56:44 AM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

For us, BDSM is an acronym.  That is all.
 
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I Concur.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:57:26 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rideemwet

Hmmm, I think you have to have some knowledge or innate feel for human nature to be a decent Dom.  Maybe that's not (as) true for being a sub?


Lets alter that a little... just for discussion sake.

I think you have to have some knowledge or innate feel for human nature to be a decent human.

Orientation or sex doesn't enter the equasion.
 
the.dark.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 8:58:26 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		^^^

What she said

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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 9:45:02 AM   
rideemwet


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I think you have to have some knowledge or innate feel for human nature to be a decent human.


Having worked around people with Asperger's disorder, who have trouble relating to other people's feelings, I won't argue with that.  (That isn't meant as degrading to those with autistic-type disorders, but just an example in observing human nature.)

From a shades of gray perspective though, are you ruling out any generalized differences in dom vs. subs view on human nature?

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 9:45:48 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		A great post as always, I used to think it was so, a means to sort out the crap that the vanilla world throws on relationships---remove the tug of war if you will--however, these days, there are as many charlatains here as there are in the vanilla world, the work to seek someone decent is the same, if at times a tad more. I don't think people in BDSM today are any more honest than vanilla people and I am going to say, I wonder if they are less honest as they hide behnd the veil of WIITWD--yet I see it in a myriad of paths/persuasions--vegans, Buddhists, Republicans, singles--people finding places to hide, places to proclaim, places to see community.
 
The only thing I see in this life is that there is hopefully something in common, but about as much as in my tatting circle.
 
I see relationships like a Yule tree, to start ,two people have to agree on the shape, size etc--after that the decorating starts---BDSM is a set of decorations and there is still the battle of who gets more of their favorites on the tree.

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 9:50:53 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rideemwet
From a shades of gray perspective though, are you ruling out any generalized differences in dom vs. subs view on human nature?



Generalisations do not rock.
That is an indication of a lack of understanding of human nature and design.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: BDSM = a study in human nature? - 7/24/2009 10:08:27 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, I totally agree.  I have always made it a point to say, people are people regardless of kink.  We are not roles, we are men and women and will react the way humans do to any situation.
Kyst

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